Rowan writes: Having discovered your work via the mordant essay of Dr E Michael Jones on "Culture Wars" (which is certainly, as the phrase has it, 'anti-Semitic',
but not necessarily incorrect), I have watched your new site since with a mixture of amusement and horror. I still can't make up my mind whether Chaim Amalek really exists or is just an animus projection on your part.

I read "XXX-Communicated: A Rebel Without A Shul" in more or less one sitting. It's well written.

Anyway, I think I understand the logic behind your strange career. Whether
consciously or not, I think you have been trying to hold the Jewish people to account for their extraordinary double standards regarding among other things, sex. I think many of them realise that this is your underlying purpose, and that is why they regard you with some concern, to put it mildly.

The mechanism of this double standard is that the Jewish right wing fiercely
defends Jewish exclusivism and tradition, while the Jewish left wing endevours to destroy the values of exclusivism and tradition among all other (non-Jewish) cultures, while never paying more than lip-service to the idea of destroying it among Jews themselves. Described in this way the mechanism can be seen to be identical in the State of Israel to what it is in the Diaspora.

Mike Jones does manage to accurately describe this double standard, which is easy to spot from the point of view of traditional Catholicism (and for that matter traditional Islam, but not traditional Protestantism because there is no such thing). The effect of the double standard is also quite well described from another theoretical standpoint, that of evolutionary psychology, by Kevin Macdonald in his three books, one of which is on the web as a free e-text at a rather nasty white power site.

Let me mention one curious thing. The polemics between Christianity and Judaism almost always fail to grasp an important point, two important points in fact, about the period in which Christianity was created.

One point is that it seems to me quite probable circumstantially that Jesus was really something like a proto-Karaite, simply condemning the post-Exilic development of what eventually became halachah, and asking for a return to what he considered to be the primal Judaism of Moses. Modern scholars regard that also as a product of the post-Exilic period, but that's another story.

The other is that early Christianity was very little concerned with the real ideas of Jesus, whatever they may have been, but was much more concerned with the false idea that he preached the abrogation of Jewish law and the merging of the Jewish people into the peoples of the world to create a truly universal faith.

The letters of Paul are particularly confusing in this respect because they contain Marcionite ideas ("who shall deliver me from this body of death?" - this is a proto-gnostic idea, related to the belief that the God of the Jews is a mere demiurge, and that Jesus was sent by the real supreme God, who was neither the God of the Jews nor the creator of this world, to testify against this demiurge) but that these Marcionite or gnostic ideas have been adulterated by the pro-Jewish Christians of Rome with something which in today's terms we would call proto-Dispensationalism, which accords the Jews a higher prestige and reaffirms the idea that the God of both religions is one and the same.

Mike Jones, therefore, in trying to extricate Catholicism from its submission to Judaism, is attempting the impossible.

I think the reason Judaism seems so much more sex-positive than Christianity, by the way, is that Judaism provides a utilitarian justification for sex : the population war between Jews and everybody else. One see this very clearly in Israeli culture, for instance in the constant jokes about 'natural population growth' in the settlements. An amusing story in this vein is on my own blog, at:
http://spookspot.blogspot.com/2004/09/is-nothing-sacred_28.html

Those of you who have seen me of late know that more and more, I look like a bear. I'm building up some much needed bulk (though not necessarily where I'd like it to go), and my face is getting broader, too. And thanks to certain legal lifestyle drugs that I take, my body is becoming more hirsute. In short, I'm looking more and more like a bear.

We bears need hugs, hugs that I find difficult to come by in a conventional Jewish setting. (Although to be fair, my new friend Tom from Finland likes giving me lots of hugs after prayer services.) I am, therefore, considering starting an informal Jewish prayer group of my own for Jewish Bears like me. Luke's Dovening Den, I may call it. If you live in the LA area and are interested, just drop me a note.

I'm hearing good things about the $4 million movie When Do We Eat?:

Plot Outline: A family's Passover gets screwy after the patriarch unknowingly ingests a hit of Ecstasy.

Source says: The film was even better than what was written there. It is something made for a jewish audience, but he didn't make it too religious so that it could go mainstream without leaving people out. I am not sure how they could market it properly to actually pull in non-jews, but it should be done as it is a great film and is for almost everyone.
I am just impressed with how they tie so much together. the rabbi (Mordecai Finley) who introduced it said something about how this film has everything his favorite book has; family, religion, sex, incest, drugs, love, humor, etc....just like the bible.

LONDON: The author of a thriller that has sold more than 12 million copies is to be sued for plagiarising two books published more than 20 years ago.

Dan Brown, whose The Da Vinci Code is claimed by the publisher to have become the best-selling hardback adult novel ever, is expected to face legal action by the authors of a 1982 non-fiction bestseller and a 1983 novel.

Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln, whose The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail was condemned by the Catholic Church but continues to draw readers and disciples, are said to be preparing to sue him for alleged breach of copyright of ideas and research.

Another author, Lewis Perdue, is threatening to sue Brown for alleged plagiarism, claiming that he borrowed heavily from Perdue's novel The Da Vinci Legacy.

The authors of The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail claimed to have found evidence that the Priory of Sion - a secret society founded in the late 11th century linked to the Knights Templar, and whose grand masters supposedly included Leonardo da Vinci, Victor Hugo and Isaac Newton - guarded documents that challenged orthodox Christian tenets and history.

.............

Author Lewis Perdue writes Luke: Thank God (by whatever name you know Him/Her) for Aussies ... The Australian runs with a real story while while the rest of the mainstream media are content to let Random House and its multi-billion-dollar German parent, Bertlesmann try and nail my gluteus maximus to a tree in New York District Court ... all because I had the nerve to stand up for the Da Vinci Code's plagiarism of my work. Anyway, glad there are still cojones down in Oz.

Chaim Amalek writes: Have you turned in your book on JJournalists? What are you currently working on? (I now think you should listen to your inner bad boy and write a finger wagging book about the Hilton video phenomena.) Of all the ideas you have kicked around, this has the best prospect of paying the bill for being a Jew and
putting food on the table.

Speaking of which, given the state of your health through the years, why not admit the obvious - that God/nature/Darwin made us omnivores who are meant to eat a very broad range of foods, including fish, chicken and beef - and cut that final string to your 7th Day Adventist upbringing? What is the case for you to keep at this? A good friend of mine, after getting progressively sicker on her bizarre vegan diet
of many years, very quickly became stronger and healthier by returning to a proper omnivorous diet.

Luke says: I could not eat meat if I wanted to. The thought repulses me.

Yes, I've turned in my Jewish journalism book. Out in a month. Working on another one.

