The first story about Gafni/Winiarz/Wyniarz's
sexual escapades with a minor was broken by Gary
Rosenblatt in the September 24, 2004 issue of The Jewish Week. Many
of the Gafni critics Gary spoke to felt let down by his article. They
say Gary either doesn't get it or he went easy on Gafni to make Gary's
own life easier. By focusing on sexual incidents that happened 20 years
ago instead of Gafni's ongoing creepy behavior, Rosenblatt delegitimized
his own article, not to mention the concern that Gafni is dangerous to
people today.
The Orthodox world's perspective, in general, on Winiarz/Gafni and others
who have left Orthodoxy under the cloud of scandal is, "Let them
do what they like with the non-Orthodox."
Gafni's critics, Orthodox and non-Orthodox, say: When you have somebody
who is presenting Judaism to the world, to people to whom Judaism is new,
his credibility is an issue. He has voluntarily put himself in a position
of religious leadership. He goes on TV and he tells the world he is a
rabbi. He invites scrutiny. If you are not interested in that scrutiny,
don't go on TV and don't use the title rabbi. You can't put yourself out
there as a religious leader and screw around (sexually, financially, ethically)
at the same time. For Gafni's strongest critics, the main issue is not
that he is a sexual sinner, but that he is a creep.
Here is my personal experience with rabbi Gafni: I heard him lecture (Gafni's
a friend of UCLA Hillel rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller) for an hour at UCLA
during Passover week 2002. I considered what Gafni had to say worthless.
I read a long section of his book Soul
Prints. I considered it worthless. Just New Age nonsense.
Gafni struck me as a charlatan.
I saw him huddle with Dennis Prager and get a half hour on Prager's radio
show the next week. I listened to the show. Neither Prager nor I could
figure out what Gafni was talking about.
I have an ex-girlfriend who was deeply moved by Gafni's book -- Soul Prints.
She said it was the best book she'd ever read on Judaism.
Prager has been chummy with Gafni for many years. They regularly greet
each other with a hug. When Dennis sent his step-daughter Anya to Israel
circa 1998, he asked Gafni to look after her.
Gafni had a three hour meeting with Rabbi Joseph Telushkin circa 1998.
Gafni spun his life story in a convincing fashion and Telushkin moved
into his corner.
Prager and Telushkin vouched for Gafni for many years.
Rabbi Telushkin wrote this cover blurb for Gafni's book Soul Prints:
"A radical, profound, and important guide to enable each reader to
find out why he is on earth -- and what he can do to make sure that he
actualizes the person he or she is meant to be."
Yes, people do write that way.
In the Acknowledgements section of Soul Prints, Gafni calls Telushkin
a "friend" and "colleague."
Rabbi Gafni's greatness as a religious teacher, such as it is, is not
in coming up with original material, but in taking other people's ideas
and restating them more clearly than the original thinkers. He's an excellent
mimic and actor.
This is not a bad quality so long as one attributes one's sources. Dennis
Prager is a popularizer of other people's ideas, but he attributes his
sources. Rabbi Gafni frequently takes without attributing (as does Dr.
Laura Schlesinger, who takes a lot from Prager without attribution). Many
of Gafni's Renewal followers think he's a genius. He probably knows more
Torah than 99% of Renewal Jews.
Winiarz's been to yeshiva. He's well read. He knows how to speak. He's
charismatic. They're dying for a guy like him.
Rabbi Gafni, and rabbi Arthur Green and his other supporters, are convinced
that there is a small group of people who are destroying Winiarz's career.
They are right. There is a small group of people destroying his career
(well, he's destroyed his own career with his creepy behavior). They pushed
Gary Rosenblatt to write that expose in The Jewish Week.
They are also the group of people who have known rabbi Gafni best and
longest.
If Rabbi Gafni (who has a terrific temper and terrifies many) has truly
done teshuva, why hasn't he contacted the long list of innocent people
he hurt and made restitution?
Gary
Rosenblatt writes: "Avraham Infeld, now the president of Hillel, was
heading an educational program in Israel called Melitz when he hired Gafni
in the late 1990s, despite pressure not to do so. Infeld has said he had
no regrets. Rabbis Saul Berman, who heads the Modern Orthodox group Edah,
and Joseph Telushkin, the writer and ethicist, also defended Gafni, asserting
that he is a gifted teacher and that they have heard no credible reports
against him of improper behavior in the past 15 years or so."
On October 21, 2004, I left messages with rabbis Berman and Telushkin
on their home phone numbers to talk about their defense of Gafni and their
attacks on The Awareness Center.
They've yet to return my call.
Rabbi Gafni has gone through more reinventions (not to mention name changes,
marriages and relationships) than most rabbis I know.
When he was young (mid '70s), he saw himself as the next rabbi Shlomo
Riskin. He was delivering rabbi Riskin's talks, word-for-word, better
than Rabbi Riskin. Rabbi Riskin didn't mind this. On the contrary, he
was flattered to have a protege. Rabbi Riskin speaks personally, as if
he is giving you some secret (with the way he uses his delivery and moves
around the room). Mordechai imitated him exactly.
Winiarz wore a suit. His hair was short. He wore a white shirt. He looked
like a respectable Orthodox rabbi.
Then Winiarz graduated from Riskin and decided he was going to be the
second coming of Rav Yosef Soloveitchik. He claimed to be the Rav's disciple.
It's probably another of Winiarz's exaggerated claims. Perhaps Winiarz
heard a lecture or two of the Rav's in person.
The Rav was completely out of R. Gafni's range, but Gafni used his terms.
This didn't last long. Next (around 1980) R. Gafni wanted to become the
next Shlomo Carlebach (including Carlebach's creepy history of sexual
abuse, including of underage girls).
In The Jewish Week article, R. Gafni admitted to committing statutory
rape. He said, "She was 14 going on 35, and I never forced her."
He's been married three times. He was also engaged to a woman he never
married. He walked out on his first wife when she was several months pregnant.
Gafni has a daughter from his first marriage (to Shifra). When she became
an adult, she went on a quest to find her father. They met.
"Shifra caught him cheating on her," says a source. "He
would do it in their home and her brother saw him cheat time and again
but he was 15-16 or so and Winiarz threatened to kill him and scared him
to the point he spend some time in an institution."
Gafni's third marriage seemed to be one of convenience. Cary Chaya Kaplan
(13 years younger than he, an Oxford graduate student who made an early
decision to never have kids, may have had a large influence on Gafni's
move away from Orthodoxy, they married circa 1998 and divorced circa 2005)
lives in San Francisco while Winiarz lived in Israel until 2005, when
he moved to California.
Cary Kaplan-Gafni is doing a PhD at Oxford's Jewish Studies department
(St Catherine's) on the interpretation of Biblical figures in contemporary
Jewish movements of renewal. Her supervisor is the same as Gafni's --
Dr. Norman Solomon.
Winiarz ran an organization called JPSY (Jewish Public School Youth) circa
1983-1986. It was funded by such major Jewish philanthropists as Michael
Steinhardt and Mark Belzberg (who seemed impressed by Winiarz).
(Mark Belzberg made a connection between Winiarz and Milah and Yural
Rabin, Yitzhak's son and Israeli businessman (CEO of one of Mark's companies)
and social activist (let's-all-get-along).)
Winiarz was hired by Ellen Lieberman (who is now married to South African
rabbi Ian Azizolohof). When Ellen left on maternity leave, Gafni took
the organization from her. He seduced the board. She came back from leave
to find she was out of a job.
Rabbi Gafni is insatiable for power and his predatory sexuality is just
a part of his power thing. Some of his supporters, such as Mark Belzberg
(from the wealthy Canadian family) have said, "Yeah, Mordechai has a yetzer
hora."
Once in control of JPSY, Mordechai Gafni self-destructed. On his second
marriage, he got caught molesting a 16-year old girl (called Judy in Rosenblatt's
article). I understand that a similar problem broke up his first marriage.
When Mordechai was in high school, he was accused of various crimes and
misdemeanors and illicit use of credit cards.
It's the people who know him longest and best who are most scared of what
he can do. People he went to high school with. Today they are high profile
Orthodox educators. They have made sure he can't get jobs in the Orthodox
community, which is probably why he drifted out of Orthodoxy in the past
four years and into Renewal, a place with loose enough standards to take
someone with his history.
After he sexually abused this 16 yo Judy girl in JPSY a couple of times
(and after that she turned him down), he hounded her for about a year.
He went on a preemptive strike against her. He tried to destroy her life.
He spread rumors that she was crazy. That she had a crush on him. That
she was trying to destroy him.
Judy told her story to rabbi Shlomo Riskin. He chose to believe rabbi
Gafni instead and discounted her story. R. Riskin told her to stop bothering
the good rabbi Gafni.
Judy told one of her counselors in JPSY, Susan. She confronted R. Gafni.
He tried to seduce her. She was appalled and rejected him.
A Beit Din was convenened in New York. Winiarz was told to quit his job
and move from New York to some unsuspecting community and make a new life
(that was how these things were handled until recently).
Around 1984, R. Gafni had problems with the IRS.
R. Gafni moved to Boca Raton around 1985. He did a great job in outreach.
He was charismatic. He touched people deeply with Torah and other things.
He built up the community (Boca Raton synagogue) that rabbi Kenneth Brander
is leaving for YU. R. Brander inherited the community from Mordechai in
1987.
R. Gafni left the Boca Raton community suddenly. There were rumors that
he'd had an affair with a married woman. There were a string of sexual
allegations against him. He had to pick up in the middle of the night
and move to Israel (and then took on the name Mordechai Gafni).
Before the scandal broke, he was considering moving back to New York to
run for Congress going into politics. The guy is obsessed with power.
He also wanted to become a television anchor man. He knew he spoke well
and he was just looking for ways to put his face before a lot of people.
He kept a scrapbook with clippings from every article he was in.
He kept coming up with various schemes for getting the most love.
There was a wealthy Jew in Boca Raton, the late Jerry Hahn, a big Aish
Ha Torah donor who loved Winiarz
Gafni took the three day Aish Ha Torah Discovery seminar around 1987.
He then went into the office and took all the original Discovery files.
A week later, R. Gafni started teaching the Discovery seminar in Israel.
R. Gafni was confronted on this. He said to Aish -- you guys don't own
this. It's Torah. Anybody can teach it.
R. Gafni went around and taught the Discovery seminar for a year month
or two. He was a great teacher. He started parroting the teachings of
Aish Ha Torah founder R. Noach Weinberg. R. Weinberg, when he found out,
was amused.
R. Gafni decided to follow R. Riskin's blueprint of becoming chief rabbi
of his own town. R. Riskin became chief rabbi of Efrat by creating his
own town with his own community.
In Israel, to become a rabbi of a city, it takes a lot of political savvy
and support. If you wanted to become the rabbi of Jerusalem, you'd have
to hire a PR firm and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and have
major support in political places. Major Torah scholarship won't be enough
to make it happen.
R. Gafni cut a deal with the contractor so he could become the rabbi of
Beit Tzufim.
He got a job in the Israeli city of Kfar Saba. Every fourth Shabbat, he
was the guest rabbi. People loved him. He was charismatic. He made friends.
One man approached him for help with his 22yo daughter. She needed counseling.
She was dating a guy the father considered inappropriate. Mordechai agreed
to counsel her.
He shaved off his beard. He got up in front of the synagogue and said
he had found the woman of his dreams. He was leaving the rabbinate. He
was leaving his wife. He was going to spend the rest of his life with
this 22yo.
His second marriage came to an end. The father of the 22yo went berserk.
He contacted the Chief Rabbi's office and filed a complaint.
Mordy's relationship with the 22yo broke up quickly.
Mordy left the rabbinate for about a year. Rabbi Shlomo Riskin was still
in Mordy's corner.
At this point, around 1992, no American or Israeli institution would take
R. Gafni. So Mordechai Gafni left for Australia. Rabbi Riskin had funding
there. Rabbi Riskin wanted to spread his empire to Australia.
R. Gafni was caught in some obvious lies and his credibility down under
was shot.
R. Gafni has no contact with his child from his first marriage. He has
three kids from his second marriage. He has no kids from his third marriage
(1998).
Mark Belzberg hired Mordy (they'd known each other from high school, Mark
was a surrogate older brother for Mordechai) as a software salesman. Mark
had a business partner, a wealthy lawyer baal teshuva who moved to Israel.
He's reported that Mordechai used the company credit card for all kinds
of immoral things on business trips (that he was made to pay back out
of his own pocket).
Mordy walked into this guy's office and said he wanted to be president.
The guy said Mordy would have to buy him out (Mordy doesn't have any money).
The guy went away on a business trip for three weeks. He finds out that
Mordechai Gafni had told everybody that he was president. So Belzberg's
partner fired him on the spot.
Mordechai couldn't stay away from teaching Torah. He couldn't stay away
from the limelight. R. Riskin helped Mordechai get a job around 1996 with
R. David
Aaron from Israel (Isralight).
R. Aaron's web site uses a promo from that litigious, and in my opinion,
nogoodnik Deepak Chopra (who successfully sued the Weekly Standard and
the New York Post for saying he patronized hookers): "Inspirational, wise,
warm and witty... David Aaron gives us a down to earth understanding of
the Kabbalah, revealing the secrets to living a soulful, happy, and more
meaningful life."
R. Gafni had one or two flings with his Isralight students. R. David Aaron
won't speak about it. R. Gafni got fired from Isralight.
(A source writes: "Milah was an adult education ulpan for Americans
and ethiopians who finished the regular ulpan and were still not comfortable
in Hebrew. Gafni used this role as head of the organization, not to teach
Hebrew, but to teach his theories of pagan Judaism and a parashat hashavua
class.")
A rabbinical student at Hebrew University around this time had a moral
dilemma. He worked for a famous rabbi as a research assistant. "I listen
to tapes of other well-known rabbis. I write them up for him. Then he
gives over their classes."
It was obvious the student worked for R. Mordechai Gafni.
So whose tapes was he stealing these days? R. Noach Weinberg among others.
R. Gafni would often give over the teachings of other rabbis word-for-word,
without attribution.
There was an eccentric, a Yaakov Fogelman, a Harvard-educated lawyer,
who ran around the old city of Jerusalem. He swore by Mordechai. He publicized
whenever Mordechai would speak. He thought Mordechai was a genius. 'He's
the most brilliant educator of the past 500 years. I heard Soleveitchik.
