Like a Kid in a Candy Store
I went to Temple Sinai in Westwood Tuesday night and sat with at least a dozen beautiful women I did not know. And I did not talk to one of them. And my shyness wasn't because I was so spiritually pre-occupied with Rabbi Wolpe's lecture on masters of Jewish mysticism. My reticence came from being a loser.
I'm a sucker for films with good reviews. When I go to the store, I find it hard to resist renting any films with critical raves.
So I've rented a ton of acclaimed films that are painful to watch.
Fitting into this category this past week:
* Swimming Pool
* Late Marriage
* Cup Final
* All The Real Girls
* The Believer
What's the Word in the Mikvah on Luke Ford?
Chaim Amalek writes:
Robert writes: "I too am amazed at how our budget concious Lothario has hit on so damn many chicks. Is he the ultimate speed-dater or is it that he considers eye-contact a proper date?"
Khunrum writes: "It's usually...."I spoke to Francine Moscowitz on the phone today...I'm in love with her"...That's the first and last we hear of Ms Moscowitz...That's the date."
I'm Considering English As A Second Language
Cunning linguist J.D. Considine writes:
I just watched this disturbing film and I understand why much of the Jewish establishment was appalled by it. As Pgspat put it on Imdb.com: "If you are looking for homoerotic tattoos and skinhead muscle, rent or buy ROMPER STOMPER. In The Believer - Ryan is young and hot looking, but he only takes his shirt off occasionally to make love to his weird girlfriend. The rest of his out of shape gang fortunately never take their shirts off."
Dennis Prager said he was the first Jew to see THE PASSION (July of 2003).
DP: The Today Show comes to my house and interviews me for half an hour about the movie and uses 12 seconds, the most controversial part of what I said.
Dennis sarcastically congratuled the Jewish establishment, including the ADL, for making this movie such a media sensation.
(Was it just me who detected a note of "I know better than the idiots who run Jewish life" in Prager's remarks?)
The task of the media is to foment misunderstanding. Understanding does not sell ads. The media loves controversy.
Dennis claims he's never addressed what he thought of the movie but I remember hearing him say he did not like it. Watching a guy get tortured for two hours was not his idea of a good movie. DP clearly said he wished the movie had never been made and that it was bad for the Jews.
"I raised Mel Gibson's consciousness and he was very willing to work with me to make any changes to the film that didn't conflict with the film and the Gospels account. It didn't work out that way because of all the noise about it. It was about having a comment at the beginning and the end.
"This is the most violent film ever made. It's about a man being tortured. I don't think it's effective. Of course it stands in your memory. If this were done to Charles Jones for two hours, you'd be moved."
Cathy Seipp Needs A Man
I'm exhausted from meeting Cathy's insatiable needs and I need another fella to help carry the load.
Cathy has a lot of love and direction to give to the right man who enjoys a woman who wants to outdo him in every way except picking up the check. He will get bonus points if he is not married, or if he is at least separated from his wife, or if he at least feels like his wife doesn't understand him, or if he at least feels that she is not smart enough for him, or if he at least feels like some variety.
Cathy Seipp writes me: "Why isn't there a G-date? You know, for gentiles? I think I might be interested in that one. So I could meet a man who isn't constantly nagging and fretting, and knows how to do household repairs and stuff, and doesn't send back coffee because he imagines there's lint on it."
Debbie writes Luke: "Every couple of decades it falls to me to find Cathy a husband. So...per her instructions, I found a tall, handsome 47-year-old (looks 42!) law professor on J-Date. (Even though she says she wants a gentile, WE know better...) This guy owns a house in Venice (so I assume he won't try to split the lunch tab) and says he "wants someone to discuss George Orwell with." Only one catch: NO REPUBLICANS. Is there an R-date? Or do you think he'd be so bowled over by her wit, vivacity and beauty that he'd ignore her political leanings?"
Hey, Is It Just Me?
Cathy Seipp writes:
Dawn Eden writes:
Tough French Guy Manuel Uses A Woman To Relay Physical Threats
I got this email from a female acquaintance who I wanted to date (and she turned me down for the sake of the feelings of this frog eater): "Manuel...sends this message this afternoon from Prague: He doesn’t know where you get your information for your site, but if you don’t say that the whole “I’m mad/jealous” deal is a lie, he will punch the s--- out of you next time he sees you and send you crying to your mother."