What keeps me occupied is studying and observing the Torah and writing in a way that glorifies that which is holy and attacks that which is unholy.
She now has the strength to become the success that
she was meant to be but which she could never be on
her ridiculous vegan diet. There is nothing Jewish in
being vegan.

I like to think of myself as a moralist, but I must admit that the shape of a young woman's midot (character traits) can have a profound affect on me.

Lainie Speiser writes: "You're a strange man Mr. Ford. You Australians just love to stir the pot, its like an orgasmic experience for you guys, and thats why you make the best tabloid journalists. Thank christ my parents don't even own a computer."

Lainie posts: Yes as someone who still goes to an orthodox shul it is indeed very sexual exciting when the men and women are separated. In my temple the men are on the ground floor and the women are on a balcony above. And there is a whole lot of men checking us out from above, but of course most of the men that look me over are married with several children.

And yes the mystery might make it sexy for the men but what of the women? Again this is totally a man's sexuality nothing that benefits a woman.

Yes I do think G-d does approve of me and what I do because I'm honest first of all, and second of all I believe the most important commandment, Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. There is a Rabbi who said you could sum up the entire Torah on one foot with that one line.

Live and let live I say. as long as its positive and good and human.

But hypocrisy, well as someone who lived in Williamsburg for awhile it never ceased to amaze me about how many satmars would load into a beat up old station wagon looking for crack hos to perform five dollar BJ's.

Yes I'm a porn peddler and have met many many orthodox people who are huge porn fans. I was at an S&M event, The Black and Blue ball are met many orthodox men and hasids there. Also, three orhodox men started a porno site with me a few years ago. Of course no one in their temple knew of this.

I believe in god and feel him within me all the time because I have an open mind, heart and soul. Thats all thats needed.

Because I got such a large response the first time I published some comments from Lainie Speiser [picture of her sandwiched between Linn Thomas on the left, and Dr. Victoria Zdrok on the right, pic is glatt kosher], publicist of Penthouse, here are some more of her emails to be (published with her permission):

Orthodox!? Hell no! I did suffer a horrible eight years at Yeshiva of Hudson County from ages five through 13. But try as I may I cannot get any of those song-prayers out of my head, I remember all my blessings and if you put a sider in front of me I probably could still read the blasted thing. My Mom drags me to Temple once a year during High Holy Days and last year I took a novel (with the cover off) and it was so much more pleasant for me.

I believe in god believe it or not, but in all religions, well they're all bunk to me, and encourage seperatist behavior. I'm very spiritual and try to be the best person I can be, but I don't need to go to a building or read the words someone else wrote to prove it.

This business (behind the scenes) is all Catholics 'n Jews.

I grew up a sephardic jew first generation American (Mom is from Tangiers, Dad is from Argentina), and while my Mom did keep a kosher home we ate whatever we wanted outside of the home. I don't keep kosher now in or outside my house. That's another ridiculous rule. All these things need to be updated. Dietary restrictions were made during the "bible days" because of lack of refridgeration etc. Now its silly, although I agree, pork is not good for anyone. But I love lobster and crab and all that other shellfish.

I remember a song they taught us as little kids in Yeshiva, it went, "...all the animals that we eat must chew their cud and have split feet..." My older sister keeps kosher, although not religious and married a Southern Blond Goy (my sister and I love our men vanilla). I don't know why she does, I've tried to get her to try lobster but she won't do it.

Yom Tovin? Whats that? I know what Yom Tov, but what's Yom Tovin?

What made you want to convert to Judiasm? Are you orthodox?

My Dad is an atheist, but yet has always been really into being a jew because of the history and politics, and although he shacked up with a fair shair of shiksas, mainly of the Latina variety, he told me in his heart it didn't feel right, that he knew he would only marry a jewish girl.

I've been on TV a few times because of my job, and my Mom is mortified when her fellow Temple Beth Abraham brothers and sisters say they saw me on TV. But they're
cool about it for the most part.

Whats "shaygetzes?"

I guess it is divine compared to other religions. I mean I like the fact that we don't pray to false idols for instance. But I don't like the orthodox way towards women --- covering your hair because its only for your husband and not being able to sing in public.... I lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn a while ago, we lived walking distance to the Satmars, and although they wouldn't put money in my hand when giving me change back (they owned the best bakery), they had know problem piling into their beat up old station wagon trolling for crack ho's. I just really really hate the hypocrisy.

Which brings me to my next question ... how is it an orthodox jew peddles and/or pushes ----? Or are you some kinda "modern" orthodox? Do you go to temple every saturday? Do you pray every morning? Do you keep Sabbath?

I guess you can say I've only dated non jews. Recently tho' I hooked up with a
real jewish cutie, not a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, more of a casual thing, and I think it was cool with me because he's from Tennessee. Other than that I've been on a date here and a date there, nothing really came of it, one guy had an anxiety attack on the date. NYC jews should lighten up I think.

Well Luke, y'know you have a name in adult entertainment, no? I don't dig p---
myself. I think of myself as a drug dealer who doesn't do the drugs, which is
how I've been able to stay in it so long. But I don't think it should be
abolished, and anyway, it could never be. P---, like prostitution, will never
fade. I like the business of it though, obviously I've chosen to remain in it.

And you know with all this FCC hassle going on, lately it makes me proud to be
in this business. Enjoying freedoms isn't just about what each individual likes, but most importantly even what you don't like. Of course I wouldn't support say a Nazi magazine, but it is their right to publish it.

Get out of town, you are shomer negiya? I can't imagine a man whose shomer
negiya asking me how Jim Goad knows about the size of my breasts (he's met me
in person by the way, thats how he knows, we've know each other for awhile now,
distantly obviously, but stayed in good contact. He's one of the coolest,
smartest I've ever met). What kind of shomer negiya are you ... no touching at
all or no sex? I've seen many varieties.

The Stamars did try to get action off me, you know, anyone who isn't one of
them might as well be a crack ho.

Hey I guess I sound pretty Jew harsh, obviously this has brought much good into
your life and thats great. Maybe if you'd have had my religious background you'd think differently, but maybe not.

I'm not religious or political. I'm in the business of the politics of people. People are what interest me the most. But of course most of my family is Republican because they're pro Isreal. For me, well I just don't want to be told how to live, whether its about abortion or religion or smoking or p---.

One of my henchmen emailed me a link to your Looking for a Wife site. I got a big kick out of it.

I do know of two very marriage minded Jewesses who would love to settle down and have babies and go to Temple and make latkas. One has a very good job working for the DA's office in Queens (and she shares your politics). The other doesn't have as great a career but is highly educated and hasn't had intercourse in so long I'd say
she's a born again virgin. And they are both attractive too (the woman who works for the DA's office has very very shiny chestnut colored hair and green eyes).

