LF.net Is The Page Six Of The West Coast
Skippy writes: "Check out Drudge's little box 'Send news tips to drudge." A great idea. You need to emulate him. Solicit embarrassing information from your kehila. Make it the must-read center for lashon hora, the Page 6 of the West Coast. But you won't, because that would take effort. Someday you will be a lazy old man. And then the welfare checks will stop. You will be living in public housing with shvartzes and mexicans, eating cans of food, unable to afford your internet access. Your dates will be missing teeth."
Khunrum writes: "Come now, compared to The Hovel, public housing will seem like Gracie Mansion. Think of all that room. Luke's biggest problem will be attempting to discuss Torah philosophy with people who speak three words of English."
Kate Coe (MrsCoe@vogue.co.uk) writes: "I'm working on a documentary for NBC on the first 5 years of SNL. I'm looking for footage or photos of the cast or writers before 1980. We have the blessing of Lorne Michaels and NBC, so I have all the usual bases covered--I'm looking for snapshots, fan pix, unseen stuff."
Skippy Sez: This country is damn near full. We don't need immigration. What we need is emigration back to third world lands, or at a minimum, a numerical balance between immigration and emigration, nation by nation by nation.
Skippy Sez: WASP women are among the most beautiful on earth.
Skippy Sez: Women who pattern their lives after "Sex in the City" ought to be sterilized.
Skippy Sez: I am not Luke Ford, am I?
Skippy Sez: Folks in the know know that Luke's "Homosexual Nightmare" is in fact, a thinly veiled warning to a homosexual within his community to keep his hands to himself.
Skippy Sez: The movement to sanction marriages between men is George Bush's secret weapon for electoral victory.
Skippy Sez: Murray Rothstein is toxic to the culture.
Skippy Sez: Luke Ford is really [sorry Skip, I had to delete this].
Skippy is confused. While visiting Washington DC to squire a lady friend about, a car pulled up next to Skippy on K street. The people in the car began shouting at Skippy, calling him "High Yellow" and "redbone." Skippy is confused by this, and wonders if someone here can tell him what it all means.
My Homosexual Orthodox Nightmare
I had a dream Wednesday morning that I was taking an acting class from an Orthodox rabbi. I feel that he's trying to seduce me but it is not overt. Other attractive members of the class, male and female, feel the same thing.
Finally, one evening, he aggressively tries to have sex with me and gets angry when I refuse. I leave the class and write about what he tried to do. He and his friend angrily deny my accusations.
Why not tilt our immigration policies to attract the brains of the world?
Economist TODD G. BUCHHOLZ writes in the WSJ.com:
Can You See The Soul?
It was the summer of 2002. I sat in the office of a friend who used to be my acting teacher and manager.
I'd been on an anti-ADD medication for a few months and I was thinking of giving it up because it did not seem to make any positive difference in my life.
Ten minutes into our conversation.
David: "How's the Prozac?"
Luke: "I'm not on Prozac."
David: "You're on something."
Luke: "You're right. How do you know?"
David: "I can tell by your eyes. You're more relaxed. You used to have an edge."
So I resolved to stay on the medication.
I'm having a chat with Moxie tonight. She has an amazing ability to spot if someone is on medication. Moxie has been right every time.
Moxie finds the medication distancing. The window to the soul is locked.
Ok, I've got to go swallow my meds (so you can't see into my soul) and go to bed.
Would You Be Happy To Give Birth To A Black Baby?
It would be fine with me so long as the woman was Jewish and my lawfully wedded wife and a big fan of Dennis Prager.
Actually, I don't think any white person can definitively say how they would feel about having a black or ginger baby covered with freckles until it happens to them.
Underground Railway To Get Strumpets Out Of Eastern Europe
My friend David Hoffman moved to Eastern Europe six months ago to fight sexual slavery.WHY?
Fred writes: "Maybe he wants to put together an "underground railway" like they had in the civil war, to transport all the strumpets out of Eastern European slavery and into his hot tub."
Khunrum writes: "I met an American guy from Berkeley (where else) in Bangkok a couple of months ago who tried to convince me that JFK was assassinated by Lyndon Johnson, The Mafia and Aliens from Outer Space. Marilyn Monroe was killed because JFK told her (pillow talk in between boinks) about the government cover up of Flying Saucers and Space Aliens and she was about to leak it to the media."
Luke Grows More Jewish As He Ages
Skippy writes: "In your recent pics, you are starting to look pretty semitic. Stooped, aged, haggard, suspicious. All you need is a gray beard, a black frock, a black hat and a cane."
The Condensed Joe Eszterhas
Slate reads Hollywood Animal so you don't have to.
Jackie writes: "I never thought there'd be anything sleazy about the boring old Voinovich family. Who the heck asks the guy behind Basic Instinct to look out for their young, innocent daughter in Hollywood? I'd sooner let a NAMBLA member babysit my nephew."
