Eve Kessler kindly pointed out that I used some racist language
below. That was not my intention and I am very sorry. It's
just that I've walked the mean big city streets for too many
years now and the language of those I've associated with has
rubbed off on me.
In many ways, I regard the black, brown and yellow man as
my superior. The Oriental for his inscrutable dedication to
science. The black man for his easy masculinity and athletic
prowess. The brown man for his work ethic. They make me want
to be more than I am.
Shul today was a deeply moving religious experience which
makes me want to be more than I am. I read and finished Nathan
Englander's FOR THE RELIEF OF UNBEARABLE URGES (nothing in
it to make me think a second time) and still had time left
over for Barchu, shma, repetition of the Amidah, the rabbi's
drasha, catching up with friends, and an hour-long conversation
with the shiksa security guard.
Cathy Seipp writes: "The mean big city streets...of Pico/Robertson.
Gosh, that sure does sound mean and scary! What happened --
did a yeshiva boy shove you on his way to shul?"
The best
posters on Frum Sex: Oy_it's_so_humid, and maybe heimish25
for frum stuff, aronteitelbaumrules for dirty stuff. one900s
likes to argue semantics and science. The group is four years
old, and gets up to 60 posts a day.
I keep hearing that I should ditch this blog in favor of
my old website format, and that blogging is for losers. What
say you, dear readers - is blogging for losers? Am I not a
winner?
Mike Alb0 writes: You say you like live shows, but can't
find any good ones in the Greater Los Angeles area that you
can afford?
Well, I've got the perfect solution for you.
I went up to Griffith Park yesterday and visited the Los Angeles
Zoo. Okay, the zoo's undergoing some construction and there
are some animals like gorillas that have been shipped off
to other zoos until their habitats can be finished, but the
zoo still has chimps a-plenty.
As a friend pointed out, "Things just go better with chimps."
I suppose so. Those suckers have no inhibitions and provide
hours of entertainment for those of us with juvenile mindsets.
I just wonder why the zoo, which plasters the exhibits with
signs like "Did You Know...?" and "Why Does This Animal...?"
Doesn't put up a plaque at the chimp enclosure that reads
"Daddy? What Is That Monkey Doing to The Other Monkey?" and
then offer possible explanations. I think it would help parents
handle what was, for most that I observed, a very uncomfortable
experience.
"Once a cheater, always a cheater: True or false."
Almost all the people interviewed said it was true.
But could you be a little more specific when you say, "It
wasn't the same?" What do you mean? Do you not trust one another
as much? Or do you have better sex as a result? Or less-frequent
sex? Or what?
I know of one woman who left her husband after she found out
he'd been cheating. She used to let him go out to strip clubs
and go out with his buddies and travel around for business
whenever, and she never questioned his activities - she was
the cool wife.
But now, she's got a long-term boyfriend, and she keeps him
on a much tighter leash. She's not as permissive, because
she knows the dangers lurking out there that can tempt a man
away from his happy home.
So even relationships that occur *after* one of the parties
cheated can be different.
He’s been said to have “calm of the Dalai Lama, and the charm
of David Niven,” but lately, Luke Ford’s apple has definitely
lost its blush. Whispers following recent appearances by the
former male model manqué once known as the “glossy Aussie”
hint that his increasingly erratic behavior and physical deterioration
are signs of some sort of severe mental and/or physical condition—most
likely syphilis. A phone call from a close personal friend
of Ford’s, however, suggested a different reason. “Luke is
distraught,” revealed my source, one of the coterie of distaff
journalists who flock around the handsome expat, “It’s all
because of David Deutsch. Deutsch is a funny guy, but sometimes,
he goes too far. And his comments regarding Luke and Mexican
immigrants are just way off base. He cares so much for legal
Mexican immigrants, and Deutsch’s comments really hurt him,
but he’s too much of a tsaddik to talk about all that he does
for them.”
This reporter, for one, was dubious. Luke Ford, caring about
Mexican immigrants? Luke Ford, who, after one wag dubbed him
“the kosher Pat Buchanan,” quipped “No, he’s the treyfe Luke
Ford?”
“I know it seems hard to believe,” I was told. “But don’t
take my word for it. Go to Boyle Heights and ask around.”
Still waiting for the punchline, I did just that. Hungry,
and hoping to kill two birds with one stone, I stopped by
the unassuming Gonzalez Taqueria, and found myself eating
the best burrito I ever had. I informed the gentleman behind
the counter who I assumed to be Mr. Gonzalez of that fact,
and was stunned by his answer.
“Gracias, but don’t thank me. I owe it all to my friend, Senor
Luke.”
“Not Luke Ford?” I inquired.
When he heard the name, his face lit up. “Si, si, you know
Senor Luke? He’s an amazing Mexican chef, and he not only
showed me how to make this burrito, he got me to switch from
lard to vegetable oil.” He turned to show me his profile.
“I’ve lost 50 pounds. And he provides the kosher certification.”
He pointed to the wall, and sure enough, there was a certificate
bearing Luke’s own kosher symbol, the “Porn K,” a silhouette
of a well-endowed young woman with a “K” in the middle. I
asked the gentleman if Luke’s position on illegal aliens bothered
him.
“Bother me?” he exploded. “It’s because Luke cares so much
about us legals that he feels that way. Look, there used to
be this woman who sold food from a cart down the block from
my tacqueria. She paid no taxes, she paid no rent—she was
killing my business. Luke called a contact of his in La Migra,
and the next day, she was gone. He’s a savior, and I’m not
the only one who says so. Go over to Gonzalez Garage and ask
them about Luke.”
I did just that. As I entered, the crowd of vatos working
on the low-riders started to size me up, and it was clear
that they found me wanting. It was an uncomfortable moment,
until I mentioned Luke’s name.
“Ese, you asking about El Jefe? Why didn’t you say so,” said
the group’s apparent leader, a young man named Chino who,
unlike his peers, had no tattoos. “El Jefe is our man. When
I was in prison, Luke came around to counsel us—he’s the one
who convinced me that it was wrong to make marks in my flesh,
and paid for my tattoo remova. And when I got out, and I couldn’t
get a job because employers would rather higher a damn illegal
than an ex-con, Luke talked to his peeps in the industry and
got me a job as a key grip, and now I’m learning to be a best
boy, so I’ll be an’ effin’ double-threat. You wanna know how
we feel about El Jefe? Look around this garage. What kind
of cars we drive?” I looked around, took it in, and he smiled,
proudly. “That’s right…all Fords. But hey, you really wanna
get the 411 on him, check out the Gonzalez School for Children
of Legal Immigrants. El Jefe is probably there right now.”
And indeed, he was, but by the time I got there, he was absent.
Fulsome praise for Mr. Ford, however, was definitely in attendance.
The school’s headmaster, Jorge Ochocoa told me that without
Luke, the school wouldn’t even exist. “These are children
who weren’t being served by the public schools. Not only were
those schools understaffed and ungodly, but the children of
illegal aliens were taking all the good education. By the
time it came around to these kids, all that was left were
gerunds and antonyms. How are they going to succeed with that?
But El Angel—that’s what we call Luke here—arranged with somebody
in his synagogue to donate this old building as a tax write
off—he was going to burn it for the insurance money, anyway,
and, until we could raise the money, Luke taught the kids.”
Luke Ford, teacher? Even after all I’d heard, I was skeptical…until
Mr. Ochocoa showed me the pictures, and the awards Mr. Ford
had won.
“But you know, when Presidente Bush gave Mr. Ford this “Points
of Light” award, Luke said to him. “Mr. President, you have
it wrong. I’m not teaching them, they’re teaching me.”
As I drove away from Boyle Heights, I couldn’t help but thinking
that all of us—and especially David Deutsch, whose support
for illegal aliens may have something to do with allegations
that he employs low-wage Dominicans in Washington Heights
to grade papers for him—have a lot to learn from El Angel…Luke
Ford.
Forward
assistant managing editor E.J. Kessler (who used to work the
paper's religion beat) writes Protocols: "[A]m I the only
one who thinks all that stuff in Luke's post about 'Muslims,
blacks and Hispanics pouring out babies' and 'using their
vaginas as cannons' sounds racist? Luke, dear, if women are
procreating, it is part of God's plan. God does not care what
religion or color they are. Nor should you. I defy any rabbi
to tell you differently, and if he does we should expose him."
I reply: Eve, dear, is it part of God's plan to have women
outside of marriage give birth to children who will disproportionately
commit crimes and other social pathologies? Is it part of
God's plan for women who want to destroy the Jewish state
and for their children to blow themselves up killing innocent
Jews to have more kids?
Eve, dear, do you think illegal Mexican immigrants and their
children will be as friendly to Jewish interests as those
legally here and raised with American values?
Sometimes things can be racist and right. Even Jesse Jackson
says he would be more scared to run into a group of young
black men at night than a group of young white men.
Eve Kessler responds: "The answer to your questions are, yes,
yes and yes, bc we can't know God's providence. The point
was about your language, dear. I didn't say your utterance
WAS racist or makes you a racist. I said it SOUNDS racist.
By the way, you could have gotten 10 awards for your work
with Mexicans and still SOUND racist. Your utterance is also
pointless, bc there's not a damn thing you can do to stop
the phenomena against which you rail. So what's the point?
To denigrate people? To get Jews to scowl every time they
see a pregnant black or Muslim? Such language will not motivate
anyone to create a single new Jewish child. To quote Stevie
Wonder, 'Love's in need of love today. So don't delay. Send
yours in right away.' PS, I would never have bothered to write
the comment if I thought you were an irredeemable racist.
It was a product of my affection."
I marched with Martin Luther King in Selmba Alabama so that
blacks could have the right to vote. I was arm-in-arm with
Abraham Joshua Heschel. After King was shot, I cradled him.
When I wanted to give tours of scenic Los Angeles, legal Mexican
immigrants volunteered to help me out to repay my kindness
to their people (I often buy fruit from their street vendors).
Kaspar Gomez writes Luke: Halo! My cousin Hector wants to
know if you would be interested in providing your guests with
food. We could follow you around LA with our taco wagon to
serve your guests authentic Mexican cooking and sodas. Also,
we can provide you with janitorial services, in case someone
on your tour bus has any sort of an accident.
Fischel Teitelbaum writes Luke: Shalom Chaver! How was your
Shavouos? Normally, this is a very happy time in Brooklyn,
but not this year, not in Crown Heights. The grandaughter
of the Satmar Rebbe and her baby were killed in a fire started
by some candles. Then, yesterday, four Bobover yeshiva buchers
were stabbed by a gang of 15 peurtoricans. Maybe connected
to their big parade on sunday. Lots of peurtoricans. Lots.
Oy, these people are even worse than the colored. And the
emes is that lots of them are colored!
What do you think Luke, do you have peurto ricans in Los Angeles?
I hope not! I still want to move to Los Angeles and meet your
hot and sexy porno girlfriends! Mazel tov on your new tourism
business. Could you use a tour leader to tell the tourists
what they are seeing? Fischel could do that! I could go on
a few tours and then i would pick up all they say and see.
Then you could sleep late, daven late, study torah while I
work as employee nomber one!
DISCLAIMER: Mr. Ford is a 38 year old Australian immigrant.
He has never been married, lives in a hovel, has been expelled
from half a dozen synagogues and an uncountable number of
women's lives, drives a vehicle which by itself is estimated
to account for close to 30% of the hole in the ozone layer,
was formerly the porn industry's lead gossip columnist, currently
has no discernible income, his most lasting work seems to
be his quest for morbid obesity, and by almost any objective
standard, contributes far less to American society on any
given day than your average Mexican migrant farm-hand or slaughter-house
worker.
I recently finished John Howard Griffin's 1964 expose on
racism, Black Like Me. As my learned readers know, Mr. Griffin,
a white man, describes his experiences during his travels
through the American South all the while disguised as a Negro.
Interestingly enough, he did not score with any white chicks
during his entire charade. How the times have changed.
His book gives me a possible idea for a new book. Maybe I
should update Griffin's premise and live as an urban Negro?
My insights could help finally build a bridge between the
Orthodox and Black communities.
I am intrigued, but a nagging question remains .... Could
I even pass as a schvartze?
Anon writes: Luke? Pass as a black? Let me see ... He has
a gun. He loves white p*ssy. He has no job. Hell, he qualifies
as a NAACP member already.
JimmyD writes: I think you're sort of on to something, but
you're missing the obvious. You should write a book called,
"Jew Like Me." After all, you've already
spent considerable time passing yourself off as a Jew. Now
you can publish those experiences from a Gentile's perspective.
Many of you have seen the movie Rabbit-Proof
Fence (2002) about half-caste Aboriginee children who
were kidnapped from their Abo parents and educated to act
like whites.
My story is similar but opposite. Before I was nine months
old, Aboriginees stole me from my Christian family and raised
me in captivity in the outback where I learned to play the
didgeridoo.
This afternoon I will be blowing my didgeridoo on the Third
Street Promenade in Santa Monica to raise money so I can afford
a wife, kids and the full Torah lifestyle. Please drop a quarter
in my yarmulke and God bless you.
My new friend Peter told me this week that Aboriginees are
the ugliest people on the planet. I could not disagree. But
when he argued there was no "Aboriginee ----" or "Aboriginal
----" on the Internet, I knew he was wrong. Today I Googled
both terms and Peter is right. There is no such thing on the
Net. Must be racism.
Fletch writes: Aborigines do not have sex that is why. They
unlike most humans on the planet, spawn from holes in the
ground.
Ene writes: On the plus side you could pay the content girls
in glue and/or white out.
Shelly Crash writes: Content producers dropped the niche when
national geographic ruined the market.
Ben writes: We've often thought of it. There are plenty around
on the north coast.... There are a number of things that turn
you off the idea tho...
First there really aren't that many good looking girls. Most
have diabetes and are quite large (traditional diet includes
lots of nuts and not the same fats), very few look after their
skin or blow their nose for that matter. There are some very
hot girls tho... Quite rare...
Second it's a really close knit community and you would expect
it to get back to their cousins, uncles, brothers, sisters,
pops, grans, etc etc. Some of which would in a drunken rage
drive a car full of cousins from the reserves anywhere they
thought there would be a fight. If you live somewhere where
aboriginals live
then chances are it's too small a place to go messing with
it.
Third there is no market for it.... Unlike the US where black
girls are considered to be sex machines.... here.... well
apart from the cultural divide there is a lot of angst on
both sides still and it will be many years before intermarriage
becomes more common.
In Australia we have a lot of different issues compared to
the US situation. Here there were a lot of massacres and the
government policy all through the years has been designed
to f--- them over.... The law fights against the government
and so
you end up with whites losing land and such... So there are
plenty of pissed off people on all sides.
Am I so wrong? I want her to be my mommy and more. I bet
that she could really shape up my life (not to mention my
bottom line). That she told a reporter to "shove it" just
increases her allure in my eyes.
Last week, I caused a bit of a storm with an interview I gave
to a journalist named Luke Ford, who is writing a book on
Jewish journalism. During the interview, Ford asked me professional
questions about arts coverage in Jewish publications, as well
as my personal views on religion. Since I was raised in a
Modern Orthodox home, most of these questions centered on
whether study and interest in the arts are properly cultivated
in Orthodox communities.
Curiously, Ford took a detour to ask about my observance of
the laws of tzniut, or modesty, which in many Orthodox circles
are interpreted as requiring women to wear skirts that cover
their knees and shirts that do not reveal their collarbones
or elbows. I’m still not sure how or why the interview went
in this direction, but it did. I was quoted as saying:
“If I go into a shul, I’m going to be dressed appropriately.
But I walk around in pants and shorts. I feel like modesty
is more about your character than about what you wear....
There are ways that you can cheapen yourself, and make people
feel that you are usable in any number of ways — professionally,
emotionally, psychologically, sexually. That is what I mean
by immodest.”
The remark provoked a flurry of responses on Ford’s Web site,
including this particularly pugilistic post:
“I would submit that someone who [substitutes] their own definition
of modesty and tznius in place of and instead of the definition
offered by Chazal (ancient rabbinic sages) presumes that they
know [m]ore than Chazal. Moreover, the fact that Ms. Newhouse
supposedly developed her mind at Barnard illustrates the danger
in allowing the average child to attend and dorm in an environment
shaped by post Modernism, MTV and multiculturalism. The average
[Modern Orthodox high school] grad can’t handle the shock
to their values.”
Hafter Princess writes: "Luke is this Alanas answer to my
question whethher her definition of modesty allows premarital
sex? It seems that she opposes the fact that the rabbis speak
out against premarital sex. Does this mean in her liberal
view of MO it is OK? And no one should mention that the halacha
forbids it?"
I think that is her answer. That society, and the Jewish community,
should not worry about protecting feminine virginity -- intellectual
and sexual. I must disagree.
First, I will set aside the question of Jewish Law in answering.
Everybody knows that Jewish Law holds that men and women are
fundamentally different, with different responsibilities,
that they should be given different educations, and that the
glory of the woman lies within (in the home she creates with
her husband and children). I agree with Jewish Law but I won't
invoke it in my response to Alana's column.
Second. Civilization must hold women to a different sexual
standard than it holds men if it is to survive. Men must know
who their biological children are or most men won't stick
around to help raise them and support them and their mother.
This is also why civilization must stigmatize, if not, in
some instances, criminalize, all forms of sexual expression
outside of heterosexual marriage, including masturbation,
hookers, pre-marital sex, homosexuality and pornography.
Third. The most important question for any civilization is
what do you do with them. Men are the instable part of the
equation. As far as religion goes, you must reserve certain
rituals for men only or men will drop out of the religion.
For society, you must allow men to gather alone with other
men (such as was the case in service clubs). Once you start
allowing women in, men will drop out. Men do not like to compete
with women. Once women pour into a field, it loses its appeal
to men.
Fourth. Look at the disaster created by women, particularly
Jewish women, pursuing higher education. They are not getting
pregnant and having babies. While
Muslims and and blacks and Hispanics are pouring out babies
(using their vaginas as cannons while many Jewish women use
their's as toys, in the words of Chaim Amalek), many of them
out of wedlock, whites and Jews are not reproducing at a replacement
rate. Europe is doomed and America is threatened. If you think
an America that is increasingly Hispanic and increasingly
populated by out-of-wedlock children will be an America friendly
to Israel and the Jews, you are naive.
If you think the world is going to be a better place because
Europe is dying (not reproducing) and must import Muslim immigrant
laborers from Second and Third World countries, you are naive.
These problems are largely caused by modern feminism and this
suicidal push for "equality" in the workplace and university,
so that women get graduade degrees instead of children within
marriage and men, who don't like to compete with women, get
alienated from polite society, and have to go to stripclubs
to bond with other men.
Does this mean that I think it is automatically wrong for
women to take leadership roles in society and politics and
religion? No way. Women of merit should succeed according
to the level of their abilities. See Margaret Thatcher and
the prophetesses in the Bible. I just think we should stop
propagandizing women that what really counts is graduate degrees
and professional success rather than marriage and children.
I also think that we should end all anti-discrimination laws
so that Jews and blacks and men can choose to live with and
associate with and hire and fire who they want.
As for education, I do not think it is a good idea to give
boys and girls the identical curriculum as is done in some
Modern Orthodox day schools such as Shalhevet in Los Angeles.
I don't think most females are suited by nature to studying
Talmud. Generally speaking, they would be better off in home
economics classes and learning how to please and appear to
defer to a man (boss him around at home all you like discretely,
but don't cut off his balls in public). Jewish women would
do well to learn from the examples of their asian sisters
who rarely contradict and demean their men in public, and
let their man feel like he is in charge. They still control
him, but they exercise this control discretely. Also, many
Asian women, as well as many Persian women I know, seem to
genuinely enjoy cooking and cleaning, and these are loves
that we should be cultivating in Jewish girls.
"I keep seeing this term ‘Frum.’ Can somebody please clue
me into what the hell that is?" wrote Jeff, a 30-year-old
regular on the site.
................
How come none of the Jewish papers were clued-in enough to
write this story? Do you see the qualitative difference between
these New York Observer pieces and the crap filling Jewish
weeklies?
As the shabbos queen approaches, I continue to have some
questions for her. But she never answers back, so maybe some
smart yeshiva boy (I cannot accept the idea of a yeshiva girl)
could help me out here:
1.Why is there a rabbinical prohibition against summoning
an elevator or turning on a flourescent light on the Sabbath?
2.Why is it forbidden to turn on a simple radio, particularly
one that does not generate a spark when switched on? Once
switched on, is a torah jew like me permitted to adjust the
volume? (I'm thinking of patenting radios for religious jews
that are technically "on" all the time, but with the volume
turned down. When the shabbos queen makes her entrance and
you want to listen to a ballgame or the news, you just adjust
the volume control without creating or terminating a circuit.)
3.Why is a Jew permitted to own a carpet, when walking on
a carpet on a dry day will generate a static electical potential
that discharges with spark, sound, light, and heat when the
Jew touches a door knob? (I'm thinking of selling a line of
plastic doorknows and bathroom fixtures for those who tremble
before electricity.)
Also, whatever you do, do
NOT fail to real my wedding planner blog. It is never
too soon to start planning for that glorious day beneath the
Chupa. Who should I get as caterer?
Joe writes: While I'm not sure if you're sincere in your question
- especially since it doesn't appear on Protocols where people
who might have an answe would read it - my understanding is
that the most comprehensive guide to the laws of electricity
on shabbos is found in: "Shabbat and Electricity", by Rabbi
LY Halperin. It may be out of print, but probably could be
found. And while I'm not an expert in halacha or in electricity,
I think the prohibition is not of creating a fire, but of
boneh, which is building.
You can't know the real Luke Ford without knowing all about
my quest for a wife. You can read all about it at Luke
Ford Seeks a Wife Blog, including many important things
not available elsewhere.
Cybercelebrity Luke Ford needs a lot of things, but most of
all he needs a wife.
Luke also has written a just-published book about a species
of bottom-feeders known as Hollywood producers, a creature
with which yours-truly often must break bread.
My friend Rob saw a hot woman at the bank. He followed her
as she drove off. At a stop light, he drove up next to her
and got her phone number. I admire that. I could never do
it.
Now, she's a Lefty and Rob's conservative, but through force
of will and charm, he's made her his girlfriend. She was to
be his date tonight to the Hollywood Bowl to hear the music
of Brahms and Beethoven. Awesome seats, 30 feet from the stage.
Rob said we should meet at the bowl at 6:30 p.m. for a picnic.
The concert started at 8 p.m.
I know Rob has a tendency to be late, so my date and I showed
up at 7:15 p.m. No Rob. I call him on his cell. His date has
cancelled. He's bringing "Canonical Ken," a lawyer in the
Roman Catholic legal system (he's not a member of the CA bar
nor does he have a secular law degree).
Date and I hang out in the Japanese Gardens with the Japanese.
Along with the Chinese, they are my favorite type of ethnic
Americans (because they get good educations, devote themselves
to family and rarely have kids out of wedlock, unlike
some other groups).
Rob and Ken show up at 8:20p.m. It would be fine to be mad
at Rob, and frankly I was, but he bought me this apple pie
health bar and I was overwhelmed by the awesomeness of our
seats.
Canonical Ken's family used to design cross-bows. That's nothing.
I was Hustler magazine's A--hole of the Month.
After the concert, Ken, who makes frequent visits to the Gregorian
University in Rome, gets on his cell phone.
"Are you calling the Holy Father?" I ask. "Hey, Holy Father,
rockin' Essa Pecker Solomon show tonight. Good enough to raise
Jesus from the dead."
I was told to knock it off with the Holy Father routine. Tough
crowd.
Rob can't find his car or his valet. I told him to just give
his ticket to the nearest Mexican and all would be fine. Five
minutes later, Rob finally takes my advice and we're on the
road.
Canonical Ken drives with a maniacal jerkiness that would
make the rack seem like a massage.
"Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!" I find myself screaming over
and over again. I know I should be reciting the shma, "Hear
O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one." But it is Jesus
who keeps coming to my lips as Canonical Ken careens down
Hollywood Blvd at 40 mph weaving in and out of traffic.
That I cry out the wrong name for the divinity makes me fear
that my conversion has not been genuine and that my soul remains
untamed. Whenever I screamed "Holy Moses," it did not feel
authentic.
My girlfriends, even during my atheistic years, noted my extreme
religiosity during moments of high passion.
You can take the boy out of the Church but you can't take
the Church out of the boy.
Rob says I'm a drama queen, needy for attention.
Rob and I resolve to learn Latin together so we can study
Canon Law and Virgil in the original. We'll make firm appointments
on a regular basis. That way I will know that no matter how
frantic my life gets, I will be sure of having plenty of time
to myself.