But alas your age requirements I feel are too stiff. They are older than me, in their late 30s (they are close friends of my older sister). But Luke, its very common for women to pop our children in their late 30s and early 40s. My Mother had me well into middle age and had no problem getting preggo at all, in fact with both her pregnancies she got knocked up right away, my sister was conceived on the Honeymoon and I was conceived on their anniversary four years later.

So although I found all your requirements extremely reasonable, I think you could bend on the age thang. After all sir, you are no spring chicken, how do we know your sperm is still vital?

Actually I thought all the other requirements were fine, and you weren't too physically picky either (and I totally agree about the hip to waist ratio that is the most important part of the female form in my opinion). It was just the age. Because younger women aren't necessarily so marriage and children minded, but then again, we are talking JEWS aren't we?

I'd love to hook you up with my friends. Meryl and Sandi... it don't get much more Jewy than that. And I even think they'd be willing to uproot themselves for you. More so Sandi, because her career isn't the big deal that Meryl's is, tho' I feel Meryl would be the better match in verbal matters.

See I didn't throw my marital hat in the ring because although I do have long hair and a good waist to hip ratio and am jewish and smart, I'm too much of a bad girl for you, I smoke cigarettes and weed and enjoy cocktails and I wouldn't join you in temple every week and then there is the p---- peddler job that I very much enjoy. Too bad my Mother would have adored you.

Well then Mr. Ford, if a lot is tongue and cheek, may I take the liberty to ask
about your oral views as expressed on the site? Because ---- --- - mutually -
is one of the greatest pleasures in the world, and I feel it IS safe ---
actually. And I would never perform oral on anyone if they were wearing a condom - GROSS! Are you that germaphobic or just a man that really isn't into performing it but doesn't want to flat out say it? I hope that was part of the joke, because I could never in good faith recommend a man who is uptight in these areas.

Well sir, that is a pity. And that isn't fair either. You'd probably get a lot
more ----, and more importantly enthusiastic ----, if you acquired a taste for
it. But that's an Aussie thing isn't it? I haven't had relations with any Australians, but I got this report from a close friend of mine long ago.

Luke I think Hashem is very dissapointed in you and perhaps that is why you
haven't had the naches to meet the right lady yet. Don't you know you'd be
performing a great mitzvah by putting your selfish views aside and giving? I
think you must have experienced some nasty hairy hygenically challenged girl in
Australia and it turned you off for good.

Ha, if Torah gave me orgasms I wouldn't have left Yeshiva for good at the age
of 13! But it is chock full of dirty stories, this is true.

Now I'm going to be a nice jewish girl and not relay this to Victoria [Zdrok]. She
would be very disenchanted with you if she heard that.

Dennis Prager was in Miami this past weekend to lecture at a non-Orthodox synagogue on Yom Kippur. He spoke Friday night to 650 people. Saturday the temple heeded the city's hurricane warning (even though there was no evidence to believe the hurricane was headed towards Miami, it only drizzled) and closed down. Prager's hotel closed down. Virtually every non-Orthodox synagogoue in the city's low-lying areas closed down (because its members watch TV and got hysterical over the hurriance passing hundreds of miles to the north). All the Orthodox synagogues in Miami stayed open on Saturday (because its members don't watch TV on holy days).

Prager noted that his Trump hotel said it was evacuating because of liability concerns. Out of fear of lawsuits. That is the same reason that propelled the city to urge its citizens in low-lying areas to evacuate even though there was no evidence of threat and there was only a light drizzle.

Lainie Speiser, publicist for Penthouse, writes me: As a survivor of 9 years at Yeshiva of Hudson County in Union City, NJ I can tell you, no woman can be possibly sexual AND orthodox at the same time. The rules of orthodoxy don't allow it
because it doesn't allow a woman to shine in any way shape or form whether it be showing her hair or singing in public.

Last week at my gym, I noticed an orthodox woman (I go to an all girls gym) watching me work out. I knew she was orthodox from her wig and the fact that she was wearing an oversize dowdy floor length skirt. Anyway, she came by to ask me about some arm exercises I was doing, I gave her some advice and she walked away. I wanted to ask
her why the hell she was wearing her wig and skirt in the company of other women, it is after all an women's only gym.

I felt sorry for this woman, really, really sorry.

I spent Yom Kippur at my mothers house. I struck a deal with her -- that I'd go to evening services Friday night and closing evening services on Saturday night. While my father, mother and sister were at the day services on Saturday I smoked pot like a teenager, with my body halfway out of the window, I napped, and I read a great book
by a great pulp fiction writer. I didn't eat, I didn't drink, but you see Luke I contemplate my existance every single damn day, I scold myself for any bad behavior every single damn day, and I try to be the best person I can be every damn day.

Hashem knows this very well about me, and I think he would've approved at how I spent Yom Kippur. And more than anything I made my family happy by being there.

Der Nister writes on Protocols:

To each his own, Lainie, to each his own. The more you suppress sexuality, the more sexual desire morphs to accomodate the suppression. Wrap a woman in a sheitl or a burka, then the wisp of hair that escapes becomes intensely erotic. Send the hemlines to the floor, and the glimpse of stocking is something shocking.

You can even argue, using the "don't think of elephants test," that all this suppression only intensifies the erotic atmosphere. Go to a typical Reform Friday night service, where women and men sit side by side and anything goes dress-wise, and you'd find more of a sexual buzz at the Motor Vehicles Bureau. Head to a hasidische shul and note all the sweating, the tight-packed bodies, the swaying and moaning, the peeks over the mehitza (in both directions). You can tell me Orthodoxy has channeled sexual energy, but they have far from eliminated it.

Cathy Seipp writes on the Matthew Klam NYT blogger article.

Charles Johnson of LGF writes: Matthew Klam, with whom I spoke on the phone for 43 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back, writes a story for the New York Times Magazine about political blogs.

And in a 10-page article, covers only the left wing blogs, including the worst, most virulent centers of lunacy.

In glowing terms.

Featuring a photo of Markos Zuniga, the owner of Daily Kos.

There is not one word about the anti-idiotarian blogosphere. No LGF. No Roger L. Simon. No Michael Totten. No Allah. No Belmont Club. No Power Line. No INDC Journal. No Command Post. No Michele. No Cox & Forkum. No Rantburg.

Nobody but Atrios, Josh Marshall, Daily Kos, Wonkette, and the other New York Times-approved left-wing drones.

Not one word. Ten pages.

The New York Times, with help from Matthew Klam, is trying to make us all disappear.

