The More I Share, The Worse It Gets
The most pleasant and fun and drama-free relationships I've had with the opposite sex have been the ones where I've shared the least of myself, put the least on the line, and been the most ready to walk away.
The most painful and unpleasant relationships have been the ones where I've shared the most. I've confided my deepest fears and inevitably created a dynamic that made them real.
I guess the more you share, the more opportunity you create for conflict and pain. You give the other party more ammunition to hurt you.
I was in a relationship where my greatest fear was that the woman would go back to her endowed (meaning he had an endowment from the University of Hard Knocks) ex-boyfriend. We fought constantly about his phone calls to her. Eventually, she went back to him one night (my greatest fear) and that was the end of us.
Something about losing my mother at age four has left me with abandonment issues.
Amy Alkon writes about something similar though more pathological: "Love is many things, but if you’d like to be in it for a while, try not to see it as a permission slip to crawl into your partner’s head and vacuum up everything inside. In demanding full disclosure, especially after you’re out of the picture, you’re right up there in Fantasyland with all the people who are getting married for the third or fourth time. (Excuse me, but at what point do these people have a hard time saying “’til death do us part” with a straight face?)"
Who Killed California?
The United States government did. For what killed California as the golden land was massive and unrestricted immigration from the Third World, an unrepelled invasion from Mexico, and a failure to protect the U.S. manufacturing base and the wages of America's workers.
During Bush I's term, millions of Mexicans began to flee north to seek jobs and take advantage of the health care, welfare and free education American citizens provided for their people. For one-third of the illegals, California became the destination of choice.
What the U.S. government should have done was obvious, and was demanded by Americans: Enforce our immigration laws, halt the invasion, restrict immigration from the Third World. But America's politicians – out of fear of being branded xenophobic and to curry favor with Big Business, which benefits from an endless supply of low-wage labor – did almost nothing to protect America.
You Might Have..... Hitler Breath
Tell Them At Shul: 'Levi Ford Has Arrived'
Normally I have no interest in material possessions, but I'm getting a lot of social pressure to dump my 1982 Dodge van with 230,000 miles on it. So, I've learned about a 1991 Lincoln Town Car - Cartier series. This is a 4-door sedan, gold in color, top-of-the-line, original owner, always garaged, always maintained and has only 60,000 miles. $5,000. Should I buy it?
Gary writes: no. i had a similar in a mercury marquise, and as i would expect yours to do, it will nickel and dime you to death. repairs of that kind of vehicle expensive and frequent. look for a ford explorer (an OJ car) in about that age range. the fixing on them is always straight forward and relatively inexpensive. the ride is honest and nobody looks bad in an old truck. i like mine so much i'll be changing out the engine later this year to keep it for a good dozen more.
Cecile writes: For your safety and the children's parent's mental health in your neighborhood, you should dump your van no matter what. Although it is not seriously damaged. Give yourself a treat and get a new car!
AlexanderThePoet thinks: Luke, if you want a car that will last a long, long time, definitely look into getting a Honda. Yeah they're expensive but supposedly they can last 150-180,000 miles. I will advise you against getting a Ford. Avoid getting a Ford car at all costs. Too many problems with those cars.
Big Willy: Are you going to buy a car?
Big Willy: And orange Lincoln town care! How many of them do you suppose are in existence?
JMT writes: If you don't mind driving a car which otherwise would be driven by an octogenarian, then sure, buy the Lincoln. Of course, you'll need to make up some kind of excuse for having it, which you can combine with a Hollywood-type grasp at status, e.g.,"this was formerly the personal automobile of legendary producer Edgar Scherick, who will be the subject of my next book. I purchased it directly from his estate."
I think you would be better off with one of these. It will become the favored vehicle of serial killers in the 21st Century.
