Beckham has the spray tan, grapefruit chest and glossy nude mouth of
the Valley's favourite industry: porn. Hollywood plastic surgery is
supposed to be the equivalent of dinner party music - you shouldn't
notice it's there. A good nose job looks like your own nose, if it lost
weight. Good breast implants look like great genes. Juicy Couture made
their fortune inventing a figure-enhancing tracksuit - so starlets,
even at airports, could be body-con (an aspirant's ass must be on proper
display, even if they're doing a midnight drugstore run for Tylenol
Flu, because you never know when you're going to run into someone who
could help your career). That Juicy has saturated the British high street
just goes to show how fashion directives no longer come from NY but
from Hollywood.
A new T-shirt company is born every minute, hatching in the California
sun, downy and soft: Splendid, James Perse, C and C. Ric Owens does
schlumping around clothes as haute couture and when the Olsen Twins'
high-end label, The Row, debuted, it too essentially consisted of really
expensive, really thin T-shirts. Jewellers do really well in LA, because
they alleviate the monotony of always dressing down. I especially like
my Gretchen Julius earrings with their gold elephant and raised trunk,
a good luck sign. I wear them with a locket bearing a photo of Ruth
Gordon, my personal Hollywood heroine for writing Adam's Rib and making
Mia Farrow pregnant by Satan in Rosemary's Baby. LA women always wear
talismans with their T-shirts, and that speaks somewhat of the desperation
the industry can instil in them. You could see Lindsay Lohan was heading
for a fall from her excessive number of charm necklaces.