I heard this rabbi and that.'
So what genius things did Mordechai say? Yaakov would quote something
that Mordy had stolen from some other rabbi.
Mordechai has great taste. He knows how to steal things from great people.
Another man had a moral dilemma. His wife had moved to Israel two months
before him. He suspected that she had had an affair with a rabbi. Guess
who he suspected of cuckolding him?
A lot of high profile Orthodox rabbis (until this Gary Rosenblatt article)
did not know that Marc Winiarz was Mordechai Gafni. His name change worked.
He succeeded in reinventing himself.
In the past four years, R. Gafni had developed an effective new strategy
of admitting he did some bad things when he was a kid. Confession gains
credibility. "I've done teshuva. I have a good marriage. There are people
who are stalking me." He turns the accusations around.
A healthy baal teshuva is one who can forgive himself for his sins. In
this sense, Marc is very healthy. A part of me admires him for everything
he's been able to get away with, like the Tom Hanks crook in Catch Me
If You Can.
R. Gafni is great at identifying people with big money. And what they
believe, he will believe and preach. He's a purported TV star in Israel.
It's paid television. He's paying (or his backers are paying, such Shari
Arison, then the richest resident of Israel) for him to be on TV.
It's like 6 a.m. for three minutes.
For a while, R. Gafni defined himself as post-denominational. Let others
fight these petty fights between Reform and Orthodox. R. Gafni is beyond
such things.
According
to the recent Haaretz profile, it sounds like R. Gafni's latest theology
comes straight from the Da Vinci Code -- the best-selling novel that claimed
that ancient Christianity believed in two divinities, Jesus and Mary.
In R. Gafni's enlightened theology, he claims the Jews have gotten rid
of the erotic and chased away the female deity. He makes his brachot using
the name of the shekhina to re-unite the male and female sides of God.
My sources tell me that the Master of the Universe mightily appreciates
R. Gafni's good works in this respect, and the Holy One, Blessed Be He
and She, feels much more united and whole since R. Gafni adjusted his
brachot.
And what's a few molestations by Gafni compared to the Almighty's wholeness?
Shall we talk of the things of girls or of the things of G-d?
R. Gafni is mighty different in private than in public. In public, he's
full of love and cheer and performance. In private, he curses and talks
like a slob.
R. Gafni is a terrific actor, and for that, I salute him.
I am, however, skeptical of his claims of credentials.
I believe that one of Gafni's biggest financial supporters is Israeli
Jacob Davidson, whose wife (active in the protest group Women at the Wall)
tried to get acceptance to Yeshiva University to become a rabbi.
In November, 2004, rabbi Gafni spoke in a tent in the Modern Orthodox
German colony in Jerusalem. Gafni was surrounded by girls as he spoke
about erotic Judaism. A source says that Gafni looks like a cult leader.
He now wears long hair. He looks like a hippie.
Gafni, nee Marc Winiarz, who reportedly fled the United States for
Israel to avoid either prosecution for previous
charges of sexual assault or the social repercussions of such allegations,
has been oustered from his position at Bayit
Chadash, the spiritual community in Tel Aviv-Yaffo, amidst five
distinct allegations of sexual harrassment and one charge of rape.
Letters are presently circulating to the directors of various spiritual
communities here in North America at which Gafni regularly teaches,
warning them not to invite the man onto their premeses. I should have
one of these letters in my possession shortly. More details will follow.
Gafni, by the way, also writes parshat
hashavua for ynet. I can't wait to see how they report this when
it hits the press, if they report it at all.
In light of the events in recent days being reported by Jewschool's
Dan Sieradski concerning Rabbi Mordecai/Marc Gafni/Winiarz "b(e)ing
oustered from his position at Bayit Chadash, the spiritual community
in Tel Aviv-Yaffo, amidst five distinct allegations of sexual harrassment
and one charge of rape." I demand nothing less than the immediate resignation
and removal from any public role in any Jewish institution the following
rabbonim:
Rabbi
Saul Berman; Rabbi Joseph Telushkin; Rabbi Arthur Waskow; Rabbi
Zalman Schechter-Shalomi; Rabbi Avraham Infeld; Rabbi Haviva Ner-David;
Rabbi Michael Zedek; Rabbi William Berk; Rabbi Marcelo Bronstein; Rabbi
Leonid Feldman; Rabbi Tirzah Firestone; Rabbi Arthur Green; Rabbi Rolando
Matalon; Rabbi Joe Schonwald; Rabbi Daniel Siegel; Rabbi Avi Weiss;
Rabbi Eli Herscher; Rabbi Eric Yoffie; and all other Rabbis that publicly
supported rasha Gafni and ignored the cries of his survivors.
I demand the same of all medical and mental health practitioners that
publicly supported alleged rapist Gafni and not his victims. Hopefully,
we can name more of them shortly.
As of a year or so ago, I was banned from Stephen S. Wise temple. There
was a picture of me in their guardhouse. Presumably, this was for what
I had just published about their star teacher Mordecai Gafni. Stephen
S. Wise rabbis and lay leaders vigorously defended Gafni and attacked
those of us who revealed his unsavory behavior.
I was also personally attacked for my reporting on Gafni by Rabbis
Joseph Telushkin, Saul Berman, Rabbi Shefa Gold, Stephen S. Marmer,
MD, PhD [a leader at Stephen S. Wise temple], and Naomi Mark, ACSW.
Via phone or email or both, I reached out to rabbis Telushkin and Berman
to discuss these issues. They would not speak to me.
I'm not holding my breath for any apology from them, but it turns out
that on Gafni and related issues, I was right and they were wrong. It
was the Telushkin-mindset that held keep people like Aron
Tendler in positions of religious leadership for over two decades
while Aron was rubbing up against the ladies and using his rabbinic post
to get laid.
I wonder if Telushkin and Berman will publicly apologize for how publicly
wrong they've been on these matters.
The Jewish Week's Editor Gary
Rosenblatt broke the story on Gafni but he placed the focus on Gafni's
behavior more than twenty years ago. By contrast, I focused on Gafni's
ongoing creepy behavior.
In response, Rosenblatt told many people that I was an unreliable journalist.
Well, let people now judge who did the most accurate and important work
on Gafni - Gary or me.
During 2004-2005, Gafni made up to about half of his income from his
gig teaching at Stephen S. Wise.
Once again we face the news that a position of spiritual leadership
has been turned into a platform for sexual abuse.
I am sending you a statement issued Friday by Avraham Leader, head
of the Board of Bayit Chadash in Israel a community dedicated to the
spiritual renewal of Judaism..
The statement announces that its Board has just fired Rabbi Mordechai
Gafni (its founder and chief teacher) because of his actions described
in the formal depositions of four women, and the statements of others
some who had been students and subordinate staff that he had had sexual
relationships with them, and had sworn them to secrecy. Leader affirms
his and the Board's conviction that the accusations are true.
I hardly need to say how sad, how angry, and how betrayed Gafni's behavior
makes me feel And how much it raises questions once again about how
to walk that thin line between spiritual ecstasy and the domineering
frenzy that is not only damaging in itself but sometimes even leads
to sexual abuse.
I am grateful that these women have come forward to say the truth.
There is a lot more to say. Some of it I will say below, after inserting
here Avraham Leader's announcement so that we can all know what we are
talking about.
I must share with you that yesterday women from our community filed
complaints of sexual misconduct against Rabbi Mordechai Gafni with
the police. I was aware of this situation because I had previously
read the depositions that these women had declared to an attorney.
I also personally heard the testimonies of these women, as well as
that of another woman from an institution where Rabbi Gafni previously
worked. I shared my findings and recommendations with Jacob Ner-David,
the chairman of our board; with Shantam Zohar, a Bayit Chadash teacher
and leader; and with Or Zohar, a Bayit Chadash teacher and our CEO.
My colleagues agreed with me that in the present situation, we should
recommend to the Bayit Chadash steering committee that Rabbi Gafni’s
tenure in Bayit Chadash be ended immediately, or alternatively, we
would collectively resign. After the members of the steering committee
read some of the depositions, they decided to remove Rabbi Gafni from
the Bayit Chadash staff. The decision of the steering committee was
further reinforced in light of the complaints filed with the police.
Were this was a matter solely related to Rabbi Gafni’s private life,
this would not be my concern, and certainly not that of the community.
The problem is that this involves women from our community, staff
members and students. Although these relationships were apparently
consensual, it is our position that there is no place for relations
like this between a rabbi and his students or between an employer
and his employees. It would seem that this is also the opinion of
Rabbi Gafni, since he swore all the women involved to eternal and
absolute silence.
The women, however, decided to speak. I have no doubt that they speak
truth, and willingly risk my personal credibility and integrity on
my support of their testimony. I may add that my colleagues arrived
at similar conclusions.
As to the criminal aspect of his actions, that is up to the police
and the courts to decide. Beyond that, judgment is in the hands of
the Judge of all the world.
The sense of disappointment is very great, for me personally as well.
Mordechai always treated me with friendship and respect. At times
like this our sages say that one should scrutinize one’s own actions,
and meditate upon why one is part of such a story. Certainly there
is much to learn from such a difficult and painful experience.
May we all see, fear and tremble, may healing to our shared soul
come swiftly, and may this healing encompass all involved and all
who are witness, in this and all worlds.
Avraham Leader, on behalf of Bayit Chadash
Iyar 14, 5766, the 29th day of the Omer, Friday, May 12, 2006
Back to me, Arthur Waskow:
There is a great deal we could do in all communities of spiritual depth
– Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, no doubt others to prevent
or minimize this deformation of the Spirit into an idol – an event that
has happened in each of these traditions, and not just once.
Not only must the teachers who might fall into this idolatry be taught
how to celebrate in joy but not in frenzy; those learners or on-staff
subordinates who might fall into the role of victim also need to empower
themselves to access their own inner rebbe, not feel that the only
rebbe-energy that they can access comes wrapped in domination.
And in this they need the help of the community in creating a culture
that encourages each of us, all of us, to see ourselves as rebbes, able
to be in touch with God.
Of course this involves not just theory or theology but also the real-life
suffering of many people. (Truthful theology always flows from the lives
of the people – the Images of God.)
Avraham Leader says on his own behalf and that of Bayit Chadash, At
times like this our sages say that one should scrutinize one’s own actions,
and meditate upon why one is part of such a story.
True enough. And I ask myself the same question. Mordechai Gafni taught
at both ALEPH Kallot and at Elat Chayyim retreat center. Both organizations
will need to respond in their own voices. What I know, having also taught
and learned at both places, is that both have extremely strong and clear
prohibitions on any sexual relationships between teachers, davvening
leaders, and other such persons in positions of authority with any students,
participants, etc. Those prohibitions are communicated not only to the
teachers but to all participants.
When reports surfaced about Gafni having been an abuser 25 or so years
ago – none till now ever surfaced about any occasions more recent –
rigorous investigations went forward. Persons in leadership at Elat
Chayyim deliberately interviewed women who were in a position to know
whether Gafni was violating the ethics standards. No evidence surfaced
that he was. Outside the sexual sphere, he was rebuked several times
for behavior in classes that was domineering, and seemed to restrain
himself thereafter.
I myself have been accused by a few people on the Internet of having
defended him. What I did defend was a process for investigating allegations
– a process that insisted on serious evidence, not second-hand or third-hand
statements like I have been told that … I continue to believe that this
is the only way to deal with any allegations of wrongdoing, including
this kind.
And in this case, nothing emerged that indicated any problem less than
25 years old – and even those seemed unconfirmable.
It is true that there is an unusual problem in applying this standard
in this kind of situation. Some or all of the women who have made statements
in regard to his behavior at Bayit Chadash have said that Gafni swore
them to secrecy — and they agreed, till now. The fusion of spiritual
power and sexual abuse is liable to create such a situation when even
people who might be thought to have every reason to reveal violations
feel so overawed or so beloved by the abuser that they do not define
what is happening as abuse, or are unwilling to talk about it.
So that means it is a lot harder to get the kind of evidence that can
justify dismissal, etc. At Bayit Chadash, when such evidence did surface
the institution responded. I am open to suggestions on how to act in
some other way that as the tradition commands, will pursue justice,
justice–pursue the ends of justice by using just means.
For some of my thoughts of how we might address and act on this whole
matter of the relationships among spiritual leadership, sexual energy,
and sexual abuse, see my
essay on our Website (It was written years ago in response to a
previous case, and of course I will continue to keep thinking and writing
about this issue.)
May all those who are involved in this, the victims first and most
of all and ultimately the perpetrator too find a healing that includes
tzedek and mishpat, both restorative & transformative justice.
To use the Kabbalistic language about God's aspects or emanations not
just Chesed (overflowing lovingkindness) and not just Gevurah (rigorous
boundaries) and not just a balance between them but their profound synthesis
in Tiferet / Rachamim, that womb-like, heart-like outpouring of life
that is rooted in powerful boundaries, just as the powerful and strongly
boundaried heart-muscle sends life-blood pouring through the body, and
the powerful and strongly boundaried womb-muscle births new life into
the world.
In setting forth this prayer, I do not mean to leave its fulfillment
in the hands of God. Or rather, I do – in the sense that when human
beings act in a holy way, they are indeed the hands of God.
In his latest escapades, Rabbi Gafni was the one who wanted to be tied
up, punished and told he was a bad boy. That's according to someone who's
read the depositions of the Bayit Chadash women against Gafni.
Here's the translation I received of the last paragraph of that May 23
Yediot article:
One of the complainants told police that Rabbi Gafni wanted me to hit
him and to curse him. He cursed me. He called me a prostitute, a bitch,
and said I was his slave.
By Survivor of Rabbi Mordechai Gafni, May 23, 2006:
In 1986 soon after I was a victim of Mordechai Gafni's attempted forced
sexual advances, a sixteen-year J.P.S.Y. (Jewish Public School Youth)
girl, Judy, confided in me that Mordechai Winiarz (his name prior to
his name-change to Gafni) had been sexually abusing and threatening
her on several occasions. I realized immediately that I needed to bring
these serious concerns to people who would stand up for what was right
and put an end to his abuse of power and people. I had seen myself what
he was capable of, and I was not going to stand idly by and let him
abuse others.
Among people from whom I sought help and guidance, I turned to Rabbi
Kenneth Hain, the current Rabbi of Beth Sholom in Lawrence, NY, who
had connections with Yeshiva University (which funded JPSY) and who
knew Mordechai personally. I called him to tell him my fears and concerns
regarding the details of the sexual abuse of and threats made by Mordechai
to Judy as well as the experience I had had with Mordechai when he attempted
to seduce me. Rabbi Hain listened to everything and said to me, "You
weren't there, so you don't know if this is true." When I told him the
details of Mordechai's sexual advances towards me as well as his subsequent
threats to me and to Judy once he knew that she and I had spoken, Rabbi
Hain responded, "Sometimes the bigger person is the one who can just
let things go."
Although twenty years have passed, I will never forget his exact words
and how they shocked me. Here was yet another enabler of Mordechai--someone
who had the responsibility to be as courageous as Rabbi Yosef Blau and
at least investigate these allegations and follow-through with a proper
course of action; yet, all Rabbi Hain did was quash me and insist that
I "let things go." Rabbi Blau listened to victims and acted responsibly
to ensure that the many accusations against Mordechai be taken seriously
and that Mordechai not be allowed to continue in his position as leader
of JPSY.
Mordechai was eventually ousted from J.P.S.Y. I later heard from reliable
sources that it was Rabbi Kenneth Hain who had furnished Mordechai with
a letter of recommendation that he travelled with. With this reference,
Mordechai fled to Boca Raton, Florida where he managed to dupe the Boca
Raton community into accepting him to serve as rabbi of Boca Raton Synagogue
in Montoya Circle. Well, it wasn't long before scandal befell the community
and allegations of serious sexual improprieties as well as misappropriation
of funds shook the community. Changing his name to Gafni, Mordechai
fled to Israel, and his string of sexual abuse and lies continued--with
support from his enablers--until now, twenty years later—when we finally
heard his "confession."
In 2004, I spoke with another survivor of Mordechai's sexual abuse.
She had been quashed at every attempt to plea for someone to stop him,
but her pleas went unanswered. In The Jewish Week in September 2004,
Gary Rosenblatt quoted Mordechai's acknowledgement of a sexual relationship
with this then thirteen year old girl— (though he claimed it was consensual)
and he STILL succeeded in obtaining support from the enablers mentioned
above while this now young woman cried out that she had been sexually
assaulted by him repeatedly over so many months.…
In addition to Rabbi Kenneth Hain every single person who supported
Mordechai despite the numerous, substantial, and growing allegations--and
quashed victims' experiences --claiming that there had been investigations
that never took place--should be forced to realize the effects of their
actions and inaction.
...Because of these Jewish community leaders' blatant dishonor to the
rabbinate, negligence and inaction-- many women have become victims
of Gafni's sexual abuse. This is a true Chillul Hashem--that supposed
representatives of Judaism who should have cared about victims' claims
and pleas chose not only to shut their ears but to lend support, encouragement
, and financial assistance to the abuser--Gafni. These individuals must
be held accountable for enabling Mordechai to add more victims to his
list . These individuals need to issue public statements of apology
to the survivors whom they ignored and to society at large for endangering
all the people Mordechai Winiarz/Gafni encountered over the past twenty
five years.
I was thirteen, entering 9th grade at a yeshiva high school in NY. Mordechai
Winiarz (now known as Marc Gafni) appeared at my parent's shabbat
table, I think in early September. He was a rabbinical student at YU.
He offered to tutor me in Talmud, a new subject for girls in 9th grade
in my school. He invited me over to Lincoln Square Synagogue, where
he offered to help me out with learning Bava Metziah, if I would meet
him on Shabbat afternoon in one of their class rooms.
After our first lesson, he walked me home, and proceeded to tell me
how "special" I was, and that he really liked me. I got a weird feeling
about this, but being completely inexperienced with adult men, I didn't
have a clue about how to respond to this. I was a very sheltered religious
girl. I wore long skirts and long sleeves, had told boys in 8th grade
that I would not touch them as I believed in "negiah." I had no experience
with boys, or men, for that matter, except for a few wonderful teachers
I had in school.
Also, there was a lot going on for me and my family at the time. My
mom was just getting over breast cancer, having gone through a year
of chemotherapy. She was very sick and we were all frightened. My rather
large family was in crisis due to this, and I would say that due to
this trauma, not a lot of attention or attentiveness was being sent
my way. Considering the circumstances, my family was doing the best
they could. Mordechai asked if I would like to "learn" with him, and
I said OK.
Over the next month, he continued to tell me how much he liked me and
how "special" I was, but told me that I must not tell any one that he
felt this way. He told me that if my parents knew about it, they would
blame me for associating with him, and that I would be shamed in my
community. He told me that we had to keep it a secret, because most
people just wouldn't understand. As far as I understood at that point,
we had a friendship, and I was getting some extra attention from an
adult at a time when there wasn't a lot adult attention to go around
in my family. My dad was overworked, and my mom was recovering from
cancer. I didn't quiet understand why I should be silent about the things
Mordechai told me. He hadn't touched me yet, but was doing a fine job
of "grooming me" into being silent and fearful. He convinced me that
I had to be loyal to him, and "not tell" about how he felt about me.
I believed everything he told me. In retrospect, he calculatedly brainwashed
me into silence, hooked me into an emotional trap, ensuring that I wouldn't
tell my parents.
Then he asked my parents if he could stay at our house over shabbat,
because he wanted to be able to walk to a synagogue in our part of the
city. They said OK. (My parents had no idea that they should suspect
him of anything. After all, he was a religious guy from YU.) It was
then that he started coming into my room after I had fallen asleep,
and waking me up. I remember clearly that when he tried to touch me,
I pushed him away repeatedly. I remember saying, "no, no, no!" I knew
intuitively that it just wasn't OK with me. But he was larger and stronger
than me, and after a huge struggle, he overcame me. Week after week,
he would come into my bedroom and wake me up in the middle of the night,
and I would fight to keep him from touching me. Every time, I was overcome
by him physically. He had already done the job of convincing me that
if I told one I would be shamed by my family and my community, so I
kept silent about what was going on. I hated it, was disgusted by it,
and I was terrified, but there was no place I could talk about it or
get help. I also had no words for what was happening to me, it was horrible
and indescribable. I think of myself back then as a 13 year old girl
who had to become disconnected from the world around her, it was full
of contradiction and betrayal, and I had been trapped in this horrible
situation with, as far as I could see, no way out. I walked around my
neighborhood, a place that had always been familiar and safe for me,
and I no longer felt connected to anything.
I remember on one of the nights that he came into my room, woke me up
and was trying to molest me, he told me that he and his brother were
abused by their mother, who was a holocaust survivor. He told me that
she stuck their heads in the kitchen oven. There was a very clear message
that because of what had happened to him, he couldn't help but doing
what he was doing to me, and he pleaded with me to understand that,
have compassion with him, and comply. More than once, he told me what
he was doing was because of the way I looked, or because he just couldn't
control himself. He described the world to me as he saw it, full of
boys and men who just could not control their sexual impulses, and like
them, he really couldn't help himself- he just had to do what he was
doing to me. He just had no choice. He added, as part of his rationalization,
that the guys at YU were always masturbating, but no one talked about
it.
But he was tormented by the fact that he had no control over himself.
Each morning after the molestation experience, I would wake up and walk
into the living room, and see him shuckling wildly, beating his chest,
doing "teshuva" for what he had done the night before. He told me that
I should join him in doing teshuva too! Amazingly, he really believed
that I was a partner in sin. Of course, I didn't "daven" or do "teshuva",
but just stared at him in disbelief. And even after this fervent bout
of repentance, he would wake me up in the middle of the night the next
week.
I also remember him practicing sermons in front of me. He would pace
around, gesticulating and dramatizing this or that phrase from the Torah.
He wanted to be just like Rabbi Riskin, and he did a great job emulating
Riskin's body language and speech patterns. He talked a lot about gaining
popularity and getting to be a powerful leader. Mordechai made it clear
that he wanted to be a "big rabbi," a "tzaddik". It seemed to me that
he just loved to hear himself talk.
The abuse went on through the year I was in 9th grade. The school year
was almost over, I remember it was warm out. He called me on the phone
one day to tell me that he would no longer be coming over. He realized
that what he really needed was to get married soon, and he explained
that this would give him a proper outlet for his sexuality. Its hard
to describe how I felt at that moment, because it is complex. My molester
finally decided to stop abusing me, to leave me alone, to move on. You
would imagine I would feel great relief, but actually the full weight
of the abuse I had endured in silence came crashing down on me. Here
I was, left with this horrible experience, still with no one to talk
to about it, and no language for it anyway. And he wasn't retreating
because I had some how managed to make him stop, but because he decided
it just wasn't worth the risk any more. He was terrified that he would
do more and make me pregnant- then there would be no way to keep his
secret. Until then, his abuse included exposing my body against my will,
forcibly touching my breast, grabbing my hand and forcing me to touch
his penis, and forced digital vaginal penetration. All were the most
horrifying, degrading and painful experiences for me. All this only
a year or so after my bat mitzvah.
After his phone call, I knew that I no longer had to endure his abuse,
but now I had to figure out how to survive it, and what I really wanted
to do was escape the world that had allowed this to happen to me. I
understand that what I was going through is called post-traumatic stress
these days. But in those days, and in my community, the words sexual
violence, sexual abuse, or molestation, sexual trauma, were just not
house-hold concepts. I knew there was no way any one would believe my
story, and if anything, what happened would be misunderstood or minimized
and dismissed.
After a while, I figured the best thing to do was to "put the experience
away" until I could figure out how to deal with it. During the abuse,
I had, out of necessity, become pretty good at compartmentalizing myself,
and leaving my body when something was happening to it that I hated,
but couldn't control. I was also good at "putting away" the things that
were just too complex and painful to deal with at the time. This is
how I survived the rest of high school.
I tried to escape the trauma I had endured by spending the next school
year in Israel, doing my best to push it out of my immediate reality.
Upon returning from Israel for the 11th grade, I began to withdraw from
the Orthodox world. I made it to college and embraced college life.
My twenties were about getting as far away from what had happened to
me as possible. I was determined to be free of a world that had betrayed
me, and to embrace the world as a secular Jewish college kid. It wasn't
until much later that I was really able to deal with the trauma of what
had happened.
While in high school, I had told some of my siblings, who were shocked.
No one knew what to do with my story. I told a male NCSY counselor,
who had no response, except to look very uncomfortable. When I was 18,
I told my parents, who were also shocked, and enraged. But no one knew
how to deal with he information I was sharing.
It wasn't until about 10 years ago, that I began to speak out more widely
about what had happened to me. In 1994, I wrote a letter to Rabbi Riskin,
and told him my story. I never received a response from him. I continue
to tell the story to any one who wants to know about it. Many people
have contacted me over the years. People who had a "creepy" feeling
about Mordechai, or who had heard rumors, but wanted to hear a first
hand account.
I tell my story for the following reasons:
If there is any way I can protect another girl or woman from going through
what I went through, I will do it. If there is any way I can protect
a parent from having their child victimized, and having to deal with
the pain and guilt of not having known enough to protect their child,
I will do it.
Unfortunately, I knew Mordechai very well. He told me a lot about himself,
and I knew him as a sexually compulsive, sexually violent man. After
talking with counselors, lawyers, and professionals who advise and counsel
sexual perpetrators, I learned that in 99% of cases, people who compulsively
sexually abuse girls or women, especially those who were abused themselves
as children, don't stop. These are dangerous people. The more we are
silent about them, the more they have the freedom to act out their sexual
compulsions. Further first hand accounts show that Mordechai continued
to molest young women after he was married. Unfortunately, marriage
did not solve his problems. There is no reason for me to assume he is
not still victimizing girls and women. Back when I knew him, he was
a refined manipulator, "groomer," "brain-washer," and he used those
skills in order to victimize girls and young women. I have no doubt
that, years later, he has honed his skills as a predator.
A couple of years ago, Mordechai asked one of his supporters to contact
me, to see if we could meet. I was told that he wanted to make peace
with me. I read a letter that he wrote, stating that he regretted that
our "relationship" didn't work out, and that he wished he had waited
for me to come of age and had married me. He really thought that we
had a mutually consenting relationship, and that I was hoping that he
would take me as his bride! There was no acknowledgment that he did
anything against my will, and certainly no recognition of the gravity
of his actions. He was trying to contact me because he knew I was telling
my story, and he wanted to stop the bad PR, not because he wanted to
make amends, do "teshuva," or own up in any way to what he did. His
statements to Gary Rosenblatt, "I never forced her...she was 14 going
on 35" are the farthest from the truth. Anyway, I expected that he would
be smarter than to make these transparently self incriminating statements.
Like your classic pedophile, he claimed that the child was consenting,
loved him back, and really liked what was going on. There is no reason
for me to believe that Gafni has reformed his ways. There is every reason
for me to speak out and protect others from him.
Of all people, Mordechai should not be teaching people about Judaism
- any "variety of Judaism" - Orthodox or Jewish Renewal, or any other
Jewish trend. Yes, he is smart, charismatic, knows how to excite people,
bring people in. Are we that desperate for someone to attract wayward
Jews to Judaism, that we condone a sexual predator doing it?
Should Judaism be taught to spiritual seekers by someone who has molested
minors and attacked young women? If we want a formula for misrepresentation...and
turning people off to Judaism for good - we've got one.
A woman named Susan, who at the time was a 22-year-old adviser in JPSY,
said she believed Judy’s account. She said that when she took Judy’s
side, Gafni made harassing phone calls and threats against her.
“He told me I would regret it,” Susan said, adding that the rabbi made
inappropriate advances to her, as well.
Susan: "I became an advisor for JPSY (Jewish Public School Youth) in
1985. I was 21. I was responsible for a club at a high school in Queens
in NY. Mordechai Winiarz was the head of JPSY. There were Shabbatonim
-- weekends when all the Jewish public school kids were invited to experience
a Shabbat together.... The goal was to help these young adults become
connected with Judaism.
"My initial impression of Mordechai Winiarz was that he was charismatic,
appealing to kids, and successful as a speaker. He's engaging. These characteristics
are typical of people who have been accused of the things he has been
accused of. He knows how to capture people's attention. The kids were
enthralled by him.
"I developed a relationship with one of the kids quoted in the [Gary
Rosenblatt] article named Judy."
Gary writes:
The second woman, Judy, said that when she was 16 and deeply unhappy
at home, she joined a popular Orthodox outreach group for teens that
Gafni was leading called JPSY (Jewish Public School Youth), and was
drawn to his charisma and concern for her.
During a two-week period when she ran away from home and was staying
with Rabbi Gafni, who was then 25 and married, Judy said he abused her
sexually on two occasions. Even more upsetting, she said, was that afterward,
the rabbi tried to convince her the encounter did not happen, and then
harassed her for many months. He threatened to keep her out of Jewish
schools (she was seeking to transfer from public school to a yeshiva),
called her home at all hours of the night and then hung up, mailed pictures
to her home of naked men and had her followed.
“He attempted to destroy my life for a year and a half,” she said.
Gafni said that Judy was a troubled, unstable teenager who fabricated
the story after he rebuffed her advances.
Susan: "She came from a troubled home, so she was excited about JPSY.
Mordechai took a great interest in reaching out to her.
"At that time, Mordechai had married his second wife. They lived
in Brooklyn and they took Judy into their home. Judy was happy living
in their basement. It gave her a feeling of worth. Wow, she was living
with Mordechai.
"I remember once hearing Mordechai speak [Susan was in her teens]
and I remember thinking of him then what you wrote in one of your articles.
Yes, he was charismatic, but there was something about him that cult-like.
"When I started working at JPSY, I heard from people that he was
peculiar. When you wrote that he's a creep, I thought wow, I've also heard
that word [applied to Gafni] several times.
"[Gafni's second wife] had been a JPSY adviser. Mordechai was single.
So many people were warning her to stay away from him because there were
so many questions about his character -- That he was a dangerous person.
That he had a dark side. That he had a sordid past. It was something that
some of the JPSY advisers were talking about. People were taking her aside
and warning her not to marry the guy.
"They married November 13, 1985. They invited all the JPSY kids
to the wedding. I was asked to take a group of kids to the wedding. It
was on Long Island. I remember the aura of disbelief among the advisors.
People were worried for his wife-to-be..
"I didn't have that much to do with him. He was always very warm
and friendly. He always had a way of looking at people and making them
feel important. He would joke around a lot with me. He's witty and I can
be witty. We would have our repartee. I was never interested in him. It
was never an issue.
"We were having a meeting at my home at 6 p.m. one Sunday in May
1986. Mordechai was supposed to be there as the head of JPSY along with
several other advisers and me. About 4:30 p.m., I was the only one at
home. I hadn't gotten ready yet. I was wearing a robe. Just a regular
robe. And the doorbell rang. I got the door. Mordechai was standing at
my front door in a dark suit with a yarmulke on his head, holding a large
gemara in his hand. I just looked at him, 'Mordechai, what are you doing
here? Our meeting is at six o'clock.' He said, 'Oh, I was the neighborhood.
I figured I'd stop by early. Don't mind me. I have my gemara. I'll just
learn while you're getting ready.'
"I was shocked. I was uncomfortable. I had no idea what it would be like
to have him waiting in the living room while I was getting ready for the
meeting. It seemed very odd (and somewhat rude) to me that he had come
by so early, but. I didn't know how to say that his presence made me feel
uncomfortable and that I would have preferred that he leave. Afterall,
he I worked for him, and he was 'the rabbi,' so I said, ok, Mordechai.
Please stay in the living room. I didn't know you were coming this early,
so I need you to stay put here.
"I ushered him into the living room. I closed the french doors .I went
back to my room to get dressed. No sooner did I get to my room than I
turned around because he had left the living room and walked all the way
to my bedroom , opened the door and said, 'Susan, Male Sexual Health,'
as he pointed to a book he had taken from a shelf in in the corridor near
my room.
"He had taken a book off the shelf right near my room. My father
is a psychologist and had many books in the hallway right near my room.
Mordechai had taken a book off the shelf entitled, Male Sexual Health.
He held it in front of me and said, 'Male Sexual Health. I bet
there's a lot you could teach me about that.'
"I was shocked. There he was standing so inappropriately and looking
at me with what seemed to me to be a suggestive stare. I didn't know how
to handle it. I felt scared but felt I needed to remain calm. I just looked
at him and said, 'Mordechai, what are you doing here? You were supposed
to stay in the living room. I'm trying to get ready.' Please leave. I
purposely didn't even respond directly to his crass comment.
"So he put the book back on the shelf and walked a few steps closer
to me. He said, 'You really shouldn't be wearing that robe because it
shows me your shape.'
"I just felt this shudder go through me. I said, 'Mordechai, please
leave right now.' He was just trying to get a response from me to see
if there was any interest. It was clear that he realized that there was
none.
"I was shocked and frightened.
"He ended up returning to the living room. I closed the door. I threw
on my clothes.
"I was uncomfortable throughout the meeting. Did I approach Mordechai
afterwards about it? No. Because nothing happened. And I was scared of
the look he had given me during the incident. He had given me a look that
terrified me.
"Soon after that, Judy called me. 'I'm shocked. Mordechai came downstairs
to the basement and he started touching me.' She ended up crying to me
about the two experience she had had with Mordechai. Soon she started
telling me the details about what happened to her, which did involve a
lot of sexual contact [but no intercourse]. I think he was smart enough
to know that she was 16. She told me that he asked her when she had last
gotten her period at a point when he seemed positioned for intercourse.
"It immediately clicked with me that this guy is so capable of that because
I knew how he had been with me. I knew that so many people talked about
his past. The rumors I had heard began to make sense. I realized what
could have happened had I not made it clear to Mordechai that he was to
stay away from me.
"It was totally unacceptable and immoral behavior Although she was enthralled
by the guy and enamoured by his charm, what made her incredibly angry
and hurt and terrified was the way he planned the subsequent mind games.
"He came back downstairs and said to her, Judy, I'm worried about
you. I think you're imagining that something happened between us.
"When he began playing mind games with her--making her think that
she was crazy--fabricating everything, everything started to fall apart
for her. Mordechai and (Wife #2) had been parenting her. She had placed
her trust in him. She could not believe what had occurred. He made her
think that she was crazy and fabricating the whole thing. That, in addition
to destroying her trust in him, frightened her. He started to threaten
her. 'I don't know what you think happened here, but you will be sorry
and I will destroy you if you tell anyone stories about what you think
happened. I will make sure that you will never get into any Jewish school.
Your reputation will be destroyed.'
"Of course I wasn't in the room when this happened. People in his position
do not invite witnesses to observe their behavior. They don't sell tickets
for the event. But as an intelligent person who had experienced Mordechai's
inappropriate behavior and had heard a lot allusions to his past, I believed
that this guy was capable of what Judy described.
"To validate my thoughts, Mordechai called me. 'Susan, it's Mordechai.
I need to talk to you. It's really important.' This was right after I
had hung up with Judy. 'Susan, you're one of my top advisers. You're terrific.
I'm really worried about Judy. My wife and I took her in.... I'm a friendly
guy. I went downstairs to say goodnight to her one night. She thinks that
something happened. Something physical. Some sort of a relationship. If
she says anything to you, please let me know.'
"I began to plead with other rabbis in the Jewish community [to do something
about Mordechai]. His position enabled him to be in constant contact with
young women and kids, and what I knew firsthand and, as a confidante of
Judy was enough to make me feel that rabbis in the Jewish community needed
to do something. Rabbi Kenneth Hain is a friend of Mordechai's. It was
clear that Mordechai was dangerous and needed to be stopped based on what
I knew at that point. (At this time I did not know about his repeated
sexual assaults on the thirteen year old girl- over nine months earlier
in his life--sexual contact to which Winiarz/Gafni admitted in Gary's
article. He [Mordechai] needed to be stopped in his tracks.
"Rabbi Hain called me to to tell stop what I was doing, which was taking
Judy's and my experiences to the appropriate people at Yeshiva University,
the main group supporting JPSY. I cried on the phone to Rabbi Hain.. I
told him exactly what had happened to me, and I told him how Mordechai
had been threatening both Judy and me.
"Rabbi Hain knew me. There was no reason for me to fabricate a story.
I had heard of all these other stories of people who had various negative
experiences with Mordechai. Rabbi Hain said to me in his deep voice, 'Sometimes
the bigger person is the one who can just let things go.' He kept telling
me to move on.
"I was shocked and disgusted. He knew I was trying to reach the right
people [to do something about Mordechai]. I did not have a lot of support.
People were telling me be quiet. How dare rabbinic leaders turn their
eyes and ears away from crying victims! How dare anyone say that Mordechai
was exonerated! There was never any Bet Din nor were there any attempts
to contact me or us to do "teshuvah" as (Mordechai) claims he did. And
it is not for Rabbis Berman and Telushkin and the others to claim to know
who has done teshuva. They are not G-d. G-d handles exoneration of sins,
and we women were never contacted by anyone supposedly exploring this
case.
"There was a rabbi in Jamaica Estates, Rabbi Yitzchak Adler, who also
told me to move on. Since I wasn't there, [when Judy says Mordechai got
sexual with her]. I had no right to spread lashon hara.
"I am learned. I have a strong Judaic background. I went to yeshiva.
I know the laws of lashon hara. I know when it is permitted and not permitted
to speak ill of someone. There are certain situations when it is required
[to bring up harmful details about somebody's past to protect innocent
people in the present].
"[In the summer of 1986] I was on an Israel program. I went to Efrat,
where rabbi [Shlomo] Riskin was rabbi. He ultimately revoked [in 2004]
Mordechai's ordination [after earlier being a big supporter of Mordechai].
I told rabbi Riskin everything. He was extremely unsupportive. I think
that these rabbis were afraid of what a scandal might mean for the Orthodox
rabbinate. He listened to me and I think he believed what I told him,
but for some reason he didn't want to do anything about it.
"I met with JPSY advisers and filled them in on what I knew. There was
a meeting at YU [not a Beit Din]. Shalom Lamm, the son of the president
of YU, Norman Lamm, was there. Judy and I told of our experiences. Soon
after that, Mordechai was ousted from JPSY. Throughout the process, as
soon as he knew that I was making known to the appropriate people what
he had done, I received harassing and threatening phone calls at my phone
at home. One was traced by the Annoyance Call Bureau (which had put a
tap on my phone) to Mordechai's home. The others came from pay phones.
I would get heavy breathing. I would get the sounds of someone smashing
a hammer into something. I couldn't press charges since the Annoyance
Call Bureau needed three phonecalls traced to the same number. The calls
I received were traced to different numbers. It was almost as if Mordechai
knew how to make harrassing phone calls without being caught.
"He would also call me and say that he was going to make sure that
I was sorry. That he was going to sue me for libel. I remember thinking,
for an intelligent guy, why are you using the word 'libel'? I haven't
written anything.
"He said I was trying to destroy his marriage. That I had no basis.
That I was making everything up."
Metuka Benjamin (Director of Education, Stephen S. Wise Temple), Rabbi
Phyllis Berman (Former Director Elat Chayyim summer program), Rabbi Saul
Berman (Director, Edah Zivit) Davidovich (Executive Producer, Israel Channel
2 Television), Rabbi Tirzah Firestone (Congregation Nevei Kodesh), Rabbi
Shefa Gold (Director C-Deep, composer and teacher), Rabbi Arthur Green
(Dean, Hebrew College Rabbinical School), Rabbi Eli Herscher (Stephen
S. Wise Synagogue) Arthur Kurzweil (former Director, Elat Chayyim, Jewish
Book Club), Avraham Leader (Leader Minyan, Bayit Chadash) Stephen Marmer,
M.D. (Psychiatrist, UCLA Medical School) Jacob Ner-David (Board Chair,
Bayit Chadash) Peter Pitzele (Ph.D., Bibliodrama Institute) Rabbi Zalman
Schachter-Shalomi (Rabbinic Chair, Aleph Don Seeman, Ph.D. Emory University)
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin (author, Jewish Literacy and Jewish Wisdom) Rabbi
David Zaslow (Havurah Shir Hadash) Noam Zion (Hartman Institute), signed
the following letter (in early 2005 I presume) and gave it to Gafni and
his supporters to distribute as widely as they say fit:
To The Jewish Community worldwide:
In this letter we the undersigned ask the Jewish community worldwide
to reaffirm its commitment to the Torah, and to the ethical principles
of Judaism. Although the specific focus of our discussion is Rabbi Mordechai
Gafni, whom have known collectively for many years, the issues we address
are universal and timeless.
A group of several people – none of whom know Rabbi Gafni personally
in any real way, and none who has had any contact in the past twenty
years – have undertaken a systematic campaign to besmirch his name.
Their primary method has been to keep alive and distort two very old
and long discredited stories. Their attacks have recently increased
in volume and intensity. He has consistently and generously offered
to meet with them, but they have refused.
Many people who know Rabbi Gafni well, as all the undersigned do, have
individually and collectively examined the accusations about him that
this group has been spreading. We have found their rumors and accusations
to be either wholly without substance or radically distorted to the
point of falsification. We conclude that the false and malicious rumors
against Gafni constitute lashon hara – and that the dissemination of
such lies is prohibited by the Torah and Jewish ethical principles.
Thus we must address and to make right the wrong that has been attempted
in regard to Rabbi Gafni, and affirm our support of him as an important
teacher and leader in the Jewish community.
We have worked with Rabbi Gafni in many contexts, ranging from colleague
to employer. We have published his works in our collections, co-taught
with him, and known him in a host of other close relationships. Over
the years, we have also extensively discussed with him the different
stages of his life and the decisions he has made in relationships, professional
choices and more.
We affirm without reservation that in addition to being a person of
enormous gifts, depth, and vision, Rabbi Gafni is also a person of real
integrity. He possesses a unique combination of courage and audacity
coupled with a genuine humility that comes only from having lived life
fully – with all of its complexity, beauty and sometimes pain.
Leaders of his caliber and depth who are committed to ongoing personal
development are few and far between. From our dual commitment to him
as an individual, as well as to the most profound ethical teachings
of the Torah, we urge you as the reader of this letter to reject the
false reports about Rabbi Gafni, and to give him your full support,
as we all have done and continue to do.
If you have further questions, please feel free to contact any one
of us directly.