Rob rushes off. His GF is looking after a dying person in
the hospital and will be staying the night. He wants to bring
her an air mattress. I think that is sick.
While Kerry failed to address some of the issues that most
concern me (gay marriage, transgendered rights, and the war
on drugs), he did do a credible job of articulating a set
of values and aspirations that I, Luke Ford, can get behind.
Plus, it turns out that his father was really Jewish. I would
endorse him outright right here and now, but that might anger
some of my friends, and I value friendships more than I do
politicians.
Still, I have one question about this man that haunts me:
is he good for the Jews? Is George W. Bush?
Oh yeah - I almost forgot. Is he good for the United States
of America?
I sit and ponder my recent dearth of female contact and
cannot help but wonder if this is all just part of G*d's divine
plan for me.
Am I being forced into the lifestyle of Shomer Negiya (the
traditional Jewish custom of not touching a member of the
opposite sex before marriage)as part of a divine plan that
will lead to my hotly anticipated marriage?
As I watch the convention on CSPAN and look out over this
sea of brown and black faces, I cannot help but wonder: is
my race doomed? They flood into my country unimpeded by any
sense of racial consciousness on the part of the people who
build this civilization. The breed prodigiously, and here
I sit, alone in my hovel, begging white women to mate with
me. The future looks bleak for our kind.
John Kerry has married twice; Luke Ford, not even once.
And each time, John Kerry has hooked up with a staggeringly
rich women. Luke Ford lives in a hovel. I want you, John Kerry
(and I know for a fact that you read this blog), to teach
me how to find a rich broad and get her to marry me.
It is not a rare moment when Cathy will look at me and say,
"Why are you so chubby?"
"I can't help it," I respond. "It's my hormones. It's my genes.
It's my physiological response to this fallen world."
"Well," she'll harumph, "that's not logical." And she'll proceed
to spell out in detail why it is not logical for me to be
chubby and why I should take better care of myself and exercise
greater care with my choices.
I can't tell you how many times I've been chubby and then
Cathy has argued me out of it.
I've been somewhat remiss in blogging about this convention
and its highlights. I would have to say that for me, the highlight
thus far has been watching the darkies dance with the white
folks. I look forward to watching them sway together, arm-in-arm,
before the evening is over.
I always plan ahead with my writing - far ahead. So even
though I am still working on a book on Jewish Journalism,
I'm thinking ahead to the next book in the series. Right now,
I'm leaning to writing a book on Jewish criminals: mafia money
men, Russian mobsters, etc. If you know of any Jewish criminals
(say from shul, or Federation events), please drop me a note.
I've figured myself out. I think that there are several
of me, combined in a mixture much like isotopes of Uranium.
I need to figure out a way to separate myself out into Luke-235
(distinct from the more plentiful Luke-238), so as to make
a bigger bang in this crazy world of ours.
MTV is to be condemned for encouraging an atmosphere of
easy promiscuity on television (and thus in our culture) with
hardly ever mentioning the more probable consequences, like
STDs. MTV is the plaything creation of Murray Rothstein, better
known to you goyim as Sumner Redstone.
From
a review on Alexa.com: Luke Ford is a tasteful and thoughtful
site. Each day the author shares his gentle musings and tentative
"dating" adventures with his dozens of readers, each of whom
surely must be the better for it. One complaint: More pictures
please!
Dinner With Peter Stuart, Cathy Seipp,
Emmanuelle Richard
After 30 times eating at trafe restaurants, I finally got
Cathy Seipp
into a kosher restaurant Wednesday night. She was dressed
sluttily as usual, with a sleeveless top and a dress that
flounced a few inches above the knee.
Peter Stuart (who knows Cathy from their UCLA days in the
late '70s) is a volatile Beverly Hills Jew who's turned conservative
in his old age and doesn't mind saying what he thinks.
He was playing basketball with this 11yo Orthodox boy the
other day. The older brother came out in a big black hat.
"Is that a Muslim hat?" Peter asked.
(Peter spent years in France and learned to hate Muslims.)
The kid said no. "We don't hate Muslims," said the kid. "We
hate terrorists. We only hate those Muslims who hate us."
"Do you think Muslims in Muslim schools are taught to only
hate Jews who hate them and want to murder them?" asked Peter.
"Mom!" cried the kids when faced with this troubling point.
Peter took off.
Cathy Seipp writes: "For the record, while it's true that
my skirt (formerly Cecile's skirt, but she's at camp) is above
the knee, only in the bizarre mind of a porn expert/converted
Orthodox Jew/Seventh Day Adventist preacher's son would it
possibly be considered slutty."
My Argument With Andrew Silow-Carroll
Over Yossi Klein Halevi
I've been feeling surly lately, going off of people right
and left. I went off on Yossi Klein Halevi earlier this week
when he ran away from my questions.
Andrew
Silow-Carroll, of New Jersey Jewish News, writes: "Luke's
unhinged response to Yossi Klein Halevi proves why YKH was
right to be wary of Luke's views on Lashon hara. (Full disclosure:
I've met Yossi a few times, but otherwise I don't know him
well.) YKH may not approve of Lashon hara, but at least when
he engages in it he puts it through the rigors of journalism,
which demand that a writer carefully research his case, assemble
his research as accurately as possible, and allow the subject
of his research to respond to charges and characterizations.
That may not fly with the rabbis, but it would with a good
editor, and journalism is not the beit midrash. If you want
to see the difference between loshon hara and journalism,
compare
Luke's unsubstantiated allegations that Yossi is in the tank
with Sasha Weinberg's rigorous takedown of David Brooks in
Philadelphia magazine."
I respond: "Andy, apples and oranges. What I am doing so far
about Jewish journalism and what that Philly mag piece did
on David Brooks is like comparing talk radio to NYT journalism.
We're working in different mediums. I have not attempted to
write a comprehensive fact-check on Yossi, so your comparison
is not valid. I gave impressions, which is what bloggers do,
and I gave the raw material of emails."
Andrew Silow-Carroll responds: "If that's what bloggers do,
then that's what's wrong with blogging. If my "impression"
of a certain cop is that he is taking bribes, do I just go
ahead and post it on my blog? If I suspect a rabbi is diddling
his students, do I just throw his name out there as apederast?
Maybe, per LSAT, I don't know what Loshon hara is. but do
any of these apply: Rechilut? Tale-bearing? Motzi shem ra?
Even my lowly Reform upbringing taught me that to destroy
someone's good name is to commit a kind of murder. Does that
mean a Jew can't be a journalist? Perhaps, if this was a rabbinically
run theocracy, or if every Jew accepted the teachings of Chazal
as binding. But it isn't and they don't. But at least journalism
has an implicit (and yes, too often breached) ethical code
that demand its practitioners seek both sides, weigh the evidence
fairly, reveal the evidence accurately, and hesitate before
reporting a damaging "impression."
I reply: Andy, step up to the plate and list the ethical violations
I supposedly accused Yossi of. Please list where I trafficked
in lashon hara with regard to him.
I said I had an impression from our emails that he was deferential
to people in power who could help him.
Outside of our emails, I know Yossi Klein Halevi never breaks
stories. To break stories, you have to risk damaging cozy
relationships with sources.
I did not accuse him of anything like the ethical breaches
you name in your post.
To take up your points specifically:
* Blogging is different from newspaper journalism as newspaper
journalism is different from talk radio which is different
from poetry. They are different mediums, which is why your
comparison of my instantaneous post on Yossi to some piece
in Philadelphia magazine where the author spent, probably,
hundreds of hours, was wrong.
Blogging can be like newspaper journalism as can talk radio
but the mediums inherently veer in different directions. That
is ok. A camel is not bad because it is not a donkey. A blog
is not bad because it is not as thought-through as a New Yorker
essay.
* Can one ethically post an "impression" that a cop is taking
bribes (without any evidence)? No.
* A rabbi diddling a student (with no evidence)? No.
* Did I destroy Yossi's good name? Of course not. I gave our
email exchange in full (except for bits I edited out for the
sake of Yossi and his precious sources). I linked to his books.
I quoted supportive statements by admirers (which take up
far more space than my criticisms). If that is destroying
someone's good name, I hope it is done to me a hundred times
a day.
* I did seek both sides. I got Yossi to respond via email.
I reported his side. I reported the side of his admirers.
I linked to his work. And I offered up some tentative criticisms.
* You wrote: "Luke's unhinged response to Yossi Klein Halevi
proves why YKH was right to be wary of Luke's views on Lashon
hara."
There's no lashon hara (referring to unnecessary gossip about
someone's personal life) in my report on Yossi. I don't delve
into his personal life. I offer tentative critiques of his
professional life. So no, he had no reason to run away from
my questions of him and you have no reason for supporting
(on the basis of lashon hara concerns) his running away from
tough questions. Transparency and accountability are good
for Yossi Klein Halevi as well as the Jewish Federation.
Donnis Shacks - Killer, Friend To Movie
Producer Steve Bing
From ABC News:
B O S T O N — As Sens. John Kerry and John Edwards arrived
in Boston today for the Democratic National Convention, so
did the California man who is their single biggest contributor.
He
is Stephen Bing, a wealthy film producer who, with little
fanfare, has managed to steer a total of more than $16 million
of his money to Democratic candidates and the supposedly independent
groups that support them.
Democratic Party officials said they knew nothing about the
man who law enforcement officials tell ABC News is Bing's
friend and business partner — Dominic Montemarano, a New York
Mafia figure currently in federal prison on racketeering charges.
Montemarano has a long criminal record and is known to organized
crime investigators by his street name, Donnie Shacks.
"Donnie Shacks' main activity was murder. No question about
it. That was his main function for the Colombo family and
for organized crime in general. He was one of the top hit
men in the New York area," said Joe Coffey, a former NYPD
investigator.
According to The Los Angeles Times, Bing paid Montemarano's
legal fees after his most recent scrape with the law. Montemerano's
lawyer said his client was an employee of Bing's.
After a recent private lunch with Democratic vice-presidential
candidate Edwards, Bing also declined to answer questions
about his relationship with Montemarano. "The American people
have a right to know who's funding their presidential candidates
and their parties," Lewis said. "The Bing situation shows
us how little we really know."
"I met with an official and I told him about a meeting I had
in a Manhattan Cafe. I was with some high ranking wiseguys,
who are into bid-rigging construction projects. They were
talking about getting a breather from the assault by the Feds
on the Families. They were hoping that the War on Terror would
help them. They said they would need another five to seven
years to put everything back on track. The official told me
they would get it. He told me that more and more resources
are devoted to terror cases and less to major crimes.
"I was hanging out in a bar last night and my friends and
I were discussing the presidential race. Clinton came up.
We all laughed, because a friend of ours who is made and now
[the Los Angeles] underboss [Tommy Gambino] gave Roger Clinton
a 50,000 dollar check and a Rolex to help his father get a
parole. His father who I know as Sal was a major player in
the Pizza Connection and dumped tons of heroin on the streets
of the US. It was all swept under the table."
This is
Dominic (Donnie Shacks) Montemarano [convicted Mafia killer]
and Elizabeth Hurley. Donnie is bald with glasses. Moments
after this they went into the theater and watched A Night
at The Golden Eagle. This was on the Paramount Lot.
Steve Bing was also there, Tommy Gambino and sister, Donnie,
Uncle Artie and Vinnie A. This is right before the Roger Clinton
scandal.
It's curious ABC made no mention of where Bing got his money.
They make it sound like his film producing made him wealthy.
Not so. He received a whopping inheritance from his grandaddy,
who also had quite a few shady business partners of his own.
Bing has lost a lot more money than he has made producing in
Hollywood.
Bing's bodyguards -- and why does he need bodyguards? -- are
big thuggy-looking goombas who look like they walked out of
The Godfather.
Bing is a bored little rich boy who likes to play writer/producer
and also likes to hang around with moviestars and mobsters.
He's the proverbial poor little rich boy who has to buy flashy
friends because he's otherwise far too dull.
I emailed her an interview request July 27 for my book on
Jewish journalism: "I'd like your views on what are the primary
obstacles to producing compelling journalism on American religious
life. It is often said around newsrooms that the religion
beat does not go to the best and brightest."
Teresa replied: "I don't feel really qualified to comment
on Jewish journalism, other than to say that I enjoy both
the Jewish Journal and the Forward and find American Jewish
journalism to be the highest quality of all American ethnic
media I monitor. I'd like to pass on your interview request,
but would certainly love to see your book when it's out.
"If you'd like to interview someone about religious journalism,
my colleague Larry Stammer and former Times religion writer
John Dart would be excellent choices."
I replied:
I appreciate your suggested alternatives though I am sure
you know as well as I do that Larry Stammer is a crappy reporter.
You also know that you are perfectly qualifed to talk about
the difficulties of reporting on American religion, if not
specifically Jewish religion, and that if your subjects refused
your interview requests with "I don't feel qualified," you'd
feel fully qualified to be annoyed with them.
Journalists ask other institutions to be transparent and accountable
but you obviously don't hold yourself up to the same standard.
I've read a lot of your reporting on Jewish topics and I know
you have many interesting things to say.
When LA Times reporters (there have been a dozen over the
years) have turned to me for help, I have always given it
to them. I've never refused an interview request (but once).
I consider it a professional courtesy. And so should you.
Teresa replied:
An impressive attempt at guilt-tripping me but so far I'm
several weeks late on a promised interview with a master's
degree student who has been patiently waiting for me to help
him with his thesis on reportage about Muslims and 9/11, including
questions about many of my stories. As you can see, I am more
than happy to be "transparent and accountable," time permitting.
You specifically started your email off by saying you're writing
about Jewish JOURNALISM -- a subject I do not, in fact, feel
qualified to talk about since I only read the JJ and Forward
sporadically.
But now I am annoyed at your annoyance, your presumption to
tell me what I'm qualified to talk about when you don't even
know me, your insinuations that I refuse to be "transparent
and accountable," along with your slam on my trusted and most-valued
colleague, Larry Stammer. He is not a "crappy reporter," as
you put it -- among other things, he has broken national stories
over the sex scandal this past year and is a perennial finalist
in the RNA's national journalism awards.
He has covered the Jewish world far more than I have during
the past several years, which is why I referred you to him.
I replied:
I wanted something that you could've provided if you had cared
to give 20 minutes of your time.
My only remark about your qualifications was to protest your
protest at your lack of them for my book.
You wrote: "I don't feel really qualified to comment on Jewish
journalism..."
I replied: "You also know that you are perfectly qualifed
to talk about the difficulties of reporting on American religion..."
That's no slam on you or presumption on my part.
I am sure there have been times in your journalism career
when you were annoyed with people you wanted to interview
who protested that they were not qualified to speak to you.
You probably thought, if not said, let me be the judge of
who to speak to for my story and I won't tell you how to run
your business/affairs.
You may be right that I have missed the boat with Larry Stammer.
I've read him for years. You also know that my view of him
is widely shared in the LAT newsroom (though we may all be
wrong).
You also know that you wrote the most talked about piece of
journalism on American Jewish life (Wolpe, Exodus) of the
past five or ten years.
I do not know your level of transparency and accountability.
I do not know how many interview requests you have given.
I do know that I never recall reading anything more than a
cursory quote of yours and I'm pretty well read on these topics.
So if you have been giving interviews, they've been pretty
well hidden.
I do know that as a rule, at the LAT and other major papers,
journalists such as yourself widely refuse interview requests.
I think that is wrong. About half the time when I am interviewed,
and that has happened hundreds of times in the past six years,
the interviewer has asked me not to write on him, which is
amusing and sad.
Teresa replied:
I gave interviews to whoever asked for them when the Exodus
story broke, including Rob
Eshman of the JJ, the Jerusalem Post and the now-defunct
Jewish newspaper in the valley whose name escapes me. I am
asked several times a year for interviews by college students,
usually journalism or religious studies majors, and usually
grant them depending on how frenetic my life happens to be
at the time.
When people tell me they're not qualified to speak, they always
provide an alternative, which I follow up with gratefully
and graciously. Perhaps a few times I sweet-talked them into
speaking to me anyway, an art you might work on honing.
In any case, I officially left the religion beat a year ago,
let my RNA membership lapse, do not follow religion news so
closely anymore except for American Muslim affairs. I'm supposed
to be moving into ethnic community stories, and that's where
I've been putting much of my psychic energy of late, even
though I have some leftover religion stories that are set
to run in the next few weeks and still help occasionally on
the religion page. The paper's two official religion reporters
are Larry and Bill Lobdell, another wonderful writer, in Orange
County. Part of the reason I passed on your interview is that
much of this stuff is fading very quickly from my aging memory.
People have been terribly unfair to Larry, including the New
Times and L.A. Weekly and people in my own newsroom who have
slammed him in those pages and not had the guts to own up
to their sentiments. He's the most knowledgeable religion
writer in Southern Cal, and a wonderful, kind, collegial and
decent person as well.
...........
Yehupitzer writes: "I think you were unfairly harsh to Teresa.
She politely declined and then politely offered some suggestions.
You then threw a hissy-fit. If I was her, I would have been
tempted to write back "f*** off". She might have
been tempted as well, and then held herself back when she
realized you would
post it all."
Everyone says I need a makeover. Cathy wants me to makeover
my housing and transportation; Chaim wants me to makeover
my blogg; and the rabbis want me to makeover my soul. I'm
going to start with the simple matters first: this blog.
First off, the name "Your Moral Leader." Too "in your face",
as others have commented. What else might this be called?
I am calling forth for proposals for naming this blog. The
winner (if female and hot) gets to spend a night at the hovel.
Gentle Readers, I look upon my ever dwindling pile of shekels
and I wonder how I might impress any potential marriage candidates?
My straits are dire indeed. The simple facts are that marriage
requires courtship, courtship requires dates, and dates require
money.
Begging, like working, is certainly beneath me so I am initiating
Your Moral Leader's first annual coupon drive. The coupons
that you donate to me will multiply the effectivity of my
severely limited funds. Simply put, your 2-for-1 dining coupons
will double my number of dates, thereby doubling my potential
for a blessed love match.
Remember, only coupons for eating establishment with suitable
kosher and vegetarian menu items will be accepted. I would
also appreciate any free samples that my readers might have
laying around of Grecian Formula, Japanese slim fit condoms,
and pharmaceutical samples of Levitra.
Women who have dated emo boys report being turned off by unsolicited,
uncomfortable disclosures.
When the banker called Ms. Hackemann after their ill-fated
third date, he said, "You know, I’m a communicator, and I
bring things up."
"It was too much relationship talk too early about nothing,"
she told The Observer. "It had a feel of him being a little
controlling in a way: From now on, if I’m a little bit late,
he’ll be really hurt. It puts this huge pressure on you. And
you want to feel relaxed when you’re on a date. That was the
worst feeling of it. It made him look so weak and unattractive
in my eyes, and maybe a little bit messed up."
Victoria, a spangly-topped bartender at the Village Idiot,
rolled her eyes as she recalled her last date with an emo
boy: "Before we even went out he said to me, ‘I’m really great
in relationships, but I have a small penis.’"
"A guy told me during our first date that he had a small penis!"
echoed Lorrie, a 35-year-old editor. "Why would you do that?
It’s bad enough finding out the natural way, but for the love
of God!
--------------------------------------------------------------
For the record ladies, I would never say such a thing about
myself, for as Rabbi Hillel once said, "If I am not for myself
then who will be for me?"
Protocols
is mentioned in the latest Jerusalem
Report. The cover story is Jew vs Jew. On page 45, a piece
in In and Around column says, "...Luke Ford, a convert to
Judaism and son of a Christian evangelical, maintains the
site's (protocols.blogspot.com) quirky flavor on topics including
his conversion and the insularity of Orthodoxy, as this "group
of Jews endeavors towards total domination of the blogosphere.""
It is a striking observation, one that might evoke suspicions
of historic, theologically based Christian antisemitism. But
Soloveichik, a scion of an illustrious rabbinical family,
has this to say about the nun: "She was right."
Chaim Amalek writes: "Time spent in a classroom is time
not spend fornicating and making babies."
Khunrum writes: Come now Chaim. Who is going to support these
babies? Let's take the Advisory Committee and Luke as a control
group. Robert seems to be the only responsible marriage minded
family man among us.
I can't speak for all but my disposable income is going to
EVA Airlines, The Nana Hotel and Annie's Massage and Bath~House,
not on some yenta harpy and two brat kids.
That leaves you, Luke, The Counselor and Master Weisblott.
Slim pickings for a needy gal in search of a husband I'd say.
Ha! ......Would a Nice Jewish Girl want to bring up her brood
at Luke's hovel? They'd have a better life and more opulent
surroundings at a homeless shelter.
The problem for these women is the same~same whether it be
Australia, the USA or the world. Someone has to pick up the
tab for this alleged domestic bliss and more and more guys
are saying, to quote the prophet Dylan, "It Ain't Me Babe"
I heard Cathy Sunday night on the His Side radio show with
host Glenn Sacks. The other guest was humorist Bruce Stockler,
a former joke writer for Jay Leno and the author of I Sleep
at Red Lights: A True Story of Life After Triplets.
The show was billed as revolving around Cathy's National
Review article on Silver Lake dads who want to be congratulated
for doing the stuff mothers take for granted.
The show did not play out as it was billed and little of directly
concerned Cathy's article. She was largely left with little
to say. Bruce Stockler was hilarious and stole the show.
Cathy showed admirable taste in not getting into the details
of why her husband left and why they divorced. She was discrete.
She was witty. She was Cathy. She's the Queen of All Media
with her MSNBC appearances.
I get an enormous amount of traffic from her blog and the
number of her Internet references equal mine (and I've been
blogging since 1997 and she's been blogging 14 months). I'm
sure her website is getting more than the 2200 hits a day
I'm bringing in.
It was good show tonight. The discussion was civil and funny.
It was billed as more confrontational than it was. But as
Cathy Seipp would say, to know me is to love me.
Cathy said, in effect, that if she had fallen for Glenn while
he was looking after his kid (Cathy says a man who only looks
after his kids and does not provide materially for the home
is not attractive) that he would've left his wife for her.
Glenn called her arrogant. He wasn't the first.
I feel that it is fair to say that the Orthodox Jewish culture
is greatly misunderstood by the general public. Our conservative
style of dress and modest public demeanor is often misconstrued
as dour and stodgy. Mainstream America is completely unaware
of the many thrills and joys that fill our daily lives. This
must be rectified!
My remedy is a new compilation video of scenes from Orthodox
Jewish life that I call "Yids Gone Wild." I am soliciting
all of my Orthodox readers to submit home videos of your Orthodox
Jewish experience that you would like included in my educational
DVD.
I must remind all contributors that only Orthodox activities
will be considered. No secular behaviors, male/female dancing,
or videos containing immodest styles of dress will be accepted.
So what are you waiting for? Bust out your 1987 Bar Mitzvah
tape, your son's briss, Uncle Morty's wedding. The world is
waiting.
(All submissions become the intellectual property of lukeford.net
and cannot be returned.)
On the one hand, Kerry is the son of a Jewish man. On the
other hand, Bush has lots of fully Jewish men working for
him, and has done everything asked of him by the Jewish establishment.
Why so many Hollywood Jews seem to detest Bush is something
of a mystery to me.
I find myself wondering if perhaps this might be the case.
After all, it would seem from the recent (and not so recent)
scandals to rock the Jewish world here that all one need do
to win acceptance within the Jewish establishment is throw
a lot of money around, and then all sins are forgiven (or
at least hushed up, which is almost as good). On the other
hand, for poor, working class Jews like me, no sin is ever
totally forgiven or forgotten. I think we could learn a thing
or two from other faiths in this regard.
Those are the sweetest words you can hear when you leave
a house. Particularly when they come from kids, because you
know then that they are genuine.
I visited a mom and her two kids Shabbos afternoon. The four-year-old
girl and the eight-year-old boy wrestled with me on the couch.
Then the girl wanted me to put her on my shoulders and walk
her around the neighborhood with her mom and brother and two
dogs. I got all tangled up.
I left after an hour. As I was walking away, the little girl
ran out and asked, "When are you coming back?"
Most every time I leave the home, one of the two kids runs
out and asks that.
I remember my father drilled into me an opposite message from
the book of Proverbs: "Remove your step from your neighbor's
door lest he grow to hate you."
Thus, I try to be sparing in visiting people, or even sending
unsolicited email. Most of my social occasions are suggested
by my friends rather than by me because I desperately don't
want to come across as emotionally needy as I truly am.
