March 5, 2014, a friend sent me a link to JewishDirt.com. The
immediately grabbed my attention. I looked to see who made it and saw
the name "Monica
Foster." I'd heard that name many times before over
the previous few years. I decided I wanted to talk to her.
The next evening, I interviewed Monica via Skype. Here is a partial transcript of some of the highlights of our talk. Please listen to the Youtube recording if you want to get the whole thing in context.
Luke: "So, when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"
Monica: "I wanted to be Janet Jackson. I had her pictures everywhere. I really believed I could be Janet Jackson. My mom always had me in dance class. And then I had the awakening that I could not be Janet Jackson because I was not a Jackson."
"That's what brought me into being a stripper because you have an audience. Now I think, oh, how delusional... If I knew what I know now, I would never have become a cam girl, a stripper, nothing. I would never want anyone to go into adult."
Luke: "Where were you in the social pecking order in high school?"
Monica: "I was very popular. I was a varsity cheerleader in tenth grade. I was an over-achiever. I always had good grades. I did not graduate high school though because of things going on with my mom and I. I had to move out of the house. I couldn't deal with her anymore... She and I have a decent relationship today."
Monica's parents divorced when she was 14. Her dad, an engineer, came out as gay.
Monica: "I was the hub between many different groups. I've always had the entertainer gene. I was a good athlete. But then I had my nerdy side, my tech side, which is my favorite part of who I am. I've been on computers since I was four years old. My best friends were technology friends who were always guys. I can only have a few girlfriends because I don't like the drama."
"My issue is that I can never have enough attention. It's just something in me. I don't know what will ever fill that void. I'm always looking for something that I've never seen before. Through my search, I tend to create things that other people have never seen before. That's my gift and my curse. That's why I do the work I do. Right now I'm trying to figure out the link between religion and the adult industry."
Luke: "Were you molested as a kid?"
Monica: "No, it never did. I had extremely conservative parents. My mother is an elementary school teacher. She dissuaded me from anything to do with sex. My dad was never open about it. He never abused me nor any of his children.
"He came out of the closet when I was 14. He's openly gay. He has his life partner. That confused me when I was young."
"I am extremely straight. I love men. I've never been sexually into women."
"I'm accepting of people's sexual preferences. I have gay friends, but what I don't like is how some people who are gay make it their whole life. I am straight and I don't make being straight my whole life."
Luke: "What at age did you become physically involved with boys?"
Monica: "Not until I was almost 20. I had no urge at all until I was about 22. The boyfriends I had were guys who were very non-sexual. It was more of a friendship. They were more guys who wanted to be able to say they had a girlfriend so other girls would leave them alone and they would do the same for me so other guys would leave me alone... I'm a late bloomer."
Luke: "What role have your looks played in your self-esteem?"
Monica: "Tremendously. When I was a young girl, I always felt out of place because I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. I was the only black girl in my school until my parents divorced and my mother brought my family to south Florida... I had a difficult time assimilating because the black girls couldn't relate to me and I couldn't relate to them... That's why I was so obsessed with Janet Jackson because that was who I could relate to. My mom made sure that all of my dolls were African-American. She tried to instill in me a great sense of being African-American. When I moved to Florida, I realized I was pretty good looking."
"What makes me feel the best is being able to help people. That's the type of attention I like the most. I need that validation...
"Even with the cam shows, I feel like my shows help. I always make my title, 'This is the psychologically healthy adult material.' Even when I'm in free chat between the paid shows, I say, 'Hey, you might not get a show with me, but do any of you need real world advice and they really do ask.' I've been told I really do help them. That has helped my self-esteem."
"My first long-term relationship was with a guy from the United Arab Emirates. I think I've dated as many white guys as black guys. I've never dated an Asian. I've never had an Asian guy approach me. They don't tend to be into black women."
Luke: "When did you first encounter Jews?"
Monica: "When I moved to Florida. Hmm, the Jewish people. I have my opinions the Jewish religion as a whole. Definitely. I think a lot of people who claim to be of the Jewish faith don't live what the Jewish faith is. They use it instead as a ticket into certain social circles and as a way to feel that they belong to a group. I don't like that at all. Since my exodus from porn, some people have given me a very hard time and they've all been on the Jewish faith. I feel that people who live by the Jewish would not condone [the adult industry]. That's something I've been fixated on the past couple of weeks."
"Jews seem to isolate themselves from other people for some reason. There's this level of insecurity. The first guy I became close friends was named Ori. I was 18. I had just dropped out of high school. He had this certain paranoia within him. He told me that he could relate to black people but he did not like white Americans. To me, he looked like a white American guy. I did not know when I met him that he was Jewish. I thought he was a white guy.
