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12/10/99

Marry A Millionaire

Luke Ford goes on Toronto radio station Talk640 AM Friday afternoon at 5:05 EST, 2:05 PST to discuss his entrance into the Marry A Millionaire game show.

Many of Luke's readers do not know that thanks to stock options in FANtasiconline.com, Luke is now a millionaire.

The host on Talk640 this afternoon is Marsha Leiderman, "a jewish girlie," according to a source. "She is cool on air - a bitch off air."

Sergio writes: Hey, Luke, so you're a millionaire? I wanna marry you! Just tell me when. I'm already circumsized.

Chaim Amalek writes: Luke, the attached article describes a new television series under development by one Mike Fleiss aptly titled "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" If ever a show cried out to be hacked with a serious prank, it is this one. How 'bout it, do you or any of your readers know someone who is up to playing the role of the millionaire? Imagine the happy ending of the show when, just as the lucky bride to be is picked, our millionaire reveals that he is none other than Luke Ford, living in a hovel, or that he is a millionaire, but that he has made all of his money on porn! And what about you gold-digging pornet actresses out there, don't you think that you deserve a shot at this? Luke, think of the mitzvah you would be doing if you could detach some deserving young woman from the world of porn, and insert her into some unsuspecting millionaire's life! How about it, any plausible candidates, at either end, in the world of LukeFord.com?

DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT BACKING OUT! The assholes who thought of this show, their sponsors, and especially Fox, DESERVE to be made fools of! Trust me, this would be a great mitzvah for you. Goddamn you better go to that show, and you better make a full press effort to get on! Tell 'em you are a convert to Judaism, do NOT go too deeply into the porn shit, tell them that you are a lonely geeky internet millionaire in need of a wife. I and others will help you out if you need more ideas, references, forged documents etc. This would be a big break for you, and for all of the world's hovel-dwelling men. This really is a big deal. This show BEGS to be hacked!!!! You get your ass on that show, or I will start writing these letters to Mike Albo, and try to get HIM on that show!

MILLIONAIRE SEEKS BRIDE By NY POST TV STAFF

Hey girls. Wanna marry a multi-millionaire -- on live TV in front of millions of viewers? In Las Vegas, yet? You'll get your chance, now that the search is on to find contestants for "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" a two-hour special being developed for Fox. The special has no airdate or host yet, but is hoping to cash in on the success of ABC's "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." The big difference here: "Multi-Millionaire" includes a question mark in its title, unlike ABC's show. "Multi-Millionaire" producers put the word out yesterday that during the next month, they'll be searching for "any and all women" 18 and older to become "Mrs. Multi-Millionaire." A minimum of 50 candidates will be selected and flown to Las Vegas for an all-expenses-paid trip to snag the (monied) bachelor of their dreams. Contestants need to submit a "brief and creative, if not outrageous" videotape explaining why they should be the next "Mrs. Multi-Millionaire." All tapes must include name, address, phone number and birthdate and should be sent to: I'm Your Bride c/o Next Entertainment 12333 W. Olympic Blvd. Suite 134 Los Angeles CA 90064. Videos will not be returned. And all male millionaires looking for a potential bride should call the show's producers at 310-207-3577, ext. 204. The show is being executive-produced by Mike Fleiss.

Luke says: I post on the internet about applying for the Fox TV Show "Marry a Millionaire," and a producer from the Toronto radio station Talk 640 misunderstands what I've written. Believing that I am the prize, he invited me to appear on his station.

Wedding music plays in the background.

Marsha Lederman: "Following the success of who wants to be a millionaire, they're planning a new game show now called, 'Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire.' No joke, this is an actual TV program in development right now for Fox TV. We are waiting to hear from the executive producer who is in transit and who will be joining us this hour to tell us more about this show. First, joining us on the line is not really the contestant but the prize. He's a multimillionaire, author and internet entrepreneur, Luke Ford. Now, you're looking for a wife?"

Luke: "Yeah, it takes so much time dating and all that. It's a real mess. So I think the show would be a real economizing device for my time."

Marsha: "So explain how the show is going to work and how you will end up with a wife?"