I don’t trust myself to write what I really feel about Klam’s outrageously slanted piece. Read it for yourself: Fear and Laptops on the Campaign Trail.

The mainstream media’s shameful, arrogant bias, up there for all to see.

.............

Ace writes: Well, after two weeks in which conservative bloggers and conservative posters on conservative for a like FreeRepublic disprove a major media fraud and nearly bring down a sitting anchorman (and when I say "nearly," I just mean we're not done yet), the New York Times decides to write a big Sunday Magazine article about bloggers.

About FreeRepublic, that started the ball rolling?

About PowerLine, that greatly advanced the story in those first hours?

About LGF, who proved the documents to be forgeries within hours of seeing them by just posting an MS Word copy of the text on his site?

Oh, no.

You might think that those might be the bloggers the NYTimes would talk to -- you know, the ones actually making news.

But you'd be wrong.

In the first clear victory for the blogosphere over the legacy media, the New York Times decides to spend ten pages talking about...

Daily Kos, Josh Marshall, and Wonkette.

Gee, PowerLine LGF refuted a 60 Minutes story and put the entire CBS News organization in a state of crisis, and Wonkette tells dick-jokes (bad ones, actually). Who's more newsworthy?

LF Fan Blog: Our Moral Leader has a new book coming out, his third in four months. Amazing! This is Luke's fourth book. Impressive! (Although he's 619 behind Dame Barbara.) It's called Yesterday's News Tomorrow. Witty! It's about Jewish journalism. Fascinating! Luke has given me a copy to review for my website. Thanks! He'll have to wait, however, as I'm no genius. Duh! In fact, I'm really quite stupid. Really! It will take a week or two (or three) for me to read the book and write a review. Sorry!

LF Fan Blog: To celebrate my good fortune, I decided, using Luke Ford as my role model, to start hanging out with hookers, strippers, and elderly p___ stars. Big mistake. You see these women are very, um, materialistical, and it didn't take them long to go through all my funds, what with all the diamonds, furs, and trips to Capri -- not to mention booze and drugs -- I was buying. Then, much to my surprise and disappointment, all my girlfriends left me! Bummer.

What Your Moral Leader is reading:

John Grisham, The Summons: B
Saul Bellow, Herzog: C-
Laurence Roth: Inspecting Jews: American Jewish Detective Stories: C
Neurotica: Jewish Writers on Sex: B+
Murder is no Mitzvah: Short Mysteries About Jewish Occasions: B+

Yesterday, as the Shabbos Queen and the Yom Kippur King danced with each other inside my head and empty stomach, I had an epiphany. I suddenly knew what my next book would be about. It would not be a tell all book about Gabais or a history of the UCLA economics department (not even one as told by their janitors - sorry, Chaim). Instead, it would be about my favorite topic: me. I've decided to do chapter after chapter about the people in my life, and talk about how good or bad they've been to me. If the former, they should not object; if the latter, they really should have asked me for forgiveness by now (no one ever does). No matter. In this book, I will set the record straight, and thanks to the mechanism of self-publishing, I don't have to worry about pansy lawyers making a capon of me in print.

(All thanks to Cathy for inadvertently suggesting the title.)

Evan Gahr writes: New York Post Editorial page staffer Robert George, perhaps the page's only black writer ever, is refusing to condemn his boss, Bob "Edith Bunker" McManus for racist humor far more serious than the bigoted and inane comments which he and other putative conservatives seized upon to drive Trent Lott out of office.

McManus, who Eric Breindel has described as having "a pea for a brain", pleasures himself immensely by likening black businessmen to criminals.

McManus has said with a huge smile on his big fat Irish Catholic face that the 100 Black Businessmen is really 100 Black Men with their parole officer. Anybody laughing? Humor is serious. To poke fun or even make crass jokes about the disproportionate number of blacks involved in criminal activity is one thing; you're dealing with a fact and then responding in kind. But what does it say about McManus that he equates black businessmen with criminals? What does that say about his mindset in general? His attitude towards blacks?

McManus also enjoys surfing the internet on company time. Back in 1996 hit pay dirt on his little fishing expedition when he came across a mock inner-city math quiz, which he printed out and gave to the junior member of his predecessor's staff. It had stuff like "if the bitch steals five grams of coke from Rufus and he started with ten how much is left?"

Again how much time did he spend finding this stuff?

Who else did he give it to?

Why?

When?

Ugly stuff, but mum's the word from his staff when questioned yesterday. Marc Cunningham and Adam Brodsky hung up when the caller identified himself. Robert George was even more abrupt.

Any problem with Bob's racist humor?

"Click."

When David Brock published his confessional memoir, Jill Abramson, the elitist pc snob who answers her own phone, asked if Brock lied previously why should we believe him now.

Similarly, if Robert George refuses to disassociate himself from his own boss's disgusting why should anybody take him seriously if he takes issue with liberals
association with unseemly characters, such as Al Sharpton?

Moreover, doesn't this render his glorification by the New York Times, which
quoted him trashing Trent Lott, for supposedly breaking ranks, outdated and in need of correction?

Did he really break ranks or simply join the lynch mob that was determined to crucify Trent Lott to attone for the original sin by such conservatives as William Buckley for opposing the landmark civil rights act?

Taking Lott to the woodshed was a calculated political move by players who
risked nothing, contrary to the NYTimes depiction of the low-tech lynching as
some kind of moment of great soul searching.

Robert George would do well to try the genuine kind and ask himself whether he's nothing but Bob's bitch and just a sorry excuse for a man, journalist and black man when he countenances the kind of ugly bigotry for which many liberals, such as John Lewis, risked their personal safety to defeat.

I write Jack Shafer: Who is an appointed populist? "[S]elf-appointed populist" is a snotty remark signifying nothing. Riley is no more a "self-appointed populist" than you are a self-appointed press critic. Sure, Slate employs you, as Fox employs Riley, and readers of my self-published web sites and books read and elect me.

I don't recall the term "self-appointed" ever imparting meaning.

I'd say that a person like Riley who creates himself may be more worthy of admiration than those who are placed in their positions by large bureaucracies such as CBS News.

PS Yes, "self-appointed" gets used on me all the time and I'm sick of it.

From TiffanyAStone.com: "Note: Stealing from here is a very bad idea. My entourage is viscous."

Link to dictionary.com inserted by me.

Rabbi David Wolpe writes: In order to answer why Shawn Green should not play, I have to go back to Leroy Kelley.

As some may remember, Leroy Kelley was an outstanding running back for the Cleveland Browns, and is deservedly in the hall of fame. I am not sure he is well remembered today. He was not as great as the running back he replaced, the legendary Jim Brown. But for me, he was greater than almost any athlete in the world.