What kind of a man uses a woman to relay threats like this? Where I come from, anyone who does this is not much of a man.
I have written nothing about this mad/jealous love triangle. I've searched this website and have found nothing about Manuel being jealous of....
If Manuel has a problem with me because of something he read on the Internet, then why isn't he man enough to deal with me directly instead of using a woman to carry the water for him?
Khunrum writes: "This Frog, as you suggest, is an obvious coward and the French are a nation of unwashed bores. Check out their cinema zzzzzzzzzzzzz.. Furthermore this snail eater is probably not aware that you have a Black Belt in Sacred Deadly Australian Boomerang Arts. Take pity on this fool Luke. Don't hurt him for he does not realize your hands and Boomerang are deadly weapons."
I don't know much about French culture except that the French have acted like cowards for most of the past century. The United States had to bail them out of two world wars and reconquer their country for them (a country that they showed no inclination to defend themselves, but instead surrendered en masse in WWII like scared children).
Therefore it does not surprise me that French men go crying to a woman when their feelings are hurt rather than deal directly with the man who might've published something hurting their feelings.
I don't know the French ways in this matter. Perhaps a reader could educate me?
It did not surprise me that even though the United States twice rescued France from invasion by Germany in the past century, that when the US wanted to get ready of a dangerous dictator in Iraq, the French leadership joined hands with the Germans to do everything they possibly could to prevent the US from making the world a safer place.
It doesn't surprise me either that French money and technology has funded military buildups in the Arab Islamic world, including a nuclear reactor in Iraq that had to be destroyed by Israel in 1981.
And it doesn't surprise me that a tough talking French thug would go crying to an American woman and ask her to relay a beat-down threat.
Highlights From My Dinner At Cathy Seipp's House
Cathy Seipp writes: "Sometimes I try to think which other people I could also invite over for dinner on Sundays with Luke, but he's too special to expose to just anyone, so normally it's just him. And Grandpa and Cecile of course. The useful thing is he then writes up the whole evening's events so we have a record."
* I bring tokens of my esteem. A bottle of zero calorie grape drink for me and a DVD of the movie Eve's Bayou I received as a gift last week.
* Cecile sounds fuzzy. I want to tune in her frequency more accurately. Then I see she's graduated from braces to a retainer.
* Cathy says it is vulgar to disclose your IQ. I push her. She says she tested about 165 as a child. I think I had a test at a Scientology center in 1995. It was around 135.
* Cathy's father Harvey and I enjoy a good racist joke but Cathy and Cecile hate them. Cathy prefers to pick on people of a low social class. She relates white trash anecdotes while Harvey and I settle for saying "oriental." I toss off a few derogatory terms until I'm shut up. Cathy, and most Americans, don't like me when I get racist. People just aren't as understanding and tolerant as they should be of knuckle-dragging neanderthals such as myself.
* It's easier to disclose the shameful practice of self abuse than to admit to racism. The blogosphere is supposed to be such a wide open place yet there's little honest discussion of race. I want to blow things wide open right now. I have racist thoughts. When I drive to downtown Los Angeles, I get nervous driving through non-white areas. When I drive to USC, I can get very nervous. It would be a nightmare to me to break down in a predominantly black neighborhood (unless it was middle class and above). I fear the oriental less but angry Muslim man more.
* Koreans tend to be more physically beautiful than the Japanese, more Christian, and about as smart. Driving through Koreatown is cool. I was sustained from 1989 to 1994 by memories of a Korean girl.
* Harvey Seipp is a political independent who distrusts politicians. Cathy tells him to go to the polls and do exactly as she says.
* Cathy lectured a mother the other day about not writing anonymous letters to school principals. Sign the thing. Harvey marvels at Cathy's enormous self assurance which entitles her to lecture others about many things. I must say though, Cathy's right.
* I wonder how Cathy will spend the $10 she makes a month from her first blog ad.
* "Horrid boy" is Cathy's new name for me.
* I tell her that my favorite dish of hers is the bean one. That's her least favorite because it is so bland. I like bland. That's why I like Cathy. She's gonna make bean soup next time.
* Is it inappropriate to talk about one's first french kiss in front of a 14-year old? Cathy seemed ill at ease with my graphic description (though the discussion of loss of innocence occasioned no raised eyebrows, rather it seemed to enhance the vitality of our trifle desert, perhaps because the girl was 4'10, though of legal age). I tried to re-enact my first kiss with Grandpa Harvey, which did not bother him at all but it annoyed Cathy.
