By Luke Ford Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Seven B Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve 1994-1997 1997 1998 1998B 1999 2000 2001 2009
Sunday, 5/17/98, I joined my new non-orthodox synagogue for a picnic. It was a warm Spring day, about 78 degrees. Though I worried about injuring my hands, the source of my living, I joined in a game of softball, and later football. I got beat up, skinned my arms and knees, but sacked the quarterback twice. Then I went down hard on one play and fractured a bone in my arm.
On Wednesday, I entered Century City hospital for surgery on my arm. Dr. Z----- put a couple of screws into the bone near my wrist to help it to heal properly. I went under general anesethetic about 1PM and emerged out of it at 4PM. Emerging out of G.A. was a frightening experience, complete with moral-spiritual-emotional angst. I worried that I could not wake up properly so that I could leave the hospital that afternoon. Images of people I've hurt hung on my soul. I felt my sins keenly.
I don't think I will ever be the same - the experience of being totally vulnerable was shattering.
By 11PM, I felt ok and got out of the hospital the next afternoon. Inconsistently, awkwardly, I resumed my life and my writing.
Prager-L: Prager opening 5/28/66
Thu, 28 May 1998 17:07:28 EDT
<<<<Prager talked about how he does not work on the Sabbath.... He frequently works very hard on the Sabbath....He earns thousands of dollars for his lectures on the Sabbath.>>
Gil: "You are leaving us much negativity to infer Luke. Explain what you mean by these declarations. Give specifics in how "He earns thousands of dollars for his lectures on the Sabbath.""
Yet more irresponsible gibberish from our resident master. DP earns "thousands of dollars" only in Ford's fantasies and imagination, and in the same sense that a Rabbi earns money on the Sabbath. He does work on his religious sermons during the week and that is no different from many Rabbis and other clergy.
Work is defined in a Jewish context as regards the Shabbat, and the utter contempt for context and honesty represented by the above quote is typical of a carrer dedicated to the same.
Look for his first book to be published...by the same irresponsible publishers that brought you, "Hard to Find Facts for the Amateur Mail Bomber", and "The Idiot's Guide to Being a Successful Hitman".
There is not a single responsible organization, that I am aware of, that has not finally had to ask him to stop attending their functions. That list approaches double digits in the LA area alone.
He converted to a religion that he has since leached off of for weekly meals, preyed sexually on their women, regularly disrupted discussion groups, and behaved in social situations so innappropriately that he is on "Black Lists" in his chosen Jewish neighborhood.
Can you imagine joining a religious group, only to (actively) become their most continually innappropriate and biggest butt-pain? Why yes, he did so with regards to DP's friendship as a matter of fact. Was respectful for years, actively restrained and friendly, seeking DP out by going to Temple where DP did, only to become Hyde (now) once he had gained DP's friendship. The first person that DP has EVER, in 49 years, had to sue. Fancy that. See a trend here?
Anyone else you can name that is so widely viewed as a pariah on a personal AND a professional level? A "religious" Jew that makes a living running a porno web site and and a gossip web site, both overwhelmingly contrary to the Jewish Laws he freely took an oath to follow.
If you are NOT Luke Ford, then you are as poor a judge of what constitutes appropriate and responsible behavior as he has turned out to be. And I wish you the best in recovering from that.
Luke Ford is not deemed appropriate nor responsible by a single reputable source that knows him well to my knowledge. (If I am wrong, please provide me verifyable evidence to the contrary. I will gladly look into it. I can document MY claims, but won't here unless forced to.)
He is, on the other hand, banned from *several* conservativly religious social/singles groups that he has infiltrated and who's hosts and female members he has repeatedly abused over the years.
Interestingly, his behavior came up at Shabbat dinner this week- quite by accident.
My host, a very fine, religious man who regularly has unknown guests to their home for Shabbat dinner in the spirit of outreach (and whom I'd known not at all prior), was re-telling a "Shabbat Disasters of the Past" story.
It was a tale of the most innappropriate, obnoxious behavior by a GUEST you can imagine. Overtly sexual and homosexual innuendo and dialogue the entire night. The host was so shocked and upset, he ended up going into his kitchen to do dishes to get away from this "guest".
No other guests that were at his home that night have since returned. You can imagine why.
My host was not using anything in his description that would ordinarily be deemed identifyable about the subject. It was just a story. Yet that fact that he was describing Luke Ford was not only *obvious* to me, it was painfully so.
I asked two quick questions to ensure for myself that I was not mistaken, and of course, I was not.
That enough for you?
Luke Ford's big sister Ele--- Ford <firstname.lastname@example.org>writes:
I would like to tell you about my brother, Luke Ford, whom I love very dearly.
You have no doubt read much that he has written about his past, his activities and his commentaries on others.
Luke is both intelligent and honest however, due to events entirely beyond his control, he is causing his family much distress and heartache in great contrast to his first twenty eight years.
While Luke's perceptions of his childhood are somewhat different to my perceptions of those years, it is true that our mother became suddenly very ill with secondary cancer the night before his first birthday and spent the next couple of years in and out of hospital and other treatment centres. Luke was subjected to a series of housekeepers, nannies and carers as the family struggled to cope. There were times when he was cared for away from our home so that he did not see either of his parents for several months at a time. This was very traumatic for him as he struggled to come to grips with `sick mummy' `mummy sister' `mummy nanny' `mummy Gill' - the latter subsequently became his stepmother. He was four when our mother died.
Luke seemed to survive those turbulent years although in hindsight there could have been a lot of anger just under the surface caused by perceived rejection and loss.
Luke always had a lot of energy, drive and ambition. Perhaps, feelings of inadequacy caused by the losses in his life, drove him to extremes of physical and mental activity.
Then in the mid eighties he contracted glandular fever which wiped out his energy and therefore his activity. It is accepted by medical science that glandular fever, caused by the Epstein Barr virus is often followed by depression. What still remains controversial is the diagnostic entity, chronic fatigue syndrome. But whatever the label I saw my brother slide from an energetic and fun loving boy to an invalid. He suffered heavy nightsweats and nightmares but bore it all bravely and without complaint.
Then one day he was involved in a motor vehicle accident in which his forehead impacted with the steering wheel causing a severe gash. His lower face gradually swelled in consequence and has remained that way.
There is medical opinion that this affected his pituitary and resulted in something like a frontal lobe lobotomy.
But whatever occurred as a result of his illness and/or motor vehicle accident, Luke in some ways is not the boy he used to be. He seems to lack a degree of insight and balance in his life. I suspect he does not feel the tension which exists between being involved in pornography and gossip associated with that industry on the one hand and his religious beliefs on the other.
He was brought up in a very balanced, loving and Christian family. His involvement in pornography is heartbreaking to us. We are sorry for the distress he must cause Dennis Prager amongst others. Luke does not seem to understand the significance that while there is no pornography on his Dennis Prager web site, Dennis Prager is nonetheless mentioned on Luke's other website which contains links to pornography.
However, as I said, Luke is honest - to wit - his inclusion of this letter on his web site. He is open to gentle reasoning. For example he is aware that his involvement in pornography is sin. He admits that his involvement continues because he enjoys it. He is also now aware that the hurt felt by the son of Dennis Prager in having a private conversation published was not because of the facts themselves which were already public, but because what he thought was a private chat turned out, without warning, not to be private. It seems that at times Luke does not readily recognise such subtleties in the absence of gentle reasoning.
We now pray that he will realize that while all sin is enjoyable it will end in disaster and that we all need to constantly seek God's help to live according to the laws of the universe because that is the only way life works.
Steve Zimmerman writes on the Prager List:
Luke, I'm sorry for all the difficulty you've had in the past, both emotional and physical. It has imposed some limitations on you that you didn't ask for nor probably deserved at the time.
But they exist nevertheless and you have a responsibility to recognise them and adjust your behavior and activities accordingly.
My son is a criminal defense attorney. Last year, he defended a client who had limited mental capacity due to a head injury in his childhood.
The result was that the client could not remember alot of numbers and had great difficulty with complex concepts. He looked and acted normal in every other way.
But to his credit, the client recognised his limitations. He carried full identification and all the phone numbers he expected to need. When faced with making a decision based on complex factors, he included a trusted friend or family member in the decision-making process.
You need to do something similar. You need to recognise your limitations and act on them. There are certain activities in life that in themselves can be perfectly fine, but when combined, become very incompatible.
Pornography and a religious life are excellent examples.
The Mormon Church owns many businesses and if they chose to own the Mustang Ranch outside of Las Vegas, it would be perfectly legal. But it would conflict with their value system, so they would not do it, no matter how profitable.
Part of our purpose on this earth is to develop a way to make choices beyond considering only that which gives us pleasure. We have a responsibility to ensure that our choices not only avoid harm to ourselves, but also do not harm others. That seems to be the place where you have difficulty.
You sister's post, while very enlightening, does nothing to excuse your behavior. Your capacity is not diminished beyond your ability to make intelligent choices and it is your responsibility to do so.
And if you fail, you deserve whatever consequences follow, regardless of whatever you've been through up to now.
A friend writes:
I'm feeling so distressed and had such difficulty sleeping last night worrying about you. Read your bio yesterday.
We need to have a serious talk.
I don't know know much about your world/life but what Iam perceiving (if I am to believe such things as written by chris donald and your bio)
is as follows:-
* you are losing many friends;
* you lost your girlfriend in April;
* you have lost your place of worship and are fast losing your religion;
* you are being sued by prager;
* you perhaps dont like yourself very much (your bio where you say "I met the enemy and he is me."
* you are perhaps feeling guilty (your bio where you say "crashing down like the weight of my sins on my fragile shoulders."
* you are not welcome in many places;
* you seem to feel no shame in telling the world things that most people consider very private.
Luke, something is very wrong - if the above assumptions have some truth in them, then the conflict you are involved in cannot merely be due to difference of opinion - if it is you verses everyone else, its time to consider that the problem could, due to no fault of your own, be with you.
I know you pretty well - I remember going with you to dinner at the xxx in 1987 - like me, you feel tense in social situations and tend to talk alot but you were aware of yourself and your effects on others - I recall you talking about it with me. You were aware of being careful not to offend and sensitive to others perceptions of you - you gave them respect and would have backed off at the first hint that you were becoming tiresome. But it seems this may all have changed - I can't help but blame your illness and/or the accident.
Your sex drive also seems to have changed despite the fact that a male usually has a stronger sex drive at 18 than 32. Again I wonder if it was the illness or the accident.
That you would write about your sex life for all the world to see - to me - means one of two things - your mind has become so polluted with porn that you have lost all sense of decency or you have been very damaged by your illness and/or accident. I think it is the latter.
Even if you cannot comprehend/accept what I am saying, can you trust me as someone who loves you - and believe me when I say - something is wrong luke - we have to do something about it - perhaps there is treatment which will fix the problem but we wont know until a diagnosis is made - there are tests that can be done - at the very least by further medical investigations you will come to understand yourself better and accept your limitations.
9AM Luke arrives at his counselor. I meet with this MFCC babe twice a week to realign my emotions. Then I drive five minutes to my chiropractor to realign my body. He pulls on my leg and tells me what emotions and issues I'm feeling.
At 11AM, I stopped by Borders where I picked up three great Bible commentaries - Rabbi Jacob Milgrom's Anchor Bible Commentary on Leviticus 1-16, Baruch Levine's JPS Commentary on Leviticus and Milgrom's JPS commentary on Numbers. I want to read up on what the Torah has to say about holiness, dealing with impurity, contagion and sexual sin.