The most important works of fiction about the American Jewish
experience in the past 100 years have been written by Chaim
Potok. He tackled the serious questions, such as the ones
about Judaism vs art in My Name Is Asher Lev. I think Potok
makes later Jewish movelists look like dilettantes with their
focus on the personal and their lack of tackling of the big
issues, such as Biblical Criticism, Archeology and its challenge
to traditional faith.
Smharya writes: "You've made a very important point. Why do
you think things are this way?"
Luke replies: "Because of the growing narcissism of the post
'60s world. Post '60s Jewish fiction deals principally with
what makes the protagonists of their stories feel good (whether
it is through secular or religious means, it still boils down
to stories about individuals seeking their own happiness rather
wider truths and a concern for how their behavior and choices
affect the world). I converted to Judaism because I thought
it was the best vehicle to making a better world."
Here's the lead paragraph: "When a University of Judaism (UJ)
male administrator and a female student fell together from
the second-story window of a Pico-Robertson apartment, hitting
the concrete below and landing in the hospital, the story
made the news and set community tongues wagging."
But there were no further details. The Journal never named
names. But I will. The administrator concerned still works
at the University of Judaism. His name is Dr. Amnon
Finkelstein (an Israeli and a notorious womanizer). Why
would UJ employ such a sexual predator?
If I had been the editor of the Journal, I would not have
told my reporter to come back with a story about how good
institutions deal with scandal. I would've asked her to investigate,
among other things, why there have been so many inappropriate
relationships between faculty, staff and students at UJ.
I heard from a woman Amnon dated. He was putting the full
court press on her. She Googled him. I was the only site that
named his involvement in this scandal. She decided to keep
her distance from him.
An informed Jewry is a stronger Jewry. Do not place a stumbling
block before the blind, Jewish Journal, by refusing to name
names when the story calls for it.
"You ran a story about the male administrator [Dr. Amnon Finkelstein,
dean of admissions] at the UJ who fell out of the window with
a naked female student. Why didn't you name names?"
Long pause. "We've since found out all the sordid details,
the names, everything, but at the end of the day, was this
a Jewish community story or a story of three people who are
Jewish having wild sex? We don't do stories on every Jew booked
down at the County jail, or every Jew who commits adultery.
"We just moved on to other things. Gaby Wenig's story reflected
the larger implications of the story -- when big institutions
that promote Torah values have to deal with scandals that
oppose Torah values. The police blotter... It was certainly
salacious and would've gotten a lot of people to read the
paper but at the end of the day, it was not the story. Now,
if it were a UJ rabbi..."
I heard that Hilda Silverman, a peace activist who has taught
at Harvard, was persona non grata at the Jewish Exponent in
Philadelphia. Editor Jonathan Tobin says he has never heard
of her.
Hilda writes me: Jan Hayden of Visions of Peace with Justice
in Israel/Palestine forwarded your request to me.
I have no particular recollection of having been singled out
by the Jewish Exponent. What I remember from the 1980's (possibly
going into the early 90's) is that in general, Jews with progressive
positions on Israel/Palestine were effectively blacklisted
from the paper. One person I know who was directly affected
by this was Rabbi Brian Walt, at the time the Rabbi of Congregation
Mishkan Shalom. He is now living in Martha's Vineyard, MA,
and heads up Rabbis for Human Rights, North America. I believe
that Arthur Waskow was also affected by this blacklist. Arthur
is the head of The Shalom Center in Philadelphia.
In mid-1987 I was one of a small group of US Jews who traveled
to Tunis to meet with Yassir Arafat and the rest of the leadership
of the PLO. As I recall, the Philadelphia Exponent even published
an article about the trip that wasn't particularly condemning
of me for having done that. And I definitely remember that
at the end of 1986 The Exponent published a quite favorable
article about Sara Roy, a Jew who was knowledgeable about
and committed to Palestinians living under occupation, particularly
in Gaza, whom I had invited to Philadelphia to give a talk.
So I think the more serious problems probably occurred after
that. But again, I have no particular recollection that I,
personally, was singled out. I wasn't important enough in
the Jewish community for that, and I was living out of Philadelphia
much of the time from mid-1987 through mid-1991, at which
time I moved away permanently.
Flight crews and air marshals say Middle Eastern men are staking
out airports, probing security measures and conducting test
runs aboard airplanes for a terrorist attack.
At least two midflight incidents have involved numerous men
of Middle Eastern descent behaving in what one pilot called
"stereotypical" behavior of an organized attempt to attack
a plane.
This comes to us thanks to roving reporter Chaim Amalek
from the New York Bureau:
New York Daily News - http://www.nydailynews.com
A rite of paws-age
BY AMY SACKS
DAILY NEWS WRITER
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
He didn't get to read from the Torah.
But Simon, donning a prayer shawl and yarmulke, was surrounded
by family, furry friends and platters of bagels as the Coton
de Tulear recently celebrated his "bark" mitzvah.
"It's just another one of those things New York City dog owners
do," said Simon's owner Beth Aronson, 27, a Manhattan sales
executive. "He's a very socialized dog, and for him it was
a happy occasion."
Religious-themed pooch celebrations are becoming increasingly
popular around the city, even though they're not accepted
in traditional circles.
"This is shtick," said Rabbi Andy Bachman of New York University's
Bronfman Center for Jewish Student Life.
It's not that Bachman, an animal lover himself, doubts that
pets are God's creatures. "I'm just not quite sure they need
or want a bar mitzvah," he said.
The ceremony doesn't quite match the real thing.
The dog of honor usually feasts on bone-shaped, all-natural
cake and plays with stuffed toy dreidels and menorahs, while
the humans light candles or share stories.
Jane Wallace from Syndey, Australia, writes to the Bangkok
Post: "Almost half the adult population in Australia is single
and the birth rate is declining to zero.
We seem to have a huge surplus of extroverted, professional,
social, party-loving females with huge amounts of money and
a huge surplus of shy, introverted anti-social, unemployed
males without any money. How can anyone pair off extroverted
social females with introverted shy males? Is Australia creating
it's own death?"
Fred writes: This is a testament to the great truth that women
everywhere whine about the local males. Every Australian male
I ever met seemed like a fairly
entertaining fellow. Who the hell would marry the harpie who
wrote this letter?
Chaim Amalek writes: The same situation holds for Japan, Italy,
and (with respect to its shrinking white, Christian population)
France and, I suspect, the rest of western europe. I blame
lots of things, but let's start with higher education. It
is a well known demographic fact that the better educated
a woman, the fewer the children she is apt to have in her
lifetime. Time spent in a classroom is time not spend fornicating
and making babies. Women are at their peak of fertility the
very
years we pack them off to school to read Chomsky. Perhaps
smart women should be granted tuition free university education
- to begin after they have had three children.
That, and the state should act decisively to make television
a less appealing form of entertainment. No more than three
channels of entertainment, all to end broadcasting at 11 PM
with the message "It is eleven o'clock; time for all patriotic
people of european descent to begin reproductive fornication."
Then there need to be ad slogans: "Ask your neighbor - What
were YOU doing last night?" People should be encouraged to
wear buttons boasting "I fornicated last night, and didn't
use birth control. How about you?"
Those of you who know me know that I could go on and on and
on about this.
(By the way, all of these problems will vanish along with
our numbers once the muslim population gets the upper hand
and the code of Sharia is established over
the West.)
Alana Newhouse writes with a list of hot new Jewish authors:
Myla Goldberg
Gary Shteyngart
Michael Chabon
Rebecca Goldstein ("The Mind-Body Complex"!! Please read!!!)
Allegra Goodman
Jonathan Rosen
Also, look out for Nicole Krauss. She's unbelievably good.
OK, here's my Jewish Lit syllabus. The list is a combination
of work that I
personally love -- Grade, Yezierska, P. Roth, Goldstein --
and work that I
think is important Jewish fiction.
I.L. Peretz, "Between Two Mountains"
S.Y. Abramovitsch, "Fishke the Lame"
Sholem Aleichem, "Hodel" and "Chava"
Henry Roth, "Call It Sleep"
Abraham Cahan, "The Rise of David Levinsky" ***
Anzia Yezierska, "Hungry Hearts" (TOTALLY UNDERRATED!)
Michael Gold, "Jews Without Money"
Chaim Grade, "Rabbis & Wives" or "The Yeshiva"
I.B. Singer, "Satan in Goray"
Bernard Malamud, "The Assistant"
Saul Bellow, "Augie March"
Philip Roth -- "Goodbye, Columbus," "The Counterlife," "Sabbath's
Theater"
Cynthia Ozick, "Envy; or Yiddish in America"
Mordecai Richler, "Barney's Version"
Michael Chabon, "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay"
Jonathan Rosen, "Eve's Apple"
Rebecca Goldstein, "The Mind-Body Complex"
Nathan Englander, "For the Relief of Unbearable Urges"
Gary Shteyngart, "The Russian Debutante's Handbook" (for a
great
essay)
David Bezmozgis, "Minyan" from his short-story collection
"Natasha"
Dr. Edward Alexander, English professor at the University
of Washington, and Orthodox Jew, and former contributor to
Commentary, writes:
Here are a few very fragmentary jottings. I am, by the way,
reluctantly,
against publicizing private problems of Jewish leaders.
Dislikes:
TIKKUN: came into existence as a kind of anti-Commentary,
a journal whose motto might be "nothing antisemitic is alien
to us." It also affords a relatively harmless outlet for the
untidy passions of its founder and editor, the buffoonish
Michael (of Meaning) Lerner.
FORWARD: I ceased subscribing to this shortly after Lipsky
was dumped for his deviations from orthodox Jewish liberalism
and replaced by Goldberg. There is something outrageous about
a Jewish newspaper that employs as a regular columnist someone
(Leonard Fein) whose great moment in life was being fed breakfast
by Yasser Arafat. People do sometimes send me good things
in the paper--the occasional piece by Cynthia Ozick or Ruth
Wisse or Alan Nadler--but for the most part the Forward seems
a Jewish-accented version of NYTimes fundamentalism, evident
in its assumption that homosexuality and abortion are the
great Jewish desiderata and that Judaism follows an arrow-straight
course from Sinai to the left wing of the Democr. Party.
Another irritating feature of the Forward is its beggar-like
gratitude for any public demonstration of, or even allusion
to, Jewishness by celebrities, especially Hollywood airheads.
Likes:
COMMENTARY remains indispensable, though I preferred it before
I had become persona non grata there. It is the most potent
and articulate voice for Israel, which certainly can use such
voices, and for Jewish tradition.
JEWISH VOICE AND OPINION (of Englewood, New Jersey): Although
graphically hideous, this paper provides a remarkable amount
of useful material in nearly every issue, and its editor also
has a winning sense of humor.
His co-writer is Bill Zehme who has, in the past, proven himself
a formidable talent, this year picking up a National Magazine
Award for an impressive Esquire story he wrote on disgraced
columnist Bob Greene. But as a longtime celebrity chronicler,
Zehme has fellated more stars than most of the denizens of
Hef's bunny hutch. Thus the Hefner/Zehme collaboration is
a love story of sorts: Zehme's love for Hef, Hef's love for
himself.
Bill Zehme, who possesses the trait any celebrity hagiographer
needs in abundance--credulity. With pen, purple, and panties,
damp, Zehme depicts Hefner in an annoying argot that is half
fanzine, half overripe liner-notes from some moldy bebop album.
At every turn, he polishes the legacy. Hefner, we learn on
the first page, is less pervy old lecher, more silly girl.
Like some dreamy, unicorn-drawing teenybopper, Hefner--indiscriminate
mounter of thousands of women--it turns out, is in love with
being in love. It says so right on the opening page: "The
one he loved first did not love him back."
But if the prose is icky, it pales next to the man it intends
to service. Despite Zehme's strenuous efforts to turn Hefner
into something admirable, something approximating flesh-and-blood,
the latter comes off as a 24-carat eccentric, completely unable
to harness his own appetites.
Hefner is a gentle lover, Zehme tells us, presumably not from
personal experience, though one can't be sure with sentences
like: "Feelings intensified, as they are wont to, and walls
changed to portals, as his gentleness would impress each woman
he ever knew." How Hefner had a chance to survey each woman,
when he was pinned at the bottom of a Sealy Posturepedic dogpile,
Zehme doesn't specify.
However, it is not so much the softer side of Hef we are struck
by. It is the utter banality of his observations. Though the
man has spent most of his existence getting an up-close look
at gender relations, he offers nothing but a series of no-duh
epiphanies. With his wealth of experience, one might think
he'd say something insightful, even if by accident. But he
doesn't, unless you weren't clued in to the following: "The
female body is aroused in more than one place." Or how about,
"Some relationships improve with marriage, but a lot of them
don't."
Dear Alana, I have a final theological question for you.
How many inches above the knee would a dress have to be before
you would consider the wearing of such in the Forward office
to be a sin?
Alana
Newhouse (pictured on top of the Forward office) replies:
"A skirt more than four inches above my knee might make the
people I work with uncomfortable and, as such, I'd avoid it.
Not because I believe it's a sin against God -- I don't think
God is scandalized by my thighs -- but because it's a sin
against fellow human beings."
I spoke to the TV producer this morning. When she wrote
me about hearing that I had used Viagra "recreationally,"
she had a different understanding of the word than. I thought
she referred to using Viagra outside of a committed marital
relationship aimed at having kids and perpetuating the Jewish
people.
No, she meant people who pop the pill and then go to bars
and parties. They just take it for fun, not for the purpose
intended.
I found that too weird and I had to tell her I did not know
anyone who did such a thing.
Helpful writes: Insist that the interview be done in shadow
ala 60 Minutes 1978 or better yet, dress up like Gene Ross
and talk about how you bust a tab before answering the door
for cookie selling Girl Scoutts. That's entertainment!
A) I cannot see Luke going to a bar.
B) I cannot imagine Luke squandering a $10 Viagra tab as a
preemptive strike before entering the bar. What if he got
a boner during a friendly game of darts? How gay is that?
I see Luke only taking the if and when the panties hit the
floor.
Chaim writes: NO! Do it wearing a silk, red robe AND a tallit
gadol (that's a kind of large prayer shawl) and teffilim.
And serve cookies to the reporters and crew, to make them
feel comfortable.
Have you ever had a nightmare in which you accidentally
turn on a radio on the Sabbath? I know I have.
My other nightmare is that I am having sex with my wife and
it turns out she is having her period. Then I race to the
mikvah to purify myself and there's a pig swimming in it,
wearing slutty clothes. The pig then talks to me, and tells
me it will all be okay. What does it mean? What does it mean?
One loose thread, if plucked at, is all it takes to unravel
the most beautiful of garments. I fear that the cloak of my
torah-itude is in danger of unraveling, all due to one loose
thread inadvertantly pointed out by Amalek.
A few weeks ago, Chaim suggested that I broaden my intellectual
horizons by reading up on physics, chemistry, and some engineering.
Nothing fancy, just enough to lead me to consider the Rabbinincal
prohibitions on electricity in the light of my new-found understanding
of these disciplines. Unfortunately, a little bit of goyishe
learning can go a long way in making the gedolim of old seem
foolish and ignorant, even though I, as a Jew, know they could
not have been, since all they were doing was revealing bits
or oral law spoken by HaShem (God) to Moses on Mount Sinai.
(And who else can say that about the things they utter?) So
there must be some scientifically literate Jewish person out
there who can answer me the following questions:
1.Why is there a rabbinical prohibition against summoning
an elevator or turning on an electric light on the Sabbath?
2.Why is it forbidden to turn on a simple radio, particularly
one that does not generate a spark when switched on?
3.Why is a Jew permitted to own a carpet, when walking on
a carpet on a dry day will generate a static electical potential
that discharges with spark, sound, light, and heat when the
Jew touches a door knob?
I fear that if I cannot get a proper answer to these questions
soon, I will be tempted to switch on and then listen to a
radio tomorrow (during the sabbath), and once I've crossed
that Rubicon, there is no telling what other sins I will rationalize
my way to committing. Please, chaverim (friends), rabbis,
Torah Jews of all yeshivas, HELP ME!
Sam produced the movies The African Queen, On The Waterfront,
The Bridge on the River Kwai and Lawrence of Arabia. I could
not get enthused about the book because the lead character
was so despicable (liar, cheat, manipulator, selfish, extreme
womanizer (more than 80 women in your life is just wrong),
lousy parent and friend).
I don't like to read (or watch movies or plays) about bad
people unless they are terrific writers.
Yet, I find my adrenalin running highest when I'm writing
on bad behavior. I get the most excited when I capture the
human condition as its most despicable.
I think that more than, say 80, women in your life is sleazy
and just plain wrong. Where do you draw the line?
I'm disciplining myself to have no more than 35 women over
the rest of my life. That's the kind of sacrifice I will make
for my religion. I do plan to be monogamous when I marry.
Khunrum writes: By the time you marry you'll be so old, even
with viagra, infidelity will not be an issue.
There are never too many lovers because as we all know there
are long stretches when there are none at all. Always "stock
up" when you can.
I note that more and more prominent Hollywood power brokers
are gravitating toward the study of Kabbalah. Perhaps I should
forsake my more Orthodox appearance (yarmulke, black suit
and stooped posture) for a trendy red string around my wrist?
Would this get me more dates? Would this jeopardize my Fairfax
Street cred? I am torn ...
Helpful writes: Never mind the viagra. A red string tightly
tied around your ----- will do wonders for your --- life.
Politicians With Higher Standards Than
Jewish Charities
Do Jewish institutions have lower moral standards for accepting
money than politicians? Apparently according to this Jewish
Week article: "New Jersey Sen. Jon Corzine wasted no time
returning more than $80,000 of the billionaire developer’s
campaign contributions. His New York colleague, Charles Schumer,
gave some $4,000 of Kushner cash to charity, according to
press reports.
"Kushner, who is known to write seven-figure checks to charity
as easily as most people pay their phone bills, is unlikely
to see one returned or uncashed in the near future, said Mark
Charendoff, president of the Jewish Funders Network, which
provides support services for grant makers."
Rodger Jacobs writes: Jeez, Luke, you're going to bankrupt
yourself with all this I-Universe self-publishing. Why don't
you wait to see how the "market" welcomes all this Luke Ford
scribbling. You should take Amalek's advice and expand the
Jewish Journalism book, First: who the hell is going to read
that? Second, the problem with journalism today -- your thesis
is that JJ is "lousy" -- is not limited to "Jewish" journalism.
The interviews you have been posting on the blog have been
tear-inducing boring. No one is going to be interested in
this subject except the participants involved. Using your
premise, if you were assigned to write an article on the plight
of pets in county animal shelters would you choose to focus
solely on cats? (Or Katz as the case may be)
Anonymous writes: Many of Luke's current problems in life
would be ameliorated were he to take Amalek's advice. A book
on Jewish ethnic journalism sounds like one of those vanity
books gathering dust on the back shelves of every Jewish book
store. (You know the kind - "The Happiest Gabbai on Long Island.")
I think he is fond of this style of writing because it does
not require much additional input beyond the interview. You
ask some questions, you get some answers, you edit the answers
down a bit, you publish the stuff and presto, you got a new
book. Bob Greene of the Chicago Tribune had this down to a
science. Column after column, 90% filled with quotes. At a
minimum, he ought to broaden the topic to include ethnic journalism
in general (which would be a real stretch for him - can you
picture Luke interviewing NEGROES?) or something else entirely.
How about a book about how gentiles view Jewish journalists?
You could get a lot of interesting comments for that one,
so long as you don't bother interviewing goyishe Americans.
A reporter at a network affiliate TV station in Los Angeles
read something I wrote about my first-hand
experience with the recreational use of viagra and wanted
to interview me. As I have never been married, I fear
that if I give such an interview, it will desecrate the name
of G-d in front of the goyim. On the other hand, it could
be funny as hell, increase my dating prospects, and help me
peddle some books. How does one weigh up an averah vs some
shekels and shiksas? I need your guidance.
BTW, I used the viagra all alone and in a manner that transgressed
no Torah laws. I was just scientifically curious.
Madonna writes: Luke, my opinion as a (married) woman is that
you are intelligent, funny, and wasting as much of your talent
as possible, and that if you ever stopped trying to draw atttention
to yourself with foolishness, you'd attract attention from
those you seek.
Helpful writes: Only an attention-starved moron would go on
television to discuss his lack of starch in the trousers!
Be sure to wear a nice suit and a snazzy yarmulke.
If you want dates do not discuss your use of male impotency
drugs on TV instead start up a phoney dating service for women
who seek only large endowed men like yourself. That will get
you on Howard Stern.
Khunrum writes: Since this is a discussion on "blue buddies"
I'd suggest your usual black suit and a viagra blue yarmulke.....dress
for success.
Can it get you dates? The dates cost extra depending on what
country you are in.
Even as I do the research for one book, I always have my
eye on the project to follow. Right now I'm considering the
following ideas:
a. Shabbos goys: who they are, what it is like being one of
them.
b. "Mister Director" - The inside story of the men who run
America's shuls.
c. Blisters - a book about people who are known for being
known, and how they got that way.
d. Surfing (you didn't know that about me!)
e. Industrial design in Hollywood (ditto)
I count so much on the input I receive from you, dear readers.
Which of these book ideas intrigues you the most?
"The leaders of the Los Angeles Jewish Federation-Council
who were sometimes derided by Brin as machers or big shots
responded by converting its monthly house organ, the Jewish
Community Bulletin, into a subsidized weekly newspaper in
competition with the independently-owned Jewish press of Los
Angeles. The Bulletin's successor, the Jewish Journal of Greater
Los Angeles, still requires an annual subsidy of more than
$2 million in charity money."
I email Rob Eshman, editor of the Jewish Journal, about this.
He replies: "We don't receive a subsidy from the Federation,
not for two dollars, and not for two million.
"The Federation buys a dwindling number of subscriptions from
us -- about 5K next year. The rest of our circulation (50-65
K) is distributed through other subs (including shuls and
other orgs that also buy subs for donors or members) and free
distribution."
Rob replies: "Do we expect writers and editors to familiarize
themselves with Jewish institutions and sources, including
the Federation, and use them to inform particular stories
when appropriate? Uh, yes. Do we have some training agreement
or understanding with the Federation? No. Do we train writers
to be skeptical and verify and balance information any Jewish
institution or source offers, and supplement their interviews
with independent research and analysis, rather than just parrot
every accusation or statement? Yes."
My Irish friend Yetzer O'Hara bet me a pint of my favorite
brew that I would not post the following question here. Given
my financial circumstances, guess what?
Jewish people, without thinking too long about it, do you
see yourself as part of white America?
I've been reading up on electricity and chemistry of late
and the attitude of the rabbenim towards electicity has me
perplexed. David Deutsch below explains the operation of the
rule, but he does not explain the basis for it. Here's what
I need to know.
Consider the elevator. Every elevator does work in raising
a mass m a distance h. The amount of that work, the energy
spent, necessarily varies as a function of the weight of the
passengers getting on no matter what the rabbenim had to say
about it. (There are other factors as well, such as the frictional
forces encountered.) So, given that the amount of energy an
elevator must use - the amount of WORK it must do - is dependent
upon the weight of the person using it, why is this permitted,
but summoning the elevator by touching a switch is not? Why
can't you summon it? Why can't you switch on a radio? Why
can't you switch on other appliances, even when there is no
spark involved? And speaking of sparks, why is a Jew permitted
to have carpeting in his home, when it is known that on a
dry winter day he will generate substantial static charges
by walking across it, charges that discharge with a spark
that produces both heat and light when he touches a metal
door knob? Just what is the physical basis for these relatively
recent rules? And while you are at it, why are orthodox jewish
women trading in their natural hair for wigs made of other
women's natural hair that often looks better than the stuff
they started out with? Dave, every day Christians and Muslims
write to me to tell me that my adopted faith is full of idiocy
(pointing to these very examples), and that the One True God
hates this idiocy. Please use your yeshiva education to help
me prove them wrong.
Dave Deutsch writes: Luke, your question about the elevators
on shabbos reminds me of my army days, when after explaining
the whole split hooves/cud chewing rule to my fellow Screaming
Eagles (I wasn't keeping kosher, but I did not eat the flesh
of the swine), they would sometimes ponder it for a moment,
then exclaim triumphantly "Wait a minute, chickens don't have
split hooves!" thinking that they'd figured out the flaw in
the system that would bring the whole thing crashing down.
Just as there was an explanation for that (different rules
for poultry), there is one for your elevator conundrum.
There is a different between "using" and "making use." You
may not turn on a light on shabbos, but you may enjoy the
benefits of a light that is already turned on. Similarly,
you may not push an elevator button, but if there is a shabbos
elevator, which, prior to shabbos, is automatically set to
stop on every floor, you may use it. Not all elevators, incidentally,
are the same. Some elevators apply different levels of energy
depending on the weight that they are carrying, in which case
they can't serve as shabbos elevators because you're actually
causing the energy to be expended (same principle with walking
through an electronically opened automatic door on shabbos,
you're not flipping a switch, but your presence is working
it). From what I hear of your fluctuating weight problems,
at any rate, you should probably just take the stairs.