On the Prowl for Telegenic Experts
'We Have More To Fear From Black Criminals Than White Policemen'
From the LAT on the case that gripped Los Angeles and caused fears of new riots: "Jurors in the Donovan Jackson police-abuse trial declared Tuesday that they could not reach a verdict on the assault charge against Jeremy Morse, the former Inglewood police officer caught on videotape last summer slamming Jackson, then 16, onto the trunk of a police car and punching him in the face."
Dennis Prager on the trial: If this had been a black officer or a white suspect, there would've been no trial. The police man here bashed the suspect's head on the car and gave him one punch.
He probably punched him incorrectly. It shouldn't have resulted in a trial. It should've been handled within the department.
If a policeman says get in the back of the police car, you get in without fighting back. That's what I'd do. What you'd do.
Is trying to make police perfect going to make them better or worse?
Police can not be perfect. Police in Cincinnatti, reacting to black rioting, stopped using force with black suspects. Black murder rates soared. The people who suffer the most from ineffective police work is blacks. This shows how emotions in the black community over historical injustice overtake rational thought. All you're going to have is more dead innocent people, most of them black.
How can you be a white officer in a black area and be constantly thinking you are not trusted? I can understand white police officers in such areas saying, I'm not going to risk my life going after a black criminal.
The LA Riots were not caused by the Rodney King beating. They were caused by the media repeatedly showing a select few seconds of video of the beating. If the media had repeatedly shown any group member getting beaten, that group would've become angry.
We are using excessive force against the police by putting this officer on trial. We have more to fear from black criminals than from white policemen.
SECOND HOUR: Prager had as guest his friend Jerry Zucker, the director and producer. Prager raved about the stupid 2001 movie Rat Race. It's funny if you are about ten years old in emotional intelligence. Prager has watched it several times and loves it.
I rented the movie, watched the first 15-minutes and then gave up on it.
Zucker talks facetiously about Prager's new diamond studs in his ears and his renting of pornos. This latter comment throws Dennis, because he's syndicated by a Christian network and was thrown off a station in Sacramento for his lack of opposition to porn.
Zucker says he doesn't like to make too many movies because it takes him from his family. Each movie is a lost year from the family. Jerry's wife calls the show to kvell about her husband.
Dennis: "Women remember everything written about or said about their husbands.
"You lament the preoccupation with sex in the media."
Jerry: "Primarily because I have kids. I have a 15-year old daughter and an 11-year old son. It seems particularly with TV that's what it is about - getting laid. I wouldn't be watching these shows except for my sitting with my kids watching these shows. It's no longer innuendo. My daughter says, 'Oh, come on Dad.'
THIRD HOUR: New rape law in Illinois is entirely aimed at women yet it uses the word "people." It's all about women changing their mind during sex.
Dennis: I don't like the law because trivializes the word rape. The word's been raped by the Left. Feminists and their allies in the Democratic party have denuded the word rape of meaning. It's come to mean any sex that a woman regrets. In the rape statistics of Ms Magazine, that regret is included.
For any woman who has been raped, this new law must be vile. I don't defend this behavior of men. I just don't want to call it rape.
If every undesirable sexual act is rape, then nothing is rape.
If a man doesn't withdraw quickly enough, he raped her?
If women initiate sex, and then change their minds, do they have any responsibility?
Feminists and liberals attempts to protect women is fascinating because these same people always tell men and women are equally strong, capable... It's baloney if women need all these legislations. If a woman can't handle a pinup calendar on a male coworker's desk, they are clearly weaker. Feminists must believe that women are weaker.
There was a movement of feminist law professors that a man who breaks an engagement should be sued.
If men are emotionally hurt, they have to deal with it. But if women are hurt, they can sue.
Maybe there are lessons women should learn from unpleasant sexual experiences, such as how quickly she gets into sexual situations. Maybe there will be a good thing to come out of all this - an increased reticence to have intercourse.
To call a man a rapist, because he did not immediately stop having sex with his girlfriend of a year, is terrible (referring to the California case). And it makes women look weak.