That first kiss happened when I was 16 and a junior in high school. I now wish that I had waited until marriage to experience such intimacy. I believe that's God's will. Don't french kiss is in Leviticus. After that kiss, I basically could not talk to the girl again for the rest of high school, and she was an editor on the newspaper with me.
* Growing up, I thought I was super-competitive. But now that I get to know eldest children like Cathy, I realize I'm a laid back guy. Cathy wants to show me that her blog gets more traffic and more links from more powerful bloggers (Volokh.com) than mine does. So we spend ten minutes with Cecile tooling around technorati.com and alexa.com.
* Cathy tells me about how little Cecile is. She wasn't singing that tune when Cecile stood on her foot in my van.
* Cecile showed me some nifty dance moves but I wanted to play tackle football. So while Cecile tried to dance, I was the defensive end and I pretended she was an offensive lineman. I knocked her over several times until I got tired.
* I get in some good digs while looking through two enormous photo albums of Cathy's life. "It's wonderful that you're not vain, Cathy."
* At 10:45PM, Cathy packs Cecile off to bed.
* At the California Apparel News, Cathy modeled slutty plunging bathing suits (like Bonnie Fuller at the Toronto Star). Not many reporters could pull that off.
* Cathy says she works as hard now as when was turning in nine stories a week for the Los Angeles Daily News.
* At 11:15PM, Cathy yawns loudly and says she must go to bed. I'd been talking about myself and my memoir for an hour straight.
Cecile du Bois writes on her blog:
* I just linked to my first Christian site. Dawn Eden. I find it easier to link to vigorously atheistic friends like Amy Alkon, who support homosexual marriage, than I do in linking to a Christian. Weird. I agree with Dennis Prager and Rabbi Daniel Lapin that religous Jews and Christians have much in common but there's just something that upsets me about a Jew taking on Jesus and Christianity. I have to admit it that this is irrational on my part but I'm more emotionally upset about Jew taking on Christ than I am about a Jew taking on atheistic socialism. What goyim believe matters less to me.
In 1994, I started talking to a Jew for Jesus at UCLA. He was handing out flyers. I soon was screaming at him. I wanted to kill him. Word of my beastly manners got back to my Christian parents.
If I am able to stay calm in the face of people screaming at me, it is because I am keenly aware of how some things have sent me flying off the handle.
We have a Christian security guard at my shul. He's a great guy. On a typical Shabbos, I will have a deeper conversation with him than I will with any Jew (because I feel like we share more in common as religious conservatives). He gave me a book on Christians by Rabbi Daniel Lapin.
I only feel free to be a bigoted as I am on this blog and in some personal conversations because it is inconceivable to me (due to my religious belief that everybody is made in the image of God) to ever treat anyone badly on the basis of skin color, nationality, religious beliefs (within the normal spectrum), and sexual orientation.
Died in Your Arms Tonight (I Just)
Is there something wrong with listening to Died in Your Arms Tonight (I Just) ["a much-maligned saccharine heart-burst" writes Khunrum] by Cutting Crew 20 times in a row? I've been using pop music the past two months to try to drive myself into frenzies of creativity (or to access what I was thinking and feeling in my teens when these songs were hits).
If You're Gonna Sin, Sin Vigorously
That's what I thought as I laid my head to the floor of my hovel late Friday night.
If a Jew's gonna go to a Conservative temple, Say Sinai in Westwood, and say "amen" to a bracha by a Conservative rabbi, and pray next to those who bleed, and then afterwards, shake their hands and even kiss them on the lips, then you might as well follow the holy advice of Martin Luther to his timid disciple Melanchton: Sin vigorously! But even more believe in the redeeming power of God to cleanse you of all unrighteousness, even if you've committed hundreds of acts of fornication.
My problem is I'm too timid. I walk right up to the precipice of sin and then stop. If only I'd occasionally take the plunge.
I just died in your arms tonight.
Mary writes Luke: "It sounds like you are struggling with temptation. I know what that's like--I was confronted with it on Valentine's Day myself. One good thing to remember is that if there's a chance God has something better for you--and I think He does--it's best to wait for it, rather than settling for something that's going to leave you feeling emptier than before. This is what I tell myself. The more you wait on the Lord, as David instructs us in the Psalms, the more spiritually prepared you will be for when you have the opportunity to make a real emotional connection with someone special."