Luke: "They will take me to Las Vegas and they will have at least 50 women there. And I will ask them all sorts of questions and whittle it down to the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

Marsha: "How long do you have to ask these 50 women these different questions and make this rather important decision?"

Luke: "A couple of days. I'm not going to be rushing anything. I'm going to ponder what they say and really weigh up their values. And really get to know the special woman."

Marsha: "In this day and age, where we get to date this special woman for one year, two years, maybe three years, before we make that decision, how on earth can you go through 50 women in two days before making the decision to spend the rest of your life with one of them?"

Luke: "This has been typical through human history. Not so much the gameshow aspect, but throughout the Jewish tradition we've had matchmakers who introduce you to a woman, and you talk for a couple of hours and you decide whether or not you want to get married. It's worked pretty well in the Jewish tradition for a few thousand years. If she's not Jewish, we can convert her, dip her in the mikveh, and make her swear to obey the laws of family purity and off we go."

Marsha: "You're going to convert her in those two days as well?"

Luke: "I think it would be really cool but if she has a problem with that, we could start the conversion after the marriage. In Judaism the secular marriage doesn't count."

Marsha: "I see your book is "A History of X: 100 Years of Sex in Film." There's a shock. What are you looking for in a wife, Luke?"

Luke: "Someone that I share common values with. I'm a conservative guy. And someone who wants to have children and lead a Jewish life and make a Sabbath dinner with the candles, white tablecloth on Friday night and have a few kids and be part of the community and settle down here in Los Angeles."

Marsha: "My coworkers are pointing at me. I think you should scrap the whole gameshow thing."

Luke: "I think so too. I hear you are a really nice Jewish girl. I checked with my sources before I came on the show. Maybe we should think about this."

Marsha: "Maybe I should be one of the 50 contestants. We can rig it."

Luke: "Yeah, we'll let them think that my mind is even open to other women, but as I talk to you now, I sense a special mystical bond between us."

Marsha: "Do you really expect this marriage to last? You say you are really into religious values and family values, etc. Is this really a way to find a life partner?"

Luke: "I am a little queasy about it to be truthful. I'm scared to death. It is rather wild and outrageous. It's kinda like the decision to write my book on a really whacky topic. I just decided to do this on a whim."

Marsha: "Are you sure it is going to last? If it was with me, it would last."

Luke: "If it was with you, I know it would last. But if it was with one of these other 50 women. I have a pretty good radar for people's values. And I think I will be able to find a nice Jewish girl through this."

Marsha: "Would you like to take some calls because there are some women here who would like to talk to you? Let's go to Rachel."

Rachel: "This has got to be a joke. I can't believe this. This man thinks he has great radar for women's values meanwhile he's inviting a bunch of women golddiggers to come and he's going to interview them for two days and find the woman he is going to stay with for the rest of his life? He's insane. This is ridiculous. I hope he has a huge prenup, because the only reason anyone would want to marry him like this is for his money."

Marsha: "I've got to agree with Rachel that you are just going to be attracting golddiggers."

Rachel: "And mental cases and kooks."

Luke: "Unlike the women I normally meet in Los Angeles? I think it is legitimate for women to be attracted to someone who was affluent. If it was the only reason she was going to marry me, that would be highly unfortunate."

Marsha: "But for what other reason would she marry you? She's coming on a gameshow to compete to marry you."

Rachel: "Like she's going to say, 'Listen Luke. You know what? You're ok but I want your cash.' This is the most hilarious thing. I can't wait to get to my Sabbath dinner in 15 minutes to discuss this. This is hilarious."

Marsha: "Luke Ford, multimillionaire. Who wants to marry a millionaire? He is the millionaire. Involved in this game show. It's not a joke. It's true. Do they have same sex marriage in California?"

Luke: "No, that is against the Torah."

Marsha takes a break and then comes on to my phone line to chat privately.

Marsha: "Is this for real? I can't believe you are doing this."

Luke: "No, I can't either."

Marsha: "It's nuts. These girls aren't going to be Jewish?"

Luke: "She'd have to convert. She wouldn't have to convert before the marriage but she would have to be open to that."

Marsha: "You should move to Toronto. There are lots of nice girls here for you."

