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Director Paul Cowan

12/10/01

I spoke this week with National Film Board of Canada documentary filmmaker Paul Cowan. From 1998-2000, he followed me around intermittently for the documentary released last year Give Me Your Soul.

Luke: "The movie producers are much more carefully spoken than the pornographers."

Paul: "Absolutely. That was the best thing about the porn people, they were straight forward."

Luke: "Such a refreshing change from showbiz people."

Paul: "Not just showbiz people. I've been in a lot of different sectors of life through making my movies and I don't think I've ever found a group that was as open and honest as the porners."

Luke: "That's right."

Paul: "I miss that aspect of them. I truly mean that. Not just because they're walking freakshows. I can actually say that I enjoyed them, mostly for their candor and lack of guile. They're not bad people in that sense at all."

Luke: "They're more honest than most people."

Paul: "They absolutely are. Nobody believes me when I say that. They think I'm apologizing for what they're doing. I'm not. Are you happy in your new life?"

Luke: "I'm still in spiral. I still get thrown out of shuls even though I sold lukeford.com in early August."

Paul: "Are these for past transgressions?"

Luke: "Yeah, and some of the terminology on lukeford.net. Orthodox rabbis and Orthodox Jews act in concert. It's not a go-it-alone community."

Paul: "What is the essence of lukeford.net?"

Luke: "It hasn't found its voice yet. It's like lukeford.com without the porn and the shock value."

Paul: "You're just doing it for personal satisfaction?"

Luke: "No, it will eventually flower. All beginnings are difficult."

Paul: "I just got an email from Richard Pacheco. I haven't talked to him for over a year. He didn't like the film. He thought it was too negative."

Luke: "And Bill Margold?"

Paul: "He loves it. By far, he thinks it's the best film about porn ever made. Jim South had no problem with it. I've never been able to find Katie June and her mom."

Luke: "Kimberly Jade?"

Paul: "Kimberly Jade had already cut me off before the end of the film. She didn't want anything to do with it and I don't know why. She wouldn't answer phone calls or emails.

"One of the nice things about the porno world was once you got in one door, you were in all the doors. I don't think I'll have it that easy again."

Luke: "In Hollywood, I have to deal with publicists."

Paul: "They're brutal. And your love life?"

Luke: "Nothing."

Paul: "Now that you've removed this smirch on your lineage, I would've thought they'd be flocking to your garage. What now is the problem?"

Luke: "I've felt buffeted the past few months and retreated socially. I'm not up to penetrating goyisha life and Orthodox Jewish life is difficult for me. And I have no income and I'm saving my shekels.

"I met a peace corps volunteer the other night and I can't even fathom the selflessness to spend two years in some God forsaken equatorial dark hole as well as Calcutta.

"Thank God my health is ok as I face some formidable challenges. I'm struggling with my memoir."

Paul: "I would think that would be one of the hardest forms of writing."

Luke: "People want conclusions. That was a problem with my first book."

Paul: "You're not that type of guy. I know."

Luke: "They want me to make pronouncements and points and to have learned lessons. Particularly they want me to condemn pornography. And I don't have great pronouncements. I would've kept writing on the industry except for the social ostracism. I don't have any conclusions."

Paul: "People ask me that too. And I say I don't know. I don't regret the time I spent there. I don't feel sullied by it. I found it emotionally satisfying and exciting. You're playing with fire."

Luke: "People who do that are more interesting. As a writer, I seek compelling material."

Paul: "Yes, you want people putting it on the line. You want people risking something. If they're not risking anything, it's not interesting."

Luke: "It's like playing in the National Football League. You get beat up and you can break bones. But it is your time in the spotlight. Now I feel like a sports player who's retired. I don't have any clue how I can shake up Hollywood the way I did the porn industry. I don't think it is possible because there is so much media on Hollywood already. How can I make a dent?"

Paul: "And there have been so many insider accounts about what it is really like. I remember reading Julia Phillips book, 'You'll Never Eat Lunch In This Town Again.' It was a big scandal but frankly who cares."

Luke: "I picked it up and I saw no point to the book."

Paul: "That was the insider's insider. Just getting inside and getting the real story isn't enough in this day and age. We live in an age where the real story has been out there for a long time in just about everything. You've got to bring something to it."

Luke: "I've got a few months to make something of myself or I will have to take a job as a secretary or something. And I am dreading that."

Paul: "It's not only the money, it's the boredom and tedium. I'd kill myself before I let tedium rule my life. That fear would keep me awake at night too."