For A Good Time, Call Heather Mac Donald
Time For An Intervention
Chaim Amalek writes Luke:
Peter Pan Syndrome
Cathy told me I must see this film. I've asked ten women to see it with me. None have said yes. Are the parallels between Peter Pan and Luke Ford (an exhilarating life free of grown-up rules) that apparent and frightening?
Diego writes: "When I was on my vacation a few weeks back binging on foreign films, I saw: City of God (disturbing), Irreversible (have patience, and it is very disturbing), Swimming Pool (was okay), Read My Lips (pretty good little movie), Femme Fatale (popcorn movie) and Chasing Papi (not foreign, but the hotties were, so I'm counting it). I just purchased the Akira Kurosawa box set Four Samurai Classics: Seven Samurai (epic, listen to the expert's commentary), The Hidden Fortress (fun), Yojimbo (brutal) and Sanjuro (haven't seen yet). You owe it to yourself to watch the Kurosawa films, they're damn good. Plus when you turn people on to them, they'll think you're smart."
I've told my friend Fred that I don't want him to have sex again without getting my permission first. He replies: "Sir, I thank you for your concern. For several years now I have considered myself in need of greater moral leadership. I can only hope that you can fill this need, and keep me on a more righteous path, thereby keeping me from falling into a tawdry and impure existence. Just out of curiosity, what critereon do you intend to employ when deciding whether to give me permission?"
Personal pique and jealousy.
My Favorite Moments With Cathy
Over lunch Thursday, she says, "We're in the same age group. You're fraying around the edges and I'm looking more radiant than ever."
She's nervous about going to the home of an Orthodox family for a Shabbat dinner. "What do I say and not say?" she asks.
"Just watch their faces," I advise. "If their face falls when you say something, stop. If they smile, keep going."
Cathy writes: "I don't know why you think I need flowers from you, when all you do is talk about me on your blog, even (especially) on Valentine's Day."
Why Am I So Irresistable To Women Right Now?
I want to thank the Almighty on Valentine's Day for making me so irresistable to the fairer sex. Who says there's no reward for righteousness in this life?
Orthodox rabbis tell me it is against Jewish Law to celebrate the days of saints, including Valentine's Day, and Mother's Day and the like because it is walking in the ways of the goyim. So nobody's getting nothing from me this year. I'm too pious. Torah Jews shouldn't observe birthdays either. So don't expect flowers from me, Cathy Seipp. The only woman who will get such gifts is one who engages with me in the sacred rituals of the Jewish tradition.
If I Could Share Just One Story To Explain Myself...
When I was three years old, my family stayed at a cabin on Lake Macquarie. Upset at being left behind while my sister paddled a canoe, I toddled out to the pier and threw stones at her. She yelled at me to stop. I laughed. Nothing made me happier than throwing things at people. It forced them to pay attention to him. If I could just throw this one rock a little farther, I could hit her. And wouldn’t that be wonderful. I loved to hurt people so they felt as miserable as I did.
I ran a few steps to the edge of the pier, launched the rock, and fell into the water, sinking to the bottom. Ellen paddled frantically and then dove into the water to rescue me.
Chaim's Heartache Causes Him to Turn on Luke
Chaim Amalek writes: "Your blogg is so damn juvenile at times, it embarrasses me to admit to reading it. (Although to be precise about it, I never have, as I have never, ever uttered your name to another human being.) Instead of writing about all the emotional booboos you suffered as a tot, why not write about matters more related to the human condition of adulthood; you know, heartbreak and the like. Has a woman ever broken your heart? I suspect not, as all your relationships with women seem to be very infantile or fantasy oriented."
Luke says: There's a certain product that men use to gain vicarious revenge on all the beautiful women who've shunned them.
Why Mel Owes One To The Jews
I have not seen the film and I do not plan to. I have no position on it except that I fear that Jews will be murdered because of this film. We will see. By the fruits of this film, we will know it.
Two weeks before Mel Gibson's Passion flashes onto two thousand screens, online ticket merchants are reporting that up to half their total sales are for advance purchases for Passion. One Dallas multiplex has reserved all twenty of its screens for The Passion. I am neither a prophet nor a movie critic. I am merely an Orthodox rabbi using ancient Jewish wisdom to make three predictions about The Passion.
One, Mel Gibson and Icon Productions will make a great deal of money. Those distributors who surrendered to pressure from Jewish organizations and passed on Passion will be kicking themselves, while Newmarket Films will laugh all the way to the bank. Theater owners are going to love this film.
Two, Passion will become famous as the most serious and substantive Biblical movie ever made. It will be one of the most talked-about entertainment events in history, it is currently on the cover of Newsweek and Vanity Fair.
My third prediction is that the faith of millions of Christians will become more fervent as Passion uplifts and inspires them. Passion will propel vast numbers of unreligious Americans to embrace Christianity. The movie will one day be seen as a harbinger of America's third great religious reawakening.
Those Jewish organizations that have squandered both time and money futilely protesting Passion, ostensibly in order to prevent pogroms in Pittsburgh, can hardly be proud of their performance. They failed at everything they attempted. They were hoping to ruin Gibson rather than enrich him. They were hoping to suppress Passion rather than promote it. Finally, they were hoping to help Jews rather than harm them.
Here I digress slightly to exercise the Jewish value of "giving the benefit of the doubt" by discounting cynical suggestions growing in popularity, that the very public nature of their attack on Gibson exposed their real purpose-fundraising. Apparently, frightening wealthy widows in Florida about anti-Semitic thugs prowling the streets of America causes them to open their pocketbooks and refill the coffers of groups with little other raison d'être. But let's assume they were hoping to help Jews.
However, instead of helping the Jewish community, they have inflicted lasting harm. By selectively unleashing their fury only on wholesome entertainment that depicts Christianity, in a positive light, they have triggered anger, hurt, and resentment. Hosting the Toward Tradition Radio Show and speaking before many audiences nationwide, I enjoy extensive communication with Christian America and what I hear is troubling. Fearful of attracting the ire of Jewish groups that are so quick to hurl the "anti-Semite" epithet, some Christians are reluctant to speak out. Although one can bludgeon resentful people into silence, behind closed doors emotions continue to simmer.
I consider it crucially important for Christians to know that not all Jews are in agreement with their self-appointed spokesmen. Most American Jews, experiencing warm and gracious interactions each day with their Christian fellow-citizens, would feel awkward trying to explain why so many Jewish organizations seem focused on an agenda hostile to Judeo-Christian values. Many individual Jews have shared with me their embarrassment that groups, ostensibly representing them, attack Passion but are silent about depraved entertainment that encourages killing cops and brutalizing women. Citing artistic freedom, Jewish groups helped protect sacrilegious exhibits such as the anti-Christian feces extravaganza presented by the Brooklyn Museum four years ago. One can hardly blame Christians for assuming that Jews feel artistic freedom is important only when exercised by those hostile toward Christianity. However, this is not how all Jews feel.
From audiences around America, I am encountering bitterness at Jewish organizations insisting that belief in the New Testament is de facto evidence of anti-Semitism. Christians heard Jewish leaders denouncing Gibson for making a movie that follows Gospel accounts of the Crucifixion long before any of them had even seen the movie. Furthermore, Christians are hurt that Jewish groups are presuming to teach them what Christian Scripture "really means." Listen to a rabbi whom I debated on the Fox television show hosted by Bill O'Reilly last September. This is what he said, "We have a responsibility as Jews, as thinking Jews, as people of theology, to respond to our Christian brothers and to engage them, be it Protestants, be it Catholics, and say, look, this is not your history, this is not your theology, this does not represent what you believe in."
He happens to be a respected rabbi and a good one, but he too has bought into the preposterous proposition that Jews will reeducate Christians about Christian theology and history. Is it any wonder that this breathtaking arrogance spurs bitterness? Many Christians who, with good reason, have considered themselves to be Jews' best (and perhaps, only) friends also feel bitter at Jews believing that Passion is revealing startling new information about the Crucifixion. They are incredulous at Jews thinking that exposure to the Gospels in visual form will instantly transform the most philo-Semitic gentiles of history into snarling, Jew-hating predators.
Christians are baffled by Jews who don't understand that President George Washington, who knew and revered every word of the Gospels, was still able to write that oft-quoted beautiful letter to the Touro Synagogue in Newport, offering friendship and full participation in America to the Jewish community.
One of the directors of the AJC recently warned that Passion "could undermine the sense of community between Christians and Jews that's going on in this country. We're not allowing the film to do that." No sir, it isn't the film that threatens the sense of community; it is the arrogant and intemperate response of Jewish organizations that does so. Jewish organizations, hoping to help but failing so spectacularly, refutes all myths of Jewish intelligence. How could their plans have been so misguided and the execution so inept?
Ancient Jewish wisdom teaches that nothing confuses one's thinking more than being in the grip of the two powerful emotions, love and hate. The actions of these Jewish organizations sadly suggest that they are in the grip of a hatred for Christianity that is only harming Jews.
Today, peril threatens all Americans, both Jews and Christians. Many of the men and women in the front lines find great support in their Christian faith. It is strange that Jewish organizations, purporting to protect Jews, think that insulting allies is the preferred way to carry out that mandate. A ferocious Rottweiler dog in your suburban home will quickly estrange your family from the neighborhood. For those of us in the Jewish community who cherish friendship with our neighbors, some Jewish organizations have become our Rottweilers. God help us.
This Valentine's Day, Give The Gift of Luke Ford
Is your woman feeling down in the dumps, looking for a something little extra to add excitement to her life? Why not give the gift of Luke Ford? For just $1000 (less if she's cute), Luke will jump out of a box and study Torah with your gal and throw in a free script consultation and a shoulder massage.
Saturday night, I plan to watch at home the movie Swimming Pool, the unrated version. I could not get a date to see it with me in the theater nine months ago because she didn't want to sit next to me for 100 minute while my tongue hung out.
Intern Scandal Threatens Luke Ford's Position As Moral Leader
Bloggers have been whispering about this for weeks but only now are the mainstream media catching up.
Over lunch Thursday, Cathy Seipp told Luke that she would not respect his predilections for community college girls.
[Cathy responds: "Now you know perfectly well that what I said I don't respect, and even laughed loudly and rudely about, is your predilection for long lunches with me spent endlessly talking about these predilections. Which obviously is your real turn-on, as you never seem to be actually with any of these girls, do you? I mean, I've seen the dumb ones occasionally, but can't remember any that were particularly fun. Or even all that young."]
About a year ago, Luke placed this ad in Variety: "Famous Internet gossip, the Matt Drudge of entertainment (and just as Jewish), seeks hot young impressionable thing to help carry his load. Must be loyal, diligent, hard working. Possibility for promotion to wife status for the right woman."
This led to a stream of women working as interns in his operation to teach chastity to girls (www.yourmoralleader.com).
Luke Ford told IMUS IN THE MORNING on Friday, February 13, "there is nothing to report" after a DRUDGE REPORT exclusive revealed the frantic behind-the-scenes drama surrounding a woman, Alex Polier, 24, who recently fled the country, reportedly at the prodding of Ford!
The nature and details of a claimed two-year relationship, beginning in the Spring of 2001, between a young woman and Ford is at the center of serious investigations at several media outlets.
A close friend of the woman first approached a reporter late last year claiming fantastic stories -- stories that now threaten to turn the race for the presidency on its head.
From the Boston Herald, 9/2/98:
HEADLINE: Inside Track; Job seeker is model
Question of the day: Who was the statuesque blonde strutting out of Luke Ford's palatial Beverlywood manse late Monday night?
We are told she is [name omitted] a 22-year-old Harvard student and former model who, Ford's people claim, was dropping off a resume.
Our spies on the Square say the stunning Southern gal, dressed in oh-so-chic black, arrived at Ford's townhouse around 11:15 p.m. and left just before the clock struck 12.
"He was very kind to me. He offered to pass my resume along," [the student] told the Track.
Both [the student] and Ford's people insist the encounter was completely innocent. They said the senator met [the student] on Nantucket earlier this summer, then again last weekend. ...
Chaim Amalek Stands with Fellow Jew John Kerry
Chaim Amalek writes Luke:
Cathy Seipp Mocks My Choices In Women
I was 26 minutes late for my lunch with Cathy Seipp. She derided my interests in women who are young, dumb and full of fun.
Then I met someone at 4PM. We were an hour early for THE STATION AGENT. So we walked to Borders and looked at the latest Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. She looked at the suits and I looked at the models. I thought most of the models were fine but she only liked some of the suits.
Jokes About Those Crazy Goyim
A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says, "This is a very fine jacket. How much is it?"The salesman says: "It's $500." The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it." **************************************************** Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says, "You own your own business, don't you? How's it going?" The other Gentile says, "Just great! Thanks for asking!" *************************************************** Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about children. Gentile mother #1 says (with great pride), "My son is a construction worker!" Gentile mother #2 says (with even greater pride), "My son is a truck driver!" **************************************************** A man calls his mother and says, "Mother, I know you're expecting me for dinner this evening, but something important has come up and I can't make it." His mother says, "OK." ****************************************************** A Gentile couple goes to a nice restaurant. The man says: "I'll have the steak and a baked potato, and my wife will have the Julienne salad with house dressing. We'll both have coffee." The waiter says: "How would you like your steak and salad prepared?" The man says "I'd like the steak medium, the salad is fine as is." The waiter says: "Thank you." ****************************************************** A Gentile man calls his elderly mother. He asks, " Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?" She says, "I feel fine, and I don't need anything. Thanks for calling." *************************************************** A Gentile woman meets an old Gentile friend. The friend asks, "How is your son getting along?" The Gentile woman says, "He's just fine. He just turned 35." "And where does he live?" asks the friend. "He lives at home with me. I don't think he'll ever get married." The friend says, "How nice."
Deep Thoughts On Britney Spears
Dave Deutsch writes:
Dean Wakefield, ex-LAT staffer was 53
Kevin Roderick writes on LA Observed: "The former assistant editor in the L.A. Times opinion section also had edited at the San Francisco Chronicle opinion page and worked for the Atlanta Constitution. He died this week in San Francisco after a lengthy illness. Back in 1996, Wakefield briefly emerged from the obscurity where most newspaper editors work when 12 paragraphs of a Washington Post book review ran under his byline."
Simon Sebastien writes for the SF Chronicle 2/12/04, never mentioning Wakefield's plagiarism. If Wakefield had been white, his plagiarism would've been mentioned in his obit and he never would reached his lofty positions:
Richard Prince writes:
Jim Sleeper replies:
The Pellicano Brief
Vanity Fair reporter John Connolly and Howard Blum produce a gripping article on private detective Anthony Pellicano in the March issue.
There are no bombshells in the article but many interesting details.
Connolly placed the first story in the New York Daily News about the threat on Anita Busch's car in June 2002. He continues his friendly relationship with Busch in this article, placing her in a good light, and in exchange getting details about her in that painful month. The VF writers do not question why anybody would want to threaten Busch when neither she nor her writing partner Paul Lieberman came up with anything original on the Steven Seagal - Julius Nasso story despite weeks of work.
I can't recall the last time the LA Times broke a big story on the entertainment industry.
"What's the happiest day in a politician's life?" asks Mickey Kaus. "When he finds out he's being investigated by the LA Times."
Anita's homicidal friend Dave Robb is also placed in a heroic light and was surely a source for the article.
Busch complained to FBI agent Stan Ornellas that her phone was bugged, something that Pellicano could be suspected of doing.
A security expert testified at a deposition, "It is pro forma for you to advise clients to conduct sweeps of their telephones in any matter in which Bert Fields [leading Hollywood lawyer and employer of Pellicano] is involved as the opposing counsel."
Bert Fields writes novels under the name D. Kincaid about legendary attorney Harry Cain who has a close relationship with private eye Skip Corrigan, who frequently breaks the law.
Five of Pellicano's former employees have been given limited immunity from prosecution and are cooperating with the federal investigation. One of them told VF: "I had been in hiding. The F.B.I. made me leave town. I am a pivotal part of this and must watch my ass. I have a gun in my home. My house has been damaged... He called my paretns...and said, 'I know your daughter's testifying and that's a damn shame.' That's when the F.B.I. told me to leave. I went to live with my bodyguard."
Why should I believe that the Koran is God's word?
Am I A Womanizer?
Cathy Seipp writes:
I was asked. I said no longer. I got better.
Why am I no longer? I got tired. You have to put out a lot of energy and time and money to be with a lot of women, and at about age 30, I tired of that. Also, I'm taking my religion more seriously these days.
Now, I have a friend who's been with about one woman a year for the past seven years. Is that a womanizer? I say no.
I don't think I'm as attractive as I was ten years ago. I'm going to seed. Maybe I am an aging, clapped-out womanizer? I'm going to seed, fraying around the edges. I'm not as attractive to women as I was ten years ago.
I find it much easier to be chaste when nobody wants to love you.
Now, if I were a powerful figure in Hollywood and I had beautiful young women throwing themselves at me, how would I react? I'd stand firm.
Fred says: "Women can fake orgasms but men can fake relationships."
Dunster Transom writes: "A man is as chaste (or monogamous) as his options permit."
Skippy says: "Successful men do not engage the services of trollops who advertise in the buttock-portion of stinky inky weeklies."
David Crawley writes Luke: "Re your endless writings about sex. No man in whom the testosterone still flows should be allowed to write on this topic. Testosterone-tinged cerebral functions render objectivity impossible. If you really are interested in clear & present sex (and its inherent triviality (other than for the very minimum required to maintain life (an amount that is subject to much debate))) come to testosterone-deprived ancients like me & Harvey. We clearly see the whole immense edifice of sex as merely the unnecessary (the world already being over-populated) gene-driven "Unseen Hand" of the Gene Master himself. If Adam Smith thought the economic "Unseen Hand" rules man & his works, he was obviously seriously sexually illiterate."
Here is my final word on sex. Civilization, if it is to survive, must stigmatize every form of sexual expression, including masturbation, to force men to bond to one woman and to stick around to raise children. My principles on this matter are firm though my practice of them is lax.
Jack writes: "So wait, I'm confused: you probably spank the Johnson occasionally, same (perhaps) with ----, bed various females . . . . and yet you publicly espouse core principles (not values!) of morality-not-based-on-convention? This is incoherent! What are you doing Luke? Keep your hands where we can see them!"
Or as Mickey Kaus once pronounced to me, "You are a hypocrite."
Folks, Lukeford.net is written by the Holy Ghost every bit as much as The Passion is directed by the Holy Ghost (claim by Mel Gibson). To criticize this site is to oppose an awesome force.
Cathy Seipp writes:
Cathy, at that party, you were all over him, all attentive and laughing at his every remark. Of course he got the idea that you wanted to...
Cathy, have you ever asked yourself if there might be something that you are doing that gives people the impression you are a loose woman? Such as writing for Penthouse and writing about Playboy and Larry Flynt and often including salacious anecdotes in your stories and your general zest for earthy stories?
I broke this story (actually, it was given to me by She Who Will Not Be Named) on January 28:
As I hear it: Deputy Editor Narda Zacchino is in hot water because of a story she edited that was written by her personal assistant Athan Bezaitis. That assistant Athan was hired because he is Bob Scheer's teaching assistant. Athan did a big feature for the cover of SF Chron Datebook about a fight club. Problem is Athan did not attend this event and relied only on his informant's report.
When I emailed Narda Nacchino for comment, he did not have the courage to reply.
From the SF Examiner, Feb 9:
'She Looks Like She's Let You Do Anything To Her'
I had a long discussion the other day with a female writer. She could not understand how I or any man could find Britney Spears attractive. She went on for about 15 minutes on this score. She said we men should find sexy women who have independent personality and good minds. Britney is just a plastic clone, a bimbo.I find Britney sexy. I found her just as sexy when my friend was done talking. I never ceased to be amazed how women will proclaim that other women aren't sexy and we men should not be attracted to them. I don't think men do the same thing to women. 'Oh, you should not find Bill Clinton sexy. He's a slob.' My friend "Jane" had a college boyfriend who found Sophia Loren attractive. Jane understood that. Sophia Loren is a classic beauty. Then she found out he also found Rosanna Arquette sexy. She flipped. She said Rosanna was only cute at best. Why do you find Rosanna Arquette sexy? He replied, "Because she looks like she'd let you do anything to her." (And then Jane did understand.) That's a quality men find tremendously attractive. I know I do. I remember a lot of women in my life who had only average looks but because they gave off this vibe, they were never needing dates or boyfriends or husbands. Dennis Prager says there are two qualities that men seek in the woman they want to commit to - that she care to look attractive for him and that he be the most important thing in her life.
When you feel your woman will let you do anything to her, it meets both requirements of Dennis Prager. Therefore it must be good, true and holy.
Jackie writes Luke:
I want a woman who excites me physically and intellectually and shares my Jewish values and practices.
Jane writes Luke:
Luke humbly asks: "Well, is there anything else you'd like credit for, or just areas in general where I have not been sufficiently deferential?"
Luke's Compton Chum Unloads
Georgie Jessel writes Luke:
I Watched A Homo Film
...and I loved it. It is precipitated by the death of a homo and then the bereaved poof Nick remains central. Yet, I loved it. The Lawless Heart (2001). I just wanted to share the good news of my essentially tolerant and kind heart. I thought you'd be impressed.
I just wish there were more persons of color in the film.