They should've asked me instead.
Jackie replies: "I would trust you with my young, innocent, white daughter. I can tell from your twitching, slobbering reaction to Janet Jackson's pierced glory that you've got a touch of jungle fever. No wonder you're always asking people about their interracial experiences."
Liberal Bias In New York Times
Dennis Prager pointed out the liberal biases of Sunday's New York Times. First this article:
Are men offended that they are called rowdy and needing the civilizing influence of women? No. Women, in the liberal worldview, may be offended for possessing civilizing tendencies.
"Generalizations are the mother of wisdom," says Dennis. Not all generalizations are right but wisdom is seeing patterns in life. And patterns in life are generalizations.
Leftist Randy Cohen, the Ethics columnist writes: "To serve a client is not to endorse him. Lawyers have been known to represent murderers and tobacco companies."
To the liberal mind, tobacco companies and murderers belong in the same sentence.
Here are some of her questions:
Where did she get the idea there are starving Americans? I want to know their names. If this had been a gift to the ACLU, do you think the NYT would be asking these hostile questions?
These are just three examples of the leftist orientation of America's major paper from its Sunday edition.
Jackieblogs.com writes: "What does Dennis Prager have to say for the fact that his personality is subject to a level of reverence (from some, including -- it would seem -- himself) that should be reserved for the God he claims to worship? I've never heard the guy, but reading about him from you makes me think of a less slimy Jim Bakker."
The Ghost Of John Gotti
It's the real deal. Here are some excerpts:
Fighting Sexual Slavery One Woman At A Time
Skippy writes: "Is your friend a nut job? What is he complaining about again? Did he really think that he could waltz in without knowing any of the pertinant languages and "save" women? Tell him that the real frontier now is Iraq. They need some American Jew to come over and tell them how to live."
Dennis Prager On Janet Jackson's Bare Breast
Dennis Prager says MTV has done more to harm this country than any other institution. There is not a close second.
With its fast cutting images, it has disabled the brains of America's youth, rendered them unable to concentrate on any idea for longer than two seconds.
At professional football games in the past, the halftime entertainment was wholesome -- marching bands and cheerleaders.
Then the decision was made to make halftime a theatrical performance. The sport was not enough, entertainers had to be brought in.
Only Justin Timberlake can believe that he ripped off the top of Janet Jackson by accident. MTV is entirely responsible.
I don't blame MTV. It's like blaming Rottweiler for attacking somebody. I blame the NFL. The NFL chooses the entertainment during halftime.
I'm not thrilled with that kind of music. I'm broadening my horizons.
The halftime show is part of the downward spiral of American culture along with John Kerry using the F-word in a Rolling Stone interview.
Capitalism without values will destroy itself.
Dennis Prager and his family got to meet President Bush this weekend and Dennis found it one of the most moving times of his life.
Dennis says he's never been interested in celebrities. He never got any autographs as a kid. He's lived in Los Angeles for 28 years and never attended one Hollywood party. He has access to anybody he wants to meet and he's never used it to meet celebrities.
This weekend he was in Philadelphia for a gathering of national Republican legislators sponsored by the Congressional Institute. There were two joint sessions. Dennis spoke (on America the chosen nation) at a dinner and President Bush spoke at a lunch.
"And if it sounds like I am boasting, I am. It was a crowning moment of my life. Normally these guys are bored out of their minds at speeches but they were quiet and attentive when I spoke. They gave me a standing ovation and I'm not into standing ovations. That's not why I speak."
Dennis says the president was not at his speech. Dennis says the president contains greatness.
"I wouldn't stand in line to shake almost anybody's hand.
"My wife and I prepared our words to say to the president. We said similar things for similar reasons."
Dennis spoke first. He said to President Bush: "I want you to know that at my synagogue each week, I include a prayer for you."
Prager's wife Fran said that when she lights the Sabbath candles each week, she prays for him.
Dennis: "He didn't just move on. He said that those who understand prayer understand. He was so touched by what we said. He was so touched that he asked to stand for a picture with us and they took several pictures. I was beaming like a kid in the candy store. It may have been a silly grin, I was so excited. I was a seven year old. I felt like I was in the presence of greatness.
"I know he hears from Christians so often that he is in their prayers that I wanted him to hear from Jews that he is in our prayers too.
"I have an astute fakery meter.
"Another thing moved me was watching him go from person to person. He doesn't make himself the center of attention. He's very different from our past president [Clinton]. Wherever Clinton went, he was the center of attention.
"I broke into a sweat when he spoke. He is the dyke holding back the waters of chaos. I never admired his father. He spoke without notes. He was witty, passionate, full of conviction.
"I know brains when I meet them. This man is very bright."
