Rage Against The Machine

I spent most of my therapy tonight talking about my FB postings. I’ve been feeling poorly over the past six weeks and not been as social and dynamic as I like. That cute girl in shul I didn’t respond to still eats away at me. So when I’m feeling isolated, I often take to FB to connect. I want to post things that will get a response. Sometimes that leads to a high where I feel like there are no consequences for what I write. Then I go over the top and people defriend me and I become more isolated and in response my FB postings become more bizarre, leading to further isolation.

Saturday night I was having such a high from FB posting and then there was the flame war over Islam and I got a headache from friends and it bummed me out Sunday.

My dad has a PhD in Rhetoric. I heard hundreds of his sermons growing up. As an adult, I determined to go in the opposite direction in some ways. My dad devotes himself to lifting people up. I devote myself to deconstructing ways of thinking and living I regard as false. Whenever I encounter someone who reminds me of my father, I lash out in certain ways and I’m stuck in this cycle of rage and rebellion.

One day in 1999, my therapist, after listening me talk about Dennis Prager for a year, said to me: “Dennis gave so much to you. By writing on him, you want to show him that you can impact his life too.” After that, I rarely spoke about Dennis Prager in my therapy. So I want that same sort of insight into why I feel driven to create flame wars online, why I so want to drive people crazy, to get away with as much as I can, to stir them up, infuriate them, drive them out of their minds.

About Luke Ford

I've written five books (see Amazon.com). My work has been chronicled by the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, 60 Minutes and Entertainment Tonight. I teach Alexander Technique in Los Angeles (see Alexander90210.com).
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