In grade school I was obsessed by sports. Like many young men I pasted pictures of players up on my wall (in those primitive days, pages ripped from sports magazines affixed by scotch tape). I wrote to teams for autographed pictures. I received scores of autographed pictures. Most had simple signatures. Some carried gnomic utterances, such as Roman Gabriel's picture which read "Always 110%, Roman Gabriel" which was either an exhortation to effort, or an astonishing egotism. But only one wrote a letter worth reading.

Leroy Kelley, number 44, wrote a letter that I remember. It was not fancy, a mimeograph on yellow paper. It said that as happy as he was to provide the autograph, I should remember that football was not as important as studying and making something of oneself. Here was a player preaching values beyond football. I never forgot it.

Now we come to Shawn Green and the manic interest in his decision to play one of two games on Yom Kippur. It is hard not to feel sorry for him as he contemplates this decision, made awesome by the intense focus. There is a lot of blather about his obligation to his team and his promise to be part of the sport, and the amount of money he is being played. Although Mr. Green is not himself in a society which would educate him to this decision, I regret that he did not say no.

"Of course not!" should have been his first, final and simple answer. "There are values above baseball, above money, above work. What self-respecting Jew would play on Yom Kippur?" Oh, what he might have done with that simple declaration.

First he would have honored the Giver above the gift. God gave him great gifts, but they do not override reverence. His ability has been honed, but it has not been earned. None of us earns his or her natural endowments. "I am grateful to God for my strong arm and my keen eye. I think I will take this day to express my thanks."

Now Mr. Green has said that he is not a religious man, so perhaps this is too extravagant an expectation. Fair enough. If we cannot appeal in terms of gratitude, then let us appeal in terms of self-respect.

Shawn Green was a Jew before he was a baseball player. He was a Jew before he was a public figure. To take who you are seriously means to honor it even when others think that it is less important, or unimportant. Koufax's decision not to pitch on Yom Kippur in the world series is honored not because he was a religious man but because he paid tribute to who he was.

Koufax has been quoted as saying that Green's decision is tougher because he, Koufax, could be shifted in the rotation whereas Green is an everyday player. But honoring who you are is not a piecemeal decision. Twenty years from now, Green's decision might have stood as a signal example of principle among people who will never remember who won the pennant in 2004.

Finally, to those who say he must play because he is being so well paid: that is another, powerful reason why he should not play. Is there no room in this society to make a statement that says "money does not override everything?" In an age when athletes shift cities the way they change socks, and fans 'know' it is all about money, wouldn't it be great if someone said, in clear, ringing tones, it is actually not about money? It is not even about my teammates expectations? It is about the expectations of a tradition that is about 3,000 years older than the Dodgers and a
community that was here long before, and will be here long after, the game of baseball.

Does anyone remember the story of Eli Herring, offensive tackle for Brigham Young? He is a devout Mormon who turned down a multi-million dollar deal with a professional football team because he won't play on his holy day, Sunday. Instead he teaches high school math for $25,000 a year. A reporter questioned his decision; wouldn't he be a role model to more kids as a famous football player?

I wish someone has mentioned to Shawn Green what this faithful Mormon said to the reporter. Quoting the old hymn, Eli Herring answered "You can't be a beacon if your light don't shine." It was a lesson I heard from Leroy Kelley when I was a child. I wish the children of America had heard that lesson from Shawn Green today.

It has been about five years since I've gone to somebody in the days before Yom Kippur and sought forgiveness for my specific sins against them. I've never experienced the healing and reconciliation this can bring.

I'm skeptical of seeking of forgiveness unless it meets these criteria:

* It is for something specific where one can take practical steps to mitigate the harm one has caused.

* The seeking of forgiveness can do some good and lead to a reconciliation. Most of the relationships that have ruptured in my life have been irreparable, not so much because of the hugeness of the sin, but because we've been going in different directions, and our differences in direction are irreconcilable.

My best friend in Los Angeles had bad credit. I gave him a credit card in my name (I was responsible for paying for it). He was usually late paying me. Finally, I cut off his card. He refused to pay me the approximately $400 he owed me. We've never been able to discuss the matter. I've tried a few times (pushed by my therapist) but he would never talk about it. He has no money. I can't forgive him because he hasn't asked for forgiveness. Every time I hear his voice on the phone (I decided to keep him as a friend because I can't afford to keep chucking people out of my life), I remember how he didn't repay me. Our friendship limps along.

I remember once (in 1990) I sought the advice of a rabbi on the day before Yom Kippur about my long distance telephone-and-letter relationship with a non-Jewish ex-girlfriend. He told me to cut it off. I knew he was right. I did. It caused pointless misery for both of us. She'd already moved on to another relationship and she just wanted to stay in touch with me because I was so sick, lonely, and isolated.

Most every time I pushed myself to act extra-moral, I only increase my isolation. Plenty of my immoral acts have also furthered my isolation. On balance, my immorality has hurt me more than my putatively moral acts.

Cathy Seipp and I have exchanged numerous barbs over the length of our friendship, many of which have hurt the other. But it would feel pro-forma to me to go to her and ask for general forgiveness. If I ask it for specific wrongs, that would only increase the hurt. So forget it.

Most of the hurtful things I say, and that people say to me, are true, and much of the time they impart needed truths. Hurting somebody is not always wrong. Hurting somebody needlessly, for no good reason, is wrong.

I've often done the 'please forgive me for anything I've done against you in the past year,' which, without specifics, feels pro-forma to me (but I always reciprocate it if somebody offers it to me). I normally try to apologize as soon as I realize I have done wrong against somebody (when I think the apology will do some good).

In my experience, most apologizing is pro-forma and rarely does any good. Not apologizing for needlessly hurting somebody, however, is a horrible thing.

Most of my sins over the past year have been careless remarks which have wounded feelings and tasteless writing on my Web sites. So, dear reader, please forgive me for the awkwardness, shock, horror and disgust your reading of me has brought you, your family and your community (I know you can not forgive on behalf of others).

I sold 60 copies of my memoir, XXX-Communicated, and 39 of my producers book.

I won't. I am his better.

Immanuel Kant was a real piss ant. Heidegger, Heidegger, was very rarely stable. Or was that Schlegel?

I drink therefore I am.

Hegel. Heidegger. Kant. These Aryans don't impress me.

Terri, who has a masters degree in the classics, writes:

Alright, now you've gone too far.

But not farther than Kant. Did you also know that he never in his life traveled more than 50 miles from his hometown, Konigsburg? But he was still the most important philosopher of the Enlightenment (yeah, philosophers are always a century or so behind the times).