"He was extremely insecure about being Jewish. He was always talking about being Jewish. Everything was Jewish, Jewish, Jewish. It was weird to me. He was under the impression of white Americans looking down on him and not liking him. I don't think the majority, that white America is out to get you. That was my first encounter with someone Jewish.
"I went to FAU and met more Jewish people. It was this isolationist mentality and a little bit of aggression. I didn't really know where it stemmed from. When I went into porn, I met a lot more people who were Jewish and a lot of people who were anti-Jewish. That's when I first became aware of what the Jewish people were paranoid about. At that time, I never thought positive or negative about Jewish people as a whole."
"When I left porn, I noticed that all the people who were stalking and harassing me and my family, they were all Jewish and they were constantly talking about being Jewish. It's on Twitter that I'm noticing this. One guy in particular, Ari, is very Jewish and he uses his Jewish faith to attack Christians... I have the screenshot of this [Jewish lawyer] openly said 'Christianity is bulls---.' I'm like, you doesn't even adhere to any faith, you say you're an atheist, you don't follow any religion, so why are you going say Christianity is bulls--- and then at a later date say that you have an affection for the Jewish community. Why is it that the Jewish people are OK and the Christians are not? I consider myself a Christian and I'm offended by that."
"I feel like there is definitely an organized aggression by what I consider to be bad Jews. I don't think all Jewish people are bad but there are a group of them who self-identify as Jewish and I don't think most Jewish people would want to claim as their own. If these were black people and they wre acting like this, I'd say, you guys are out of the black world. You can't be here. Of if they were Christians, I'd say no, you can't act like this."
"I never even knew about this Anti-Defamation League until this guy Mark threatened to contact them with regards to what I was saying. So I go to their website, their Las Vegas branch one, and front and center, they have this picture of Martin Luther King. So I'm like wow, Martin Luther King, they must be against defamation and racism and what not. So I'm looking at their site and I'm looking at who they're against and who they're targeting, and I'm like, wait am inute. They're going after Farrakhan. Farrakhan has this book out where he's talking about Jewish people and their involvement in the Atlantic slave trade. I don't know if that whole book is correct or not but I do know that Farrakhan is protected by the First Amendment. I find it interesting that this First Amendment [Jewish] attorney who fights for freedom of speech and fought for the right for this guy to have his book, 'The Pedophiles Guide...' and at the same time, you're going to tell Farrakhan he can't have his book? That's lumped under my umbrella of being a bad Jew."
"That guy running the Anti-Defamantion League isn't even American-born. I'm not saying that makes him bad, but maybe he has some things in his mind that somehow he can silence people."
"The majority of Jewish people I've met, 95% of the Jewish people, I have no problem with at all, but these people in the entertainment industry, there's something going on. Are they even Jewish or is this a code word for something else? Maybe this is a code word for Satanism."
"I don't like the aggression I've noticed towards Christianity. I notice that a lot of the media, which is owned by a lot of people who claim to be of the Jewish faith, that certain stereotypes are amplified. Christianity is blatantly assaulted and picked on. And recently there's been a lot of aggression towards people who follow Islam."
Monica said that her romantic relationships with Jews haven't been any different than her other relationships.
Monica: "Currently I only have one friend who is Jewish. He's not a close friend. He is very aware of the work I am doing right now. He thought JewishDirt.com was a good idea. Before I built that site, I spoke with him about that. He is someone who actually follows the Jewish faith but he has been attacked by the mainstream media. He's been attacked by people who work in technology of the Jewish faith with regard to some software programs he developed. He's happy about being Jewish but he's kinda upset with some people who claim to be Jewish. He got what I'm saying with that website. Before I built that site or even registered that domain, I felt like I needed to talk to him about it. I said, 'If I do this, will a lot of people be incredibly upset?' And he said, 'The only people who are going to be upset are the people who are claiming something and not living it... I know you. I know exactly how you think. You are not going to do it unjustifiably.'"
"The Jewish people I met in south Florida before I went into adult tended to be empathetic and compassionate."
"The Jews [in the adult industry], their demeanor was completely different from the Italians and the blacks... Very condescending. Very gang-like. Very aggressive. Very scary. Still the isolationist thing. Kinda like a superiority complex too... Maybe because they control so much... James Deen went on record saying that the Jews know they are better than everyone else. What is that? Is he trying to rev up hate? Why would he say that unless someone else said it to him and he's just repeating what he heard and it's OK because of his social circle. We all have to be careful with our racial sensitivity. I don't know why it's OK to objectify everyone who is not in their little group."
"I only started that site, JewishDirt.com, about four days ago. I can't believe the traffic."
"I built the site because I want the Jewish community to know what is going on. I want them to know about this legal extortion business with copyright law, the escorting and illegal prostitution, the stalking. Now I'm looking at Jewish news. I've never looked at Jewish news before. Joan Rivers was just attacked by the ADL for saying that Heidi Klum looks hotter than the ovens Jewish people were thrown into. Joan Rivers is as Jewish as you can get but I'll tell you why I think she was attacked. Her daughter dated Steve Hirsch of Vivid, who's in the Free Speech Coalition, which seems to stem from the Anti-Defamation League... I'm looking and it seems like Jewish women are attacked, are given a hard time in the media, but the men are not."
Luke: "How did my writing affect you?"
Monica: "Your blogs are incredible to me because you did quite a few interviews and you were able to capture the mindset of the porn stars. I like how you brought in your religious views. You mentioned how a lot of the women didn't seem to be thinking clearly. You'd write about the circumstances going on around the women. You were painting a clear picture. Very good work."
Luke: Why did you get into the adult world?
Monica: "I wanted to change my life and get out of Florida. That was my ticket out of Florida. I did buy into the whole Jenna Jameson thing. I thought if I worked hard enough or was smart enough in how I marketed myself that I would have a good chance at getting a contract. I was not aware that black women didn't get contracts. I did realize it was a game I would have to play but I didn't realize the magnitude of the type of game it was. I was seeking attention, fame, money."
Luke: You don't see a big difference between adult and the regular entertainment industry?
Monica: "On camera, yes. Off camera, no. The porn people are more the daredevils, definitely adrenalin junkies, but the people in mainstream entertainment could be worse because they're hiding it. I liked the porn people more than the mainstream people."
Luke: "What did you see of the occult in porn?"
Monica: "Yes. There's Ordo Templi Orientis, OTO."
"There were a couple of private bookings I did and these men were into the occult. They had the symbology all over their homes. They were into worshiping these deities. That's why condoms are important because they do use the bodily fluids in these ritualistic practices. I don't know if the people involved in it even buy into it or if they're doing it as a ticket to advance careerwise. I did notice that in these cult groups they utilize these brainwashing techniques. There were certain ways they would talk to you to influence you.
"There are a lot of girls when they are young who are brought into these groups and they use these beliefs and practices to separate them from the faith they were brought up into. Let's say it's a Christian girl from the Midwest. She might be bedazzled by all these satanic references. Maybe she thinks, hey, my homelife was bad, here I am doing porn anyway, my parents are Christian, maybe they didn't love me enough, and these people seem to have money and glamor and success and they're following OTO or Satanism and maybe the girl tries it but she might believe that once she goes there, she can't come back to God.
"I was already 29 when I got in. I was too old to be influenced like that. I had lived too much. I've had people tell me, you can't leave. You can't go back into mainstream society. You've already done this. I have this website, Christian Porn Star. They're like, you can't be Christian. You can't believe in Jesus. Look at what you do. And I'm like, God forgives. Jesus died for my sins and I sin every day and I feel pretty good about what Jesus went through on that cross. No matter what is thrown at me, it is not as bad as being held on a cross with nails through your wrists and hands. Muslim people do acknowledge Jesus. Jewish people might not think he rose from the dead but they do acknowledge that that cross thing happened. God is the commonality between the religions I think are real and valid.
"I feel that all this occult activity is an effort to separate men and women from God through guilt. I would like to see more religious leaders tackle this issue but they're afraid to because of the organized crime and the stalking. These porn people have the world so intimidated, they're using the prostitution as blackmail against some of the world's leaders because they're all seeing the hookers."
"I think there is such a thing as soul ties. I don't think that anyone should have that much sex because there's some sort of energy exchange that happens that can tie you spiritually and psychically. The phrase of 'giving yourself to someone', you really are and you need to be careful about who you give yourself to."
"If you're in too long, it tears at your soul. A lot of the men who've done hundreds of scenes, they are not like other men. It's like they're lacking in their soul. It's like an emptiness. A lot of women who've done a lot of scenes, I've felt that emptiness within them too. I did under 30 scenes. When I left, I felt empty. It took me until a year and a half ago to go back to where I felt prior... Even when who are professional courtesans, the best ones have few clients. There's one woman I know who calls herself a courtesan. She sees maybe three or four guys. She's told me, 'I only see such a small amount of people because I think spiritually it depletes me.'"
"That's why a lot of people in porn commit suicide or go crazy because of all the sex. It's too much. I don't think our bodies are designed to handle. Not at all."
Luke: "Is there anything I haven't asked you?"
Monica: "I think I've shared too much. I don't talk to anybody anymore. I get a lot of interview requests but yours came out of the blue and I was like, that's who I want to talk to. This will be my interview for the next year or two or three."