As always, I'm happy to supplement your moral authority with
the halachic authority afforded me by my Orthodox Day School
education. Gut Shabbos, and if I don't communicate to you
before Tuesday, have an easy fast.
I haven't been sleeping well of late. First, I've got money
troubles. Second, I've got female problems (in the same sense
in which I have money trouble). If I had more money, I'd have
a wife. If I had a good wife, I'm sure I'd be more motivated
to get off my but and make some bread. It isn't as though
I don't know how - Chaim Amalek has instructed me on how I
might take this to the next level, but I'm too lazy to obey
him. So here I sit with neither, a vessel into which I pour
the wisdom of the Oral Law, but that vessel has holes that
only money and women can plug, so even that is not working
out.
My sack of rice is now only about half full. I need to supplement
the carbs with some protein, but my vegetarianism (born of
a 7th Day Adventist upbringing that I did not choose for myself)
makes that very hard. Nuts (my usual source of protein) are
expensive, and beans give me gas (not good to have on a date).
I need to change my diet, but this too will require of me
money that I do not have. Maybe Islam is the answer after
all.
From
the page for my memoir on Amazon.com: 1 person recommended
Radically Gay : Gay Liberation in the Words of Its Founder
instead of XXX-Communicated : A Rebel Without A Shul
I was at the Grove Wednesday evening to see Fahrenheit 9/11.
It was a paid work assignment for me to help a guy make an
entertaining documentary. It was not something for me to enjoy
(thus I am not breaking any prohibitions relating to the nine
days of mourning leading up to the big mourning of the destruction
of the temple and my choosing to sell Lukeford.com on that
day three years ago).
I run into David Poland on a date. I wish I could go on dates.
He bought me a lemonade. We all sat together. I have this
annoying loud laugh that makes people look at me. I took off
as soon as the movie was over so Davey could get in some serious
hand-holding et al.
I hate Michael Moore's politics but I love his films as entertainment.
I saw my first two this week, Columbine and Fahrenheit and
I found them alternately gripping, entertaining and funny.
Imagine that it is the end of the day. You have just returned
from a hard day of screwing over writers and Republicans at
the movie studio you run, and you've got a kink in your back
in need of fixing. What sweeter sight could there be than
me, Luke Ford, standing before you as your body servant, and
what sweeter sound than to hear me utter the line "would you
like some oysters, or will master be having snails this evening?"
That's the grim news Chaim Amalek presented me with today:
"Dude, no guy ever blogged his way into a woman's panties.
All you bloggers are just a bunch of wankers showing off your
verbal skill to a bunch of other sissified wankers. Real men
are out there making deals, spreading their seed."
I simply do not choose to believe this, although likely I
should, given Chaim's track record. (And for the record, he
predicts both a terrorist attack between now and election
day, and the defeat of George W. Bush and his neo-conservaJuden
at the polls this November.)
I subsist on a huge sack of bug-infested rice that I bought
during happier days and the vegetables I manage to harvest
from several well-situated dumpsters around town. That, and
the free meals I snag by accompanying certain women to fancy
shmancy events attended by (real estate) millionaires pretending
to belong to the lower classes.
Due to the sacrifices I've made to live a life of Torah,
I have no money for frivolous goyisha activities such as dating.
I need a maidele who is willing to either pay my way, or to
participate in activities that exact no monetary price, such
as going to shul, studying Torah and sporting ourselves while
we may.
Dennis
Prager calls this the darkest Charles Krauthammer column ever:
"Israel will rightly ignore the decision. The United States,
acting honorably in a world of utter dishonor regarding Israel,
will support that position. It must be noted that one of the
signatories of this attempt to force Israel to tear down its
most effective means of preventing the slaughter of innocent
Jews was the judge from Germany. The work continues."
Lots of my close white friends who (like me) have struck
out with white women have found happiness by going Asian.
It seems that Asian women regard white guys as something of
a catch, and are willing to overlook such imperfections as
an unimpressive vehicle and a small apartment. They think
that they are trading up by snagging one of us. True, most
Asiatics are not Jewish, but to my thinking, many Asians are
fully compatible with Jews, and some are worthy of being converted
to the Jewish race. Moreover, there are lots of Asians here
in LA, and lots more over in Asia too. Should I go for some
yellow cake? Is it time for Luke to Go Asian?
Anonymous writes: "Luke: I strongly recommend going Asian.
After three white wives, I finally was the grand prize winner
at Matrimonial Wheel of Fortune. Asian women: (1) have very
strong family values; (2) are very good at managing money;
(3) are very, very honest; (4) tend to be quiet when angry
(you can get used to that); (5) do not have the cellulite
gene; (5) are enthusiastic intimate partners; (6) have high
moral standards; (7) pay close attention to personal appearance
and hygiene; (8) are very good parents; (9) believe they have
to duty to be a good daughter in law. (I name but a few examples)."
Is going yellow a sin? If it is wrong, then I don't want to
be right.
Chaim Amalek writes: "Reading the newly friendly manly banter
between you and your former nemesis Mike Alb0 suggests a way
forward for the both of you. You two need to find some housing
that is suitable for you both, and move in together, Odd-Couple
style. Just think about it: you each have your own individual
strengths that the other lacks, and correponding weaknesses
that the other could help you overcome. If you lived together
for say, nine months, there might be real synergistic effects
that would propel each of you to a better place in life than
you currently occupy (and occupy with no prospect for material
improvement in sight)."
Anonymous writes: "Not a bad idea. Albo, one suspects, would
benefit from some of the dietary discipline you acquired from
your Seventh Day Adventist elders during your youth, and you
would benefit by learning how to kick some ass. But I think
you would do even better to add Jimmy D, Kendra J and Marc
W to the mix, with Cathy S a frequent visitor. Then you need
to add some cameras, turn it into a reality TV show, and just
sit back and watch the shekels roll in."
In his kind, compassionate and caring way, Mike Alb0 writes
me:
Man, do you have any idea how gay you sound?
"I rode him for years, constantly grabbing great stuff, until
I screwed him one too many times."
You "rode" Bowen? You were constantly "grabbing great stuff?"
You "screwed" him? Jeez. No wonder you're having trouble finding
a girl. Just trying to be helpful here. You're coming off
like a real, uh, fancy boy...which isn't too far removed from
a nancy boy, if you catch my drift. Butch up, dude!
"It was entirely inadvertent."
Luke, it's not even subtle! I guess it's true what they say:
Better blatant than latent. Go ahead and quote if you want.
It's your image, not mine.
"Mike, does this mean you would not like me to set up a mikealboseeksawife.blogspot.com
for you? I could write it. I know you well enough. I want
us to find our soulmates together. It would be bonding."
I think I'll pass on your kind offer. I meet enough insane,
fucked-up chicks on my own. Oh, and as a side note, you only
wish you knew me as well as you think you do.
Yes, I know that I am in a rut of ever lengthening duration.
This got my doppel in New York to thinking about how I might
mix things up in life, and he suggests that one way forward
would be for me to share housing with a room mate or mates.
But with whom, how many, of which gender and race, and where
should we live? (And yes, Cathy Seipp has already turned me
down.)
I had a chat with my friend Cathy Seipp about the meaning
of clothing. I said that a person's clothing sets the tone
for his behavior. Someone who dresses like a gangster is more
likely to act that way than someone who dresses in a suit
and tie.
The way someone keeps their house, office and car, as far
as organization and neatness, reflects their psyche, their
state of mind.
Anonymous writes: If true, then what does it likely say about
you that you drive what you drive and that you live in the
place you live? "Here is a man who is poor?" "Here's a guy
who does not care?" "Here is a man who does not plan on ever
supporting a family?"
So how about it Luke, is it true that living the way you choose
to live is your way of telling women you really are not interested
in the things that women REALLY want? How long will this straight
gay-boy act play before you realize you are too old to continue
playing it?
Deux chroniqueurs
du Monde XXX, l'un mythique, l'autre trés talentueux,
l'un américain, l'autre français. LUKE FORD aura un jour droit
à son film hollywoodien, il faut ça pour retracer son parcours
de malade. Luke, fervent religieux, Juif Orthodoxe, a triomphé
dans l'underground de 1995 à 2000 sur son blog www.lukeford.com
, décrivant avec détail le Grand Roman du Porno Californien.
C'était le Stéphane Bern de ce Gotha Torve, à la fois agaçant
et incontournable. Ce fut lui qui livra en premier la liste
des stars U.S HIV Positive, dont l'immense Randy Wallace,
aujourd'hui clochard à Santa Monica (vous savez, le grand
avec une queue de cheval en haut et en bas). Luke sortit deux
livres, toujours imparfaits, mais touchants par leur grande
ambition : "An American History of X" (à ne pas confondre
avec American History X !), ou le garçon esquisse une histoire
exhaustive de l'industrie Américaine du Porno, avec ses lots
de mafias, de sida et de drogue. Son deuxième et dernier livre,
"XXX-Communicated : A Rebel Without A Shul" , explique pourquoi
je ne communique pas l'adresse de son blog de reviews porno
: en 2003, son rabbin orthodoxe lui fait choisir entre son
blog pornard ou l'exclusion de la communauté. Luke Ford ferme
son bouge sur internet et se convertit dans le blog religieux
portant le nom cynique Your Moral Leader . Histoire Dingue,
non ?
J'ai eu la chance de communiquer via quelques mails avec Luke
à sa grande époque, le gars était un 1er de la classe pour
qui le porno était une énigme mystique.
Actually I was still at the Connecticut Jewish Ledger at the
time of the big dustup between the Exponent and JJ. I ran
the column there. As far as JJ being a victim of a political
purge, you should remember that he has his current job specifically
because another independent journalist -- Seth Lipsky -- lost
that post because of his politics.
LF: "I also hear from those left of center that you read people
in your community out of your paper if they are Peace Now
types, such as Hilda Silverman (now at Harvard?)"
Not true.
Actually, there was a blacklist of people who were considered
personna non gratta by the Federation before I got here. One
of the policy changes I instituted was to get rid of the black
list. All those on it -- Arthur Waskow, Ted Mann, Ian Lustig
were mentioned -- have since been published in our paper as
well as having articles written about them. In the five years
I've been editor, no one is out of bounds. I don't know Hilda
Silverman and never heard of her being mentioned as someone
who was banned in the old days.
As for your writing a book about Jewish journalism, good luck.
But, unlike many of the people who comment on it, I would
hope you would thoroughly research your topic and read the
newspapers rather than generalize about them.
"Luke, you have been delivering some apparently well deserved
body-blows to the Jewish media establishment of late, but
how much of your criticism is unique to the Jewish press?
Couldn't the same criticisms be made of the muslim press,
the Negro press, and any other ethnic press in America? What
do your muslim, black, and Catholic readers think of their
newspapers?"
Negro, Muslim and other ethnic friends of Luke Ford - what
do you think?
I wish to know more about why I cannot switch on and listen
to the radio on shabbos, or use a condensor to turn on a florescent
light bulb. On the other hand, it appears that I am permitted
to use an elevator, but not to touch the sensor that summons
it. This makes no sense to me. If you can recommend a good
book - in English (my Spanish is rusty) that explains this,
please let me know. Otherwise, I feel the pull of a thread
that could well unravel the entire moral edifice I have adopted
for myself. (Darn you apostate Jew Richard Feynman!)
To further the cause of good Jewish journalism, I suggest
that all those who write on anything remotely Jewish (including
bloggers and novelists) be forced to take Khmer Rouge-style
Federation bootcamps to sensitize themselves to "use Federation
as a resource and seek out its perspective on important stories."
Only then can we hope to follow in the footsteps of that Pulitzer-Prize
winning paper, The Jewish Week of New York.
Writers who fail to become sufficiently sensitive to taking
direction from Big Brother Federation, writers who fail to
love Big Brother Federation as they should, should be kept
in said bootcamps until the correst result is attained. Those
who refuse to act with proper deference to the Federation
must be placed in North Korean-style concentration camps until
they love or die.
In the comments at Protocols,
I did a little reminiscing with Luke Ford about his dad, Desmond
(see Luke's
autobiography for his account of their relationship--and
Luke's journey in life from SDA preacher's kid to porn journalist
and J-blogger).
It was rather ironic, I told him, that a couple of posts
mentioning him (one
of which he linked to) were just inches from one
in which I mentioned Des.
As I said to Luke,
I was a big Des Ford fan in college--Glacier View
was the summer before my freshman year. What can I say? He
helped turn me from a Seventh-day Adventist into a Roman Catholic.
:-)
I read everything he wrote (I even read Gill's booklet,
"The Soteriological Implications of the Human Nature of
Christ" [Gillian Ford
is Luke's stepmother, whom Des married after Luke's mom
died of cancer--see Luke's
autobiography]). I got all the way through "Daniel 8:14
the Day of Atonement and the Investigative Judgment." I
had all his tapes and argued with students and professors
about imputed justification and the apotelesmatic principle.
I wrote a couple articles about him for my college paper
(and once did a cartoon of Neal Wilson, President of the
SDA General Conference (and Ford nemesis) standing on the
deck of the Titanic saying, "God himself couldn't sink this
ship.")
I can't believe how after all the SDA church did to him
he insisted on staying at its fringe, preaching his own
mix of vegetarianism, Sabbatarianism, and Evangelicalism.
I remember one talk he gave where he said you could tell
whether your diet was right by looking in the toilet and
asking, "Sinkers or Floaters?"
Yes, Luke, you have an interesting family. :-)
(Chuckle--I just imagined Darth Vader cooing in an Australian
accent, "Luke, I am your father. Do you have some Marmite?")
I was first introduced to Desmond Ford through reading Geoffrey
J. Paxton, The
Shaking of Adventism, which chronicled the efforts of Australians
Desmond Ford and Robert D. Brinsmead to introduce the Reformation
understanding of forensic justification into the Seventh-day
Adventist Church.
After Paxton's book (1978), Brinsmead and Ford related this
teaching to the critical Adventist doctrine of "The Cleansing
of the Sanctuary." Brinsmead started the controversy with
1844
Re-Examined, which rejected SDA doctrine on the point
entirely as incompatible with the Christian gospel. On October
27, 1979, Ford responded to the book in a lecture to the Adventist
Forum at Pacific Union College--like Brinsmead, he acknowledged
the problems with the teaching; unlike him, he thought he
could still retain some significance for 1844.
But Ford's reinterpretation did not satisfy The Brethren
at SDA HQ in Takoma Park, MD. He reduced the 1844 doctrine
to this: "In 1844, God raised up a people to preach the everlasting
gospel." It was an "apotelesmatic" fulfillment of Daniel 8:14
(by which he meant that though Daniel 8 in context refers
initially to the desecration of the temple by Antiochus, Matthew
24 reapplies it to the desecration by the Romans, and we can
apply it to other similar situations in later history).
Ford was relieved of his teaching position at Pacific Union
College in Angwin, CA, and given a six month period to fully
explain his views. He wrote a "991-page manuscript," "Daniel
8:14, the Day of Atonement, and the Investigative Judgment"
(which he summarized in a November
1980 article in the liberal Adventist magazine, Spectrum).
In August 1980 Ford was made to appear before 115 Adventist
scholars and administrators at Glacier View Ranch in Colorado.
Not surprisingly, they weren't persuaded (see The
Sanctuary Review Committee and its New Consensus, also
from that November 1980 issue of Spectrum).
This criticism of the 1844 doctrine also had implications
for how to understand the writings of the SDA prophetess,
Ellen G. White. But Ford's theological insinuations about
her inspiration did not rattle the church as much as the blistering
attack on her by SDA pastor Walter Rea, in his 1982 book,
The White Lie,
which exposed, as never before (and with acidic prose) the
extent to which she saw her visions not in dreams but in the
pages of existing books. The true believers dismissed both
Rea and Ford. This
article, typical of the conservative SDA response, even
quotes (without mentioning my name) from an article I wrote
for my college newspaper in February 1982 about a debate between
Walter Rea and Adventist theologian John Wood in Lancaster,
MA.
The SDA denomination went on as it always had. Theologians
and scripture scholars often admit that Ford had some good
points, but I daresay most SDA evangelists and pastors and
the staff of the Ellen
G. White Estate still preach the traditional message.
Ellen White's The Great Controversy is still published
and read by all SDA's--this
chapter gives the full traditional Adventist understanding
of 1844.
Desmond Ford stayed at the fringes of Adventism, working
through Good News
Unlimited, an independent ministry.
Robert Brinsmead followed a curious course, rejecting the
Sabbath (Sabbatarianism
Re-Examined, 1981), then the traditional Christian understanding
of Law and atonement (The
Scandal of God's Justice, 1983), then he started writing
stuff about "Christian atheism." And to think he started out
in the 1950s as a radical conservative who believed in the
attainment of sinless perfection before the return of Christ!
(See the 1999 article, Where
Is Brinsmead? for an overview). He now focuses his energy
on his secular passion, Tropical
Fruit World.
I couldn't stay on the fringes of Adventism like Ford; I
couldn't "live in tents" like Brinsmead, always searching
for the Promised Land. My criticism of Adventism, though it
began with their influence, touched another point--ecclesiology.
Brinsmead figured he didn't need the church; Ford thought
he only needed a congregation. My experience of other Christians
led me to seek out the fullest expression of the Church, first
in terms of ecumenism, and then in a search for that Church
which most fully realizes the promise of Jesus that the
gates of hell would not prevail against it. Influenced
by Ford and Brinsmead's 1970s emphasis on justification by
faith, the first stage of my journey out of Adventism took
me to Lutheranism, which I saw as an evangelical form of catholicism;
my continued reflection on the Church--the community which
preaches the Gospel--led me in 1992 to be received into the
Catholic Church.
I just stopped to do some calculation and realized it was
25 years ago this summer that I first read Geoffrey Paxton
and learned of Ford and Brinsmead. That was the start.
That was when, like the title character in "Pilgrim's Progress,"
I set forth on pilgrimage.
[From Richard L. Hirsch, president, cc'd to Gary Rosenblatt,
Richard Waloff]
As part of my responsibilities as president of the Board,
I wanted to bring you up to date on some important matters.
By now, most of the Board members are probably aware of the
controversy that erupted following publication of Gary's column
"Where There's Smoke" in our August 18th issue. The Tisch
family and Lester Pollack took umbrage at the criticism leveled
therein and, not surprisingly, UJA took up the cause in defnese
of their honor as major philanthropists. On August 24th, a
meeting between representatives of The Jewish Week and UJA
was held, yielding two outcomes:
1. An oversight had occured and the Board expressed regret
along with unwavering support of The Jewish Week staff. Gary
on the one hand, and MOrt and I on the other, would send the
Tisch family and Lester Pollack conciliatory letters to smooth
over any offense that might have been taken.
2. This relatively small controversy -- which for the most
part has been resolved -- has further galvanized UJA's desire
to dissolve its formal association and financial ties with
The Jewish Week over a shorter time period than previously
agreed upon.
The second point above is the larger issue which we at The
Jewish Week need to focus on. The Board has courted this matter
over the years but the time has come to address it proactively.
With that in mind, The Jewish Week and UJA have agreed to
form a joint ad hoc committee to study options and opportunities,
and to recommend a path for accelerating the amicable and
mutually-beneficial separation of the two organizations. I
suggest that The Jewish Week delegation comprise Stuart Himmelfarb,
Larry Kobrin, Gary Rosenblatt, Rich Waloff and myself.
I believe that we must tread cautiously in these discussions,
but at the same time be sensitive to the position of UJA.
The Jewish Week has a terrific staff and an excellent product
and we must protect not only our financial investment but,
most importantly, the Week's raision d'etre.
.................
August 26, 1995
From: Lawrence A. Kobrin
To: Gary, Richard
I sent this after the lunch meeting. While it may state the
obvious, we seem to be drifting into an "assumption" that
the communal "Nirvana" would be no payment of any kind from
UJA-Federation to the Week. From their point of view, this
would be simply crazy and they should not go around hinting
to us or anyone else in the discussion that this is the real
goal.
....................
From: Lawrence A. Kobrin
To: Ms. Louise Greilsheimer; Dr. Stephen Solender
Re: Communications, community, and continuity
At our meeting earlier this week concerning Jewish Week, there
was some discussion of the long term financial plan for the
relationship of UJA-Federation to the publication. In fact,
a "blue ribbon" committee is now scheduled to explore the
matter, although there seems to be an expectation or assumption
that its final conclusion will be elimination of financial
"subsidy" from UJA-Federation to the Week. From the point
of view of the Week, that may be an acceptable long range
conclusion about which the principal concern is one of timing
or schedule. From the point of view of UJA-Federation, however,
it wouldbe a terrible mistake which would undermine the very
things we are mandated to do under our strategic plan and
ultimately create a financial disaster for UJA-Federation.
Several of us around the table were both directors of the
Week and of UJA-Federation. It is from the latter perspective
that I write a caution.
If one were to fantasize that the Week had suddenly achieved
a large paid subscription base outside of the mailing list
of UJA-Federation and was thus able to eliminate any financial
relationship with UJA-Federation, the theory under which we
appear to proceed would be that the best next steps would
be for UJA-FEderation to eliminate any financial payment,
to advise its donors that there was no further subscriptions
although they were free to subscribe on their own. Based on
our experience with the Long Island survey, in which the majority
of those surveyed did not bother to respond and a substantial
portion of those who simply did not [want] any Jewish publication
sent to them, I would venture the guess that the vast majority
of our donors, at all levels, would simply stop the Week and
not receive any substitute (unless you consider The New York
Times a source of Jewish news information).
As I said at the lunch meeting, our greatest problem is indifference
and inattention to any Jewish information (beyond that contained
in the Times or the Journal). If we do not force our way into
the mailbox, for most of our donor population, and certainly
the segment that is unaffiliated with synagogue life, there
will be no contact or communication.
It is not clear to me how the opponents of the relationship
of UJA-Federation to the Week propose to deal with this problem.
Are we to rely on voluntary subscriptions to reach our prospective
donor base, the Jewish community at large? Why will the marginally
interested subscribe to anything? The Forward has been unable
to attract a large reader base in New York. The World is similarly
unable to do so. The Sentinel has become a joke with most
of its "distribution boxes" abandoned or used for other publications.
The Jerusalem Report, a slick and well written publication,
has yet to hit big numbers in the New York area. The various
national magazines have had similar difficulty. The Hebrew
language HaDoar is in desperate condition and the scholarly
journals have a limited subscription base which reach the
scholars and few beyond.
Thus, once "independence" of the two institutions is achieved,
UJA-Federation would have to proceed to consider what means
to use to reach its donor base and hopefully beyond. The only
means avaialble to do would be through the kind of publication
that the Week now is. Anything more limited in scope or content
would be viewed by most recipients as a house organ "throw
away" and treated accordingly. Presumably, there would then
be a negoations over the "discount rate" subscription price
to be imposed for large direct mailings. I suspect that we
would then be exactly back where we started except that the
payment involved would be listed in a different way on the
UJA-Federation administrative budget.
Perhaps I have missed something, but I fail to understand,
from the point of view of a director of UJA-Federation, how
all the rhetoric about "freedom of the press" and "playing
fields" changes any of this analysis or projection. What the
exploration of the strategic plan process, the several successive
continuity studies, and our own experience at UJA-Federation
should have taught us is that the greatest enemy is a complete
indifference (particularly in the younger generation of non-traditional
Jews) to all things that conern our organization. If we do
not communicate with that group, we will ultimately have no
Jewish agencies to which to allocate any budget or funds.
That would be a disaster of unimaginable proportions.
I would hope that the study now to be made would keep this
need in focus as the real goal and not simply the current
pressures from specific communities or individuals or the
need to find some extra savings in the administrative budget.
........................
To: Jewish Week Board of Directors
From: Louise Greilsheimer, Stephen D. Solender
Date: April 7, 1997
Re: Strengthening the UJA Federation/Jewish Week Relationship
While we recognize and take great pride in our longstanding
and generally positive relationship with Jewish Week, we also
acknowledge that there is a need to improve it. Indeed, at
times, the relationship between UJA-Federation and Jewish
Week has been a difficult and ambiguous one. We wish to clarify
and strengthen it by each of us committing to our shared long-term
goal of providing the Jewish community with news about it
and the work of UJA-Federation, its campaigns and agencies.
To that end, UJA-Federation will continue to make its donor
list available to Jewish Week for subscriptions so long as
Jewish Week provides UJA-Federation with the regular "presence"
it needs.
While we recognize Jewish Week as a quality paper in which
we can all take pride, we believe it can maintain its quality
while also fulfilling UJA-Federation's need for presence.
We are suggesting that a joint group of UJA-Federation and
Jewish Week leadership be formed to regularly monitor the
agreed upon goals and execute the plan as detailed in this
memorandum.
As was stated in the UJA-Federation Board of Directors resolution
of February, 1994:
"WHEREAS, a fundamental principle governing UJA-Federation's
consideration is that it remains committed to having a Jewish
newspaper reach all of our donors so that issues concerning
the Jewish community, including the message of UJA-Federation's
campaign and the story of our agencies, is told and a sense
of commitment and community is developed among our donors
at the lowest possible cost..."
We are committed to assuring that this resolution be realized
through our strengthened relationship.
RECOMMENDATION: To clarify UJA-Federation's realtionship with
Jewish Week, we recommend that the following statement be
included in the paper's staff box: "Jewish Week is an independent
community newspaper. UJA-Federation buys subscriptions for
its donors to assure that they are informed of news of the
Jewish community. UJA-Federation bears no responsibility for
the news or editorial material contained herein. Any positions
reflected are solely those of the Jewish Week."
The Executive Committee of UJA-Federation recommends the following
changes to increase coverage and give UJA-Federation presence
both graphically and editorially.
* Priority changes proposed by UJA-Federation's executive
committee.
* EDITORIAL: Train and sensitize Jewish Week reporters and
editors to UJA-Federation as a resource and seek out its perspective
on important stories. (EXAMPLE: The December 27th issue, UP
CLOSE section, "Target Practice." We would have preferred
more opportunity to help shape the piece, as well as provide
more balance through either a sidebar or column.
* UJA-Federation's role should be integrated into any featured
story concerning one of its agencies. Encourage reporters
to use UJA-Federation professional staff as key resources
to help shape agency-based stories from our perspective, with
our insights.
* Develop one UJA-Federation cover story per month in all
editions (12 a year).
* LEADERSHIP COLUMN: Arrange for a monthly column by a broad
representation of UJA-Federation leadership. Columbs would
be assigned to appropriate leadership and scheduled to address
timely and important organizational efforts/issues.
* ADVERTISING: UJA-Federation should be the first full-page
ad; UJA-Federation should develop an ad to conform with the
space of the inside front cover page.
* Greater sensitivity of all UJA-Federation ad placements
that should emphasize not only which page the ad appears but
what sections its appears in (i.e. Israel Experience ad should
have appeared opposite Israel page).
* OTHER PROPOSED CHANGES: In addition to the above stated
priorities we recommend the following changes be made to assure
UJA-Federation's presence in the Jewish Week.
* EDITORIAL: Use the first 15 to 20 pages in the general N.Y.
section (in all editions)to find ways to feature UJA-Federation
programs and events (as done in the Dec. 20th issue). Also,
in those pages, provide greater UJA-Federation presence in
headlines or kickers - including our name whenever possible.
* Use cover-page teasers to UJA-Federation stories, including
the UJA-Federation name whenever possible.
* Wherever possible or appropriate, augment Jewish Week human-interest
stories with a UJA-Federation perspective (via box or sidebar
of our programs). Encourage Jewish Week to share with UJA-Federation
professional staff on a weekly basis stories that they are
working on. This weekly story development list would provide
UJA-Federation the opportunity to assure that its perspective
be included in more stories.
* Seek ways to incorporate UJA-Federation role in the first
three to five pages of the paper, "In the Beginning" section
(see Dec. 20th issue, page four -- New World Symphony photo,
NYANA, with no mention of UJA-Federation).
* Create special UJA-Federation mission calendar in travel
section, update quarterly.
* Major post-event UJA-Federation stories should be covered,
whether through a story or photo, in all editions, not limited
to the calendar pages of one edition (Lawyers Division dinner
photo in Dec. 20th issue deserved better placement, and its
relevancy transcended the borders or the Manhattan edition
where it appeared).
From Gary Rosenblatt, editor and publisher of The Jewish
Week:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. [Lawrence] Tisch [of Rye, NY 10580]:
I have been told that you were hurt by my column in last week's
issue of The Jewish Week and for this I sincerely apologize.
My intention was not to cause you embarrassment but to highlight
some of the complex issues involved regarding Jewish views
on smoking.
This unfortunate incident reminds me of the moral of a story
my late father, who was a rabbi in Annapolis, MD, for 40 years,
used to tell. [Man, Hasidic rabbi, gathering feathers for
lashon hara.]
I am particularly mindful of that lesson now, and if I had
it do over again, I would have tried to express my views in
the column without bringing specific names into it.
In writing columns and editorials in Jewish community newspapers
for more than 20 years, I have always tried to be sensitive
to those I write about. But in these last few days I have
come to appreciate that I can never be too attuned to people's
feelings and I will strive to be more diligent in the future.
Perhaps I had come to think of your family as an institution
rather than consisting of real people with real feelings.
In any case, please know that I have the greatest respect
for you and your good works and hope that in that spirit you
will understand, if not forgive, my words from last week.
...........
August 31, 1995
To Mr and Mrs Lawrence Tisch
[From, Richard L. Hirsch, president of The Jewish Week, Morton
A. Kornreich, Chairman]
Dear Billie and Larry:
We understand that Gary Rosenblatt has contacted you in an
effort to resolve any misunderstandings that may have been
created in the wake of the publication of his column titled
"Where There's Smoke" in the August 18th issue of The Jewish
Week. We would liek to add emphatically that the mention of
the Tisch family name in this editorial context was not meant
to detract from the magnitude of your philanthropic acts,
which are legendary. Rather, its purpose was to sound a plea
on behalf of the younger generation for the help which certain
of the most powerful members of the Jewish community are uniquely
positioned to provide. Unfortunately, the tone of the column
was perceived as more critical than intended, and Gary and
we regret that.
The Jewish Week strives to achieve journalistic balance in
its coverage of the New York-area Jewish community. However,
insofar as concerns the Tisch family, striking this balance
would require that every paragraph of criticism be followed
by pages of praise for your many acts of generosity. We are
all mindful of your leading and multi-facted philanthropic
role and for that you have earned the gratitude and respect
of many, including us.
Here's one test I have for if Jewish journalism is any good.
If a non-Jew can pick it up and read it with interest. If
you are telling a good story, it's a good story, even if it
is about Jews.
Few Jews who don't have to pick up a Jewish paper (because
of their commitment to Jewish life or their employment therein)
do pick up a Jewish paper. Ergo, Jewish journalism, in the
immortal words of Benyamin Cohen of Jewsweek, "sucks."
A former
girlfriend (the only kind I have, alas) writes: "Luke,
why don't you tell these women the truth, that you are not
willing to go down on them..." That's true, but it isn't really
true as well. You see, I am eager to do all that the torah
does not prohibit, and the torah does not prohibit oral sex.
So I am down with going down. BUT I am saving myself for my
bride, too. On my wedding night, I want her to have a clean,
disease free man at her disposal, which I currently am. I
have been able to maintain myself in this pristine state by
adhering rigorously to CDC guidelines for safe sex, which
means I always wear a condom. And it also means that I do
not do oral sex on a woman, because that is not in any way,
shape or form safe(r) sex. Were I to engage in that activity,
I'd be running the risk of contracting herpes, chalmydia,
HPV (which causes warts and cervical cancer), and lots of
other pathogens that once caught, are there for life. So it
is out of concern for the health of the woman I wish to marry
that I choose not to engage in any of this before I stand
with her beneath the chupah. (Now, don't lecture me about
using dental dams - those things are really gross, and I don't
think anyone really uses them anyway.) Now - what's for dinner?
Gary Rosenblatt, You Are Not Doing What
We Ordered
April 21, 1997
Gail J. Hyman
Group Vice President
Marketing & Communications
To: Mr. Gary Rosenblatt
Jewish Week
1501 Broadway
New York, NY 10036
Dear Gary:
I wanted to put in writing our growing concern over the continuing
lack of presence for UJA-Federation we feel in the page of
Jewish Week.
Despite several regional pieces that ran last week on agency
activities and the Joint Passover story on page 44, it is
still difficult to locate UJA-Federation's name or communal
role in the paper. Only a thorough read of all editions of
the paper uncovers our identity; there remains no visible
presence for us organizationally.
I bring this perspective to your attention because our leadership's
increasing frustration and dissatisfaction with Jewish Week
is at an all time high. Coverage of UJA-Federation, even as
we engage in dialogue with you to change the situation, remains
inconsistent. It is no longer sufficient to tell our leadership
we are making progress when the newspaper demonstrates otherwise.
It would seem that unless improvement in coverage of UJA-Federation
is immediately forthcoming, meetings with the new subcommittee
will not be of any use.
Gary, it would seem that based on the paper's track record
in recent weeks, your commitment to assuring a consistent
presence for UJA-Federation is in question.
I know that you are out of twon over the Passover holiday.
I do hope that you will call me as soon as you return so that
STteve, you and I can meet to discuss the seriousness of this
situation and try to help avoid continuing on a course that
could ultimately be very detrimental to Jewish Week.
(If any of the following offends you, my yetzer hora, Chaim
Amalek, wrote it against my wishes. I mean it.)
So I was thinking that I need to use my ample leisure time
to expand my mind, and that one way of doing this would be
to learn a new language, but which one? I thought of going
for yiddish, but that seems to be to be the language of people
who are pretty ignorant about such things as fire and electricity.
Besides, the women who speak that dead tongue have shaved
heads. (And it just occurs to me that Hitler shaved the heads
of Jewish women, so was he acting out of concern for their
modesty? Maybe the rabbinate that supports the sheitel industry
can chew this one over.) I was going to study spanish, but
my friend Cathy has convinced me that it is the language of
my social inferiors, to the extent that I have any. I don't
need to learn to communicate with a guy holding a leaf blower
any better than I already can. French? That's not me. The
French are going Arab on us, so if I wanted to communicate
with these people, I'd study Arabic. Which is a possibility.
German? Lots of smart people speak it, and their women are
well, not that hot. Maybe Swedish or Norwegian? My friend
Chaim tells me that Norwegian women are the hottest women
on the planet, and who can disagree with Chaim? Chinese, perhaps?
I don't know - don't they eat dogs, cats, and rats? Dear gentle
readers, please counsel me as to which foreign language I
ought to learn to read.
This shabbos, instead of reading the usual self-help book
during sabbath prayers, I decided to make a study of 20th
century chemistry (this book by Linus Pauling) and physics
(Feyman Lectures on Physics, Vol. 2), and guess what I discovered!
Electricity is NOT fire! Yes, as incredible as this would
appear to be, the rabbenim of 19th century Poland who held
otherwise were wrong! Whether this was because their knowledge
of Faraday was lacking, or because the theory of combustion
and the chemical bond had not yet been perfected I cannot
say. But what is certain today is that combustion (the general
term for fire, which the torah forbids) and electricity are
no more related than are fire and water. And yet today orthodox
jews do not "use" electricity, unless some goy can be found
to use it for them. I ask you, where's the sense in that?
Almost as stupid as telling a woman she needs to cut off her
hair since having the stuff that God gave her is immodest,
and then encouraging her to replace it with a sexy wig made
of human hair. But that does not mean I'm giving up on orthodoxy,
oh no - in your prayers Rabbis, in your prayers.
The Yupitzer Rav writes: Don't get all apikores-ish on me
with that electricity blog.
Everyone knows that electricity is different from old-fashioned
combustion. The (20th century) rabbis who declared its operation
by a Jew on Shabbos to be forbidden concluded that in its
effects it is similar enough to combustion to warrant halachic
comparison. Actually, it was some 19th century rabbis who
permitted it, based on unclear explanations as to what it
was.
When electricity produces neither heat nor light, the prohibition
becomes far more tenuous.
My Father and I make same religion blog
for different stories
Roman Catholic Bill
Cork writes to the Forward: I'm disappointed to hear that
you have fired Steven Weiss. I had read "The Forward" from
time to time (usually when friends referred me to specific
articles), but Steven's blog made my visits to your webpage
much more frequent. Blogging is here to stay, and Steven is
one of the best. Your decision to add his blog was forward-thinking
– your firing of him is a step backwards.
I'm exchanging email with Winston Pickett, a PhD in Bible
who's worked extensively as a Jewish journalist. He now works
at a thinktank in London.
My dad left journalism at age 16 when he became religious.
He thought journalists to be an immoral bunch. My dad went
on to get two PhDs, one in Bible at Manchester University.
Are there any other Jewish journalists with PhDs in Bible?
Did your knowledge of Higher Criticism help you with your
journalism?
I'm serious. As an amateur student of the HC, I find it helps
me greatly in my journalism in life.
I'm skeptical of things people tell me unless they go against
the tendenz (the propaganda and vision of themselves they
push). As George Orwell put it, the only parts of an autobiography
you should believe are the the shameful.
I constantly ask: Who said this? When was it said? Who was
the primary audience?
I love the work of popularizer Hyam Maccoby (who wrote books
giving a Jewish view of the origins of Christianity in Hellenic
paganism).
How can I believe in Higher Criticism and in Orthodox Judaism?
I acknowledge they are mutually exclusive.
I study Higher Criticism without giving veto power to the
tenets of my religion. I practice my religion as though there
was no secular scholarship that challenged its truths.
This is not so radical. A famous 19th Century rebbe said you
should be an atheist when it comes to helping the needy. You
should help as if there were no God to help.
From FrumSex:
My friend Chaim Oizer wasn't the first of my friends to get
married. I had a brocha under the chupah at Yisroel Meir's
chassunah and Boruch Ber's chassunah before I was asked to
say a brocha under Chaim Oizer's wedding too. People say it's
a segulah for a shidduch
to participate in a chasunah so lets hope I'm zoicha to meet
my bashert, bezras hashem.
Well, the chasuhan went off without a hitch and the seudas
mitzvah was going fine. I had already danced with the chosson,
who was having a rakida with the Rosh Hayeshiva. Now, it was
time to do the horah, and it wasn't what it's all about for
me, so I sat it out. I was strolling amongst the yungerleit
and I noticed Chaim Oizer's cousin Gitty, who was trying to
keep her eight kids, all under the age of
10, from tripping people while running around like mishugoyim.
Gitty's husband, Zev Laib, was across the room talking with
the mashgiach, not paying any attention to them. As is the
custom in Lakewood, it's not pahst for a kollel yungerman
to be oisek in vaibisha zachin, so he ignored the whole thing.I
walked over to shmooze with her because she seemed like she
needed an adult to talk
to.
"Nu, Gitty, vus hertach?" I asked politely.
"Well, I'm mamesh tzefloigen with the kinderluch. Kindurluch,
go to Tatty and Geb Sholom to the mashigiach." They ran across
the room and played tag running around and through their tatty's
legs. Annoyed he shot a glance at Gitty. How dare she cause
him to be bitul toirah? Couldn't she see the mashgiach was
saying over a gevaldika vort?
She smiled and waved at him, then continued to talk with me.
"They need to spend more time with him anyway, He spends all
day in Kollel then comes home at night and chazzers over the
sugia, then he leaves for shachris to daven with the neitz,
so they never see him, nebuch" she confided.
"I hear" I said, glancing at Zev Laib.
"And I don't think he even wants to spend time with them either,
he holds its bitul zman. Kindurluch are great, wait till you
get married."
I laughed, "I've been on a thousand shidduch dates and I can't
find my bashert, I mamesh farshtered."
"Really? A ben toirah with yichus like you can't find a shidduch,?
That's mamesh not shiach," she said.
"Well, I guess I haven't met the right girl yet." We walked
together to a less noisy place where there were only a few
people having conversations.
"Yeah, the last girl I went out with told the shadchun she
thought I wanted to work. The next girl wanted to go to college,
rachmunah l'tzlun and the girl before that's father didn't
have money to support me in kollel." I explained.
"Zev Laib and I haven't had biah since Tovah was born. She's
six months now, that's a long time. It's not that I don't
want it, I just gave it up when he didn't ask me about going
to the mikvah for three months straight. He's too busy in
kollel and I guess I just got fat and ugly," We continued
walking. I was shocked. How could a bas yisroel talk like
this? She was an ohr ainikle of a well known Godol! But, given
the fact that the only biah I'd had in life had been with
another bochur in Telz-Cleveland, I got a hirhur avairah just
from her speaking with such a prustkeit.
"Well, maybe with all those kinderluch you just remind him
of his mother. That would dampen his chaishik a lot. You don't
remind me of my mother, you're look shtotty," I laughed.
.............
XXX writes: "Bad enough so many people here speak spanish,
but now this? Luke, kindly translate this for the benefit
of those of your readers who do not speak Esperanto, or whatever
they are jabbering in."
Luke says: "No way! I don't want the goyim to find out."
Marc sighs: "Ah, if only the stories in Penthouse Forum were
this lively."
Anonymous said: "But, given the fact that the only biah I'd
had in life had been with another bochur in Telz-Cleveland,"
So after all this, the bottom line is that this guy is a fag?
Chaim says that I am going about this all wrong, that what
I need to do to find a life partner is to use indirection
instead of direct action. "What do you mean, Chaim?"
Chaim feels that I should either establish a mikvah on the
grounds of my home and offer it to all women for their ritual
purification, or start a salon of my own. The former course
would put me into contact with numerous Jewish women who likely
know many many more Jewish women, and would enable me to show
them all what a good catch I am. (After all, how many Jewish
men are so thoughtful that they would build a mikvah on their
land? I'll bet Michael Eisner and Steven Speilberg haven't
done this.) The other route, that I emulate Cathy Seipp and
start up a salon of my own, would require less contractor
work. But I'm not sure what such a salon should be about.
Chaim suggests folk music, as that seems to attract lots of
young, impressionable girls mewling about love and such, and
that if I don't do this for them, likely they will fall into
the hands of some less moral fellow instead.
"Time for you to start thinking like a Jew, Luke." What can
I say - Chaim is usually right about these matters of the
heart.
One summer, two published books, and three active blogs
(this, wife-search, and Protocols). How can one man do so
much? When he has faith in himself and in the Lord above.
I make my friends look like welfare queens. And they know
it.
I seldom discuss popular culture on this site. It isn't
that things like music mean nothing to me, rather, they mean
so much to me that I fear revealing too much of myself by
sharing with you my personal musical treasures. Well, I now
know that you have to be open with others if you want them
to be open with you, so today I'm going to share with you
the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Freddie Blassie
"Pencil Neck Geek"
UPDATE
Upon reviewing these lyrics, my alte-ego, Chaim Amalek, decided
that they were inappropriate for this site and its stated
purpose of healing the world, and asked that I remove them,
and I have. Still, if there is interest, I may reconsider.
Instead let me just say that you cannot go wrong with the
music of Debbie Friedman.
I also enjoy the music of the Beatles, Barbara Streisand,
and Al Jolson.
'I'm still trying to figure out why I
feel so open with you'
I heard that from an acquaintance today. It's a great honor.
I love to go deep with people.
Matt Welch told me last week he thought I was among the best
interviewers in town.
I was too scared to share my memoir with a close friend
while I was working on it. In fact, I was trying to get in
all of our friendship I could before the inevitable day XXX
read it. I thought the odds were 50% that it would end our
friendship. (I do not mention the person in the book).
I found out my friend read it over Shabbos and liked it. Whew.
This
is from Alexandra. I knew her when she was 12 years old. It
was early 1994 in Orlando. I dated her mother Paula (pic
with me, and my brother Paul and Paula in January 1994).
She writes today: "Well, I can picture you perfectly. You
have a very intense and passionate look about you, your face.
To every woman's doom, you're eyes are very seductive. This
could be good, or bad. Dependent upon your intentions. One
woman might get her heart broken, one might break yours (doubtful),
and one would probably have the time of her life...if she
is strong willed, open minded and intellectual like you."
I went to
an ATID 20's and 30s singles dinner at Temple Sinai Friday
night to hand out "We want Moshiach now" fliers and give
divrei Torah.
We met before the onset of Shabbos. We each had to write down
a favorite saying to pin to our clothing as a conversation
starter. I chose, "You shall burn the evil out of your midst."
Most other comments were pop culture references, which flew
past the mind of this Torah sage.
Half the group were cool but there were a lot of clueless
nerds. One guy kept touching girls inappropriately. This was
the first event where that guy was not me.
I got to sit by new hire Rabbi Brian Schuldenfrei who's headed
for Las Vegas and Yosemite for his vacation. I let him know
which activities and shows in Sin City were kosher (few) and
advised him to carry a gemara with him at all times.
If only all of Israel were as strong as me, the Moshiach would
come!
It was a long lonely walk home as I followed the path of the
righteous.
I keep telling this one seven year old girl in shul that
I am her kindly Uncle Levi. It makes her cry. Perhaps I should
stop. But it is so funny to me.
Rabbi
Gadol tells me that I might be putting some women off with
some of my non-negotiable demands, so I hope to augment
my prior approach with this one, which is open to every non-married
woman, without conditions. Just tell RabbiGadol@yahoo.com
why you think you and I should go out and why you think you
would be a fun date. (No hanky panky, this will be chaperoned
by Ms. Cathy Seipp, if she agrees.) The winner gets an all-expense
paid date with me, including flowers, transportation (if you
are local), movie or other entertainment, a fine kosher meal
and, time permitting, a visit to the Museum of Tolerance.
1. A hip-to-waist ratio of about 3:2.
2. Natural breasts. At least a solid B, but gentleman's C's
preferred.
3. Long, silky hair. (Okay, this is more of a preference than
a demand.)
4. Facial symmetry.
5. Clear skin and eyes. No boils.
6. No VD.
7. Long arms and legs.
8. If available, an intact hymen.
9. An IQ above 115 (above 130 preferred).
10. A cheerful disposition (one parent on antidepressants
is quite enough, thank you).
11. Athleticism.
12. Good physical and mental health.
13. Under 30, but I'll consider women under 35 as well. (I'm
not being a pig here - I know I need a gal with young eggs
in order to maximize my reproductive potential.)
14. A woman who likes children and wants to have mine.
15. A woman who has not been poisoned with the toxins of feminism.
But if you meet conditions 1 - 14 above, I will work with
you on this.
16. non-smoking, no more than a light drinker, no illegal
drugs.
17. Politics. I am a man, so I couldn't care less whatyour
politics are so long as you can tolerate mine, which include
actively campaigning for conservative republicans.
18. You like your friends and family, and they like you.
19. You have a non-irritating voice.
20. You dig me.
I am willing to pay a finders fee to whoever provides me with
leads leading a meeting of the minds with such a woman. Forward
all leads to RABBIGADOL@yahoo.com, who will forward them on
to me.
Have I Fairly Priced Myself in the Market
for Love?
That voice of doubt in my head (otherwise known as Chaim
Amalek) wants to know. Am I being too picky in my demands
on http://lukefordseeksawife.blogspot.com ? Am
I pricing myself out of the market? Should I go down-market,
and perhaps target the immigrant population for love? I want
your opinion, if you are the sort of woman whom I desire.
(The opinions of bitter women who don't like men are of no
interest to me.)
JTA.org reporter JOE BERKOFSKY has moved to UJA New York.
From his JTA bio: "A JTA staff writer based in New York, covers
education, Jewish identity issues, philanthropy and the religious
movements. He has been a reporter for the technology network
TechTV in San Francisco, daily newspapers in the greater Boston
area, and a contributing writer to The Jerusalem Report, The
San Jose Mercury News, B'nai B'rith's International Jewish
Monthly and other publications. He was also an editor at the
Jewish Bulletin of Northern California and at other weekly
newspapers."
How many reporters for Jewish papers have gone to work for
the people they used to cover? David Twersky (now at United
Jewish Congress), Matt Dorff (formerly with JTA, now a lobbyist),
Brian Mono (from Jewish Exponent to the Federation in Philadelphia)...
Should someone comb over Berkofsky's work on the Federation
over the past year to see if he has been smooching someone
who's going to give him a job?
Unless one absolutely has to move from journalism to such
work, I just can't respect leaving the craft of journalism
to become a publicist (paid liar), hack, etc... To go from
purporting to cover people journalistically, to taking their
money in some cushy job rubs me the wrong way.
Let's face it -- the editorials are consistently the worst
part of the Forward each week. Remember that howler about
the Forward
telling Roman Catholics how they should operate their
religion with respect to abortion and to not giving communion
to Catholics such as John Kerry who publicly oppose the teachings
of the Church?
Why does the Forward run a front page story each week critical
of the Bush administration when it has nothing to do with
the Jewish community?
Original reporting makes the Forward great. Predictable liberal
editorializing makes it suck.
