Joseph A. Klein's new book is published by World Ahead "Do you have liberals under your bed?" Publishing -- a new conservative imprint based in Los Angeles.
Tuesday morning, March 7, 2006, I find free parking 200 yards from the Luxe Hotel at Sunset Blvd and risk my life balancing perilously on the concrete gutter in face of onrushing traffic as I speed to the Center Breakfast Club. It's 8 am.
I see the speaker and a candidate for the 42nd Congressional district and two other people, but I've beat Michael Lynch and Stephanie from David Horowitz's CSPC (Center for the Study of Popular Culture).
For ninth grade, I went to a conservative Christian school where I heard all sorts of kookie ideas about how the United Nations was leading to one-world government, which was a very bad thing.
I'm only showing up today because my psychiatrist says I need to leave the house more often.
I eat three muffins and a plate of fresh fruit while downing four cups of mint tea.
Michael shows up. His voice has dropped four octaves. He's recovering from a bad cold.
He gives me my name tag. I feel like I belong.
I'm asked if it is better to be aggressive or relaxed when trying to meet girls at Temple Sinai's Friday Night Live. I ponder the question. Some people should be more aggressive and some people should be more relaxed. Overall, a man should aggressively seek out a woman in a relaxed manner. If she's interested in him, she will let him know by asking him questions about his life, by looking at him, and by touching him. If, instead of doing any of those things, she answers her cell phone or looks wildly around the room for relief, or says, 'I've got to go,' she's not interested.
Looking around the room, I conclude once again that Jews tend to eat more aggressively and talk more aggressively than Gentiles.
At 8:30 a.m., Janet Levy gives an introduction. "We're beginning to see evidence of a UN global tax, ostensibly to combat AIDS in Africa."
It seems that every other cause these days is to fight AIDS in Africa. I think I have some simple solutions. Don't have unprotected man-on-man sex. Don't have sex with people who do. Embrace monogamy rather than hookers. Don't share needles.
Hmm, I'm going to put all these things on my to-do list.
A Harvard-trained lawyer, Klein stands up and condemns the UN for its "insidious agenda -- elimination of our Second Amendment right (to bear arms)."
He condemns taxation without representation. "That's why we fought the American Revolution. The stamp tax, etc."
He talks about a possible tax on emails by the UN.
"The UN has pursued an aggressive socialist agenda."
Klein notes that the majority of members of the UN are authoritarian and anti-West and anti-Israel.
"The tipping point which led me to write Global Deception was 9/11. I was a block away when it happened. I saw people jump to their deaths."
"To this day, the UN can't define terrorism."
"UNESCO gave a human rights award to Hugo Chavez of Venezuela."
China, Iran, Cuba and company have sat on the UN's human rights commission.
If they can sit on that commission, then why not Luke Ford? Why can't I sit in judgment? I am about as moral as Cuba but nowhere near Iran's stature.
I like the feel of sitting with the UN human rights commission. That is one shul that won't throw me out no matter how depraved I act.
My friend Jeffrey arrives 30-minutes late. Once again, he wears blue jeans. I'm in my black undertaker suit.
"Nice of you to join us," I scrawl on a napkin.
"Traffic," he writes back. "Where's your girl?"
"She's not a morning person," I say.
Only 16% of the seats on the Human Rights Council are available to Western democracies and 55% to authoritarian regimes, says Klein.
Israel pays almost twice its proportionate obligation only to be unduly bashed.
"The UN couldn't get a majority vote to condemn Sudan two years ago."
"They produced a report on Guantonomo Bay without ever visiting it. They said that force-feeding prisoners on hunger strike was a violation of individual autonomy."
Joseph A. Klein looks and sounds like Robert J. Avrech (though not quite as dashing and James Bond-like).
"Some Arab countries want a UN ban on defamation of religion."
Uh oh. I'd be in big trouble.
This will be a resolution that will go before either the Human Rights Council or the General Assembly.
That'd be the end of my writing career. Might as well hang up my keyboard and return to secretarial work.
"The UN should return to the original intent of its founding documents."
"Just because one opposes the UN does not make one a unilateralist. There are alternatives. The UN needs competition."
He asks the crowd of 30 persons if the US should withdraw from the UN. Eighty percent agree.
My mind is distracted by thoughts about a woman so I can't truly bear down on this weighty matter.
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
Jeffrey buys the book Global Deception. "I don't just write words," he says. "I put down my money."
"The pen is mightier than your puny wallet," I respond.
"Depends on what you pen," he replies.
I ask Joe Klein if he's changed his position on Iraq (he supported the invasion). He says it is unchanged, but that if we had known then what we know now, it probably would've been better not to have invaded. He says we needed a more solid basis in our national security rather than just creating democracy.
"On balance, history will probably say it's a good thing."
There's a lengthy convoluted question wondering if the UN will create a one-world government governed by sharia (Islamic law).
"The ACLU supports posting the Earth Charter's Ten Commandments in public schools but not the real Ten Commandments."