And Martin Heidegger was a Nazi stooge - but he was also one of the most poetic and (therefore) profound thinkers of the last half century.

Wittgenstein was simply the greatest philosopher of the 20th Century.

I think you'd find them to be more profitable reading than Bill Bennett - or Hayek or Rand or Strauss or whomever the Young Republicans are reading these days.

Officially yours, Terri

P.S. Hey, if you want to start a dropouts' philosophical reading salon, let me know. We can start with the Pre-Socratics and work our way forward.

Luke says: Terri, you think like a goy. The greatest philosopher of the 20th Century was a longshoreman - Eric Hoffer.

G. writes: Luke, Heard that Malcolm Hoenlein went into a meeting today with a European minister in New York for the UN GA and tried to explain to the minister why the Sharon plan for disengagement was bad for Israel.

Is this proper? Do you know if that is the policy of the Conference of Presidents? Why is he criticizing the Israeli government to other governments?

Luke says: I wonder if Malcolm told the European minister that if he didn't go along with what he was saying, Mr. Hoenlein would ---- him for the rest of his life.

I've been wanting to penetrate the keen taut mind of Alana Newhouse, Arts & Culture editor of the Forward, for some months now. So I started reading one of her favorite books and am falling in love with it - The Mind Body Problem by Rebecca Goldstein. It's about an Orthodox woman's sexual awakening at college.

I wonder what about it speaks so powerfully to Alana the HAFTR (yeshiva) girl? She told me in our interview: "I grew up in a Modern Orthodox home and I went to Orthodox day schools. I went to Hebrew Academy of Five Towns in Rockaways. I'm a Long Island JAP. When I went to Barnard, the whole world opened up for me."

Here's an excerpt of Goldstein's book that spoke to me: "There's been so much serious discussion devoted to the profound question of the vaginal vs. the clitoral orgasm. Why doesn't anyone speak about the mental orgasm? It's what's going on in your head that can make the difference, not which and how many of your nerve endings are being rubbed."

Nothing impure or smutty should be imputed to my writing of this post. My interests here are of the mind. They float on an airy intellectual plane far above the baser interests of lesser mortals in dear Alana.

My intentions, by contrast, are rigorous, professional, journalistic, mathematical, philosophical, and most of all, Jewish. They are imbued with my deep passion for releasing women from the bondage of secularistic feminism and setting them free to become the halakhic princesses they most want to be.

Err, excuse me. I'll be right back. I have to take my meds.

Has everybody seen Borat (from the TV show AliG) sing his song about throwing the Jew down the well? http://students.ou.edu/H/Geoff.D.Hansen-1/

You must download the file as a JPG and then rename it to a WMV file for it to work. (Note: Right click on the link. "Save target as". Once downloaded rename the jpg to a wmv file.)

ThrowtheJewdownthewell.com

Though I only saw Ali G for the first time Sunday night on DVD, I've become a huge fan. It would've been tempting to use some of his techniques in my interviews.

WHEN Ron Jeremy made his decision three years ago, it was only half as difficult as the one he has to make now.

In 2001, Jeremy opted not to f--- on Yom Kippur in the movie Gang Bang In The Fat Lane. Due to its low budget status, the decision only cost Filmco a few dollars to reschedule.

Now Ron Jeremy is slated to star in the epic Barnacle Bill the sailor. The movie's key orgy scene takes place on Yom Kippur and tens of thousands of dollars are riding on its success.

Ron says he might f--- on Friday night, the beginning of Yom Kippur, but he will only do girl-girl on Saturday, Judaism's most solemn day. In observance of the Jewish fast, he will limit himself to two meals and no more than 3,000 calories worth of the most strictly kosher offerings.

In 2001, when Jeremy walked into shul in the middle of prayers, the entire synagogue rose and applauded.

"It was the proudest moment of my life," a sheepish Ron recalled months later. "That and when I first performed fellatio on myself."

Jewish actors not f---ing on Yom Kippur has a rich and proud history. Though they are not generally religious people, folks such as Nina Hartley, Raylene, Traci Lords and Jamie Gillis have often chosen to continue the traditions of their ancestors rather than earn a quick paycheck performing meaningless sex on the holiest day of the year.

A Muslim friend invited me to an ecumenical Bible study Wednesday night in Studio City with believers from all three of the monotheistic religions.

Imagine my surprise when I found it was being held at a nightclub and there were a lot of scantily clad, not particularly religious, young women.

We didn't get much studying done last night but we all did get to know each other better and learn to appreciate our differences.

As I started to press the flesh, the dancing girls transmogrified in my mind into Orthodox rabbis. They stared into my soul. Though they say not a word, I could hear their thoughts:

- You're an insincere convert.

- You said you weren't doing this anymore.

- I stuck my neck out for you and you betrayed me. You went back on your word.

- I introduced you to my family.

- We can't have this in our community.

- Two people came over to me during Rosh Hashanah davening to tell me about you.

- I taught you Torah for two years, and now you do this?

- I vouched for you. I never heard of Luke Ford. I only knew you as Chaim Amalek. We're returning your $600 donation. Thank you very much, but we don't want your filthy tainted money.

- I think it is clear that this is not the place you should pray.

- You want to touch someone? Touch me. Feel my tzitzit. Feel the wrath of God.

- Time to pack you off to Pure Life Ministry in Kentucky.

A friend is in love with a girl. She took a week to return his last call. I told him that he needs to wait at least a week and add 50% to make it ten days to return her call. If he does not do this, she will think him a wimp.

To make some extra money, I'm renting out my hovel and van by the hour to my friend Robert and giving him lessons in the Australian accent.

I'm also dressing up in a clown suit and driving up and down my neighborhood in my van selling icecream to children. "G-day, would you like a Red Rocket?"

Friend writes: Luke -- what I should have said, by way of dissenting against your advice, is that not returning her call untill 10 days from now is apt to cause her retaliation -- to retaliate in similar fashion. Such "little games" only end up being mutually reinforcing, one side "one-upping" the other. I think it would only weaken both of our interests in each other; i.e. a mutally reinforcing ratchet effect.

Why do I want to give her the impression that my feelings were hurt as a result of her not calling (which is what my not calling her would indicate?), hmm? I don't think that playing games -- which really is what this is which you recommend -- redounds to anyone's benefit in these situations. Again, I think she'll just read my abstention as just calculating behavior and would belie only in vain the fact of my being hurt that she didn't return my call while she was away on vacation.

Allison Kaplan Sommer writes: Do Palestinians or Mexicans have Luke Fords who are searching for the non-existent sexy Orthodox fertile 22-year-old willing to wed an obsessive blogger living in a hovel? Nope, they grab the girl next door, whoever she may be -- deal with her imperfections -- and start having babies, and lots of them.

Ariella writes: Rabbi "Gadol" who I suspect is actually quite Katan... may you spend your whole life with a woman who treats you like the trash your ideas are. And Luke... I love, love{!!} that you are so condescending. Who wants a woman like us? We think we are such a prize? That's funny, because ultimately you converted so that you'd specifically end up with a Jewish woman. If you want Maria or Jahmillah to propegate your family of 15, cut out and fast {and spare the rest of us who may actidentally date you - thank god for 48 states in between}. And correct me if I am wrong but are you not whoring yourself out on the internet?? Have you not set up a site specifically touting your own horn and included black and white "arty" photos to land yourself a what?? oh yes, a Jewess, who you seem prepared to despise. As if marrying a stuck up, shallow, convert is such a blessing that no woman could pass up.

Male Repellant writes: Why do women think it's the men's fault? Because it is. I've seen the girls frum guys choose and they're nothing to write home about. Plenty of them have don't even raise their own kids-like the Palestinans you so admire. I, and many of my friends, can easilly find goyim to ask us out, but Jewish guys reject us for girls who are nothing. And-think of singles events or marrried couples-don't you often see these great girls being suggested for/marrying/hit on by losers? We have every right to resent this.

I was reading Jewsweek.com and came across this: "Benyamin Cohen is the editor of Jewsweek Magazine and is currently authoring a book tentatively titled How to Find a Wife in 100 Dates."

Doesn't the word "authoring" strike you as pretentious? I think it should be "writing."

When people ask me what I do for a living, I say I'm a freelance journalist or writer. I would never say "I'm an author." Perhaps, "I'm a self-published author, on the web and in print." That should impress them!

Anon writes: Benyamin Cohen has been "writing" this book for years now. It must take that long to get 100 dates.

I know you could do better, Luke. Perhaps "How to Get Married in 99 Dates" - which is a snappier title anyway. Or how about a book on J-Dating or online dating in general as your next book? In depth, of course.

Luke says: I've done way too much dating. I've also done much of it while being stone broke. In other words, I've lived off women. I had one who would do my housework so I could work on my autobiography. I've been a big of a gigalo. I should write about that, only it is so humiliating and non-Torahdic.

Andrew Silow-Carroll praises Jonathan Kirsch's new book, God against the Gods.

"Kirsch is a writer of gently iconoclastic religious books, including studies of biblical sex and a biography of King David."

I have read all of Kirsch’s (who is the Jewish Journal’s pro bono lawyer for defamation) books but this one.

Kirsch's iconoclasticism only runs in one direction - towards debunking Orthodox Judaism and fundamentalist Christianity. Kirsch popularizes current academic research and shapes it into making his arguments against religion which believes in itself. Kirsch has a fundamental hatred of Western religion as it has historically understood itself.

I enjoy his writings but I understand his clear polemical position (something that seems to completely escape Andy, who most likely shares Kirsch's views).

I understand why the Jonathan Kirsches of the world want to deny belief in the one true God who holds people accountable for their actions. This way, the Kirsches of the world can do what they like. There is no universal moral code, no objective system of right and wrong, in Kirsch's worldview. He, and those who view the world as he does, are free to do whatever they can get away with. I don't trust them.

By Rabbi Avi Shafran

If only the world made sense.

If it did, Kofi Annan's recent declaration that Sudan's leaders bear responsibility for not reining in the Arab murderers of villagers in Darfur would raise hopes that the U.N. Secretary General might apply a similar judgment to Yassir Arafat for (at best) making no effort to impede the murder of Israeli civilians.

If only the world made sense, Palestinian writers like columnist Hassan al-Batal, who decried the Chechen terrorist carnage in Beslan as "inhuman horror and the height of barbarism" for which "there are no mitigating circumstances," would express similar sentiment for the horror and barbarism their fellow Palestinians visit upon innocent Israelis.

And if only the world made sense, the European Union's member states would feel sufficiently freighted by sanity, not to mention their own histories, to concede that a physical barrier is a most reasonable way for a population to keep at bay crazed killers bent on its destruction.

But, alas, the world makes no sense. Which is why Iraq remains a wild shooting gallery instead of a civilized and prosperous free nation; why the mullahcracy in Iran is not being prevented from developing nuclear weapons; and why the dementocracy in North Korea was not prevented from doing so.

For Jews in particular, the craziness of contemporary geopolitics is of profound concern. Some of the most unstable and irrational players on the world scene today are also some of those most incensed by the existence of Jewish organizations, of a Jewish State, of Jews. It is not a situation that offers much comfort or hope.

What does, though, is Sukkot.

If they haven't appeared already, impermanent structures of varied materials, shapes and sizes will soon enough be sprouting like post-rain mushrooms across Israel and throughout Jewish neighborhoods around the world.

The holiday of Sukkot takes its name from those structures, which Jews are enjoined by the Torah to inhabit for a week each year. The walls of sukkahs can be made of any material. But, in fulfillment of Jewish tradition's insistence that the dwellings be "temporary" in nature, their roofs must consist of pieces of unprocessed wood or vegetation, and they may not be fastened in place.

At first glance, living in sukkahs - by definition decidedly vulnerable to wind, rain and pests - would seem only to compound any innate Jewish proclivity to worry. The delicate dwellings would be expected to intensify Jewish anxiety. And yet, at least for Jews who appreciate the holiday's deeper import, just the opposite is true.

For Jewish tradition considers the sukkah symbolic of the divine "clouds of glory" that protected the ancestors of today's Jews as they wandered in the desert after leaving Egypt. The miraculous clouds destroyed whatever obstacles or noxious creatures stood in the people's path.

Thus, the sukkah represents a deep Jewish truth: Security is not a function of fortresses; it is a gift granted from above.

The Yiddish poem by Avraham Reisen (1876-1953) sung in countless sukkahs well captures the idea. It paints the picture of a Jewish father sitting in his sukkah, as a storm rages. His anguished daughter tries to convince him that the sukkah is about to fall. He responds (rendered from the Yiddish):

Dear daughter, don't fret;

It hasn't fallen yet.

The sukkah's fine; banish your fright.

There have been many such fears,

For nigh two thousand years;

Yet the little sukkah still stands upright.

Sukkahs, of course, have in fact succumbed to storms. Jews, too, have fallen at the hands of ancient and modern murderers alike. But, as Reisen's metaphor so poignantly reminds us, there is timeless meaning in the fact that the Jewish people has survived.

The meaning lies in what the sukkah's fragility implies - that true security, in the end, comes from only one place.

So all the world's craziness and evil, all the unreason and hatred and violence, cannot shake the serenity of the sukkah. We have, if only we merit it, an impenetrable fortress.

Beginning a month before Rosh Hashana, Psalm 27 is added to Jewish prayer services; it is recited twice a day, until the very end of the holiday when Jews live in sukkahs. A verse in the Psalm, as it happens, refers to one:

"For He will hide me in His sukkah," King David sings confidently about the Creator, "on the day of evil."

© AM ECHAD RESOURCES

[Rabbi Avi Shafran is director of public affairs for Agudath Israel of America.]

Robert writes Luke: How about writing a children's book? If Madonna and Jamie Lee Curtis can do it, then you're certainly qualified. Aim your books at the offspring of new converts to Judaism? That's got more mass appeal than a stupid producers interview book. Sample title: "Mommy and Daddy Don't Love Jesus Anymore."

Also when is the book on tape version of XXX-Communicated coming out? Your story could really be inspirational to the blind and illiterate.

I was interviewed for three hours Sunday morning by three journalists from a Croatian literary magazine. The topic? My life and my contributions to elevating our national and communal conversation.

I was honored by how well they knew my work (even my anonymous magnum opus on the Rambam's Mishna Torah). They asked me such good questions I've been on a high eversince.

I was describing this to a wise old friend Monday. He asked me for some examples of their searching questions. I gave him some. He wasn't impressed. He thinks the flutterings of my heart have more to do with the beauty of one of my interviewers than the depth of their perceptions.

It is sad to see my friends grow so cynical.

I'm trying to decide on my next book. I think I'm going to write a book on the SDA church. Should be big money and prestige there and the subject interests me. Return
to the bosom that once suckled me, this time as a journalist rather than as a child.

Robert writes: "You are going to go broke self publishing all these asinine books. Why don't you take some of this inexhaustible cash of yours and print up some maps to the Jewish movie stars homes and set up a booth on Fairfax? Do some honest work for a change. Sheesh."

Chaim writes: "After reading "your" homily on Protocols, I suggest that you instead write a book about the deeply closeted Children of Amalek who dwell here in the
United States and just want to be left to live the American Dream, but who are being hunted by fanatical Torah Jews who take the bible literally."

Email: Has Los Angeles Dodger Shawn Green ever joined a local shul or has a special rabbi? Know any bookies who might be taking bets as to whether he plays Friday or not?

I'm reading this terrific book: Manic power: Robert Lowell and his circle

It reminds me of a friend in San Diego.

Lyra writes: How could a writer have any good material without going threw turmoil. If your life was perfect I guess your stories would be boring just like your life. I
thought you'd appreciate some madness but I guess it's over your head. I didn't know you were so perfect and close minded. Why did it take you two days for your judgmental constructive criticism any how. K.B. may suck your synagogue ---- for obvious social reasons but I find you average and predictable like every other conceded writer with boring socially acceptable material that you can barley get published! That must be why you as old as you are and still single. Mabey
God can help you get laid! Happy Shabas. I ate pork today just for you..

Dennis said on his radio show today that he asked a priest, minister, rabbi Sunday in a public panel discussion what do you say to a parent who has lost a child... He said a couple of parents who had lost children came over to him in tears of gratitude...

Dennis didn't bother to say what he or the clergy recommended you say to a parent who has lost a child.

Dennis wondered where else you could get such uplift for two hours for only $33, yet DP said many people would've considered it expensive.

Tom Thumb writes: I'm not into reading lectures, but I'd pay to get weekly videos of you preaching from the bible. I'd also pay for a series of videos in which you write
some essay and turn it in to Cathy S. for her to look over. She gets VERY upset with you and, while wearing some nice leather outfit, beats some editorial sense
into your sorry scrawny ass, before correcting your work and posting it on the web with all the changes indicated so that all can witness your humiliation.

Due to popular demand, I am adding a weekly homily to my Internet publishing. Here's my first.

Email: "Luke, whatever caused sadness for you on Rosh Hashanah, I feel for you."

Luke replies: "It was only dark humor."

Email: "I don't get that side of you."

I've decided to begin augmenting my paltry income by offering my time to teach adult learners all about the Torah, and prepare them for bar/bat mitzvah as an adult. Contact me and I'm sure we can work out a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Sometimes it takes an outsider to enable another outsider to see why he is the way he is. This Rosh Hashonah (the second day, which is the one my friend Chaim churlishly asserts is a testament to rabbinic ignorance of calendar technology) I was walking home from temple with my new friend Tom who, like me, is a convert and foreign born. (Tom is from Finland.) I was discussing my brief sojourn amongst the Abo of the outback, a time for which I have retained curiously few memories. Tom found this suspicious, and began to challenge me on my recollection of those days. Before long, the memories began flooding back, and soon I could recall the central horror of my life then: I was reduced to being some primitive abo's catamite, much like Golan Cipel was reduced to being New Jersey Governor McGreevey's catamite.

More than this I shall not say for now, as the memories trigger feelings so extreme that they are not conducive to this period of the Jewish calendar. But they are a part of me, so if you meet me later on today or at some time in the future, please do not ask me anything about my years amongst the dark skinned aboriginal people of Australia. The memories simply are too painful. Instead, I ask that you give me a hug (but only if you are female and fertile), and maybe say something nice about me.

For those who want the communal experience of going to shul, but go out of their mind reciting the prayers:

God in All Moments: B
Jews & Gentiles: A Historical Sociology of Their Relations: F
The Divine Symphony: The Bible's Many Voice, by Israel Knohl: B+
Rape: A Love Story, by Joyce Carol Oates: B+
Textual Reasonings: Jewish Philosophy and Text Study at the End of the Twentieth Century: F
An Introduction to Jewish Ethics by Louis E. Newman: B+
Heschel, Hasidism and Halakha by Samuel H. Dresner: A
This is Burning Man by Brian Doherty: B
The Anti-Chomsky Reader: B+
Sam Spiegel: D
Manic Power by Jeffrey Meyers: A

I was warming up over my Rosh Hashanah dinner, about 9:30 pm, entertaining the table with tales of my marching with Martin Luther King in Selma, Alabama so blacks could have the right to vote, and my harrowing days kidnapped by Aborginees in the Australian outback...

After warning me about 40 times to shut up, the hosts got sick of my shtick and put me on a time-out, sending me into the living room to play with the kids.

Dawn writes: I think you particularly did a great job making "XXX-Communicated" more accessible to readers not already familiar with your work, by getting the excellent forewords and afterword, the glossary, and the guide to the names.
"The Producers" is a great bathroom book, something no one else has ever done about people in that field. Someone writing a textbook for college students going into TV and film production should license material from that book.