As our society becomes more secular, it becomes less religous and values based. With the collapse of values, you need more laws to regulate human behavior. We give condoms out to 15-year olds and arrest them more easily. Previously, we did neither.
Prager does not believe wives should be able file rape charges against their husbands. If a spouse or boyfriend does this, you should leave the relationship.
A woman caller said she believes she benefits from this law as a woman, by the broadening of the definition of rape.
DP says he's no longer aghast about the charge of rape.
Gossip and adultery ruins lives. Yet I do not want to make them illegal.
TripleSix writes: What if Im having sex while watching tv and i wanna change the channel.... but she doesnt want me to.... i grab the remote and change the channel, she's screamin NO, NO, NO, as i keep changing the channel.
What if she screams YES repeatedly, and i later find out it was 'Opposites Day'?
TheTruth writes: Eventually, it'll get to the point where just looking at a chick will get you prison time. If I were single, and getting any sex whatsoever, i'd make sure every possible location where sex could happen in my residence were under 24/7 security camera watch... I'd rather be guilty of violating someones privacy, than be not guilty and accused of rape.
NBD writes: Don't!... Stop!... could be taken as... don't stop!
Grogan writes: Yea i wont stop, uhhhh, wont stop till you get enough. Uhhhhhh.
I think the guy should be allowed to finish if she consented. If he tries to push round 2 or 3 on her, and she says no, THEN its rape.
The Last Squid
Two minutes earlier, I got an email from Cecile: "I am now a B'nai Mitzvah or already was, so religiously I am an adult. I hereby give you permission to [X] hence forward. My mother has no control over my blog."
A few minutes later, there were tears, telephone hugs, and emotional journal entries all round and our big happy blogging family moved on.
Cecile writes: "Funny, but that sounds like a recap that seems to fit on a show called American Idol, where almost everyone cries."
I didn't sleep Monday night. I listened to several tapes of "classic love stories." If you can't have it, you might as well hear about it.
I drag through the day with a mild headache, producing little writing of merit. I look forward to meeting up with Cathy, Cecile and Amy Alkon at a program at Duttons book store in Brentwood this Tuesday evening.
Kevin Roderick writes on LA Observed:
I take my last hot shower early Tuesday evening before the onset of ten days of mourning for the destruction of the two Jewish temples and put on my last pair of fresh clothes. I arrive in Brentwood at 6:45PM but I get lost walking around San Vicente Blvd and it is 7:15 when I walk in late to the program.
Rens (who sports a long pony tail and is the youngest of the three, serves as moderator), Bellows, and Martinez (gave a bitter speech at the LA Press Club Awards about his Times column being moved to the back of the paper) are all humorous, often bitter, critics of modern American newspapers. It's surprising to hear Martinez, an LA Times columnist, criticize his own paper for many faults, particularly a lack of humor.
I'm disappointed that I know nobody in the crowd of 60. The average age is about 50 and there are no hot babes for me to talk Torah with.
Rens was raised by a cruel stepmother, Paige Rense, who edited Architectural Digest.
Cathy (after having sent me three confirming emails) and Cecile (who sent me at least as many) are nowhere in sight.
They show up 20-minutes later to my joy. Then along comes Amy in a fabulous blue outfit with a hilariously flaming doctor friend Kevin Heslin who drives regularly into a hospital in Watts and comes out alive each day. Cathy introduces me to several veteran journalists in the crowd.
During the discussion, Cathy stretches. She must walk those two hours a day she writes about. She's in good shape for a gal.
I never get to meet Rip Rens or Al Martinez or re-introduce myself to Jim Bellows. I'm getting too much joy out of my conversations with Cathy, Cecile and Amy.
Amy and I argue that rapes not accompanied by battery is primarily about sex, not violence. Cathy says it is both. I say that all sex has an element of violence. It's penetration.
Cecile is restless. She says she disagrees with Cathy about most things, which shocks Cathy.
We have dinner at a little Italian restaurant. We talk about my Advisory Committee. Cathy can't stand Chaim Amalek and is about to block his email address. She wants to beat him with sticks.
I tell them about Khunrum the Houston welder who makes several pilgramages a year to Thailand to partake in spiritual retreats in various monasteries. Not that he has lost touch with this world. Khunrum's started a "sewing machines for hos" program to help those lost in sin elevate themselves through honest hardwork.
Khunrum writes: "The sewing machines for ex ho's program is going strong and I am still involved. The sewing machines are purchased in country now to avoid import tariffs. Likewise wheelchairs for the needy. And don't forget the good work of Father Joe (www.FatherJoe.com) He provides shelter, food and education for the children of prostitutes with AIDS. He is always looking for volunteers. Cynics abound but the good work continues."
Cathy tells me this is not appropriate conversation in front of 14-year olds.
Cynical remarks are made about Khunrum's relationships with the natives until I can take it no more.
"You've got it all wrong!" I announce. "I've seen the emails these women send him, full of love and concern. 'Me luv u long time Khunrum. U r only 1 4 me. Please send money.'"
Khunrum, I believe in you and your unconventional missionary work with the natives.
Khunrum replies: "Thanks my friend. I always try to understand you as well. It isn't easy but I try. I am really looking forward to seeing my sweetheart soon. When I phone her, I always listen for that pluck! pluck! plucking of the chickens in the background. Usually I hear it. Then I know she is still on the farm with Ma~Ma and not back in the big city up to no good...pluck! pluck! pluck! pluck!"
I tease Cathy that Cecile has no black friends, and that when they all went to the beach, instead of going to Santa Monica with its rainbow of colors concentrated on the Mexican end, they went to lily-white Malibu.
Sea creature menace Cathy appears to be eating a harmless spaghetti dish but I learn it is filled with squid. That grosses me out. I imagine the squid coming alive and prancing about the table. In response to my agitation, Cecile wants to be sick.
I relate that as I've aged, the sight of a woman eating meat tends to kill my libidinal impulses towards her.
Cathy says she had squid for lunch. Tonight she can't finish her fresh squid, so she's taking it home. Right now, as I write, she's probably sitting in bed munching on squid legs.
The next step is to walk into a church, get baptized and forget the whole Jewish thing.
Amy tries to remember on which blog she read about Cathy's minor car accident last weekend. We've become so incestuous (quoting and linking to each other's blogs) it's hard to keep track of ourselves.
The doctor tells Cathy that her short blonde hairdo screams dyke. I agree. Cathy says she's changing it tomorrow. Amy vehemently disagrees, says it's lovely.
Cecile wonders if she's bisexual.
We all praise Mary McNamara's column on pelvic nudity in today's LA Times. Mary's a friend of Cathy's ex-husband.
Kevin Heslin, Amy Alkon, Luke, Mom, and Arnie Freedman (Photo by Cecile du Bois)
My Mom writes: "You look like the center of the photo. Isn't that uncomfortable for someone as shy as you?"
I guess I often whined and crawled away from physical affection as a kid. I'm getting used to it in my dotage, even if it is forbidden with the opposite sex according to Judaism. I don't like most people most of the time, but people I like, like those in the photo, I like being surrounded by.
Learned commentary from a Sage in Brooklyn to Luke:
Cecile du Bois writes on her blog:
Just How Big is Luke's Closet?
Dave Deutsch writes: Big enough, apparently, for many of his devoted readers as well. Of all the matters of great import dealt with by the Blunder from Down Under--ethics, religion, politics, his van--what subject gets the most responses from "the Ford Horde?" A gay high school in NYC. Now then, I'm not in the camp that holds that all homophobes are really gay (many, I'm sure, are simply bi), but one does have to wonder why these merry men are so engrossed by the sex lives of adolescent males.
Chaim Amalek writes:
Dave Deutsch writes: