For the past two weeks, I've been sneezing and wheezing and hurting in my throat, which makes my newfound commitment to chastity that much easier.
I've got that same puffy hungover look I displayed on VH1 last night.
Despite my suffering, I put on a dark blue shirt, a red tie and my black undertaker suit and drive to the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills for the latest meeting of the Wednesday Morning Club.
Isn't there a [Harold] Meyerson who edits or writes for a prominent liberal magazine? It's not that guy.
Ed was the location manager for Papillon, my brother's favorite book (much of the book was plagiarized I learn from Ed).
"Wasn't that shot in New York?" I ask.
No, he says it was shot in Jamaica.
Then I realize I'm getting Papillon mixed up with Serpico.
Ed producer the miniseries Mahabharata "a wonderful realization of one of the world's great religious-mythic epics."
I ask him if there was any sex or nudity in it. After all, it's an Indian classic and they boast the Kama Sutra.
He says there was some sex but no nudity.
Oh well, you can't have it all.
Back in the 1950s, Ed's father took him to rock 'n' roll shows thrown by disc jockey Alan Freed. Now Myerson has a 12-year old daughter.
I'm careful to avoid grains as I pick at my lunch. It's still Passover.
I tell the table that I'm looking forward to bombs over Tehran, but only if it's shown live on TV. I love pictures of bombs exploding. I particularly enjoyed the Shock and Awe campaign on Baghdad. There should be smart bombs that only kill bad Muslims.
TV is good for wars and football.
Cathy does not like my relish for war so I switch to bemoaning the morals of the younger generation. This 21-year old hottie sent me intimate photos of herself. I'm still recovering (from her standing me up, I thought I had found my future bride).
Cathy does not appreciate this topic either (she says it is not a matter worthy of the Four Seasons) so I lapse into a gloomy silence for five seconds. When no one notices and sympathizes with my miffed feelings, I join Cathy in bemoaning the spread of pornography across the internet. Some fake blogs with naughty pictures have seized her name and excerpts of her writings to drive traffic to hardcore sites. She's not happy.
I try to comfort her but I'm only one man and her needs are enormous.
She promises to cook me a big bean dish if I transcribe generous portions of today's speech.
The average age of the WMC crowd is about 50. I'm not likely to find my future virginal bride here.
Peter Schweizer is a terrific speaker with a powerful powerpoint presentation to go along with his words.
From Publishers Weekly:
Schweizer says that Michael Moore and Al Franken support affirmative action yet they employ almost exclusively white people. Out of the 134 people who worked on Moore's films and TV productions, only two were black (and one white person majored in African-American studies). Out of Franken's 112 employees, only one was not white.
Michael Moore says it is racist to live in a neighborhood that is overwhelmingly white yet Moore lives in Central Lake, Michigan, where not one of the 2551 residents is black.
Ralph Nader denounces multi-nationals who overwhelmingly use nonunion labor yet most of his investments are in multinationals who overwhelmingly use nonunion labor.
Ted Kennedy supports a 49% inheritance tax yet he employs numerous overseas trusts to avoid paying such taxes. Over the generations, the Kennedy's have transferred $300 million and paid $132,000 in tax, a rate of .004%.
George Soros, Ralph Nader and Noam Chomsky favor stiff inheritance taxes but employ trusts so they can pass on their wealth to their children tax-free.
Liberal Fox TV host Allan Colmes says it is difficult for liberals to be hypocrites because they are not judgmental.
All this talk about hypocrisy makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it.
Schweizer says his next logical step is to do a documentary on these themes.
I walk Cathy back to our vehicles. The sun shines.
"Aren't you hot?" she asks me.
"Nope. I'm a cool cucumber."
We hug and kiss goodbye.