Luke: "It's too cold there. I'm from Australia."

Marsha: "It is cold but you come here and meet one and then take her back down there."

Luke: "A good suggestion. I hear that there are a lot of Jews in Toronto."

Marsha: "One hundred and fifty thousand. And you can afford the plane ticket up."

Luke: "And they are not all wannabe actresses."

Marsha: "No, no, no. Much more down to earth, probably not as good looking as your typical Los Angeles garden variety Jewess."

We come back from the commercial break.

Bill calls: "Luke, will you marry me?"

Luke: "No that is against the Torah."

Marsha: "Sorry Bill."

Bill: "Damn, I really wanted to marry you. Does gender matter?"

Luke: "Yeah, it does."

Bill: "I was willing to divorce my wife, leave my kids, and to serve you and your money for the rest of your life. And we're of the same religion."

Luke: "What if he had a sex change and became a woman? I'd have to ask a rabbi."

Carol calls: "Ohmigod."

Marsha: "This is not a joke."

Carol: "This is unbelievable. I don't understand how this will work. The right woman will have to have all the right answers?"

Luke: "No, it is more of an intuition. I often find that within 30 seconds of meeting a woman, I am incredibly attracted to her, or not attracted to her."

Marsha: "Why not marry one of those women you're already attracted to?"

Luke: "It just hasn't worked out. And dating is so tedious. I've mainly been working the last few years."

Marsha: "Dating is fun."

Carol: "What if you meet the woman and after a week, you have nothing in common? And you can't stand each other?"

Luke: "You have to work through these things. There's counseling, commitment to common values."

Marsha: "This is not going to last. A woman on a game show is going to have values? The only reason she is there is because you are a millionaire, a multimillionaire."

Luke: "No, all that indicates is that she is spontaneous and stuff."

Samantha phones: "I don't understand where a nice Jewish boy gets the name Luke Ford?"

Luke: "I converted to Judaism."

Samantha: "As much as this is absurd to me, there was a case a year ago of a guy who had a contest at a huge mall in Minnessota. It was on TV, they picked a wife and are madly in love and happy."

Jerry phones: "I'd like to offer my wife."

Sabrina phones: "I want to wish you the best of luck. You never know! Love at first sight. I'd marry you for your voice itself."

Marsha: "It has nothing to do with his being multimillionaire? Luke, ask Sabrina one of the questions?"

Luke: "Ahh, what are the values that most motivate you?"

Sabrina: "Respect for myself and my family. Lucky for me, I have found that already. And I'm not a nice Jewish girl, I'm an Italian girl. I'm Catholic, I can't convert [to Judaism]."

Luke: "I'd like to suggest that anyone who'd like to settle down with me come to LukeFord.com and send me an email. Maybe I'll find my wife through this radio show? And I won't have to go to Las Vegas with 50 shiksas [non-Jewish girls]."

Christina phones: "I was wondering. Would you like to marry my mom?"

Luke: "Has she kept her figure?"

Christina: "Yes she has."

Luke: "Ask your mom this question. If her dog and a stranger were both drowning, who would she save first?"

Christina: "Ok, one second. My mommy said it would be the dog."

Luke: "Sorry, I can't marry her then."

Marsha: "Sorry Christina, maybe you in a few years. How old are you?"

Christina: "Fourteen."

Marsha: "Maybe in four years. Luke will be happily divorced by then."

Marsha thanks Luke for participating and says goodbye. Luke picks up the rest of the show on the internet.

Coming back from a commercial break with "Jingle Bells" playing in the background, Marsha says, "Maybe you want Luke Ford under your tree for Christmas?

"I'm just on his website here and apparently he is quite the pornographer. Does anyone want to go out with him? Is anyone interested in being a contestant on this show?"

Rob phones: "I don't know who would marry somebody they haven't had sex with?"

Marsha: "Fifty women in two days. I don't know. He is a chronicler of the porn world. So maybe he could manage that? Also, he seems quite religious so maybe he is against premarital sex?"

Rob: "If this guy has so much money, he must have some condition that they must sign a prenuptial agreement. This would be more interesting for me if there was a multimillionaire babe."

Marsha: "This guy [Luke] is not bad actually. He's trying to make himself look really cool in these photographs."

Mindy: "I don't really want to marry him but I wouldn't mind if he paid off my school loans. I can't believe this. I was also on his website and he really doesn't look so cool. He looks likes he's trying to be cool."

Marsha: "He's trying too hard to look cool. There is this one shot of him with his hand in his pocket and his other hand on his face, he's so cool.

"These women are going to be golddiggers. And he's just going to choose someone on her looks. So the whole thing is disgustingly shallow and he claims to be this religious man."

Marena: "This guy sounds like a pompous ass."

Marsha: "I'd agree with you."

Marena: "He has his own website. He's raffling himself on this TV show and he has this attitude that his time is much too valuable to date someone. I can't understand why a woman would want to get this guy?"

Marsha: "The kind of women who are going to go after this guy are going to be substandard anyway. And he's not extremely handsome. Possibly a bit handsome."

Jill phones: "I'm thinking this guy has some mental problem or is screwed up in some way if he has to use this extreme to find a wife."

Marsha: "There must be some baggage there."

Jill: "If he is so religious, why is he so into this porn stuff?"

Marsha: "It's porn journalism. He's not actually doing pornography. He plays non-sexual cameos."

Producer: "The claws sure come out with the women on something like this."

Marsha: "They have some fine points. If he is so religious, what is he doing in pornography? I just sent him an email. 'Luke, Thanks for coming on my show and for being a good sport. Happy Chanukah (Hannukkah?). Marsha Lederman'."

Jenny phones: "I agree 100% with the last caller. What a mockery of the sacrament of marriage! I've known my husband for 18 years and been happily married eleven years. And we've struggled. This is just adding to the statistics of divorce. It is pretty pathetic when they have to resort to gameshows like that."

Marsha: "It does make a mockery of marriage. Marriage really is a sacred institution. You should get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, not because he has a million bucks."

Jenny: "If he is so religious, what is doing writing about pornography?"

Marsha: "If I wanted my name remembered, I certainly wouldn't want it for that."

Randy: "You guys get off your high horse because this guy here has it on the ball. If he's got the cash, go for it! The problem with these woman are, they could not compete in this contest. That's why they're complaining."

Marie: "I think this guy is buying a service. Molding her, converting her. This man is really whacko and pretty scarey stuff!"

Marsha: "Stop everything. I have a reply from Luke. Let's read it. 'I'm conflicted regarding religion vs pornography.' Oh, I think he is listening on the internet. 'I am opposed to porn. Just exposing what is going on. Do I have a medical problem? Yes, I've suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since 1988.'"

"So women, he might not be so randy? He's tired a lot. Notice how he didn't ask me out?"

Leslie: "I think this guy is a phony. I am a multimillionaire on paper. I also have multimillion dollars worth of debt. I think he's looking for a moron."

Theresa: "I think this guy is just looking for some free publicity and exposure. This is just a total joke."

Jack: "You want to know what type of women are looking for this guy? All you have to do is read the companion ads in the Toronto Star. They're all looking for well established men."

Nice Jewish Girl writes Luke: So, Lukey, you're a millionaire eh? Don't you live in a hovel? You don't even have a kitchen or a stove! You eat at Taco Bell! You have the worst looking car on the planet, it looks like one of those homeless person's cars! You don't even have a bathtub! And you only make a secretary's wage! You only make a bit more than me, not very much more. And the only reason we don't make the same salary is because I haven't had a raise in 3 years! And no, he doesn't field any marriage proposals from ANY GIRLS! Luke even if you were a millionaire you wouldn't have any women because you're in love with the idea of marriage, the fantasy, not the real reality. Just like you like the idea of women, not the real deal either. You don't even like to give any girl oral sex! You're disgusted by a girl having her period!

Chaim Amalek writes: Congratulations on scamming Radio Hostess Marsha. Hopefully this is the start of many more scams to come of this nature, culminating in a secretly videotaped meeting of some clueless woman at Casa Ford. While I would never pay to own a video of Kendra/Ashley/ Monique or Brand-E, I would pay to see that sort of video, especially to see the look on her face when you introduce her to Secretariat. IF this were a just world, the NEA would subsidize your scam efforts as a form of "performance art".

(This next block of text is for Your Eyes Only - I don't want the goyim to see this.)

One of your correspondents recently challenged the increasingly held view that Hollywood Jews are anti-Christian. I have seen so many movies in which Christian ministers and Christian believers and Christian beliefs are held up to ridicule that I scarcely think it unusual, and would not consider it noteworthy, save for the effect that this hateful practice must inevitably have on society, once the goyim awake from their slumber. One recent example of anti-Christian animus is provided by the current release "Sleepy Hollow".

The short story on which it is based concerns a shy awkward schoolteacher and his rival in Tarrytown, New York. As one would expect of a work from a few centuries ago, there is no anti-clerical bias in it. But put it in the hands of Jewish Hollywood (I assume that directory Tim Burton is Jewish - certainly, many of the other men who created this movie are). In the film, the man who arguably is the most evil character in the movie is a minister of the church. He is seen to rant and rave, and do vile things. That is how the Jews of Hollywood often project their hatred of Christianity onto the minds of Christians - by associating with the few demonstrably Christian characters in their movies the most vile of thoughts and intentions.

Oh, I am sure that some would argue that this bias is directed against religion in general, and not Christianity per se (and Islam - the manner in which the gedolim of Hollywood treat Islam is itself notorious). But why then do we never see the corrupt hateful rabbi, the crooked Jewish financier, or the depraved Jewish porner, feasting on the flesh of Christian girls? Jewish characters are generally treated with kid gloves. Christian characters are usually employed only to teach hatred of Christ.

So long as the stock market keeps rising and unemployment stays low, none of this matters. But some day, the party will come to an end, and folks are going to start looking at what was happening while they were dozing. And all the Holocaust museums in the world won't stop what will happen next.

12/14/99

Monday morning I was interviewed by the staff of Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire. They were so fascinated by me they introduced me to executive producers Mike Fleiss. Everyone I met on the show was a secular Jew. I spent about two hours in all and described in detail the type of Jewish woman I sought in a wife.

Mark Seal writes in the July 2003 Vanity Fair:

The men who responded to Fleiss's E-mail were an odd bunch. Some of them were too old and doddering for national television. Some of them were advised not to participate by lawyers, family, or friends. "A couple of the guys we interviewed were probably gay," Fleiss remembers. "You get that on these shows - some guys who might have some homosexual tendencies who feel this is the ultimate way to prove their masculinity." He switches into a faux European accent: "I vill be the millionaire! That will prove that I am not gay!" He shakes his head. "Imagine what kind of self-respecting multi-millionaire would want to marry a woman sight unseen."

2/19/00

I appear live on CJOB, a radio station in Winnipeg, Canada, to discuss the FOX TV show "Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire?" which aired last night.

Host Charles Adler: "Luke Ford is on because he wanted to be on the FOX show Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire. Luke, speak out of school. What do you know about this show?"

Luke: "Yes, I met with the producers and I've been following it through various sources. There's strong evidence to suggest that the groom Rick Rockwell is not a millionaire."

Charles: "We know he's done some standup comedy and that he's been on FOX before. And we don't think he is that rich. Would you like to be on the show?"

Luke: "Sure, it is an adventure."

Charles: "Why would a producer want to hire a guy and put him on a show if he is out publicly throwing snowballs at the show?"

Luke: "Good question. I guess my chances are rapidly diminishing."

Charles: "How rich are you?"

Luke: "It's in internet stock options. My website lukeford.com is part of a package that is going public. And if all goes as planned, I should have a couple of million dollars in stock options."

Charles: "At that point you hope to become somebody who will pick among 50 beauty queens?"

Luke: "Yeah, or at least have more luck around the Jewish singles scene in LA.

"Even though you can say the show is rigged, what it does do is get at an essential truth. There are women who would be happy to marry a guy if all they know is that he is a multi-millionaire and there are a lot of guys who would be happy to marry a woman if all they can see is that she is really hot looking."

Charles to Misha: "How important is money to you?"

Misha: "It is a factor but a bigger factor is drive and ambition."

Charles: "Luke, what will they be hyping for your IPO [Initial Public Offering]?"

Luke: "Maxim meets Playboy is the hype, the concept behind Fantasticonline.com. Various websites centered around male interests like beautiful women."

Charles: "I know a little bit about Dennis Prager and I know that this show [Marry A Millionaire] is not his cup of tea. Are you still into porno?"

Luke: "I write about the porn industry."

Charles: "Do you look at the pictures?"

Luke: "Yes."

Charles: "What does Prager think about what you're doing right now?"

Luke: "A mixture of amusement, concern and horror but Prager has fairly liberal views on pornography."

Charles: "Bo, you are on with Luke Ford in Los Angeles."

Bo: "Luke, I have a couple of questions for you. I'd like to know if you could comment on your article about Rob Spallone on porngossip.com?"

Luke: "I believe that we are talking with Bo, a leading figure in the porn industry. Like Hollywood, the porn industry is known for its huge disputes. So these guys..."

Bo: "Just answer the questions. Yes or no."

Luke: "I have not even seen porngossip.com."

Bo: "Is Rob Spallone your deepthroat on the porn business?"

Luke: "Yeah."

Bo: "He's the one making all the anti-Semitic remarks about the Jewish people in Los Angeles?"

Luke laughs. "He does make a lot of remarks which could be construed as anti-Semitic."

Charles: "Bo, what do you do?"

Bo: "I run a porn site called www.lgi.com."

Charles: "What prompted you to call?"

Bo: "Luke Ford has an advertisement on his website that you can call in to talk to him on the Charles Adler show."

Charles: "Life is getting more interesting by the day."

Bo: "Luke, is the Christian Coalition funding you to write these lies about people in the pornography industry?"

Luke: "No, but I would be happy to take their money. I am generally in sympathy with the Christian Coalition."

Bo: "Is Fantasticonline, your sponsor, trying to take over the porn business in California?"

Luke: "I don't think so but they are aggressive in buying up portions for it."

Charles: "How much money have you made?"

Bo: "Tens of millions of dollars."

Luke: "Bo has been in the porn industry for 25 years. He recently received a verbal thrashing on my website. Some other people in the porn industry have gone after him, using me, saying that Bo uses drugs and other terrible accusations."

Charles: "What is your main beef with Bo?"

Luke: "I don't have one. I just write about him. Like all reporters, I am compromised by my sources, and I am close to a couple of people in the industry who hate his guts. So they use me to bag on him."

Charles: "Is this costing you any money?"

Bo: "No it is not. Luke Ford can say he is interested in this or that but he's just a mouthpiece for a Canadian operation that wants to takeover porn in the San Fernando Valley. That's his sponsor, FANtasticonline and Craig Vasiloff. They're using people in Los Angeles to split people in the adult industry in the states. They're trying to move production of most adult films into Canada under the control of Luke's parent company, FANTasticonline and Craig Vasiloff."

Charles: "I guess we are not the kind and gentle country we used to be."

Bo: "No, you guys are teaching us some tricks in the United States."

Charles: "Give me a phone number and we may put you on the air one of these days.

"Paul Waldey has been writing about the show for the nationalpost.com."

Paul: "Luke, why would you want to be on this show. And I want to know how much money you have, whether you would cut it as a multimillionaire?"

Luke: "Great questions. My money is in stock options, not real money. Why would I want to be on the show? An economizing device for finding a bride. It would reduce the dating hassle."

Paul: "It seems that this is a publicity stunt for Mr. Rockwell and FOX."

Dave Roberts: "Luke, why would you want to wake up day after day next to a woman who is there strictly for your billfold?"

Luke: "Great question. And it is fully answerable without putting me through hours of psychoanalysis. It's an adventure, it's a stunt, a laugh. There are annulment agreements. It is a total mocking of sacred values. It's TV."

Dave: "But why would you want to go on international television and make an idiot of yourself?"

Luke: "I think it would be a good experience that I'd like to write about."

Charles: "You were raised as a Seventh Day Adventist and you converted to Judaism because you believed in it. I'm trying to get my head around you converting to a religion, taking it seriously, a moral code. How do you juxtapose that with your desire to be on this program?"

Luke: "They totally contradict. But most of us have ambivalence about our greatest commitments. Rebellion against God often goes hand in hand with trying to lead a Godly life. We all hate the ones we love. And we all rebel against moral strictures. I agree with you that everything in this show contradicts what Judaism and other religions hold sacred."

Paul: "Twenty three million people watched this show in the US and three million watched the Republican debate on Larry King."

Luke: "I want to agree with everything that Paul says. This is TV. This is the medium that brings us Jerry Springer and that is the light in which this show should be viewed."

Porngossip.com reports: “Plans were revealed today for a Luke Ford/Craig Vasiloff bid for Congress. Sources on the inside report that, apparently the plan is to use whatever money Vasiloff raises from his magazine "XXX Generation" to buy the election and elect his mouthpiece Luke Ford as California's newest congressman. After his seat on Capital Hill is secured the devious duo will then fight to shut down the porn industry in California, keeping with Vasiloff's plan to move the production of virtually all adult films to Canada, where he will then secure his stranglehold on the business.”

I appear on the Marsha Lederman show on Talk640.com in Toronto Friday afternoon.

Fischel Teitenbaum phones: "I'm curious how you reconcile your Judaism, which you make much of on your website, with the mechanics of picking out a bride on national television. First, how would you know that any of these women were Jewish? Second, could you really marry a woman without speaking to her in advance? Suppose she turned out to be a mamzer?"

Luke: "A mamzer in Jewish Law is a bastard and can never enter the people Israel. I'd be condemned to marriage to someone who could never become Jewish."

Marsha: "You should do this on Israeli television. This is way too Jewish for North America."

Luke: "North America loves Jews. This country has been golden to us. Anyone living in an organized religion and in the world is going to be constantly facing temptation and challenges. And in the final analysis, this Fox TV wedding is just a secular wedding, it is not a religious Jewish wedding, and therefore doesn't count."

Fischel Teitelbaum writes: Shalom Chaver! Well today you can read how far I have fallen from the yeshivish world. I write to you after the sun has set and at a time that the rabbis teach it is forbidden to use electricity, and to an internet address no less! No matter, I do not believe that God cares about what Fischel the Fallen Jew does anymore. I heard about your radio appearance before Marcia and mispacha in Toronto and phoned in. Yes, I am the same Fishel. I still worry what you must do to avoid relations with a mamzerit [bastards]. In fact, I fear that the stain of momzerism is spreading over the Jewish people, Luke. No one wants to talk about' it, but with all those cousins marrying each other, it was inevitable. I want you to help me use your friend Craig's gelt to set up a website that names names. Of mamzers! Every yeshivish Jew in the world will have to log on to our web site to find out what their rabbis do not want them to know, Luke. There could be lots of money in this for the both of us, and it would be a mitzvah to boot. I will use some of the money to take more classes in English composition (I have gotten better have I not?) And Marcia was wrong - the topic is not "too Jewish" for North America! Likely she was too embarrassed to explain it to listeners.

2/20/00

Fiona posted to alt.showbiz.gossip: As you may recall, the "multi-millionaire" groom on the Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire show has a part-time residence in Vancouver. Yesterday, the Vancouver Province had a column by Peter Clough full of stories - all bad - that people had to tell about Rick Rockwell, the groom. One woman who was quoted went on a date with him about three weeks ago. She met him through Internet personal ads and he called her when he was in Vancouver. She says she "felt uncomfortable with him from the start" because he mostly talked about the "long term relationship" he was looking for. He "made his move" within half an hour (the old "oh, you've got a bad back, let me give you a massage" routine) and she told him to back off. "I didn't find him attractive at all. I thought he was trying to get laid, basically." Apparently Rockwell is also well known among real estate agents in Vancouver for wasting their time. One said, "He's a flake - a loser type of guy". He visits Vancouver every two months or so and is (in)famous for "playing the big shot" - getting agents to spend days driving him around to look at properties, when all he has ever bought is a "low-end condo that leaks". Another agent says, "He's a womanizer. He's weird and geeky." This same agent says he met two of Rockwell's Vancouver girlfriends, both from the suburbs, who said they met him through voice personals and the Internet. The agent says he thought it was kind of weird that Mr. Multi-Millionaire asked him to drop one of them off at the rapid transit station. The woman who went on the date with him says she gives the marriage less than a year - as soon as the TV bride discovers that the multimillionaire has a comb-over.

From the NY Post: Rick Rockwell -- the grinning bachelor who hooked a bride on "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" -- physically abused and threatened to kill his ex-fiancee, court documents charge. Debbie Goyne got a restraining order against Rockwell nine years ago after she broke their engagement and he got violent, according to the papers obtained by 'Net Web site thesmokinggun.com. A Los Angeles judge barred Rockwell from going near Goyne after she testified that her "repeated attempts to break off an engagement" led Rockwell to assault her and threaten that "he would find me and kill me," the Web site reported.

Chaim Amalek writes Luke: Yep, you have been milking the "I am a millionaire who almost appeared in the eponymous FOX show but did not make it" with great elan. Were you a stock, I would say that you had forward momentum at this point. Which means that you have to push even harder now, both for your sake and CV's (how many years removed from the pale of settlement is that guy?).

Next step: Take fuller advantage of your location in southern California to milk the many opportunities for exposure in your own back yard. Example: Why shouldn't you appear on some cable shows in need of a minor celebrity or two, like "Win Ben Stein's Money"? Or, for that matter, why not try to pitch the "Millionaire" angle to any of the multitude of television talk/freak fests that are taped in LA? (Do you have an agent?) At the very least, this exposes you to some of the machers of the LA-TV-Hollywood-Jewish world. Maybe you could pitch them the concept of a TV show based on the efforts of a POOR Aussie, the son of a minister, to find his way in LA etc. (Might be best to drop the Jewish angle.)

OK I am free associating now (well, not really, but close enough to it). We all know that the networks are A. desperate for a hit and B. shameless in copying one another. Here is an angle to pitch a show that would use you, Luke. "Who Wants to Marry an Internetmillionaire Nerd". I recently read that the high-tech nerd-istans of Silicon Valley and Northern Virginia have a serious shortage of women, and that many of those stock option millionaires, who are almost all male, are having a devil of a time finding suitable mates. Why not a television show that seeks to pair off an internet millionaire with a spouse? Perhaps you could pitch yourself as such a nerd millionaire in need of a spouse. The fact that this woman must also be jewish would only serve to increase the poignancy of the situation.

6/26/00

Darva Conger Nude Pics In Latest Playboy

Marc Putative writes: Flipping through the latest playboy with darva conger on the cover, i noticed that neither darva nor the centerfold have breast implants. furthermore, the playmate of the month is pictured in one shot displaying something that sort of resembles actual genitalia. yes, darva's nude. shockingly non-implanted, too. can you get some scoop about playboy's evolution into showing labial folds now?

Paul Weller writes on alt.fan.howard-stern: Isn't it fascinating that you losers are clammoring to look at airbrushed nude pictures of this average looking BITCH just because she was involved in a stupid controversy while there's about 8 billion pictures of incredible looking babes on the internet.

Joe: Hey, dickbrain, has it ever occurred to you that part of the facsination with chicks like Darva is because they are "average"? I've seen plenty of the 8 billion "incredible looking babes", all pumped full of plastic and shaved down, with water balloons where their tits used to be. Fuck that shit-- give me a "real" girl anyday.

From the New York Post article June 5 by Peter Fearon: SOON, every man on the planet will be able to see more of remorseful bride Darva Conger than her husband saw during their entire honeymoon. Even better - they won't have to talk to her.

The man to thank - or blame, depending on your point of view - is Playboy's No. 1 wrangler, Gary Cole. He's the man who has persuaded some of America's most notorious women to bare their souls - and just about everything else.

"There is a curiosity out there about the women in the news," Cole says. "I can tell you that when word got out that we were talking to Darva, people were calling me and saying, 'Gee, I can't wait to see that!' "That's when you know you're on the right track."

Scandal is almost as much of a turn-on as nudity. For 25 years, Playboy has seasoned its usual fare of voluptuous, pulchritudinous Playmates with the discredited, dishonored and the just plain infamous.