* You are such a catch! Why aren't you married?

B. Poverty
C. I'm a loser.

* Are you a fag?

No, I just write like a 14-year old girl.

* Are you an Orthodox Jew?

I'd like to be.

* Why'd you become a Jew?

Because I believe it is the best "step-by-step system for making a good world" (to quote my hero Dennis Prager).

* Do you ever get published?


* Do you do things for people that they can do for themselves?


* Do you answer emails that are badly spelled and punctuated?

Not unless the writer is a hot chick or I need the person.

*Is it true that Cathy Seipp and you used to date?


* Do you have any black friends?

No close black friends.

* Has anyone ever let you babysit their young kids?

A few people.

* Do you like to eat out?

Not unless you're paying.

* Why don't you proof your stuff before you publish?

Because I'm lazy.

* Why haven't you made something of your life?

Because I'm lazy.

* Is there really a Chaim Amalek?

Ask Rabbi Gadol (rabbigadol at yahoo.com).

* Do you believe in Intelligent Design?

Yes. I believe God made the universe.