Marc S. Klein, the editor of San Francisco's Jewish weekly, tells me
July 12, 2004: "Teresa Strasser was one of my three writers. She covered
features and news. She wasn't writing a singles column. She's a helluva
writer. She could be very difficult. She'd be in the hair of my copy editor,
looking over every single word to make sure it wasn't touched."
Teresa Strasser, if we made you cry, we apologize!
But come on. Did we really make you cry? Really? From
a listen to the evidence, it seems more likely you made up the story to
carry out a hit on behalf of your bosses!
And the hit was on us, a puny-- though qualified-- voice in cyberspace.
We got word yesterday that Teresa, who does double duty at the execrable
Adam Carolla radio show and the syndicated TV series based on the corporate
porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com, talked
about us on the radio. And thanks to fans at the Adam Carolla message
board, we were able to hear what she said about us.
Teresa, Teresa, Teresa… The poor gal, who for months has
been a sexual punching bag for Carolla and crew, whose radio persona is
based on whining about her unlucky-at-love status, and who is now aligned
with a heartless tabloid series, actually claimed that one of our reports
made her cry.
Teresa didn't mention us by name, but gave enough hints that within
minutes, our Tabloid Baby items were already posted on Carolla message
boards and fan sites. And though she sounded to be speaking extemporaneously
during the segment, anaysis shows that its more likely she was referring
to, and reading from notes (whenever she was interrupted mid-sentence
by Carolla, she returned to the same point, verbatim)-- notes that were
To be blunt, she lied. In fact, Teresa's complaint, which
forms the basis of a 23 minute and 25 second Carolla show segment, appears
to be the first diversionary counterattack from TMZ in wake of the every
serious questions raised in our recent reports about the site.
You can hear the Carolla radio segment here,
under the "Too Hot for Radio" link.
Our transcript follows, with footnotes:
ADAM CAROLLA: Teresa was a little dejected this morning
due to an Internet blogger making nasty comments about her this week,
but we all know she's the hottest thing in radio and now that she's on
TMZ, the hottest on TV for that matter.
TERESA STRASSER: Maybe I had to put in a little extra
effort because I had a rough day yesterday. I was just telling Brian,
there's this, um, media blogger, for some reason he just hates me
(1), and um he never writes about the contents of anything
I do or my writing, he just writes about how ugly I am (2)?
(Recorded gag effect: "What is it with this Jew?")
AC: This is a media blogger. What is a "media blogger,"
TS: This guy has a site. I don't want to say the
name of it. (3)
AC: All right.
TS: But he writes about media. He covers— that's
his beat. He writes about our show here, the Adam Carolla Show, and he
writes about TMZ. (4)
AC: Does he cover it from his mom's basement—
TS: "Heee-- Yes--
AC: Or is it a real gig?
TS:Yes. He's written a book in the past and I think
he used to work on Hard Copy. But he can't work in television any
(Recorded gag soundbite: "I'm explosive!")
TS (cont'd): And he, uh, I never look at those
things, cause as you know I can't handle it? But yesterday I was
at TMZ and I was like, ‘Aaah, I'm kinda bored, let me just—let
me just google myself' and I got about eight pages in and there
was nothing but great-- people just writing the most kindhearted things,
(6) and I just kept looking until I got to the thing—and
this guy was so cruel, and it was just basically about how I'm
hideous, and uh, and he said that I'm gonna be replaced on TMZ because,
um I'm like Rachel Dratch on 30 Rock and I'm too ugly for
television and they're gonna have to replace me with Jane Krakowski.
And he was like that bent nosed, pancake makeup-- uhh!!
AC: …Rachel Dratch, too ugly to do comedy?
TS: That's what he said. (7) And
by the way, I mean--
AC: That's like being too ugly to detail cars…
TS: Well I got really, you know, in my mind-- had a conversation
with this guy in my mind for about four hours, where I thought like, what
do you want me to be a Barbie doll? I do the news and um, you know he's--
I don't think he's ever googled me or has any idea that I,
um, you know, have had a career in journalism. (8) I'm
not trying to be a Maxim model.
AC: Yeah, I—I—I-- I totally concur…
TS:Oh, it said one of the reasons I was ugly was because
you are wearing me out. It said "after months of Adam Carolla, she's
worse for wear." (9)
At this point, co-host Danny Bonaduce goes into a funny riff on comments
on the TMZ website about his own appearance.
TS: I-- I try. I try to put – I, I try to put it
out of my mind because I thought this is just one guy and I've,
I've been really lucky I've had nothing but mostly nice things
written about me. But I woke up this morning and the first thing, about
three seconds into consciousness, I just thought. "I'm so
ugly, I'm too ugly for television." I started crying. I had
to wake up Batman. I'm like, "Batman, am I ugly?! Do I look
like Rachel Dratch? I'm too ugly!"
AC: Well, okay, cup-- couple of things.
TC: I can't move on and I can't let go.
AC: I understand…
TS: Can't let go.
AC: People-- People are, people are cruel. People are
TS: Ouch! Ouch!
AC: Now the Internet has become what used to be the car
window at sixty miles an hour…
TS: Yeah, like, "Hey, fat ass!"
At this point, Carolla launches into a braying, droning three minute
and 32 second "rant" about the Internet, automobiles, Suge
Knight, writing emails and the appearance of TV commentators and comedians,
before taking a phone call from a listener who tells Teresa, "You're
much too pretty for radio" and suggests that the media blogger must
"be on crack."
AC: First thing I hate is the inaccuracy…
Carolla now launches into a braying, droning one minute and 22 second
rant about reviews of The Man Show before Bonaduce gets a word in edgewise.
TS: Well, it was weird, when I first started working
here at the Adam Carolla Show, this same site wrote a very lengthy piece,
all of which was inaccurate, And I was shocked that he never fact checked--
it wasn't mean to me so it didn't hurt but he wrote, his thesis
was-- and he, and he wrote it as fact, he said "CBS radio got together
and all the suits got together' and I think the headline was "Girl
saves drowning show." And it said they needed a liberal to save
the show (10)and it was this whole cra—I'm--
first of all—I, I'm not that liberal, I'm fiscally conservative,
I'm, I don't believe in affirmative action, I don't
support a lot of welfare programs-- I'm not that liberal! And secondly—
DB: Not a huge fan of comedy—
TS: And secondly, there was, there was a hu—there
was never a huge meeting with any suits in New York, I never met anyone
in New York and to be honest I got this job basically because you Adam
flipped a coin between me and some girl with better boobs.
TS: I mean was there ever a powwow about hiring a liberal?
TS: And this was completely, completely fabricated.(11)
AC: Yeah, yeah. That's how it works.
At this point, Bonaduce speaks about Carolla's cult of admiring
Carolla launches into a braying, droning one minute and 26 second
about laughing at his own farts and other people's farts before
Bonaduce gets another word in.
The segment ends with Carolla and Bonaduce assuring Teresa Strasser that
she isn't ugly. Carolla goes into a braying, droning two minute
and 13 second rant about the "cut off point" of ugliness.
(1) We don't hate Teresa. We, in fact, have watched out for her
attention to the disrespect shown her on the Carolla show. And Tabloid
Baby is not a "media blogger." We're a news team comprised of
experienced, respected news and tabloid pros who share our knowledge and
wisdom for free.
(2) That is demonstrably untrue. We have written about Teresa's
credentials and work from the beginning.
(3) Next time, say the name. Tabloid. Baby. Dot. Com. At least John
& Ken were honest enough to do that.
(5) False. The journalists and producers who are part of the Tabloid Baby
team, from its editor to its contributing reporters in far-reaching parts
of the globe, are all influential and employed. As a currently-employed
TV talent, Teresa should know better than to spread that kind of factoid.
(7) We never said that Rachel Dratch is to ugly to be on television. We
that she was replaced on NBC's 30 Rock for that reason.
(8) Our first
story on Teresa did in fact infer that we had "googled"
her: "A check of the net shows Strasser to be a part of the
Carolla-Jimmy Kimmel ‘family' already-- an actress and TV
host who worked as a writer on Win Ben Stein's Money, the game show
that featured Kimmel in a supporting role. She's got a website that
shows her to feel pretty good about herself, but that's bound to
change as Carolla will systematically grind her into powder on the air,
trampling on any jokes she might throw out, and trumping her witty asides
with his long-winded, monotonous stream-of-consciousness ‘comedy'
monologues." In fact, most all of our mentions of Teresa cite
her past, and as a result, bemoan her future.
(9) Actual line:
"A dour Teresa Strasser, looking the worse for wear after months
of battering by the execrable Adam Carolla on morning radio, literally
got about three seconds of airtime near the end."
(10) Inaccurate. False and strangely wrong. Our item, "Radio
After Stern: Drowning Carolla grabs a woman" made no mention
of CBS, CBS suits in New York or Teresa's political leanings. It
mentions Carolla's (hanging up on) Ann Coulter stunt as a potential
way to boost his own liberal credentials. But Teresa's
politics have not been mentioned on the site, ever.
(11) There was never a mention of powwows, executives, or "hiring
a liberal" in the post. It appears some other suits led you into
a trap, Teresa. Whose copy were you reading there?
* I'm a longtime Theresa Strasser fan. I think she's hot and I think
her writing rocks.
* I can't get enthusiastic about coming to Theresa's defense here because
the shows that she gets ripped on by Tabloid Baby (Adam Carolla and TMZ)
themselves specialize in cheap shots and personal attacks. Also, Theresa's
writing is so personal, snappy and in your face, it leaves her wide open
to similar attacks.
* Teresa says she cried about Tabloid Baby calling her ugly and saying
she has a crooked nose and other such low blows. It's ridiculous to argue
that she was carrying water for anybody when she was just crying from
her heart. There was no hit from her on Tabloid Baby. There was no personal
attack on its primary author Burt Kearns.
* It's not fair or accurate to say that Theresa's radio personality is
based on whining about her "unlucky at love status." For the
past four months, Theresa has been kvelling about her new relationship.
video of a fake wedding for Theresa. In it Theresa says, "It
would be an unusal day if I didn't cry."
* It's not fair or accurate to describe Theresa's role on Adam's show
as "a sexual punching bag for Carolla and crew." She reads the
news and she mixes it up.
Apparently, Teresa reacted in some way to our musings on the debut
of the television version of the corporate porn-pushing gossip site
on which she plays one of the supporting plug-uglies
Levin-- and not our advice and reactions to the execrable carolla
radio show in which she plays the femme punching bag, referred to by
the nasal host as a "Jewess," and forced to giggle at crude
comments about her "V" and sex life.
Teresa, whom we salute as an actual writer, has unfortunately become
wedged in the Carolla-Kimmel sexist lunkhead factory (as a print columnist,
she also falls into the tired Fifties-stereotype as the hapless serial
dater) as the prim counterpoint to Kimmel's gal Sarah Silverman (We
watched nutty Sarah's ooh-how-shocking show last night and have to ask
again: Is her head too small for her body or what?) and has seen
her reputation erode further from her halcyon makeover-show hosting
days with bad lighting and pancake makeup on the TMZ TV show.
* It's a low blow to keep taking these shots at the looks of women. For
my money, Teresa and Sarah Silverman are smoking hot.
Harvey, with this Roy Cohn-meets-Barry Diller countenance, popped up
throughout the first episode, but his putative
co-hosts, all bent noses and too much pancake makeup, were hard
to find. A dour Teresa Strasser, looking the worse for wear after months
of battering by the execrable Adam
Carolla on morning radio, literally got about three seconds of airtime
near the end.
Harvey Levin has managed to insert himself into the on-air mix as "Main
on-air personality." He's done a clever job by picking younger
co-stars who are as plug-ugly as himself-- and with "newsy"
backgrounds that distance the TV show from the sleazy corporate porn-pushing
gossip site it will elevate.
But Ben Mankiewicz, Teresa Strasser and Katie Daryl, seen above, (along
with "TMZ.com staffer" Michael Hundgen, whose work can be
seen here) could
also be trouble-- and not only because they're more suited to radio
or cable than syndicated television. Harvey and the TMZ TV minds seem
to be equating plain and non-flashy appearances with real tabloid authority...
... Teresa's an Adam Carolla strawlady with smartypants showbiz pretension...
...Teresa is one of the girls from the Jimmy Kimmel camp, inserted
into the execrable Carolla radio
show as the sexless "Jewish" (their word) newsreader who's
rebelled by generating sparks with cohost and show stealer Danny Bonaduce.
She soaks in the lunkhead lowbrow humour that TMZ and Carolla's show
share, but fancies herself a wit.
A check of the net shows Strasser to be a part of the Carolla-Jimmy
Kimmel "family" already-- an actress and TV host who worked
as a writer on Win Ben Stein's Money , the game show that featured
Kimmel in a supporting role. She's got a website
that shows her to feel pretty good about herself, but that's bound
to change as Carolla will systematically grind her into powder on the
air, trampling on any jokes she might throw out, and trumping her witty
asides with his long-winded, monotonous stream-of-consciousness "comedy"
Strasser ‘s no sex kitten. Physically, she's cut from the
Sara Silverman mold and seems to consider herself a smartypants. It'll
be interesting to see what kind of sexy shots the Carolla team digs
up for their site.