I've heard Dennis say in the past that he doesn't know how to recognize intelligence like his friend Joseph Telushkin does. It is goodness that Dennis usually claims a great radar for.
I surmise that the President and Prager spent about 30 seconds together.
Chaim Amalek writes: "I remind you that this is Black History Month. Let us remember that long have white men used black women for their personal playthings. Shame on CBS, the NFL and MTV."
Cathy Seipp calls Sunday night: "So Heather MacDonald was reluctant to give you her phone number. Chop!"
Luke: "There's nothing about her being reluctant to give me her phone number. She gave me the number."
Cathy: "She's giving you the phone number because she can't get out of it but she's not going to answer the phone.
"I don't think Heather MacDonald is really your girlfriend after all. It's just a fantasy."
After reading touchstonemag.com, and realizing how sunk in iniquity Cathy was, I emailed her an inspiring but short email Friday, "God loves you."
Cathy replied: "Say is that a proposal? Put your cards on the table pallie! Because you know only you can save me..."
I call that a problem in communication. On whose side, I'm not sure. Maybe it's just that Jews are not used to being told that God loves them, and so they wig out and read all sorts of things into a message that are not there?
Keeping My Calm
While watching the Super Bowl halftime show, I interview by telephone an attractive female rabbinics (Reform) student. I'm into intellectual chicks.
I stare for a couple of seconds, then the show goes to a commercial.
I do not make a sound. I remember that I a man of substance and that I do not need a girlfriend (as best approach to get girlfriend, certainly if she is a rabbinics student). I maintain my professional poise and am v. calm and zenlike even while I frantically search Internet for video captures of what just happened. Many people accuse me of racism. If only they could see my eagerness now to see more of Janet.
My subject does not have a clue what just happened. The interview precedes apace without any non-Torahdic references from me, until near the end when she asks me if anything blessed happened to me today. I had to honest. The first blessed thing to happen to me today was that I woke up too late to make it to morning prayers. The last blessed thing was seeing Janet Jackson as I have never seen her before on network TV.
Ahh, here are the pictures, and here's a video. Be right back. Gotta make a call to NY.
Heather MacDonald, are you there? Why aren't you picking up the phone? Heather, I fear we are defining deviancy down at a time when we should be raising moral standards, not lowering them. We must speak about what I just saw. A white man ripped the clothing off a black woman. Call me back.
Cathy Seipp writes: "Why Heather didn't pick up the phone: Because even though in the movies phone numbers begin with 555-, in real life, they don't. Sorry!"
How Will You Celebrate Black History Month?
Stocktrader writes: It's leap year too. There's more days in black history month than there are black webmasters.
Toodamfli writes: ahaaha..the few, the proud, the black webmasters.
Flashfire writes: I'll throw Chris Rock in the CD player to celebrate! "I know Martina Luther King" know what I'm talkin bout?
Heather MacDonald's Phone Number
So after reading all those essays on Fastseduction.com (I want to transform them into Orthodox Judaism and make them about getting married rather than getting laid), I worked up the courage to ask Heather MacDonald for her phone number. She replies, "You mean to say you need ANOTHER female interlocutor? My god, man, you're surrounded by girls! You're welcome to my number, but I should warn you that I'm always behind on deadlines and driving my editor nuts, so tend to prefer e-mail exchanges to long phone conversations--ask my brother who gets a very-tight-lipped respnse to his just-shooting-the-breeze calls."
Heather MacDonald with the leaders of the LAPC whooping it up at Stossel party (From L-R, Patt Morrison, Jill Stewart, Heather MacDonald on Cathy Seipp's lap, Karen Ocamb, Ted Johnson)
Cecile writes: "Very funny re the picture. But it's a little irritating too you know. Because now everytime someone types 'Heather MacDonald on Cathy Seipp's lap' into Google, that's what's going to show up."
Charles writes: "Gosh, you are so picky. I would date her. But that woman she is sitting on looks like a skank. And she seems entirely too interested in Heather."
Jewish Men Search For Their Manhood
Skippy McButter, Log Cabin Republican, writes:
Skippy, the way to be a man in the Jewish tradition is to study and observe the Torah, marry and have children.
Cathy Seipp writes me: "What do think you of this? I bet Handsome Bob is on their side. I just found this dissection of my NRO pro-Playboy piece. If you go to touchstonemag.com, you immediately see a big photo of their hero CS Lewis. Wouldn't they be surprised to know that CS Lewis is my hero too?"
I'm sorry, Cathy. Pornography is wrong and to earn money from it is prostitution. It demeans women and smudges the image of God in all of us.
The question to ask, Cathy, is not what would these fine Christians think of your professed admiration for C.S. Lewis, but what would C.S. Lewis think of you for writing these smutty little articles of yours?