Under editor JJ Goldberg and national editor Ami Eden, much
of the paper each week reads like it is being made safe for
their liberal friends and board.
Rebecca Schoenkopf writes: Luke, you don't know jack about
Catholicism, so you shouldn't be smacking the Forward for
its "howler."
In fact, under Vatican II, Catholics are supposed to follow
their conscience--and if John Kerry's conscience tells him
to vote for abortion rights, so be it.
I am in fact pro-life, but there's no way I'm going to find
a politician to vote for who follows ALL the teachings of
the Church . . . i.e., pro-life, antiwar, and AGAINST the
death penalty. For bishops to pick and choose which politicians
to deny their rites is horrid, and if they didn't deny Communion
to Pinochet, they shouldn't be denying it to Kerry. Even 77
percent of pro-life Catholics agree with that.
Question: I often see a woman on the street, and I feel like,
"I wish I could go talk to her." What is the answer? How can
I go talk to her and seduce her?
Answer: If you are thinking "I wish I could go talk to her"
when you see a hot woman in a public place, it's a sign that
you are not taking advantage of the easy places to meet women
in your life.
The thought "I wish I could go talk to her" is the result
of a life where you have eliminated all reasonable opportunities
to meet women. Therefore the unreasonable,
most-difficult opportunities--while on the street, while she's
running for a cab--are the only ones that pop up. You end
up thinking that the solution is to get good at handling the
only opportunities you see--the near-impossible ones. It's
not.
You only moan about not being able to meet women "on the street"
when you are NOT meeting women in all the places that you
should meet them--social networks, niches,
classes, and by being generally involved in your life. Moaning
about wanting to meet women on the street is a SYMPTOM of
needing to do the basic work of meeting women.
Because you are not doing what you should do to meet women,
but you still desire women, you start fantasizing about seducing
women you see on the street. This leads you either 1) to beat
up on yourself for not being able to miraculously seduce those
least-available of all women, or 2) to start falling for miraculous
quick fix claims that say they can teach you to get those
women in twenty minutes or less.
We've said it a million times, but it's still true: if you
don't have your life set up so that meeting women is automatic
and easy, all the quick-fix claims in the world
won't do anything but separate you from the money in your
wallet.
- If you aren't joining and visiting clubs and teams, you
are going to end up longing for women you can't get, who are
the most difficult to talk to and seduce.
- If you aren't saying "yes" to social invitations and developing
social groups, you are going to end up alone and horny, wishing
you could have sex with the hot barista at the coffee shop
you frequent.
- If you aren't participating in activities and classes, you
are going to start moaning about how you wish you could talk
to some woman you see on the street somewhere.
- If you are not doing online dating, then you'll spend your
life staring at a woman on the bus and dreaming about how
great it would be to be able to walk up to her and
seduce her.
Unless you are willing to have balls of absolute, inhuman
steel (which you aren't) and unless you are willing to develop
a set of scams and routines (which you also
probably aren't), then stop thinking the answer is to learn
to approach a supermodel who is running for a cab! It's not!
Thinking "I wish I could talk to her" is NOT a sign that you
need to learn how to approach strangers in public, where every
hot woman is angered by or terrified of new men talking to
her.
Thinking "I wish I could talk to her" IS a sign you need to
GET A LIFE.
There is no magic phrase or perfect opening line that can
take the place of getting a life!
Actually, though, this is good news. "Getting a life" will
make you increasingly happy and effective and connected with
women in a meaningful way.
This year, consider making this New Year's resolution: Let
go of trying to learn scams that don't work, and which make
you feel bad about yourself. Stop wanting to be a manipulative
jerk, and learn how to make real connections with women--even
if those connections are just for short-term sexual relationships.
We've had many students whose lives have become significantly
happier in every respect by taking on getting a life, rather
than wishing they could instantly seduce hot women on the
street. One man says "Since I took up Salsa dancing, and really
got into the community, it's been natural for me to meet,
flirt around with, and even bed
really hot women. That has made it much easier to talk with
women everywhere else, too." This could be you.
Oh, and here's a bonus: When you have a life that puts lots
of women in front of you, and gives you reason to talk to
them, approaching women in public becomes significantly easier.
When you have a connected, active social life, you will find
yourself becoming the kind of person who naturally talks to
strangers, and to whom strangers naturally talk. You won't
have to work on it happening--you'll simply find that it happens,
when you have a life with women that juices you up.
Put another way, the ability to "approach any woman" is a
result of having developed a life that is rich in social opportunities
that put you in front of women already. Once you have that,
approaching women in public will just be part of what you
naturally do.
Try this right now: Just for this moment, get off your own
back about needing to learn how to approach and seduce "any
woman, any time, any place." Allow it to be okay that you
might never be good at approaching supermodels who are running
for a cab, for instance.
At the same time, allow it to be possible that you might have
more sexual abundance with hot women than you ever thought
possible. Allow yourself to relax into the idea
that you can have what you want with women, even if you aren't
the Perfect Seducer in every situation.
Then take some steps, today, to develop more social connections
with people.
Someone
writes: While I wouldn't deny anyone happiness, I always
find these internet-meet-a-wife things, especially one like
this, extremely melancholy. They all say the same thing, only
using different euphemisms.
From Luke's "laundry list:"
1. She should be sufficiently young to provide me with children
of our own.
TRANSLATION: Since I'm in my forties, she should be young
enough to be my daughter.
2. Good physical condition. I'm not looking for a woman who
is too ill disciplined to
watch her diet.
TRANSLATION: No fatties.
3. A woman who places home before career.
TRANSLATION: Your life should revolve around me.
4. No substance abusers. This means no cigarettes or illegal
drugs. Alcohol is okay, but
no heavy drinkers.
TRANSLATION: I disapprove of all vices in which I do not partake
(a la William Bennett.)
5. She should be religious enough...
TRANSLATION: Virgins preferred, but will consider a "slightly
used" model.
6. I like brains. Big, thick, juicy brains.
TRANSLATION: I'm looking for someone who will laugh at my
intellectual jokes.
7. And speaking of likes, I like strong women.
TRANSLATION: My refrigerator needs to be moved.
8. Converts to the faith are welcome! Let's share the journey!
TRANSLATION: Your life should revolve around me.
9. I don't care what you earn or what you do for a living,
so long as it is legal and
generally viewed as ethical.
TRANSLATION: A low-paying menial job is acceptable so long
as I don't find it threatening
(see #3)
10. Good mental and physical health.
TRANSLATION: No fatties
11. Location: I live in LA, and while I would move to be with
the right woman, as a
practical matter...
TRANSLATION: Your life should revolve around me, and I don't
want to find a new AA
chapter.
Someone Else writes on FrumSex: Why isn't he married? Gee,
could it be because he's too in love with himself to love
another person? I looked through his qualifications for a
wife and it seems that he's basically looking for a young,
gorgeous baby machine, not a thinking and feeling actual person
person. And his boast that his "sturdy Protestant genes" (or
some such tripe) would benefit the Jewish gene pool borders
on racism. He's going to be sleeping alone for a long time.
Inspired
by Cathy's post, I'm offering my skills, my body and my
virtue at a one-time only low price for hot young women who
want to practice fighting off rapists.
Jewry's greatest Judaic blogger, Steven
I. Weiss, has been fired from the Forward. My understanding
from communicating with those at the paper is that they gave
up converting him from a blogger into a journalist.
A blogger friend says: "It was inevitable. He was biting
the hand that was feeding him, in a sense refusing to be a
reporter and insisting on the primacy of the blogosphere.
It's the best thing that's ever happened to him. Now he can
really do some good work. Wish him a mazal tov from me."
AriGoesDown: i suppose i can call my friend sam norich and
chat with him
AriGoesDown: can't wait
AriGoesDown: tootles
Steven responds: Threatening to complain to the publisher
of the Forward because I won't respond to demands that I consider
an impingement on long-standing ethical practice will not
receive a response.
I don't respond to threats.
Eugene's observation the other day that, contrary to current
conventional p.c. wisdom, rape is a crime of sex as well as
violence, reminded me of the last time I got into an argument
about this. As Eugene pointed
out, statistics show that rape is highest among girls
and women in their late teens and early '20s — e.g., their
years of prime sexual attractiveness. But for some reason,
it's not considered polite to acknowledge this common sense
reality. "Eight-month-old babies and 80-year-old women get
raped," is the approved feminist line, which is true, they
do; but these situations are freakishly horrible rather than
horribly common.
I already know how I will autograph my memoir for Reason
editor Nick Gillespie. "Nick, keep it ---- for me."
But what do I write for my friend Cathy Seipp, who's miffed
that was she lumped in with five other friends in the dedication
of my producers book. She writes me: "Yes I am sure Nick would
be charmed. Now please think long and hard -- no pun intended
--about the deeply personal and sincere inscription you're
going to put in mine."
Dear reader, I need your help coming up with something deeply
personal and sincere for Cathy. Won't you help this Torah
Jew do a mighty mitzvah?
Rob writes: "Cathy - You make me feel like a natural woman.
Hugs - Luke"
Chaim suggests: "But for you, nobody decent would want to
break bread with me. But for you, I would be a freak among
men, a loser among women, and a stranger among the Jews. But
for you, I would be eating pork by now."
A friend of mine has become famous. Yet he sends out his
home address with every email. I told him that was stupid.
As someone who has walked on the dark side and dealt with
many dangerous people who threatened my life, I recommend
this book: The
Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
I believe that we Jews need to stick together, especially
in these perilous times of rising antisemitism.
That's why I am offering any Jews who may be working in Hollywood
first dibs on the creative output of someone I know (not in
the biblical sense mind you). His work is just amazing.
In fact, few people here or elsewhere are even capable of
appreciating his prodigious output. So, as a favor to
you Hollywood Jews and to him (he is as Jewish as they come,
as he is willing to prove if you are of the comely sort),
contact him at the following address: RABBIGADOL@YAHOO.COM.
Think of it as a "double mitzvah".
Don't You Wish You Had Invested in Microsoft
in '90?
The http://LukeFordSeeksAWife.blogspot.com
blog has not been going like gangbusters. I suspect
that this is because word has not gotten out yet as to its
existence, people who know forget, and pure envy of me.
That's why I am mentioning this here again today. I
need a wife, and who knows, maybe you need a husband.
Surely if you are a woman of fertile years and heterosexual,
you need a husband and since I could be that husband, perhaps
you need me. Whatever. What I want you to do is
provide a summary of your physical, psychological, social
and moral traits to my advisor on this matter, RABBI GADOL,
who received his smicha (ordination) from one of the finest
yeshivas in the world. His email address is RABBIGADOL@YAHOO.COM,
and he promises to handle all inquiries with sensitivity.
Which brings me to the teaser - don't you wish you had invested
in Microsoft in 1990, or CISCO or even AMAZON? All these
stocks are very expensive today, but they could have been
had for a song fifteen years ago. That's where I'm at
right now - I can be had for a song. But I tell you
ladies, my stock is destined to rise enormously in the next
few years, by which time likely you won't be able to win the
love of me. But if you make the effort now, that love
will be with you even long after I become a prosperous and
revered member of the community. So DON'T WAIT!
I'm Microsoft, circa late 1980's.
Is it Wrong to Ape the Appearance of Other
Groups?
This question arose in the context of a Jewish friend of
mine who has adopted the cool crisp blonde look of a shiksa
goddess even though she happens to be Jewish.
But it comes up in other contexts as well, such as the Negro
Raperess who dyes her hair blonde to look white, or the white
boy who tries acting black. Is it a sign of racial/tribal/ethnic
treason to engage in such conduct? Is it a moral crime
for someone to undergo plastic surgery or for her to have
herself made up to look like the members of other genetically
distinct populations? Discuss amongst yourselves.
As for me, with my fine goyishe good looks, that just isn't
an issue.
People
who bought this book also bought:
Father Joe: The Man Who Saved My Soul Tony Hendra
The Spiral Staircase: My Climb out of Darkness Karen Armstrong
All the Women of the Bible Edith Deen, Book Sales
Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith Anne Lamott, Ann
Lamott
Confessions St. Augustine of Hippo, Henry Chadwick (Translator)
Customers
who shopped bought my memoir on Amazon.com also shopped for
these items:
Great Companies, Great Charts by andy dunn (Rate it)
This Is Burning Man by Brian Doherty (Rate it)
Lights, Camera, Sex! by Christy Canyon (Why?)
Michael Moore Is A Big Fat Stupid White Man by David T. Hardy,
Jason Clarke (Rate it)
My Life by Bill Clinton (Rate it)
So, Mr. Ford is ousted from one temple after another for his
refusal to give up his porn gossip website. As it should be.
Ford wants to be an Orthodox Jew (probably because in the
religion he finds reinforcement for his misogyny and bigotry)and
the religious code he embraces forbids this. Where's the drama
in that? It's not as if Ford is challenging the religious
code. He simply wants to have it both ways, like a petulant
child.
If Ford were half the writer/journalist he thinks he is he
could easily have turned his back on porn gossip and started
writing on any number of subjects and the rabbis would have
smiled upon him. But he found a niche for his monosyllabic
style of writing on the Internet, where the demand for stylized,
intelligent writing is very low indeed.
This is the story of a stubborn, untalented, vainglorious
man and it's a self-published book to boot. Doesn't that say
it all?
..................
Al
writes on Barnesandnoble.com: An honest, candid, often
touching and moving story of a deeply thoughtful man caught
between two worlds while searching for an identity.
Thus far "Rabbi Gadol" (oh long have I wished to be called
that) has not received any suitable responses to my quest
for a life-mate. But I am not discouraged; it is still early
in the game, and for me the game has been going on for a very
long time. I am patient.
Still, I am disappointed in the response of those few close
friends of mine who have chosen to respond - journalist Mike
Alb0 and a woman friend of mine whom I often squire about
town. Would it be rude of me to note that neither of these
generators of negativity has a mate? Why is it that singletons
are so hostile to the idea of harnessing the power of the
internet to achieve happiness in life? Does it cost them anything
that I might be happy? Rest assured, dear friends, that no
matter how wonderful the woman out there whom I meet and fall
in love with thanks to this effort, I will still make time
for all of you. That means I will still go to free parties
sponsored by the LA Press Club, and that I will always be
free to pal around East Los Angeles with Mike Alb0. But please
guys, instead of mocking my efforts, how about instead supplementing
them with efforts of your own?
PS Yeah, I have been told that the blogger thing does not
work for me, and that I should ditch protocols (on the theory
that it is stretching me too thin), but there is a reason
I dismissed such talk out of hand
when I first heard it. It came from someone my rabbis have
always warned me against. But maybe he was right after all.
Because you know, Chaim is always right.
Rob
Eshman, editor of the Jewish Journal of Los Angeles, writes:
"I just read Gene’s
[previous editor] interview with you. Really interesting.
I can’t imagine that outside of me, you and Gene anyone would
be interested, but I appreciate your doing it. Gene is thoughtful
and independent, and much of what is good about the paper
was his doing. BTW, he was wrong on most, if not all, the
facts concerning my family and its Rothschildean wealth. But
as we sat around the 17th century Carerra marble mantle piece
in the family library on the ancestral Eshman manse next door
to the Heinz’s little place, we all had a good, rich laugh."
My
sperm have been posting on Cathy Seipp's blog: "Luke thinks
the world of you and would never utter any criticism of you
in public or in private. (I know, as I am privy to his every
thought.) Would that he could say the same thing about you."
Cathy replies: "I love Luke, but until he stops sleeping on
the floor (among other things -- like having his "sperm" leave
messages here) he is not husband material."
My sperm
reply: "Yes, Luke is a man of many seasons, and yes, he
has a style that is all his own, but so what? Look at the
worst men out there who have married. Would not their wives
have been better off if one of their lady friends had offered
to fix them up with a man who maybe was a little "different",
but still good at heart? That is all we are asking of you,
that you look beyong the social convention of your peer group
and see the goodness that is in our nuclei."
An anonymous poster writes: "I used to date this guy, and
I cannot believe he is still available. Ladies, he is amazing,
both in and out of temple, if you know what I mean. So long
as you are willing to go to the mikvah (a requirement that
only applies to Jewish women anyway), he is up for everything
you might want."
Fear not, your efforts on my behalf will not, like the seed
of Onan, go to waste. Any good woman you might pass my way
who is not Jewish will be passed along to my other bachelor
friends to pick over. My friend Chaim Amalek, in particular,
is not at all picky about matters theological.
Girly replies: Oh, wow, really? Why didn't you say so? In
that case, I have no hesitation but to send you the particulars
of every hot single shiksa I know. I laud your non-discriminatory
ways.
Luke Ford is an equal opportunity employer. That should be
your strapline - use that, sit back, and let the women swarm
over you like flies on ships.
These are the words that I want to flash in your mind as you
consider your role as my friend, when you wake up, when you
floss your teeth, and when you push a button on an elevator.
I sincerely desire your help in finding a woman who will make
of me more than someone whom you find entertaining. I want
not to be known merely as "Luke Ford, that character" but
"Luke - that guy who married way up." We will still be friends,
but I want to be more than the class clown, the oddity you
show off to your friends to convince them of the breadth of
your social circle and your tolerance for others.
Here is a partial list of people whom I expect to sift through
their rolodexes to help me find a wife:
1. Steve Croft of 60 Minutes (and he knows why).
2. ALL the producers I interviewed and whom I helped make
a bit more famous in my new book.
3. Everyone I ever interviewed for other purposes who likes
me.
4. Cathy Seipp.
Cathy Seipp writes: Can you please do us all a favor and
get OFF THIS HIDEOUS BLOGGER format, which is affecting your
writing (and not for the better) and GET BACK to your pristinely
clean, easy-to-read LukeFord.net? PLEASE????
I mean, that Luke Ford Seeks a Wife thing, that didn't even
sound like you. It sounded like some blandly boring person
trying to imitate you. The generic blogger template is getting
into your style.
I'm trying to think of subtitles for my book JEWISH JOURNALISM.
How about:
* When EJ Met JJ
* Is it Good for the Jews?
* The Big Snore
* Profiles in Courage
* On Bended Knee
* 'I lost my courage with my foreskin'
* Jews for Journalism (Me)
I thought they were covered extensively. It was made clear
that the indiscretions were not on minors and that Sheldon
did not "prey" on people. Yes, I would've liked more details,
but it seemed obvious that it was consensual activity between
adults, and hence not a big deal.
I think it is philo-Semitism when the news media hold Israel
and Jews accountable to a higher moral standard. I had no
quarrel with Gregg Easterbrook's remarks (except that they
were clumsy and poorly argued) about Hollywood Jews such as
Michael Eisner and Harvey Weinstein should know better than
to traffic in violent filth such as Kill Bill.
Mike Alb0 writes: Man, sometimes we don't know whether to
laugh or cry about some of the stuff that goes on in this
crazy business. Case in point? The latest stunt by Aussie
mental case Luke Ford.
It seems Luke wants to settle down and marry...a woman.
His plea can be viewed at www.LukeFordSeeksaWife.blogspot.com/
.
Filled with all of the usual Ford hallmarks—the preening narcissism,
the overweening ego and his bizarre tendency to be judgmental—it's
a pretty fun thing to read.
It's been our observation that most women aren't actively
seeking insane partners for the possibility of marriage, but
you never know. Maybe Luke will get lucky. We certainly wish
him all the best in his search. And we offer our sympathies
to any woman loony enough to answer his cry for help.
The Federation, which owns the paper, will say, don't cover
it. Charles Kushner and his Orthodox family are good for about
$200,000 in donations each year.
Journalistic instincts say you must cover it.
Former editor David Twersky must be thrilled to no longer
be at his post at the paper and in the safe arms of the American
Jewish Congress.
Prosecutors said Tuesday that Kushner wanted the prostitute
videotaped with a witness in the investigation. The U.S. attorney's
office did not elaborate.
U.S. Attorney Chris Christie said Kushner hired a New York
City call girl and two other individuals for $25,000. Christie
said Kushner sent the witness' wife a videotape of the witness
and the call girl having sex.
Kushner is charged with conspiracy, obstructing a federal
investigation and promoting interstate prostitution.
...............
Here are two previous stories the New Jersey Jewish News have
done on Charles Kushner:
Charles Kushner, who founded the Academy in honor of his parents,
ensured that this 225,000 square-foot structure leaves visitors
in awe. The interior glass ceilings and walls in many classrooms,
labs, common spaces and the library provide an aesthetic and
cheerful home to its students.
“He [Charles Kushner] built a facility that people just marvel
at,” said Rabbi Scot A. Berman, the principal of the Kushner
Yeshiva High School, one of the two divisions of the school—the
other being the Kushner Academy serving the elementary and
middle school grades. “Many institutions come visit us to
gain new ideas.”
..............
Joe Schick writes: How do you know Kushner is Orthodox? Because
he founded an Orthodox yeshiva in memory of his parents? That
doesn't mean anything.
In any event, what does Kushner's religious affiliation have
to do with the allegations? What does this story have to do
with Jews generally or Orthodox Jews particularly? If Kushner
were involved in the day-to-day activities of a Jewish school
or shul, it would be one thing, but all indications are that
he serves as a donor, board member, etc.
Luke says: When an Orthodox Jew commits a legal and sexual
sin, it is more newsworthy than when a secular person does
it. An Orthodox Jew, by definition, is expected to live up
to certain standards. It's a bigger deal when an Israeli soldier
beats a Palestinian than when Arabs murder 10,000 Palestinians.
Because people have higher moral expectations for Jews than
for non-Jews, and for Orthodox Jews more than non-Orthodox
Jews. This is elementary, my dear Watson.
I know Charles Kushner is Orthodox. The biggest Jewish day
school in this part of New Jersey is named for Charles Kushner's
father. The biggest Modern Orthodox synagogue is named for
his father. Charles Kushner and his brother and his sister
and her husband form a powerful philanthropic network. They're
all liberal Modern Orthodox.
Charles Kushner is extremely political. Jewish journalists
are careful not to cross him. He's a major player in New Jersey
Jewish life and in New Jersey political life.
His particular method of political fundraising is an undetermined
part of the law having to do with partnerships. He claims
he has written permission from partners to give on their behalf
political contributions. He bundles all the contributions
from all the partnerships he general-partners in. They don't
even know what he's doing but he claims he has it in writing.
Charles Kushner paid an $508,900 federal elections fine last
week. This could devastate the governor of the state.
Kushner and his family and relations are pillars of the community.
When pillars of the Orthodox community are charged with hiring
a hooker to have sex with someone and tape the interaction,
it's particularly juicy.
A good Jewish paper would cover these stories about Charles
Kushner.
Me writes: Kushner is a Member of Board of Trustees Joseph
Kushner Hebrew Academy. Whether he is actually involved in
the "in the day-to-day activities of a Jewish school", I do
not know.
But as a legal trustee, I believe he has a legal responsibility
for the "day-to-day activities" at this institution.
Eishetish1
writes on FrumSex: This, was in yeshiva (so was I) is
what is referred to as a fetish. Some people are into feet.
And some people are totally turned on by the idea of whats
broadcast on the outside being so different than on the inside.
The more tznius the better. Probably the more chassidishe
the better. Am I right guys?
Goyim Jump On Jews Over Jewish Journal
Cover Story
A
bunch of dumb goyim jumped on us here in the comments
for the excellent Jewish Journal cover
story on traffic as a Jewish issue. A kiddish HaShem,
I told them the Chosen Ones did not care for their opinions
as we don't tell them they were all fooled by a nebish from
Nazareth.
However bad you believe Jewish papers to be, they are leagues
above their Catholic and Protestant newspaper counterparts
(those are really newsletters).
Robert writes: I'm thinking that you should be more proactive
in your moral leadership. LF.net needs a celebrity outreach
program to help celebs get right with God.
Courtney Love is half Jewish by birth. Reach out, Luke. Counsel
her.
Chaim Amalek writes: It is looking more and more like Bush
is a goner after one term, just like his father. Poetic justice,
no? Had Papa Bush finished what he started, Saddam would have
been disposed of by a truly international force in the early
90's that included hundreds of thousands of Arabs, and the
president of today would not have been saddled with any "what
do we do about Saddam" debate. Like father, like son.
If Bush falls, the neo-ConservaJuden are finished. This is
the sort of thing you ought to be discussing on your blog.
As things stand, your efforts are too unfocused, too diffuse.
You lack the punch of the old days, when you freely combined
all your musings on politics, ----, religion, and yourself
in one place for the world to look at. Now, you are but a
capon. And you aren't even getting a Federation grant to do
this to yourself. (Please do not post this on Protocols -
that blog leaves a bad taste in my mouth.)
In the shriveled Jewish
Journal of Los Angeles, the search for food is constant.
Scraping together one meal often comes at the expense of providing
for the next, let alone reporting the depth and passion of
the American Jewish experience.
Machete in hand, managing editor Amy Klein steps out of her
mud hut in Venice before dinnertime and begins whacking at
the base of a struggling young tree.
A cornfield lies nearby, every stalk stunted and barren. A
coffee bush wilts in a patch of earth so dry that each footstep
kicks up a puff of gray dust.
Roots and stems from the false banana tree — so named because
it never bears fruit — are all there is for dinner today.
Klein will pound them into a pulpy mush that offers little
real nutrition but at least will quiet the hunger of her J-Date
husband and seven children. When those parts of the tree are
gone, she will boil the bark. When the bark is gone, she will
search for something else, say, a book contract.
"This place is cursed," Klein says of the Jewish Journal's
half-acre plot.
Life on less than a dollar a day, as most Jewish journalists
live it, is the unending pursuit of sustenance. In the Horn
of Los Angeles, it is a search rarely satisfied.
The Jewish Journal of Los Angeles is one of the five lousiest
newspapers in the world and the largest per-capita recipient
of humanitarian aid. Nearly half the population of 37 is malnourished.
Every year, several reporters face starvation. For the very
young, life often ends in a sad, blue death.
One day last year, during a slowdown in Federation advertising,
staff members were reduced to eating each other in the lunch
room.
Five entered. Two came out alive.
Behind the statistics lies a harsh reality that helps explain
why hunger is such an intractable problem in Jewish journalism.
When life is so consumed with survival, tomorrow is routinely
traded away to fill stomachs and column inches today.
The causes of Jewish journalist hunger — Malcolm Hoenlein,
war between Jewish agencies, intermarriage, gay marriage,
corruption, boredom — never go away. They fade during the
relatively good times, only to return.
Under the dictatorship of Rob Eshman, hunger has been particularly
acute. To pay for his 78 wives and 412 children, President
Eshman has had to tighten the belts of his staff members,
denying them any share in his thriving "men seeking men" personals.
"If the deadlines don't kill us, the drought in classifieds
is coming behind to finish the job," Klein says.
Amy, who is about 35, wipes the sweat from her face with the
ends of a blue head wrap as she bustles around the Journal's
plot on an endless round of assignments. The soles of her
feet are cracked and stained with dirt.
Teresa Strasser has yet to turn in her latest singles column.
There are no men under the chuppah pictures to round out the
latest issue. Perhaps she'll need to do another story about
the closing of the JCCs.
Aid agencies say that much of the Jewish Journal's hunger
is self-inflicted — the result of Eshman's armed conflict
with conservatives, a stifling editorial policy against riveting
stories, poor hiring and too many second-rate JTS stories.
The Journal spent millions on a lengthy civil war and a border
war with the Jewish Heritage paper.
A young Persian woman writes me: Hi Luke; I
finished your book. I really don't know what to say! I
never could see such a dangerous person within you. Anyway
I like it that you criticize yourself like that. You know
your problems and that's a big step.
I never forget first time I saw you.I was looking for a space
to park. I saw you with your Kippa on your head and I said
to myself "shit it must be lots of Orthodox people there!"
I can't tolerate lots of Orthodox together! Now I kind of
know the story of one of these Orthodox people. I always know
they are really dangerous but not in the sense you are!
A number of us have been interviewed by Ford. He is a character,
but I found that, after posting a transcript of our interview
on his web site, he was open to my corrections and amendations
and quickly changed the transript to reflect them. And because
he posts the full transcript, there's no defense that any
of us were quoted "out of context." Ford clearly has his point
of view -- he thinks Jewish journalism is lousy and wants
those in the profession to explain why. But so far, the interviews
-- with Larry Cohler-Esses, Rob Eshman, Jonathan Sarna, Michael
Berennbaum, and others -- make for fascinating and sometimes
sobering reading about the state of the profession. I also
think it is never a bad idea for journalists to experience
what it feels to be on the other end of an interview. So I'll
have to disagree with Binyamin -- take Ford's call, weigh
your words carefully, and enjoy the debate that he is engendering
with his project.
Andrew Silow-Carroll Editor in Chief New Jersey Jewish News
...........
Avi writes: Luke, I am so happy for you, you crushed this
mighty s.o.b. Jewsweek guy who so full of his own crap.
You have exposed him for the world to see.
The late Rabbi Avigdor Miller Zt"l explains the Parsha about
Pinchas revenging the evil doers, that contrary to liberal
belief, revenge is justice, unlike those fake misplaced lefty
lovers who say "the court room is not a place of revenge."
The Torah teaches us differently, a world without revenge
is a place without justice, if Hitler got away without punishment
there is no justice in life.
This freaking jewsweek editor tried to mull you down with
his ugly egoistic aroused ambition to rape your so pure beautiful
heart. And yet you lived to to see him handcuffed through
Steven I. Weiss and all other silent blog readers who watched
with painful amusement how such criminal conduct can be done
to such a great Zadik, not only to stab you but to throw your
dead corpse hanging out in public with shameful dirty lies
about what happened.
Don't get me wrong, I still firmly believe journalism at large
is a rude vocation where you get to pimp or screw whomever
you wish, and for Steven Wies to play moral babysitter, and
lecture you with salt on your open wounds, makes this saga
ever more so painful. Wise is in denial which makes him more
guilty then Ben Cohen who did not hide his bullish self impotence.
Wise tries to paint an image of transparency, when his alter
ego is so blatantly in display in every word of his silly
put down of you as if he is the only pious man left standing
in this sinful world, why did not he ask Benyamin's side of
the story because he doesn't care. Hello some grave injustice
was done buy one of his buddies and he wouldn't care less,
what an holy ass.
Speaking of self impotent "Benumin's" who control their own
narrow worlds here you have another editor who will no-doubt
give you a beating, Yuri Yanover has mentioned Benyamin Jolkovsky,
this guy is a black hat journalist, who splashed in the adult
waves when Drudge picked up his Coke on Tishe BeAv story about
Joe Lieberman, he used to write for the Wall Street Journal,
now edits his daily collection of right wing and Charedi brainwashing,
and toils with a self impotent agenda that Chabad Lubawitch
is far more removed from Judaism then Christianity, definitely
a more interesting bully then Benyamin Cohen. Go ahead take
him on, and let the egos pleasure itself... BTW ask Dennis
Pragger about him, he had a major fallout with him, because
Dennis is too close to the Evangelical world.
UleLevy umer yedid Hashem... our hearts are with you, don't
let yourself fall to all this minor stumbling blocks, you
have chosen to clean up the house and show for the world what
rubbish fills this supposedly pious institution of of Jewish
journalism. Like why did Yury Yanover fired Benyamin Jolkovsky
because he burned his Democratic hope Joe Lieberman, and why
did Yediot fire Yury because he burned down their lefty beacon
of hope Rabin as God. This is pretty much a job nobody will
take on only our poor friend Luke Ford, pity on your guts.
I only hope you will survive this gruesome battle field.
If you have not already, you will probably be contacted soon
by a guy named Luke Ford, a writer from Los Angeles. He is
currently writing a book about Jewish journalism and is asking
for interviews with several AJPA members.
Like some of you, I agreed to be interviewed by him. In a
transcript he showed me of our conversation, he ended up taking
my words out of context and later started acting very discourteous
and unprofessional.
Besides this Jewish journalism project, he's been involved
in some shady projects in the past (some pornographic, some
evenagelical, etc.)
I would highly reccomend to anyone who has yet to speak with
him to NOT DO SO. You may come, like I have, to regret it
later.
All the best,
Benyamin Cohen
Editor, Jewsweek Magazine
http://www.jewsweek.com
..............
Luke writes Steven Weiss: Steven, I could not have put it
any better myself. I am happy to share with you any of the
email in question to establish their veracity, as well as
the tape of the interview with Benyamin to show that nothing
was taken out of context and I was courteous (contrary to
Benyamin's allegations).
Cathy Seipp writes Luke: Er...uh...er...uh...
Well, let's see.
He sounds pissy. But so do you, as the email exchange goes
on. I would not have asked you to change the word sucks to
stinks. But since he did, and it was evidently a big thing
to him, and I guess we'll take his word for it that it's not
normally how he speaks, and he's not a celebrity or even a
public figure, I would probably have gone along with it.
If I didn't know you as I do, I would be more on your side
here. But since I do know that sometimes you will dig your
heels in and be stubborn for no good reason when it comes
to making these sorts of changes -- or actually, changes that
are far more serious and really should be made -- I'm inclined
to understand why the guy feels pissed off.
Jonathan Friendly worked at The New York Times from 1969-87.
He moved to the Detroit Jewish News in 1996 and Renaissance
Jewish Media (serving for a year at the Atlanta Jewish Times).
He writes me: "In the early 30's Ferdinand F. Wachenheimer,
wanting a job in journalism and fearing that his Jewish name
would be a hindrance in finding work, took his mother's maiden
name and became Fred W. Friendly. At the same time and for
exactly the same reason, my father, Alfred Rosenbaum, took
his mother's maiden name and became Alfred Friendly. The Wachenheimers,
Rosenbaums and Friendlys were not in that generation observant
Jews. I went to an Episcopal prep school from 4th grade through
12th."
Jonathan tells me he's "far more worried about American journalism
than about Jewish journalism because we get so much wrong.
Remember who was supposed to win Iowa? Howard Dean. John Kerry
was supposed to finish fourth.
"We got weapons of mass destruction wrong.
"I worry more about the loss of curiosity in American journalism
generally."
"What do you think about the phrase, is it good for the Jews?"
Jonathan laughs. "I think a better question is, is it good
to be Jewish? Is it good to maintain that particular identity
in America? I am an American first and a Jew second."
"Is it a reflex of yours to look at the world through the
prism of is it good for the Jews?"
"Probably more now."
Amalek writes: Here is my thinking: you need a new direction,
which I of course am happy to provide. I want to compose something
along the lines of "I Want You to Marry Me." To that end,
kindly as the following people (obviously which) to compose
a few paragraphs towards that topic:
1. Why you should marry my son. (your father)
2. -----------------------son (step mom)
3.------------------------brother (sister)
4. -----------------------friend (Cathy Seipp)
Only after Benyamin decided to take this public (he emailed
all Jewish newspaper editors and told them to not speak to
me), did I decide to take this dispute public.
First, some background.
One. I've read Jewsweek.com on and off since it launched in
2001. I may go a couple of months without reading it or I
may check it every week. I think it has some good articles
and is a positive contribution to Jewish journalism, the Jewish
people, and Judaism.
Two. I've found that a large number of people I interview
suffer from the misapprehension that I seek their good graces,
approval and friendship. I am not. I am seeking to do my job.
Any friendships I develop while working on something will
not come at the expense of my project.
In general, I've found that a large number of people, within
or without the world of writing, feel obliged to tell me,
without my soliciting their opinion, what I should do with
my writing. When this comes from people who are more accomplished
than me, I usually welcome the advice. Otherwise, I usually
don't.
This brings up to Benyamin Cohen. Who do you think has been
the most difficult person for me to talk to in Jewish journalism?
Gary Rosenblatt, editor of The Jewish Week? Rob Eshman, the
editor of the Jewish Journal? Nope. Benyamin Cohen. He's a
busy man. Once we had to reschedule an interview because he
was overwhelmed with other obligations. Another time, we had
to reschedule because I forgot to call when I said I would.
Benyamin and I did our interview Friday morning. Saturday
night I sent him a transcript.
I am under no journalistic obligation to give Ben or anyone
a transcript of our interview. Not only is this not journalistic
practice, it is the opposite of journalistic practice. Occasionally,
to get an interview, I will promise a subject that he can
see and improve any quotes I use from him. I do this only
when I have to and I did not give any such assurance to Ben
before our interview. Instead, before saying goodbye, I said
I'd send him a transcript before I published it.
I did that. He replied with this document of changes.
Almost everyone I interview welcomes the opportunity to amend
things they've said. I usually go along with their changes,
but not always. In fact, I can't think of anybody where I've
accepted every change he's requested. Until Benyamin Cohen,
everybody I've interviewed has understood that it is up to
me in the final analysis to accept or reject his requested
changes.
I started to run into problem with Ben before 8 a.m. Sunday,
July 11. I asked him for contact info for his friend Vincent
Coppola. He replied, "Why?"
I replied:
Because I want to ask him out on a date.
Why? Obviously because I want to interview him for my book
on Jewish journalism.
Ben replied: "yeah ... but he's not a Jewish journalist. And
he only worked at a Jewish paper for a year."
I replied:
Ben, I don't tell you how to run Jewsweek. Don't tell me who
I should or should not interview for my book.
I get this all the time and I'm sick of it. If you don't want
to give me his email, why don't you email him and ask if he'd
be willing to talk to me. He could be a black lesbian Buddhist
for all I care, so long as he has worked in journalism on
jewish topics. That he is not Jewish makes him all the more
interesting to me, sheesh, why do I have to explain something
so elementary.
Ben replied:
Luke, Relax, man. I just wasn't sure you if you knew that
he wasn't Jewish. that's all. truth be told, in my opinion,
he knows more about Jewish journalism than most Jews do. his
email address is ------. Just tell him you interviewed me
and I gave you his name.
Ben sent me about a dozen more emails when I did not go along
with every one of his requested changes to his transcript.
I agreed to most of them but I wouldn't change the word "sucks"
to "stinks."
Ben had said on Friday: "My philosophy on Jewish journalism
is that most Jewish journalism sucks."
I emailed Ben that I preferred "sucks." It was more pungent.
He replied: "I would prefer it to the other way please."
I replied: "Nope."
He replied: "huh?"
I replied: "I am not making the change you requested."
He replied: "Luke, I don't think that's appropriate. I'm asking
you again to make that change. If you do not, I will have
to ask you to delete my interview completely."
I replied:
When was the last time you sent a subject a transcript of
an interview before you published their quotes? That is a
rare privilege that I extended to you. It does not mean that
I am going to accept every single change you wanted. I went
along with 90% of what you requested.
That is the way I've always done it. People frequently want
to soften the pungent things they say. Sometimes I accept
their requests and sometimes I do not. It is my choice as
publisher as it is your choice when you publish.
You said the word "sucks." I prefer it to "stinks." That word
and the interview stands, whether you like it or not. You
can ask all you want. It is staying up. If there are other
changes you want, I will consider them.
Because we are going to fight over this matter, does not mean
that I am not happy to help you in any way I can now or in
the future. But I am not always going to do what you ask.
I am not your servant.
This is elementary journalism. It is not the right of an interview
subject to demand changes to words he said on the record in
an interview. Before we did the interview, I did not say,
"I guarantee you that you can make all the changes to the
transcript of this interview before it sees print and that
you can completely shape whatever coverage I give to you in
my writing" or any such thing. That is absurd. Why on earth
would you think I'd give you such a thing? Do you give that
to people you write about? Do you always let your subjects
vet their words before they appear in your publication?
This is an interesting journalism discussion. I'd be curious
what your friends in the field feel on this matter, if you
cared to discuss it with them.
I appreciated your forthright interview. I like your publication
and will be glad to help you where I can. I appreciated your
referral to Vincent. We will speak later today.
That I appreciate your help does not mean I will accede to
your every request. Why would you expect that? Do people always
do what you ask?
He replied:
Before I agreed to the interview with you, I asked Andrew
Silow-Caroll if he thought it was a good idea. he said it's
fine since Luke will let you read the transcript and change
things if you want.
I guess I was under that false impression.
As you know, friday morning was not the best time for me to
conduct an interview -- my computer had crashed, my car wouldn't
start, and my air conditioning was broken. I raraely, if ever,
use words lie "suck" (ask my friends, it's not in my character).
You caught me at an extremely perturbed time and I think now
you're taking advantage of it.
Look, it's your site and you can post whatever you want. I
just think that ...
a) you're doing a terrible disservice to your readers by showing
them a Benyamin Cohen that doesn't really exist
b) as such, you're losing credibility in my eyes
If the wording doesn't change, I will not be able to help
you any further with any project you may be working on and
I will dissuade my colleagues from helping either.
I replied:
I give you complete freedom to share this dispute with anyone.
I'd be curious for the reactions of disinterested parties.
I admire your work and from what I know of it, I admire the
life you lead. You're a good guy.
That said, with every good quality comes a mirrored bad quality.
I don't think we're really fighting over the word "sucks."
Along with your courage and independence and vision and self-made
thing comes this unpleasant bullying and control-freak quality.
If I am the first person to point this out to you, then disregard
it. If I am not, then maybe it is something for you to think
about.
I am open to being wrong about this and changing the word
down the line if people I respect such as Andy tell me to,
but I really think this is all about you needing to have 100%
control over this interview, and your needing to boss others
around.
That you would throw a fit over this one word (want your interview
taken down if you are not accommodated, you will do other
things to discourage people from talking to me etc) reveals
something very disturbing about you. But ask your wife or
people you respect. Let us leave our egos out of this dispute
and, if you want, get feedback from others.
I'd be happy to publish an open letter from you to readers
of your interview (at the bottom of your interview). You can
say you did the interview under false assumptions, that the
image of you presented in the interview is false, you don't
use the word sucks normally, and that you discourage anybody
else in the field from talking to me because I am...whatever
you want to say. I won't edit it one word.
He replied:
Calling me a control freak is way out of line. You don't know
me and you've never met me. We've only spoke for 30 minutes.
To pass such psychological judgments is irresponsible and
rude on your part.
Unfortunately, I don't think we can reach an amicable conclusion
about this. I will now be forced to tell others not to talk
with you -- including Vince later today.
I am the moderator of the AJPA listserv and I will be sending
out an e-mail to all the editors later today to tell them
of my unprofessional and discourteous experience with you.
I replied: "Go for it."
He replied: "FYI, I have told Vince not to speak with you.
As well, I have sent out an e-mail to all the Jewish newspaper
editors advising them not to talk with you."
I replied: " May I have a copy of the letter you sent out
about me?"
He replied: "Nope."
I replied: "You're such a brave man."
He replied: "C'mon... why would I give you that kind of professional
courtesy when you treat me the way you did?"
And that's where we left it.
RJA writes: Poor Benyamin; he assumed that Luke, aka Levi
Abraham, was a journalistic push-over. He figured, how tough
can an interview be with a man (a convert no less) who spent
six years interviewing porn sluts about Kierkegaard and bukakke.
Mistake number one. Then he figures that using bully-boy tactics
will get the blog world to turn against Luke. That was mistake
number 2. Little does Bennie know but that Luke is the master
of the blogosphere; Luke eats guys like Bennie for breakfast.
There is no way for Bennie to come out of this looking other
than a neb. As they say in the hood: this is Luke's playground.
From
Robert Avrech's blog:
A few hours later, I receive a phone call from an old friend
who is going through a terrible time in his life. He has read
Seraphic Secret for the first time and he asks me:
"Why are you doing this?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's so...so...intimate. It's not like you."
"Well, I'm not me, anymore."
"It's so, so, so horribly revealing, and painful."
"Yup."
"Do you find that it's healing for you?"
.............
Luke says: People frequently feel uncomfortable when you change.
I remember how uncomfortable many of my friends were when
I converted to Judaism. Later friends became very uncomfortable
about some of the subject matter I wrote about and how that
changed me.
Writers, particularly screenwriters, are more sensitive to
the turning points in a human life, experiences such as the
death of a loved one, that forever change you.
Those who write hoping that their friends and family will
read them are usually going to be disappointed.
I remember when I'd worked for a year on my autobiography.
I offered it to my sister to read. "Why would I want to read
that?" she responded. "I already know your life."
Friends and family tend to believe that they know you so well
that you are not particularly interesting.
It's a foolish notion to believe that you already know someone's
life unless that person is dull or is someone that you sleep
with every night.
The people you pray with in shul are usually very different
from the people you most want to talk about life with.
As the sun begins its descent over Los Angeles, I wish to
announce that I've been inspired by the documentary Trembling
Before G-d to start a support group for all those who consider
themselves Orthodox Jews but wish to live publicly in violation
of the tenets of their religion.
I am forming sub-groups for practicioners of homosexuality,
adultery, swinging, man-boy love, bestiality, pornography,
R-rated movies, and those who believe themselves to be ordained
female rabbis according to the laws of Moses. The subgroup
dearest to my heart will be for all those Orthodox Jews who
believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, Messiah
and God. This is big-tent Judaism that puts Edah and Chovevei
Torah to shame. Get in on the ground floor.
This afternoon, I drove my messianic Chabad friend Shmuel
Nersky around Hancock Park. He was strapped to a cross on
top of my van. You should've seen the abuse he suffered at
the hands of fanatical Orthodox Jews. They called him all
sorts of names, such as meshugannah.
Seriously, I regard female clergy as one of the disasters
of the Modern Age. For all their contributions, they have
weakened standards, replacing law with compassion (Dennis
Prager).
While I rarely give reproof in my personal life (one, because
I'm obviously a big sinner and two, because it rarely does
any good) and I don't nag people about their sins, I don't
believe in rewriting a religion because it makes some people,
such as active homosexuals and women who wish to do all the
things a man can do, uncomfortable.
Shayne Shiksa writes: In my community I belong to another
deviant group, the Shabbath desecrators!, we drive to shul
on Shabbat!, we do it because we got no choice, we live too
far from shul and if we would not drive to shul we would not
have any Yiddishkite. We cannot move close to shul because
(a) we cannot afford it (b) we do not like city (c) we like
that ocean view from our current residence.
The rabbi knows who we are and he sometimes admonish us with
rachmana litzlan, they do not have compassion to our situation!
To add an insult to injury there is a sign by the shul entrance
“Please turn off your cell phone on Shabbat and Festivals.”
Conservative and Reform rabbis understand our situation. Why
don’t the Orthodox rabbis have the same compassion?
I had a meeting with my rabbi today. My
rabbi was very upset with my memoir. I tried to drown out
the reproving words by listening to a Torah tape. (Do
not click if you are religious.)
Mike Alb0 writes: "Just saw some photos of you. Let's see,
you've already admitted a penchant for wearing Daisy Dukes,
and now we see pictures of you wearing tighty-whitey, Peter
North-style briefs while some skank spanks you. If that weren't
enough, you have your hair styled in a Billy Ray Cyrus/Steve
Irwin mullet. One, two, three strikes; you're out! You expect
me to be seen in public with you? Granted, I'm no pretty boy,
but my reputation has been damaged enough. I'd like to try
to maintain what's left of it. You need to make some changes."
While eating dinner, I watched this famous
documentary. It moved me deeply and I dissolved in tears,
all over my Cheerios with soy milk. It reminded me so keenly
of my own story.
My partner and I used to live in Jerusalem. We were peace-loving
folks who simply wanted to practice the Torah and love each
other. The ugly Haredim, the religious zealots, drove us out
to Los Angeles.
My partner and I liked to go to shul every Shabbos, if not
every day, and hold hands during the Torah reading. As a result,
we were driven out of every Orthodox shul in town.
My partner's name is Spot. He is an Australian sheep dog.
Many people say I am sick for loving a dog but God made me
this way.
I want people to know that it is perfectly acceptable to practice
bestiality and be frum.
Why do you bigots think that bestiality takes you away from
the Almighty? Even when you sin, according to this documentary,
you are cradled in the bosom of the Almighty.
OK, I must go feed Spot.
I run a support group for Orthodox Jews who like to lie with
dogs as most men lie with their wives. If you'd like a place
to turn, email me. There's no reason for you to believe that
bestiality takes you away from God. Those passages in the
Torah forbidding doggie love need to be reinterpreted in the
light of modern science.
I particularly liked the fat dyke Malki who talks about the
pain of keeping it bottled inside while she wears an ugly
ring in her nose and her whole body screams "Dyke."
How come dykes in movies are hot but dykes in documentaries
and real life are not?
When I first came out as a doggie lover at age 14, I felt
very insecure. I was on tranquilizers. My parents sent me
to a yeshiva in Israel, because they thought there were no
practicers of bestiality in the Holy Land. Big mistake. That's
where I came out completely.
I really miss being with people who fear HaShem. I miss being
with people who love to do mitzvos. My partner Spot and I
have been away from Torah learning for seven years.
If I only had stayed on the Torah path, I wouldn't have rabies
today.
Yankel writes: Aleph. When/where will you be online? What
efforts are your publisher making to sell your book? Do you
have a tour lined up?
Bet. The "Your Moral Leader" bit is over. This isn't 1999
any more.
Gimmel. Cathy Seipp now receives all the buzz that you once
had. She has drained you without your even knowing it.
XXX writes: There is a shocking revelation in Hebrew Ynet
news portal (the Yediot Acharonot web site) about Theodor
Herzl's sad personality, now is one hundred Yorziet to the
passing of the Zionist dreamer, they researched his letters
nd found some disturbing graphic love for young thirteen year
old kid, nd has written bout atracking some grave sexual illness
after having sex with hooker in brothel which hey coused his
early death o his desis... http://www.hydepark.co.il/hydepark/topic.asp?topic_id=1011468
(this is copy of the article since the Hebrew site requires
registration)
When talking to Jonathan Mark, ask him if his own spiritual
quest in life doesn't corrupt his journalistic quest. The
guy has virtually only positive articles about jewish institutions,
since his crusade a few years ago with concubine (pilegesh)
story, he has become a Baal Teshuva devoting his spirited
pen to beautifying Judaism, perhaps his talent can be best
used for Aish.com
Also please interview the editor of left-wing haaretz newspaper
(David Landau). The guy is frum yid, shomer shabbes. It's
interesting to see how he is juggling his fundamental religious
practice with left liberal ideas and editorials.
On the Dennis Prager show, people called up with the one
thing they would most want to change about their spouse to
increase their marital happiness. Women called about finances.
Men called about looks.
Reb Yudel writes: Imagine if only enlightened people called
into talks shows....
Host: Caller, what's on your minde?
Caller: Well, I'm just grateful for God for all the wonderful
things in my life...
Producer
Mark Frost provides an answer in Luke Ford's new book:
"A lot of the people in this business are godless and corrupt.
That’s without dispute ... Creativity often creates unbalanced
people. When you take an unstable personality and add fame
and wealth and freedom of movement, you’re going to get amorality
... It’s what Martin Amis called, "the moronic inferno side
of show business.""
People are already selling it used for $31-$43 each when it
sells new for $17-$27 (hardcover). There must be a great rush
on it so the publisher can barely keep up. Get a copy while
you can.
Hymen Clitorsky writes: The initial run was exhausted as soon
as Luke bought a few copies for his family.
SERIOUS suggestion: the publisher should heavily advertise
this book in the gay press, as it has all those themes that
homosexuals fret about: acceptance, rejection, mortality,
religion, family and lack thereof, and, of course, non-procreative
sex. And that smart photograph of a sensitive looking Luke
won't hurt any.
From a review on Amazon.com: This is not a lurid tale about
the ----industry, which really is more of the backdrop here.
It's an honest, candid story of a man facing many issues of
faith that are ignored by most people today. Mr. Ford presents
his story honestly and candidly. My only fault with the book
is that the writer of autobiography should involve the reader
more; here, however, Mr. Ford writes about himself with considerable
detachment, so we don't get a sense of what he was feeling
or thinking at some pivotal moments. He often uses dry reportage
about private moments when a more personal recollection seemed
necessary. I look forward to more of Mr. Ford's writing.
Forthcoming interviews: Marc Klein, Benyamin Cohen, Matt
Dorff, Ori Nir, Jonathan Mark, Steve Rabinowitz.
A friend from The NY Times advises me: "Focus the next project
on quality, as opposed to banging out book after book. The
world now knows you can do a book. Time to let it know that
you can do a big book or a small high quality book, not to
diminish your work."
I heard about muders in the 1950s-1970s over the certifying
of kosher meat. Soon after, the kosher meat industry moved
out of New York and the reach of organized crime.
XXX writes: According to the NYTimes (Mar 11, 1979): “Martin
Paretzky, a 71-year-old diamond dealer, who has been missing
since last Wednesday and was believed to be carrying up to
$500,000 worth of precious stones when he disappeared.” On
March 12, 1979, the NYTimes reported: “A 27-year-old gem dealer
carrying as much as $250,000 in precious stones to a customer
was reported to have disappeared on Friday, just two days
after another New York City dealer was reported missing with
up to $500,000 in diamonds.”
In the initial days after the kidnappings, the police did
not link the two cases. However, on March 13, 1979, the NYTimes
reported that Satya Narian Gupta’s body was identified in
the poconos where he was found dead bound and gagged in a
sleeping bag along a road in Pennsylvania’s Pocono Mountains.
However, the police did find a link (NYTimes, April 6, 1979)
between the murder of Miriam Drelich and the kidnapping of
Martin Paretzky – Drelich’s husband, Philip Drelich was a
suspect in both cases.
Finally, on May 26, 1979, the NYTimes reported that “the body
of a man tentatively identified as Martin Paretzky, a 71-year-old
diamond dealer who disappeared nearly four months ago when
he was believed to have been carrying as much as $500,000
in diamonds, was found floating in the Hudson River yesterday
afternoon, the police said… With the rising temperatures in
the last month, a dozen bodies have been floating in the rivers
flanking Manhattan.”
An autopsy conducted showed that Martin Paretzky was strangled.
Still, no connection between the Paretzky and Gupta kidnappings
(NYTimes May 27, 1979).
On May 19, 1980, a State Supreme Court in Brooklyn found Philip
Drelich guilty of fatally stabbing his pregnant wife. The
NYTimes (May 20, 1980) reported that Drelich was “recently
convicted of murdering an elderly diamond dealer in March
1979, was convicted yesterday of slaying his own wife one
month later.”
Final note: the NYTimes (December 20, 1982) reported that
Raymond Paretzky, son of Martin Paretzky, became the first
student from the City University of New York to be named a
recipient of a Rhodes Scholarship. Raymond spent two years
studying at Oxford University in England.
I was sitting at home at my computer at 2:26 Sunday afternoon
when my shaygetz friend Robert (a PhD student in political
philosophy) phoned, inviting me to a party with hot chicks
in the South Bay.
We have to park a mile away and finally find the party at
222 Strand around 5PM. It is jam-packed. There's a $10 charge
for admittance.
I see an entirely new side of Robert when he makes a beeline
for the margarita wrestling. Hot chicks in flimsy see-through
white T-shirts and bikini bottoms wresting in a tub of greasy
margaritas.
The poster proclaims: "Tacos for Tatas. Help us fight breast
cancer."
Not for me. I studied my biography of Joseph Conrad by Jeffrey
Meyers.
I only went inside the party when I needed to use the bathroom.
I felt claustrophobic. Yes, there were hot chicks, but it
just wasn't my scene. The average age was about 28. I'm too
old for this stuff.
Robert boasts about this girl Sheila who started talking to
him. When she walks by, he calls out to her. She waves and
trudges on. Blew him off!
When the next round of margarita wrestling starts up, I reluctantly
take a look. That these were real chicks, not professionals,
who were degrading themselves added an unexpected frisson
to the festivities.
I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I felt rooted to the
sand by the vulgar spectacle.
Robert writes Moxie:
So, you missed out on hot chicks in bikinis wrestling the
fuck out of each other -- in quaint setting of an immense
pool of Margarita liquid. Now, Mox, I'm intensely disappointed
in you. I so deeply repined your presence. Imagine what lustre
and edification you could have brought to these, such heady
happenings! Undoubtedly we ought have succeeded in enlisting
you to don bikini; to go at it; to go for the gold; to pop
some moxie cans of female-on-female whup-ass. (A few body-dops,
body slams, face-plants, ass-plants to boot as well).
No joke -- Luke can attest to the veracity of it -- I spotted
an Ann Coulter look-alike. She was walking nearby on the strand.
With the right proposition, I'm sure she coulda' been a contenda'.
The crowd, however, wasn't pleased with Luke. As if a mad
leopard, he lurches then leaps -- right into the middle of
said mosh-pit -- and [verbally] ejaculates, top-o'-lungs:
"Repent you heathen bastards! You feeders of the bottom!!
Get behind me Satan!! You ALL -- all of you!! You are going
to HELL!! REPENT!!!" Poor Luke was projectiled -- through
the air -- over 100 feet out from that weltering cauldron
of Dionysus (tits, ass, ass-cracks, reeling priapic Satyrs
and all) like a divine, blazing comet.
.............
"I had to connect with my Neanderthal brothers," excuses Robert.
I feel disappointed that out of the hundreds of attractive
young women streaming by, I did not know one. I did not recognize
anybody all day. I thought I was a man about Los Angeles.
Margarita wrestling is what happens when moral norms begin
to break down.
"We're reverted to a state of nature of all against all. You
have unleashed amoral freedom."
"I'm concerned that the imbibing of alcohol diminishes the
observance of natural law," I say.
"Public drunkenness and nudeness is a source," says Robert.
"I saw this man take his willy out and go for a leak on the
beach," I say.
"Public nudity is a scourge on man's dignity," says Robert,
reliving the margarita wrestling in his mind.
"I wonder if Moxie would've wanted to join in the margarita
wrestling. She's often said she wanted to engage in jello
wrestling with Ann Coulter."
"We're with a drunken barely-post-adolescent crowd."
"Without a liberal education in the great books," says Robert,
who had exactly such but nevertheless acts like a nihilistic
pig, "you end up with the victory of the gutter."
There's a fight. "You stole my pot, you bloody wanker," is
Robert's explanation.
How quickly the imbibing of alcohol leads to nudity leads
to pot smoking leads to fighting and moral anarchy.
"This is a journey into the heart of darkness," I conclude.
"We're denying the whole idea of progress, upon which our
lives have been built. Western Civilization has gained sustenance
from the idea of progress for the past 500 years."
"There are no core shared moral virtues," says Robert. "Especially
here."
"Margarita wrestling shows the antagonistic clash of civilization
and decadence, the disastrous clash of the white man and the
African, and suggests the humane values that are needed to
survive this conflict.
"I am Marlowe. I represent the European conscience that you
have abandoned in this Hermosa Beach moral jungle." (pg. 191)
"It represents the unleashing of the most primitive bestial
passions."
"If only our visit here had been nasty, brutish and SHORT!"
"The state of nature is red in tooth and claw."
"I'm being held captive here against my will."
"In the state of nature, man is only absolutely free to defend
his own life and kill his fellow man."
"And rape his fellow woman."
"The social contract has been broken," says Robert. "It is
a folly to think that it is still today doable.
"We're in a precipitous decline of female beauty in the past
30 minutes. I feel demoralized and weakened."
"Our physical weakness has accompanied our moral decline."
"The woman in the cowboy hat with her nipples exposed is giving
me the eye," says Robert.
"You're dreaming.
"This place has turned into Sodom and Gomorra with the setting
sun. Let us retreat now and save our last vestige of human
dignity."
"Flags waving and guns blazing."
8:30PM. Luke and Rob take a romantic stroll down the Strand
towards dinner as the sun sets over the ocean.
After dark, Robert and I surround a white woman walking topless
down the Strand. She has large drooping breasts. She's not
that hot. We weren't sure if those were really her breasts
hanging out. They are.
"This is normal in France and Tahiti," she says to the men.
Robert's just completed a class in Immanuel Kant and I hope
that he wants to discuss the moral imperative with her that
one should act in such a way that if everybody followed your
example, the world would be a better place.
"If this is middle America," says Rob, "this country will
not survive.
"Venereal disease is so thick down here you could cut it with
a knife."
10PM. Robert's convinced a woman is staring at him. I say
he's delusional.
I see the woman. It is my Jewish friend Karen. "I didn't expect
to see you here," she says.
How low I have fallen from my pedestal as a moral leader.
B writes: WHY HAVE TWO BLOGS LUKE? TWO BLOG LUKE INSTEAD
OF TWO HAND LUKE??
WHY ARE THERE NOW FEWER COMMENTS THEN EVER BEFORE DO YOU READERS
THINK? ARE THERE LESS READERS OR JUST MORE POSTS?
Luke replies: I use Protocols
for a serious discussion of Jewish issues, with a focus on
Orthodoxy. YourMoralLeader
blog is for other matters, such as myself.
The reason for fewer posts on Protocols these days is because
of the Jews. It's a conspiracy against me because I'm a shaygetz.
I searched JewishJournal.com for "---- ---" and alternate
spelling "-------" and the plural "--------" and I could not
find one example. Why such discrimination? Rob Eshman, why
do you insist on criminalizing love?
Please search the websites of your esteemed Jewish publications
for this word.
Philip
Roth has written a great new book, The Plot Against America:
When the renowned aviation hero and rabid isolationist Charles
A. Lindbergh defeated Franklin Roosevelt by a landslide in
the 1940 presidential election, fear invaded every Jewish
household in America. Not only had Lindbergh, in a nationwide
radio address, publicly blamed the Jews for selfishly pushing
America toward a pointless war with Nazi Germany, but upon
taking office as the thirty-third president of the United
States, he negotiated a cordial “understanding” with Adolf
Hitler, whose conquest of Europe and virulent anti-Semitic
policies he appeared to accept without difficulty. What then
followed in America is the historical setting for this startling
new book by Pulitzer Prize–winner Philip Roth, who recounts
what it was like for his Newark family — and for a million
such families all over the country — during the menacing years
of the Lindbergh presidency, when American citizens who happened
to be Jews had every reason to expect the worst.
In
Cecile's imagination:
Luke appeared unnatural in his tuxedo. His bride was about
to walk down the aisle to meet him below the chupah--only
she was supposed to be here five minutes ago. No one could
ever stand up Luke Ford! He was supposed to be irrestibly
charming--so that any gal would say yes if he proposed--even
half jokingly.
Suddenly she appeared but her eyes were swollen red. She was
nervous. He was not surprised. Any girl would be scared out
of their wits to spend the rest of their lives with him. Here
was a guy who drove in a bashed up vehicle, slept on the floor
and whose hovel looked like someone was murdered--a good place
for Mystery Theatre, as acclaimed cartoonist Donna Barstow
once said.
His bride was not accustomed to such roguish living. She would
never sleep on a floor. She spent most of her life tucked
away in the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills and her transportation
was always provided by a top-of-the-rate chauffer in a brand
new nice-smelling limousine. She could not turn back now--no
because her rabbinical father promised her in marriage in
condition that Luke stop writing dirt about him. He was a
former flesh business tycoon.
At nineteen, she had no boyfriends because, well, her father
would have them wrongly accused and thrown into the prisons
at Guatanamo Bay. This lady was so pure she was never kissed
if not shooken hands with. Her waif-like eyes fluttered behind
her clear tears as she slowly walked down the aisle as if
to the slaughter. Her husband-to-be was almost twice her age,
slightly overweight, and was promiscious in his youth. She
was petite, skinnier than an anorexic, and purer than the
Virgin Mary.
The 'rabbi' (former mafioso) began chanting his trope. Luke
was disgusted with this false Hebrew, but tried to hide it
so at least his bride could think it pure. Luke's bride was
not a Torah Jew--she was moral and well kept, but because
of her sheltered upbringing, her knew nothing about Judaism.
Luke's bride forced a smile as he started muttering foreign
words at her face. Suddenly, his sweaty hand cupped hers and
a clammy ring engulfed her finger.
She realized she had to do the same thing to him. She took
his tanned waxed finger and carefully placed an identical
ring on his finger. Suddenly, she had to chant Hebrew. Luke
whispered the phrases in her ear. She repeated somewhat less
than accurately. After loudly breaking the wineglass, the
festivities began.
Loud rambunctious Klezmer music began to play off the stereo.
Many of Luke's distant friends (flesh industry tycoons), and
rabbitizim began to dance. Of course, both social groups were
estranged from each other. One 'friend' got far more than
drunk and started muttering unseemly phrases. He was arrested
by Luke's in-laws guards and kept in a back room. Luke, downing
three Foster beers, started leaping from one table to another.
His bride looked helplessly on. With her Mormon/Jewish upbringing,
she would never touch the unkosher fluids. She smiled and
helped her new husband down. His bloodshot eyes peered into
hers profoundly. She smilked meekly. His eyebrows furrowed.
She puckered her lips. His mouth opened. She advanced towards
him. Vomit spewed forth.
Luke's bride started screaming and demanded help. Her parents
came and escorted him to the back right by the drunk 'friend'.
Her mother tried to console as she sobbed. Meanwhile as her
maids were cleaning up her bridal dress, two 'friends' were
playing Strip Chess in which each piece lost equals a garment
to be tossed aside. And worse--people began to copy their
game as well. By the time the maids cleaned up the dress and
helped Luke's bride into a simple frock, half of the wedding
guests were dancing naked to a fast-paced version of 'Chava
Nagila'. The rabbitizim were beginning to leave politely saying
the party was not for them.
After the wild reception, all guests calmed down while eating
cake. Long speeches soon followed. Cathy Seipp read a humorous
speech on Luke's bachelor days and how she reformed him. As
a gift, she presented him many house-keeping books as well
as a gift certificate to Crate and Barrel. Luke's humbled
family exclaimed how happy they were to hear of his settling
down. Of course, they were oblivious to the fact that this
was an arranged marriage.
Luke's bride, recovered from Luke's ill moment, shyly said
how happy she was to marry Luke. She started weeping, while
simultaneously saying she was happy. Her brother thankfully
escorted her off the podium.
The next day, Luke and his new bride left for Barbados.
Dodger
slugger Shawnn Green. Cover headline: "Shawn Green Bats 1.000
as Role Model."
Story reveals Shawn married a shiksa, has never batted the
Dodgers into the playoffs, is secular, and plans to expose
his daughter to "everything." According
to a search of JewishJournal.com, this is the 36th article
in the paper mentioning Shawn in a positive light. Folks,
give it a break. You're beating the poor man into the ground
worse than you did to the Jewish Community Centers issue.
The only newspaper that may be worse is the amateurish monthly
Los Angeles Jewish News.
No apology for behaviour during confirmation--why?
Cecile du Bois wants to know.
Young Cecile, I will not apologize for my diligent study of
Torah during your confirmation. Now, if I had gone around
------ your young friends, then yes, you would've been one
of the first persons I would've gone to, on hands and knees
(virtually speaking) saying, Cecile, I was wrong. I got carried
away with the festivities.
Ari writes: The frum Jews I hang with loathe The Journal.
They want to know and they are correct in this: who the hell
does Eshman speak for when he puts two men on the cover? Why
does the paper run men seeking men ads? Money, certainlky.
But do they run ads for escort services? Is it a Jewish paper
just because they run stories about actrresses who have questionable
conversions? While the paper claims to be Jewish, it does
everything in it spower toi undermine Judaism.
I tell them that they do not have to read the paper, they
counter, properly, that it send the larger message, to Jewish
children, to the outside world, that we are just hunky-dory
with things that are obviously a chilul-Ha-shem.
If someone like Rob Eshman or Amy Klein spills a great deal
of ink over say, homosexual marriage, how seriously should
the Jewish community take it? And then comes the central question:
who does Rob or Amy speak for. If they speak for themselves,
do we as readers not have the right of full disclosure about
their private lives? In other words, if Rob hammers away at
the moral and social necessity of homosexual marriage, I think
we have a right to know if he's doing this because he's well,
swinging for the other team?
We all know the dirty little secret of the conservative and
reform movements: that over fifty-percent of their female
rabbis are gay. Or is it because Editor Eshman is just a hack
for the Democrats and in the great tradition of Pravda, expounds
the part line. Or is it because he's ignorant of Torah, or
because he knows Torah, but rejects it? This all sounds small,
but it's what journalists do all day long. Why does no one
demand an accounting from the writers? Journalists think nothing
of exposing others, it's time for them to be exposed. If Amy
Klein seems to be angry at frum Jews, well, how come? Was
she treated badly by a beautiful Yeshiva boy and now she's
bitter and having her revenge? And if the Journal gives space
to Arab propaganda writers, one must ask, does Rob Eshman
also get space in the American Arab newspapers? It's up to
you, Levi, to straighten out this awful mess.
Can anyone tell me why my formatting is all screwed up?
My profile is on the bottom right instead of the upper right.
I just changed the format of my blog. If you hate it, suggest
one.
All I want from my Jewish paper, to adapt a saying on a
a t-shirt, is peace in the Middle East and a ---- ---. Is
that too much to ask?
When I read an article in the Jewish Journal, I want to feel
my whole body convulsed by tension, climaxed by a satisfying
conclusion that makes me scream, "Oh my God. Oh my God. That
was the best ever." Is that too much to ask?
I want to leave my tawdry life while reading the paper and
float in an ethereal world. Is that too much to ask?
Each time I open up the pages of the Journal, I expect my
experience to usher in a messianic age. Each time I'm disappointed.
It makes me very very angry.
Anonymous writes: I hate to say this, but ever since you left
your other ventures and settled onto protocols and this blog,
you've become very tedious. You keep bringing your shtick
to the same few topics over and over again - Jews, Jews writing
about Jews, Jews writing about Jews who write about Jews etc.
- and it just isn't working. It does not help you cause that
in going this route, you have selected a form that graphically
looks like any of 4,000,000+ other blogs out there. Even when
you were merely writing about producer has-beens and never-weres,
you at least were hitting a broader range of topics in your
interviews. And trying to borrow (textual sampling, I call
it) from your "other" days isn't working either because you
go to that well far too often. You've gone stale.
Interview With Gene Lichtenstein, Former
Jewish Journal Editor
I spent two hours with Gene at the Farmer's Market on Fairfax
Thursday morning. Then we exchanged some email.
Gene writes me: I'm curious about [Rob Eshman's] views of
Jewish journalism. Incidentally, thank you for not asking
me "what do you think of his editorship of the Journal," which
is not an infrequent question. For the record, I think he's
a terrific editor and is doing a great job.
Good writing was the central focus of the Journal when I started
it. My judgments may have been faulty, but the concern was
paramount.
Steve Weinstein, for example, was a writer, not a journalist.
He was lured away from The Journal within a year by the LA
Times to write features about popular culture; Joe Domanick
had no reporting experience either, but turned out to be an
exceptionally good reporter and magazine writer. He was pulled
away by the LA Weekly and the LA Times. Columnists were seen
by me as writers who would serve as the spine of the paper.
I started with Yehuda Lev, who was a wonderful writer. By
the time he moved to Rhode Island, he was old and tired and
spent, though occasionally produced something wonderful.
Marlene Marks, who had wanted to be the editor of the paper,
came by about a year after we had been publishing. Her husband
had jusr died. She wrote two rather boring, sophmoric pieces
about Judaism and the community, which I turned down. I told
her to write about being in the hospital when she heard that
her husband had died, and her anger at the doctors and rabbi,
etc. She did, and was off and running. Her columns were about
herself and women and being a single mother in LA, and in
the first few years they were pretty terrific. Later she became
a celebrity and her columns were a bit ponderous and full
of herself.
During the last year that I was at the paper, I couldn't bear
to read them and asked Rob to take over the responsibility
(this was before she developed cancer).
Anyway, I could cite many other writers---Steve Leder, David
Margolis, Dov Aharoni, JJ Goldberg, Teresa Strasser, Rob Eshman,
Eric Silver, Helen Davis--all of whom I brought to the paper
because of their writing. Stephen Leder, who is rabbi at Wilshire
Blvd. Temple, was then an assistant rabbi who wrote the Torah
Portion, which had been guarded by the Board of Rabbis, who
zealously made sure every rabbi who wanted got a shot at it.
Most of the writing was dreadful until Leder came along; at
which point I dispensed with the Board and signed him on.
Read some of his columns; they were very good. The Federation,
the Board, the publisher of the newspaper all pressured me
to rotate, but I stayed with Steve until he had to bow out
because of time.
The same thing applied to Dov Aharoni, an extreme right wing
Orthodox rabbi. I don't think he and I agreed on a single
issue; but he was a wonderful writer. The Federation in the
person of Stanley Hirsh, who was also a member of the newspaper's
board of directors, pressed me not to run him: He was too
extreme, too divisive. We kept publishing him until he withdrew
to attend law school. Even when it came to hiring reporters,
such as Naomi Pfefferman and Julie Fax, good writing was a
central factor.
I approached JJ Goldberg and asked if he'd write for us if
I could put together a consortium of Jewish newspapers to
pay him a decent salary. He agreed and I called David Twersky,
who then edited the NJ newspaper, and asked him to help line
up some papers. That's how JJ came to write a column.
On the other hand, [a right-winger], who has a large following
in LA, asked if he could write a column for us. I had published
a few pieces by him, but found his writing pompous, overblown
and boring. I turned him down because of the writing, though
he was convinced it was because I disagreed with him about
policy. What he didn't understand was that I was desperate
for good writers on the right (Aharoni was a case in point),
but unwilling to publish bad writing.
Who's the Jewish Journal staff-woman that then-Jewish Journal
publisher Stanley
Hirsh was infatuated with (though Stanley was married),
leading to his erratic behavior that led to the firing of
Gene Lichtenstein as the JJ editor and his replacement by
Rob Eshman?
Who was the woman poet at University of Judaism who was popular
with the students but denied tenure because outgoing president
David Lieber and the staff found her obnoxious (circa 1991)?