One's faith is proved by one's fruits, as St. Peter said.
Fr. Robert Hart writes about Cathy:
And from Marc Dvoracek: "Gee, who would have thought that a girl who grew up with parents who allowed her and her sister to become familiar with Playboy magazines would someday write for a "real" pornographic magazine, like Penthouse? Could it be that the normalization of the first allowed the second?"
David Mills writes:
Cathy Seipp replies: "I DON'T disapprove of Penthouse."
Luke Ford says: I ask that all the readers of this website pray for Cathy Seipp that she stop taking money from smutty publications like Penthouse and stop trying to justify the sexual exploitation of women in magazines like Playboy. Let us also pray that she cease to give copies of Playboy to vulnerable young men as purported Chanukkah presents.
Whatever our political and religious persuasions, I believe we can all agree that Cathy needs a closer walk with the Lord and that her soul is in dire peril.
Cathy, I'm about to leave for shul. I want you to know that I am praying for your soul.
Cathy, you need to talk to God. Only He can help you. Certainly your Reform rabbi can not. The Reform rabbi at Temple Emmanuel in Beverly Hills in the '70 used to espouse the Playboy philosophy from the pulpit. Then he was dismissed and went from scandal to scandal.
God loves you!
Cathy, God has some very special purpose in your life but it won't be achieved without repentance and dedication to the unpopular ethical absolutes and their Author. We at Lukeford.net love you dearly and want to see you lastingly happy -- not with flimsy Hollywood success or worldly fame but with lasting peace and joy of heart and fellowship with folks who love you and wish to protect you.
Wrestling With The Angel: Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller Re-Imagines His Scuffle With Rachel Neuwirth
UCLA Hillel Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller, a peace activist, will speak at Brandeis-Bardin Insitute on February 14. His address is entitled, "Wrestling With The Angel."
Perhaps the rabbi will use the occasion to take us on an intimate journey of transformation in how he viewed his scuffle with freelance writer Rachel Neuwirth in October, 2003.
From the Jewish Journal report: "Outside the auditorium, Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller, director of UCLA Hillel, allegedly kicked freelance journalist Rachel Neuwirth, after she reportedly called him "worse than a kapo.""
What was at first a hateful experience for the rabbi became one transformed by the power of God's love so that he was able to see the woman calling him a nazi collaborator as an angel.
As Jesus says, "He who has not kicked a woman, let him throw the first stone."
Mitzvah means divine obligation. Such as the Fourth Commandment to keep the Sabbath day holy.
This is rich. As the rabbi of a Reform temple, Chasen leads a movement in Jewish life away from observance of Torah Law. Reform rabbis will marry men to men and women to women and often, Jews to non-Jews.
I wonder if the rabbi has ever considered putting "Mitzvah in Bar Mitzvah" for the kids at his Leo Baeck Temple? Or, more importantly, has he ever considered putting mitzvahs in his own life?
Do you ever wonder where Reform rabbis get the time to write so many op-ed pieces and books? Because they're not obliged to do mitzvahs or have lots of kids. Orthodox rabbis are usually too busy following the Torah to pop off with their opinions about society.
This is also why Christians spend so much time evangelizing. They don't have to put on tefillin every morning and perform other Torah commandments. They have all this free time without religiously prescribed behaviors. So to fill this huge void in their lives, this missing religious meaning, this lack of direction in how they should lead their lives, they take the Gospel to all the world. If we could just get them to put on tefillin daily, we'd have fewer door knockers.
I know I'm so busy with my religion that I barely have time to blog or jump in my hot tub.
1) Go to the Box Office in mighty numbers;
Is Luke A Racist?
I get a lot of flack for being a racist. People just aren't as understanding of racial prejudice as they should be.
I demand the same freedom of expression that one gives comedians. This blog is clearly not conventional journalism. If you don't like it, why don't you get stuffed?
If I were writing for a conventional journalistic outlet, as I have in the past, I would not use the same expressions as I do below. Nor would I if I were reading the news on the radio or television.
As for my views on race, well, I can not spell them out fully because that is not allowed in our contemporary society. People have tried to ruin Charles Murray's life for (what looks to me but I do not know) his excellent work in the book THE BELL CURVE. He got fired from the Manhattan Insititute for that book.
As any observant reader of this blog knows, I have few fixed opinions. This includes race.
I do believe that race is so huge that most polite people with whom I share values (such as Dennis Prager) say it is meaningless. I believe there is meaning to race. What meaning exactly, I do not know.
I do not believe that the net contributions of a group with a 70% plus illegitimacy rate can ever outweigh the costs. Nor do I believe that white racism creates high illegitimacy rates.
I would like to see every illegal alien in the United States deported. I would like to see every policeman have the authority to arrest and jail illegal aliens.
I do know that various ethnic and racial and religious groups have varying rates of violent crime. The two groups that frighten me the most are radical Muslims and young single black males.
I know that I do not have the exactly same reaction when I turn the corner and run into a black man as I do running into an Oriental woman or any infinite variation. My reactions are instinctual and so long as they do not lead to my treating anyone badly purely on account of race, I do not give myself a hard time on this matter.
Most of my friends are white and I have never had a close black friend.
I prefer to live around my own kind. That means I prefer to live in a community of Orthodox Jews, be they black or red or yellow or brown or white. I'd rather live near black Orthodox Jews than white secularists.
I have friends who do not like non-white people. As long as such friends don't treat non-white people badly, it does not bother me that they prefer to isolate themselves to places like Montana Blvd in Santa Monica rather than the Third St Promenade.
I believe that you should not use words to hurt innocent people.
I do not believe that in the course of my life I have ever treated someone badly on account of his race. Nor do I intend to.
Nor do I intend to rein in my perceptions and jokes on this matter to what is polite.
Skippy writes: "Why don't you make the effort to get to know some African Americans before dissing them all? I used to be just like you before I realized just how much in common Jews and people of color have with one another. Get out of the hovel and get to know the ethnic richness of LA."
Exponential Quality Improvement in Blogging Output
Nicholas Vance writes:
The Art Capitol Of The World
Art history teaches that, with the decline of Jackson Pollock and Andy Warhol, the Internet has achieved its rightful place as the art capitol of the world.With its ambitious, free-spending popes likes Blog Ads and Google's Ad Sense, whose enlargements of their Web dominions, and still more their revenues, gave them funds which even the Medici had not possessed. Thus, goes the scenario, there occured the 'High Renaissance' at the end of the last millenium -- to which all that had happened in art had been leading, this constituted the climax of humanity's artistic greatness, from which there has been nothing but descent. The heroes of this version are Jeffrey Wells, David Poland and Harry Knowles. Each has been described as the greatest artist who ever lived, and the fact that, though of disparate ages and kinks, they were briefly contemporaries, and in Los Angeles together, gives the eternal city a unique glow at this time. But the true story is much more complicated, and essentially sad, determined not so much by the power of genius as by its weakness, and the frailty of human flesh. That all three men possessed astonishing gifts is obvious. Let us take Jeffrey Wells, the eldest of the three. He was indeed a child of fortune, and in the exquisite self-portrait he did in pen and ink when he was fourteen (Oxford, Ashmolean) he looks it. After trying his hand at many jobs, Mr. Wells took his rightful place behind the keyboard, finding his true home in the cozy confines of Moviepoopshoot.com. Wells has a sentimental eye and a lush contour, and it is sometimes said that careful comparison of his essays with those of the youthful Raphael reveals all kinds of inadequacies. Yet he could paint a lovable Anthony Pellicano and an elevating Peter Guber as well as anyone of his generation.
A study of Jeffrey's finished work, especially his two masterpieces on Sony Pictures ten years ago makes one see why contemporaries called him the best journalist in California, even while admitting he was "too sweet."
Jeffrey taught David Poland everything he knew, and that was a great deal. It says a lot for the young man's aesthetic and emotional integrity, and his cool, calm taste, that while he avoided all of Jeffrey's faults, he also absorbed his undoubted strengths and built on them.David Poland, indeed, is always what Jane Austen called a "a sensible man" (with the exception of his lack of book knowledge). David is industrious, well-organized, good-tempered, patient, modest, while quite properly self-possessed, respectful to his superiors, kind to his inferiors, a decent man it was a pleasure to have dealings with, whether you were Bernie Weinraub or Amy Pascal. David Poland's output is large, continuous, invariably of the highest possible quality, and finished. Patron studios who advertise on Moviecitynews.com found him the perfect journalist: truthful, reliable, always doing exactly what he said would do, and on time. He ran what became a large web site, using his assistants efficiently and in ways which were fair both to them and to his patrons. His one fault was that he did not sufficiently organize his religious observance.
His work falls into two categories -- gonzo and features. There is the large-scale and free-form work he does at TheHotButton.com and there are the devotional easel works on MCN.There is about David Poland a kind of confident ability which transmits itself to the viewer. There is no pretentiousness or mystery. With David, what you see is what you get. His essays on THB are intelligent large-scale organizations of superbly modelled figures which will guide journalists for centuries to come. His essays on Anderson Jones, Harry Knowles and Charles Fleming are a wonderfully inventive set of variations on a theme that is absolutely central to Western religious art. Together with Michelangelo's Pieta, a copy of which every religious house or Catholic school possesses if they can afford it, Poland's essays are the most effective forms of devotional aid. There is only one thing wrong with Harry Knowles -- his health. He took on too much, never let anyone down, exhausted himself, and spent too many weeks in bed. This adds a dimension of tragedy to the fact that there was an element in him which does not fit into this model of decorous proficiency. One part of rejected serenity and sought transcendence. You can see this most clearly in his writing in 2003.
Harry presents terror and anarchy and the mob appealing for a miracle. He is a materialist who longs to believe in the supernatural with all the absolute credulity of the journalistic world.Indeed, the movies the columns Harry has produced in the past two years are astonishingly original and of a rich beauty which is quite new to him. His last two months suggest he is driving far deeper as well as moving wider, and there are no limits to what he might achieve if he can only stay healthy. His illness these past two weeks is the biggest single loss in art's history.
Cold Mountain, Cold Hearts
I thought this was a lovely film, gorgeously photographed. I watched it in the comfort of my hovel as I am a member of the Academy and receive screeners. You'd have to have a cold heart to dislike it. Though I'm glad the Weinsteins at Miramax did not get a Best Picture nomination for it.
Torn Between Two Girlfriends, Feeling Like A Fool
I park beside the Beverly Hills Hotel with my ugly van (Thursday, January 29). A man in front of me gets out of his Mercedes and looks at my vehicle with horror. I follow him down the walk, down the corridor, to the ballroom for the Wednesday Morning Club lunch with guest speaker John Stossel of ABC News.
A few months ago at the WMC, I sat beside two middle-aged women I'll call Cathy and Marie. They were a tad catty.
Today Marie asks me where's my redheaded girlfriend who writes for Rolling Stone. I was bewildered. I know I've been with many women in my time but I don't remember this one. Marie says it's my friend, the one I sat next to the day I met her.
"Oh, you mean Cathy? She's not here yet. She's not redheaded. She's blonde. And she doesn't write for Rolling Stone."
Cathy walks in at noon. She can't get into the A-list table upfront with the bigshots, so she deigns to sit with me. She wants a clear view to the speaker.
I suggest a table at the back. She suggests four other tables. I suggest the table at the back. Eventually she agrees. Next I persuade her to move the yucky onion off my salad.
Cathy sits beside a former publisher of the Orange County Register. She tells him the Register should carry her column. Cathy believes every paper should carry her column including The Weekly World News and the Zimbabwean Morning Star.David Horowitz promotes his Stakeholder summit February 7. I open the brochure and my eyes pop open. All six featured speakers are black.
"Scary for you," says Cathy. "She [Genethia H. Hayes] looks like she could kick your ass."
Why's a Jew holding an economics conferences with schvartzes on Shabbos?
The average age of the attendees at these WMCs is about 50. They should have more speakers on topics such as spirituality and mysticism. That tends to attract beautiful clueless young chicks of which I need more in my life.
John Stossel gives a 25-minute speech and takes 12 minutes of questions. Stossel protests he is not a conservative and that consenting adults should be able to do what they want.
A feisty, salty, sassy old blonde woman next to us, the same one who gave a rant against religion to Victor Davis Hanson, yells "Yeah!," when Stossel says he supports decriminalizing prostitution and drugs.
"We own our own bodies and we should be allowed to rent them to other people. If doctors can earn money with their doctors, why can't a woman?"
About a fifth of the crowd clap. I hope that a fifth of the crowd don't have the clap. I doubt it.
"I believe homosexuality is perfectly natural and you should be able to burn a flag. Yet they call me a conservative because I believe in free markets."
Stossel says that when he reported on corporations, he was popular with his peers (winning 18 of his 19 Emmy awards). When he turned his scrutiny on government, his colleagues changed their tune.
As Cathy and I walk out, she asks me if I'm going to say hello to my girlfriend. She means Marie. I explain that Marie thought Cathy was my redheaded girlfriend who wrote for Rolling Stone.
At this point, an ABBA song took over and I lost touch with reality.
Cathy walks away, tossing a few sentences over her shoulder. "I don't want to talk about the things we've gone through. Though it's hurting me, now it's history. I've played all my cards and that's what you've done to me. Nothing more to say, no more aces to play."
She marches off.
The winner takes it all. The loser standing small beside the victory that's our destiny.
I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there. I figured it made sense, building me a fence. Building me a home, thinking I'd be strong there. But I was a fool, playing by the rules.
I run after Cathy. She turns to me. "Does she kiss like I used to kiss you?"
I'm nonplussed. John Stossel and David Horowitz are listening in on our conversation. I feel embarassed. My face flushes.
"I don't think this is the time or place, Cathy," I say.
"Does it feel the same when she calls your name?" Cathy demands. "Somewhere deep inside, you must know I miss you. But what can I say? Rules must be obeyed.
"The judges will decide. The likes of me abide. The winner takes it all. The game is on again."
Cathy Seipp remembers things this way:
Well, this dear Mr. Smith didn't mind snaking his arm around Cathy's chair in a protective fatherly gesture. I believe they exchanged phone numbers and a toke on a joint.
Emmanuel Richard writes Cathy Seipp:
Cathy replies: "Whoops indeed! Don't you remember the one he posted of his sore tongue? On the other hand, if you muck around in Luke's archives like the Luke Ford Fan Blog guy does, you can find some good pictures of him in his underwear."
If Your Moral Leader won't keep the leaders of the secular liberal news media on their ethical toes, who will?
As I hear it: Narda Zacchino is in hot water because of a story she edited that was written by her personal assistant. That assistant was hired because he is Bob Scheer's teaching assistant. He did a big feature for the cover of SF Chron Datebook about a fight club. Problem is the writer did not attend this event and relied only on his informant's report.
My eight Vietnamese fact-checkers in my basement are working on this story. The problem is that none of them speak English.
YML has contacted the writer in question and is waiting for a response. See you in shul!
Not So Easy Ambushing Increasingly Smart Press Club Members
I show up to Wednesday night's shindig at the appointed time - 7PM. And Citrine's already full. I see about 100 people inside. I've never known that before at an LA Press Club party.
Is the packed crowd because of the featured author, John Stossel, or the free hor'douvres courtesy of Reason Magazine? I think it is the free food.
But the drinks, ouch. I bought a white wine, a red wine and a Diet Pepsi and it cost me $23. I gave the bartender (her breasts were hanging out of her black outfit for the maximum in tips and tits) $25 and she did not even offer any change.
About half a dozen people asked me if I were secretly taping their conversations. I think they just wanted to check out my small but highly functional unit -- Sony digital tape recorder.
I'm intrigued by the large number of conservative Jews who love Mel Gibson's new film, THE PASSION.
Let's be clear. THE PASSION is terrible for the Jews. The Jews look horrible in this film. They appear to be responsible for the death of the world's savior (in the Christian worldview).
I have not seen the film. Just read about it.
Matt Drudge and David Horowitz, two totally secular Jews, loved THE PASSION. They must have no Jewish religious genes in their bodies if they could be moved by two hours of the Christian God getting tortured.
Michael Medved and Orthodox Rabbi Daniel Lapin also have no problem with the film. The Jewish establishment, by contrast, such as the ADL's Abraham Foxman and Rabbi Marvin Hier of the Museum of Tolerance, are up in arms about the film, which seems to be faithfully based on the Gospel accounts of the death of Jesus.
I have no desire to see the film. I did not enjoy the depictions of his suffering I received incessantly during my Christian childhood. I do not in general enjoy watching torture. Not my thing. Not my god. Not my savior. Not my film.
In general, I love Mel Gibson's films.
Nick Gillespie, Reason editor, is a helluva guy. He and his wife have PhDs in English. He introduced John Stossel and Reason.
Nick's tall, dark, handsome, suave and funny.
He told me his writer Jacob Sullum is sullen about my depiction of him on this blog (Nick says I was inaccurate in restating his musings that party evening eight months ago).
I was asked how Virginia Postrel reacted to me. We were at a party for her at the W in Westwood a few months ago. Virginia was darling to me but Cathy Seipp detected Virginia getting away from me as quickly as possible. Virginia was not pleased with my vicious depiction of Sullen Sullum (a friend of friends of mine from shul, so I better be nicer to Jacob if I'm ever going to get another invite for a Shabbos meal).
I do not believe that there is anything hotter and sexier in a woman than a coolly business-type outfit and look and demeanor. Saw a friend in one tonight. Momma Mia. There should be a musical.
When I see an attractive female lawyer looking like she's about to argue a case before the Supreme Court, it makes me want to rule in her favor.
I understand the food tonight was excellent but it definitely looked trafe to me and I only had four chocolate chip cookies because I was overpowered by self-hating libertarian Jews and forced to swallow the sweets.
I saw four decapitations and six breasts at the party.
No, that is false. I did not write that sentence. That was an interruption from Joe Bob Briggs.
If I had really wanted to have a good time tonight, I should've gone to the Jewish Home for the Aging. They had a rockin' banquet. Average age of the Guardians club was 40. Tons of hot chicks, good food. These bubies know how to rock! Gray Davis and other politicians attended, hoping to tap the loaded Jews.
I would've liked to have tapped some of the attendees too though for different, more lofty, reasons.
Cecile du Bois, Cathy Seipp's 14 year old daughter, wants to work as an intern for the Jewish Republican Coalition. She needed some letters of recommendation. So she went to her rabbi at Sunday School at her Reform temple. He said he would not do a thing to assist Republicans and refused to write the letter. This is not surprising from a Reform rabbi because they tend to be a godless bunch, less interested in Torah than in marriage rights for homosexuals and the transgendered.
The local Reform high school, Milken Community High School, had to expell three students for making a pornographic video and distributing it among their peers. What's the big deal? Well, they distributed this movie for a year before it ever came to the attention of the leaders of the school. Pornography must not be a big deal in Reform schools. But the Republican party, however, is an anathema.
The leaders at Milken are so clueless that not only did they not know this porn video was circulating around the school for a year, but when they found out, they blamed the student pornographers "low self-esteem" for their sin. That's Reform Judaism.
I see KABC talkshow host Larry Elder (only black person I saw at the party along with Rishawn Biddle) and authors David Rensin and Kevin Roderick.
I understand Lt. Charles Holland is a goner as president of the Writers Guild of America West. He should be replaced within ten days by the former president. Then it will go to a union board for arbitration.
I feel like a kid at his first prom. I'm surrounded by people I want to talk to. I'm high. People think I'm drunk and on drugs. I'm just intellectually excited by the philosophical ferment all around me.
I have a friend from shul with me. I must look after her. My buddy Robert Light, a PhD student in Political Philosophy, looks after her while I flit around the room digging for scoop. Some people find me obnoxious. I don't seek scoop for my sake. I seek it for my readers and for my country and for the First Amendment.
Eugene Volokh looks 26 years old. He's in town until August when he departs for Stanford. He's just back from a quarter at Harvard. I told Eugene that I have a dark side sympathetic to economist Paul Craig Roberts, who Volokh eviscerates on his blog.
He has the greatest manners and allows me to lie about my close intellectual friendship with him to impress sharp chicks who had him as a professor and experiences that made them go all weak at the knees when I invoke his name to achieve tawdry ends.
Nick Gillespie used to ghostwrite a teen advice column for actress Alyssa Milano.
He also wrote the Playboy Adviser for many years. (That's a lie.)
Nick says Cathy Seipp is the most environmentally friendly writer because she recycles more than any other writer. It seems that many of her articles contain paragraphs and stories from previous work.
Nick says that in Cathy's last story on Reason Magazine, she recycled an old anecdote from Nick that she'd gotten wrong.
Cathy was outraged at this assertion but later allowed that there was one teeny eeny inaccuracy.
I ask the Reason Magazine publisher Mike Alissi (married monogamous guy who lives in Connecticut) for scandal about Nick Gillespie. He says Nick likes to bugger little boys.
I believe Mike meant this fellatiously.
I'd like to emphasize that I have no evidence for his assertion, and in fact, I believe it was made as a poke. Just shows what a fun-loving group the Reason crowd is and I should stop writing nasty things about them.
In fact, I think they should pay for food and drink at a special party for my memoir: XXX-Communicated: A Rebel Without A Shul, coming out in August from Art Scroll.
Cathy says I am not a man of Reason, but rather, a man of insanity.
She expressed concern that I was not maintaining the appropriate level of lithium in my bloodstream.
I'm lucky to have friends who so consistently express concern about my medication levels.
Nick Gillespie says he told his old friend, Jack Shafer (in his 50s, press critic at Slate.com) that he was late to the Luke Ford Cultural Phenomenon (Nick may not have used as many capital letters in his communication).
Nick says my novelist friend David Aaron ----- better get off his fat --- and answer his emails.
I saw movie director John Stagliano, a big Reason Magazine supporter.
Cathy Seipp reports the crowd included "...[T]he Sidney Falco-like Michael Levine, gossip maven Janet Charlton (late of the Star), the L.A. Weekly's Nancy Rommelmann, Tom Christie and Sharan Street, Ventura County Reporter editor-in-chief Hillary Johnson, Saturday Night Live alumna Anne Beatts, Ruth Shalit and fiance Rob Barrett, Zap2it.com's Brill Bundy and fiance Eric Almendral, Matt Welch, the Jewish Journal's David ("Funny, he doesn't...") Finnigan, Moxie, Heather Havrilesky, Dave Poland of The Hot Button, Ross Johnson, Reason senior editor Brian Doherty, Richard Rushfield of L.A. Innuendo and Vanity Fair, L.A. Observed's Kevin Roderick, New Times film critic Luke Y. Thompson, Gerard Van Der Leun -- a men's mag veteran and frequent Romenesko poster I finally met who reminded me of Top Cat -- my sister Michele Seipp (recently immortalized on a tight skirts website, unbeknownst to her), Debbie and Morgan Gendel, the Claremont blog's Robert "Handsome Bob" Light, Rand Simberg, Martin "Patio Pundit" Devon, Wednesday Morning Club executive director Mike Finch, and lots of other people I didn't get to even say hello to because it was just too damn crowded."
Robert Light writes:
The Girl Next Door Is Luke Ford
Oz Outrage at Luke Ford's Attack on "Cultural Wasteland"
From the January 28, 2004 edition of Britain's Daily Telegraph: